|
|
|
|
|
| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 7/6/2006 4:04:59 AM | First off let me state that there is a wide gap between love and lust. And secondly, when I started this I didn't plan on it being anywhere near this long. I just wanted to review a few more posts and comment on the opinions of others as well as add a few things to my last post I missed adding (my previous post was Post 1000, take a look at it if you want at the bottom of page 40). Sorry about that. So please bear with me.
There is a lot consider when it comes to dating and being in a relationship with a virgin. Just to give you an idea what you might expect, as well as possible rewards of it, please read this article from Ask Men by Lawrence Mitchell at http://ca.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice_60/77_dating_tips.html To quote him from a personal story near the end of the article "I could tell by the look on his face that the wait had been worth it. I could also tell that the bride was eager to go off on her honeymoon and get in a lot of practice time!" I don't know about you, but that sounds like fun.
Personally I believe that my virginity is a gift God gave me to be able to give to my wife on my wedding night, and no other. I feel it is a sacred and special gift that you should respect for the sactity of marriage. And I would have respect for her decision, and I would hope she would have respect for mine. In order to get respect you have to first give respect (a fact I wish a lot more people in this world would learn). And if she wasn't a virgin, but still wanted to wait I would still respect that. Just because she is no longer a virgin doesn't mean that she has to keep having sex. It's not like you lose it if you don't use it. And I know of a few guys who have given up having sex and are planning to wait until marriage before having sex again. And to those who would say you are insignificant specks in the Universe and to deny one another is to dishonour each other, I feel you are wrong and that we are far more than that in the eyes of God. To quote Matthew 6:26 "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?", Hebrews 13:4 "Honor marriage, and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband. God draws a firm line against casual and illicit sex.", Proverbs 5:17-20 "Your spring water is for you and you only, not to be passed around among strangers. Bless your fresh-flowing fountain! Enjoy the wife you married as a young man! Lovely as an angel, beautiful as a rose— don't ever quit taking delight in her body. Never take her love for granted! Why would you trade enduring intimacies for cheap thrills with a whore? For dalliance with a promiscuous stranger?" I have also seen several posts that say waiting in this day and age is foolish. But the Bible says God is eternal and that His commandments shall never pass away.
Some people have also said that if you are a virgin by choice it is because you have no interest. And in some cases that is true. There is a minority in our population that are asexuals (they tend to have not desire to have sex). But I know in my case that is not true. Sometimes it takes all I have just not to have sex when I have been presented the oportunities to in the past. And that is where my respect for women and my self-discipline/control comes in. I have learned that I don't need it to live. I can do without sex.
Now a lot of people here seem to be saying that you can't know the anything about the other person's sexuality without having sex with them. I'm not sure how they come to that conclusion. Just because you are not having sex doesn't mean that you can't discuss your sexualities to determine you compatability. You can discuss what you are and aren't comfortable with doing sexually, and you should be free in your relationship to be able to discuss that openly (of course at appropriate times). And people here are saying that you should "test drive" your partner to see if you click sexually. I know I don't want to end up marrying a woman who only wants to do it missionary style, thinks sex is dirty, doesn't care about how good it is, and prude when it comes to sex, so I will talk to her about her comfort level about sex before hand. For one thing people are not cars nor cows, but rather human beings like you and I and by titling them so only leads to objectify them to make them possessions to meet our own greedy needs. But if you get married and find you don't click sexually what is wrong with seeking counselling on the subject? Communication is very key to a relationship, and especially in sex. You can try to fix it yourself all you want and you may very well succeed, but I have a feeling that there are people out there who are smarter, wiser, more educated and better able to deal with these problems then you are, so maybe you should get their help. There is nothing wrong with asking for help, just push your pride aside for a while and see where that gets you.
I noticed one post where someone said that not having sex is a silly religious belief and we should look into "tantric sex and some of the other beliefs etc that correctly recognize sex is (not the only one ) a way to connect with the divine." Well I will agree with you there that sex is a way to connect to the divine. In my opinion/beliefs that is how God made it to be. And since He made it why not listen to what He tells you on the subject, seeing as He designed it and knows the ins and outs/pros and cons of sex better than anyone? Yes, God designed sex for more that just making babies. It is supposed to be pleasurable. Otherwise what purpose does the clitoris serve? The only function known for that wonderful, amazing part of a woman's anatomy seems to be for pleasure. Religious perspectives on sex have gotten a bad rap over the last few years because they have all been grouped together with the early ideas that sex was something not to be enjoyed and was dirty. God didn't make sex to be dirty or evil. He made it to be a beautiful, spritual act by which a man and a woman can become one flesh (Genesis 2:24). To once again quote from Scripture in 1 Corinthians 6:16-18 "There's more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, "The two become one." Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never "become one." There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for "becoming one" with another."
