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| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 2/12/2006 5:00:59 PM |
Couple #3 - She can have sex three or four times a week. He doesn't need it at all. They're getting divorced right now. She's gone stark-raving mad on the dating scene. (Good for her, by the way.) - christine124
Yup. I know a couple of women like that, myself. And, like your friend, both are now going stark-raving mad (I love that phrase) on the dating scene.
A lot of the most sexually dissatisfied people I know right now are women in their 30s, many of them emerging from marriages which fell apart. Often for many reasons, but at least partly because he didn't need or want sex at all, and she wanted it at least once a day, and was willing to settle for three or four times a week.
Odd, but true. | |
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Ooli
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Joined: 12/17/2005
Msg: 352 | |
| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 2/12/2006 6:13:13 PM | I find it fascinating that many of the psychologists who specialize in today's sexuality, believe that modern men are disinclined to engage in marriage, because they can acquire sex without it. Access to regular sex was the great motivator for men to take the leap in the days gone by. I believe that most women still value marriage and place it as a top priority, whereas most men are indifferent to it. This doesn't mean that many men can't be warmed to the idea, but it's not something that is a priority. So, to ask men to abstain from a top priority (sex) and then engage in a low priority (marriage) is asking a lot of most modern men, I think.
Today, there is an expectation that sex will be forthcoming early in a relationship, even before compatibility is determined. This is fine if you are looking for casual sex, but not so great if you are looking for a relationship with staying power. Personally, I think this feeling of entitlement limits the growth potential of a relationship. If sex is the main focus of a relationship, then there isn't much holding it together, because the chemistry will change over time. I also believe that most people evolve as sexual creatures and their needs and desires change also. There are no guarantees, so taking someone out for a test ride does not guarantee sexual compatibility in the long run.
Statistically, most relationships that get sexual too early, end up failing. So, I believe it is not in my best interest to get sexual too soon, especially since I'm looking for a long term relationship with marriage as the final outcome. I would rather not have a long string of lovers who I never really felt connected to and didn't really know. I want my encounters to be special. Plus, there is always the risk of disease if you get sexual with someone you really don't know.
As I mentioned earlier, you can determine compatibility before engaging in sexual intercourse if you have an open and trusting relationship. You can determine long term relationship compatibility long before you get sexual. If you discover that you have similar morals, values, ethics and chemistry, chances are you've got what you need to build a lasting marriage. Out of those bonds, comes sexual compatibility...providing of course, that the chemistry is there. Getting sexual won't give you the answer to long term sexual compatibility prior to those other compatibilities being determined. And sometimes it is better to determine those 'other' compatibilities before getting sexual because good or bad sex can skew your perceptions. Bad sex most always improves, as well. No one instinctively knows how to please other people, just themselves.
So, as to not wanting to end up with a poorly skilled partner: It doesn't matter how great a lover you think you are, you have something new to learn with each and every new lover you have. So, sexual skill is something that improves and changes over time. And, what you want and need sexually changes also.
Btw, the argument that people who chose to wait don't like sex is naive, as far as I'm concerned. Still, of the few posters that I've seen use this argument, none have mentioned parameters. Parameters can illustrate the range between sexual indifference and sexual addiction. | |
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| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 2/12/2006 6:15:05 PM | Yes, you MAY be able to see if someone is a good dancer without ever seeing them dance
That was the point of the analogy. You agree,all who understand dance and sex would.
These are also qualities which one can possess in abundance without knowing your a** from your elbow on the dance floor. I once knew a dance instructor (jazz, tap, ballet) who looked like a highschool geek when he went clubbing.
This is analogous to saying that there is a hockey coach who couldn't ice skate in the opinion of a fan. You miss the point.
Besideswhich, to ask the original question from the OP, would you seriously consider marrying someone you'd never had sex with? Metaphors aside? I'm guessing the answer is no. Come on now, I made this clear in at least 2 of the 4(far too many)previous post on this thread. Again for the record:
I'm interested in how many men would wait till marriage if they met the right woman? Yes....IF I KNEW! Good things can come to those who wait. Whats a few months of waiting compared to a lifetime of fufilling sexual expression?
what if you went on a first date and the girl tells you she's waiting for marraige, how would you react? Not ever call her again? Or maybe stick around? Been there, I do as I ALWAYS do;ask LOTS of questions. If she was intriguing enough to ask out on a date nothing would have changed.Questions go beyond the blanket statement and into the "whys","how longs" "whats" ect. behind the "no sex until marriage"concept for better understanding of her. An OPEN and honest, ethical, strong, intelligent, logical, affectionate, independent woman is a VERY RARE find.There is very little that you can know about a person's sexual abilty that requires having sex.In fact there may be alot MORE you can learn about them from waiting a few months.I do NOT believe that sexual compatiblity can ONLY be assessed after having sex before marriage.There is VERY little that you can know about a person's sexual ABILITY that REQUIRES having sex. In fact there may be alot MORE you can learn about them from waiting a few months.Exploring/studying the nuances of OPEN and honest communication,love styles and touch reception,digestion and perception is ALWAYS my prescription Now this,I believe requires real SKILL.