I think sex is extremely important to having and building a lasting relationship. Sex is a great thing, and a very awesome power. But there has to be more than just sex in order to have a lasting relationship. You have to be able to love each other without the sex. What happens if something happens and you are not able to have sex with your partner anymore? Then what happens to your relationship? You have to have more to your relationship than just sex. Love should be the building block of any relationship. To quote 1 Corinthians 13 "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. ... And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."
Some people are saying what if the guy you are married to turns out to have a micropenis? Or what if he has ED problems? Shouldn't you try it out before hand to see what he has? Well for one thing the guy should hopefully be honest enough to discuss this fact before hand if he is an honourable gentleman. And in my opinion that is grounds of marital unfaithfulness (similar to abusive relationships, infidelity, etc). And in Matthew 5:32 Jesus says "But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress." But on the other hand I do know of a woman who stated that the best lover she ever had was a guy whose penis, when fully erect, was the size of her little finger. The reason for this she said was that he knew he had to and learned to please women with more than his penis. The worst lovers she said were guys who were huge and and arogant/ignorant enough to think all they had to do was lie there and let her work away and she would be pleasured and he would have to do nothing. So perhaps all you women out there looking for a guy who is huge in the package department are not getting all you bargained for.
A few people have quoted the old adage "who would buy the cow if they can get the milk for free?" (I know, it is an objectifying term, I am just quoting others here in the forum). Well there is some truth to that. What is the point of getting married if you are getting everything without having to sacrifice yourself and make that commitment? You can't grow without going through the struggles and suffering in life. But at the same time don't go rushing into marriage just so you can have sex. My mother has a saying when it comes to relationships. Hold your hand out at arms length, how much of it can you see? Now hold you hand right up to your face, how much of it can you see? That is like a relationship. When they are still out at a distance from you you can see everything. And as time goes on and your relationship builds you get closer, kind like your hand does of you move it on closer slowly. You learn to deal with the person as a whole with all their imperfections and learn to love them for who they are. But if you bring it in really fast you don't get to see the whole picture and only just one small area. So when the imperfections of the other person start to affect the relationship because you haven't learned to deal with and accept the person as a whole before getting that close problems arise that can be disasterous to the relationship. So take your time to get to know one another.
I feel that by waiting for marriage to whoever my wife may be we won't have hang-ups and baggage from previous relationships and sexual experiences. We can be free to learn and explore together, and I look forward to the learning. I actually only ever want to have sex with one woman. That way I can learn how to please her, and how to rock her world. I know it is going to take a lot of work, and I am looking forward to all the lessons and practice. To quote another poster (ConfuciusSays) on here I want my future wife to fill "so much more in my life than my bed". A lot of Biblical teachers advise young single people to pray and ask God to bless their future spouse and to guide them to the one who the one God has chosen for them, and that is all well and good. But I have taken and practice some advice from my dad about that. He said that praying and asking God to bless my future wife is fine, but I should also pray and ask God to help make me into the man that she truely deserves. Maybe because I haven't had sex yet is the reason I am able to resist the temptation easier. But if that is the case then I am very happy that I am still a virgin. Maybe my first time won't be spectacular. To quote Dr. Wayne Dyer from "Your Erroneous Zones": "Think back to that first sexual experience. After all that waiting there were no Fourth of July orgasms, no grand mal seizures, but rathere a quizical wondering why everyone made such a big deal about it, and perhaps a feeling of Is that all there is?" Who knows, I might be so excited that I may only last 10 seconds my first time, but I know I'll last a lot longer on the second time around and probably keep going for a lot longer that night. But that is not the point, the point is is that we will be learning about and exploring each other's sexuality together. And in the mean time it doesn't mean I can't try to learn something about how to emotionally, mentally, and sexually please a woman as much as humanly possible (to quote Cassanova "4/5ths of my own pleasure comes from the look of pleasure on her face", which I feel should be a worthy goal and attitude in sex). And to those of you who think that I need to learn this because I am not gifted with large genitals I am sure that my genitals are of more than sufficient size to accomplish the deed, but I would just like to learn other ways to rock her world (I was given a tongue and other appendages too, the largest sexual organ is the brain, and the skin can be one large errogenous zone). And if what everyone says about sex droping off after marriage, how will I know? I won't have anything to base it off of before the marriage. And if something happens I don't have sex on my wedding night, so what? Maybe we are too tired and will get up in the morning and have our go at it. Or perhaps there will be some personal issues or physical problems that need to be worked through first before that happens. Just because I am waiting doesn't mean that I will only wait until minutes after I am married to have sex.