Yes,I basically repasted my previous comments.Redundacy can be boring 
Now, the question is somewhat of a poll therefore I try to simply post my view and allow others to read and post theirs.Having said that this is my 5th post on this thread. Its not my intention to hijack it. I believe I've stated my view clearly. Outside of that,others have spoken and I believe the OP and all others can see that in answer to the question seems apparent some WOULD and some would not...simple.
For the record.....I KNOW I could. I Believe I would. | |
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Ooli
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Joined: 12/17/2005
Msg: 355 | |
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| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 2/12/2006 6:34:28 PM |
That was the point of the analogy. You agree,all who understand dance and sex would. - Marathonman11x7
I'm going to be frank, Marathonman11x7. I find it disingenuous when I put the effort into responding at length to someone else's posts, and make the effort to reply to their questions, and then they turn around, snip out a quote, and say, "See? You agree with me!" while sidestepping the questions you ask in return.
This is analogous to saying that there is a hockey coach who couldn't ice skate in the opinion of a fan. You miss the point. - Marathonman11x7
No, I didn't miss the point. He was a skilled dancer, as well, but in other styles of dance. Taken out of his element, he possessed all the necessary qualities of a good dancer which you described. Nevertheless, he still sucked. If you're going to point out flaws in my analogies, then you better be prepared to acknowledge them in your own.
Yes....IF I KNEW! Good things can come to those who wait. Whats a few months of waiting compared to a lifetime of fufilling sexual expression? - Marathonman11x7
You're 41, and your profile lists your marital status as single. I'm going to go out on a limb, here, and guess that you're not a virgin, especially since you've spoken about sexual encounters in your posts on this subject. So, you're speaking strictly theoretically, here. You think you MIGHT be able to wait, but you never have. Correct?
There is VERY little that you can know about a person's sexual ABILITY that REQUIRES having sex. In fact there may be alot MORE you can learn about them from waiting a few months.Exploring/studying the nuances of OPEN and honest communication,love styles and touch reception,digestion and perception is ALWAYS my prescription Now this,I believe requires real SKILL. - Marathonman11x7
I don't believe anyone else has implied that doing the deed is all that's necessary. Instead, I think most people - both men and women - who said otherwise have simply stated that, sooner or later, the only true proof is in actions rather than words. I suspect, from what you've said, that you agree with this since you've - according to your profile - never been married but nevertheless been sexually active.
Its not my intention to hijack it. - Marathonman11x7
You're not. Neither am I. We're discussing, and doing so without namecalling, heated tempers or spite. I think we both agree to disagree, and pursue the subject merely as a means of interaction and self-expression. | |
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Ooli
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Joined: 12/17/2005
Msg: 358 | |
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| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 2/12/2006 8:54:35 PM | | Maybe, but I have met the right woman, and we didnt wait. But I guess given the situation, (the one you ask of) I suppose I could, but I must say, DAYMN that would suck. I mean what if we did get married before we had sex, and then we found that we both put alotta weight on sex, but we didnt please each other, like one wouldnt compromise, or something like that? What then? See it isnt always great to wait, or at least talk about it. | |
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Ooli
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Joined: 12/17/2005
Msg: 360 | |
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| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 2/12/2006 9:31:36 PM | | HELL no, what is wrong with you, this isn't the 18nth century!!!!!!!!!!!! What if when I get married to the woman and on the honeymooon her love box smells like a can of tuna fish, then I'd have to pay for a divorce, are you friggin crazy or what???? I should be able to find this out before buying a ring and all of that other marriage shiznit. Besides that, most marriages don't make it past 6 years, so I wouldn't get married to someone untill I've been with them for 7 years, and I am not waiting that long, I don't care who it is. Now if I can inspect the love box ahead of time and if I can sleep with other people while Im waiting for marriage, then maybe!! | |
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BBdrgn
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Joined: 7/15/2005
Msg: 362 | |
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| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 2/12/2006 9:42:28 PM | Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Not so much. Maybe if she and I were 100% compatible...... and we were truly happy together... and she was gorgeous.... magazine gorgeous.... like, sports illustrated gorgeous, not Big Jugs gorgeous..... um no. I'd still get us drunk enough to play "just the tip" just the tip, just for a second, just to see how it feels... lol
It all depends on the girl. I wouldn't want to buy a car without a test drive... I don't think that sex is bad or a sin or whatever. Nor do I think that it's the #1 objective when meeting a girl. But it is the most fun you can have without your clothes on 
If a girl threw this out on the 1st date, it wouldn't be grounds for me not calling them again, (I like a good challenge) but I would be hesitant if they did absolutely nothing sexual. | |
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| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 2/12/2006 9:46:20 PM | | damn.... 8 Years.... and I thought a few months was rough... Listen after 8 years... SEX IS EVERYTHING!!!! at least it should be everything... till you get some... i mean- im not tryin to insult you.... and I know Im just really just bein a typical guy right now.... but ... cmon.... 8 years!!!! Time to make a move.. or somethin | |
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| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 2/12/2006 9:57:18 PM | | Of course I would wait. That is a non-issue, it's just what we are supposed to do, but we as a people have strayed so far from reality it doesn't seem to pose a problem as it appears this is a continent of unrestrained whoredom and who is left uncorrupt, especially among the youth, to worry about waiting for, male or female? Wake up sleeping Saxondom. Have you any idea of what's around the corner? Do you not deserve it? Really, people are debating stupid topics like this that anyone with a remnant of soul should know. The barbarians are outside the city gates, Rome is on fire and we are talking of appetite and preference. Oh God, recline and eat your grapes, fill your cups Babylonians, let the wicked continue to do wickedly, but for a season. When the sky darkens they'll simply never know what hit them and those left who want to keep the commandments of God, will finally have some elbow room. | |
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| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 2/12/2006 10:09:18 PM | brooklyn7
Not to worry, nice thing about being catholic is you can F***k all you want... then confess your sins and ask for forgiveness, get a clean slate and start all over again....
That's how the catholic church claims it's universality, on forgiveness.
That's if you actually believe in all the hocus pocus. | |
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Ooli
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Joined: 12/17/2005
Msg: 372 | |
| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 2/12/2006 10:28:01 PM | yum/yuck/yikes:
Has your decision to remain celibate these past 8 years had something to do with waiting until your children were older before you started dating? I know several women who chose celibacy for this reason. They felt it was inappropriate to introduce men into the mix when their children were young and needed their full attention.
I had mixed feelings about seeing my friends who were still young, choose to be alone. When their children were grown, they would be middle aged. So many years to deprive yourself of love and touch between two adults. Still, they appeared content and happy.
I can understand the need to put your children first, but I wonder what this level of self sacrifice teaches them. Does it teach them that they must put the needs of others first and deny their own basic needs?
Btw, I admire your discipline and the fact that you are raising your kids on your own. It's not an easy thing to be a single parent, especially if the other parent is an absentee one. I just wonder what the denial of our basic humanness does to someone after awhile.
I'm curious how you feel about this. I know it's slightly off topic, but interesting none the less and can be tied into the OP's topic. | |
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| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 2/13/2006 3:54:45 AM | | Although most would use their kids as an excuse I can't say that's it. I just never made time for a relationship. I was just having so much fun raising them I never really bothered to look for someone. Sure the idea of having a woman here just for sex is not something I wanted them to accept as ok, but that is more of a byproduct than a reason. I would also never raise my kids to be anyones door mat, so they know very well when to put thier needs first and when to think about others. All that said I would be lying if I said there were never points when I thought about making a concerted effort, such as now. Honestly I have never been the type to settle for sex, over making love to someone. I'm the type that has to have an emotional connection, a passion for a person to want to be intimate with them. Never looked for a one night stand, never will. Maybe that's one thing I've taught my monkeys is never to settle for a hamburger, when you can have a steak. | |
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Ooli
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Joined: 12/17/2005
Msg: 375 | |
| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 2/13/2006 12:28:39 PM | yum/yuck/yikes : Your monkeys are lucky to have you. lol Thanks for answering my question.
I agree with you about one night stands. I have never engaged in them and never will. I need an emotional connection, as well. Some woman is going to be blessed to find you in her life one day. Good luck! | |
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