There is a principle of leadership that applies here, and it is a motto of some. "Ducre Examplo" which is Latin for "Lead by example". If I am not willing to wait until I am married before I have sex, how can I tell my children that they should wait without me being a hypocrite? I can't very well expect them to do what I was not willing to do myself. My parents were alive during the sexual revolution. I know they were not virgins when they got married, and they told us children so. But they also told us that there are lots of the problems you encounter by engaging in premarital sex, and they knew from experience. So by listening to their wisdom and the wisdom of my elders I can hopefully be wise enough to not have to make the same mistakes and face the same consequences they did.
And for those of you who say that the Bible teaches that women are lesser beings than men are please consider 1 Corinthians 11:10-12 "Don't, by the way, read too much into the differences here between men and women. Neither man nor woman can go it alone or claim priority. Man was created first, as a beautiful shining reflection of God—that is true. But the head on a woman's body clearly outshines in beauty the head of her "head," her husband. The first woman came from man, true—but ever since then, every man comes from a woman! And since virtually everything comes from God anyway, let's quit going through these "who's first" routines."
If you have stuck with me this long through my rant I appreciate your dedication and thank you. If I have come across as sounding all high and mighty and sounding like I am judging you for your beliefs and trying to proselytize you into believing what I believe I am truely sorry. I am not trying to critisize you. That is not my attempt, nor my right. I have not been given the power to be the judge of others, even if I don't agree with what others think and do. And I don't want to be your judge. We all have been given free will to do what we wish, and so we are free to make these decision, but we must also face the consequences (be they good or bad) of our actions. These are just my opinions on this subject. And by no means am I saying that I live a perfect, blameless life. I am imperfect. I fall and stumble along the way like any human. But I am trying to live my life as the best example I can be. This is just my take on the subject. You have to follow your own compass and "always let your conscience be your guide". All I am trying to do is to make you question what you believe, and to help you learn and to know why you believe what you believe. I cannot spark debate, conversations and chances to learn from one another very well by agreeing with all of you now can I? I want to refrain from name-calling, and deal impartially and fairly with your points of view. What I want to know (even in myself), and I would like you to ask yourself, is: do you know why you believe what you believe? Is it based societies rhetoric and enculturation, or your own balanced, fair and honest opinion? And if you wish to rip my arguement appart and critique it, please do so. In fact I encourage you to. It will help me to learn. I especially look forward to Molonel's response. I just ask that if any of you do please do it fairly and impartially, without reverting to name calling and bashing religious beliefs. Let's be civilized about this, shall we?
I'll get down from my soapbox for now and let someone else have the floor for a while... | |
|
| |
| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 7/6/2006 8:39:22 AM | Those are good questions. But will you really believe me If I said yes, I would wait if I knew she was it. Also, in waiting, 2 people find out what is really there. And something to land on when the sex does happen. so yes, I would wait, and also, I would stick around to your second question if I knew we had potential. But please understand, I am looking for the last relationship of my life, so I don't mind doing it right.
thanks,
Randy | |
|
| |
| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 7/7/2006 1:08:14 AM | I agree with you Music Gurl. If you need to test drive a girl to ensure a lasting marriage then you might as well stay single. SCENARIO #1: guy meets girl, guy "does girl", sex is hot, BAM! A match made in heaven! Then one day guy & girl argue & girl doesn't have any more of that intoxicating , marriage material sex. NOOOO! All she has to offer now is her feelings. SCENARIO #2: Guy & girl "do" each other, fall in love  , grow-on in life together, hit the golden years ,machinery doesn't drive so well any more.........????????????????? SCENARIO#3: The guy that is dating your sister, daughter, mother, etc. is not that bad of a fellow, he's simply gonna "TEST-DRIVE" your loved one before he decides she's worthy. I | |
|
| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 7/7/2006 2:38:40 AM | ...and I thought MY posts were long. I honestly couldn't read through all that, but I would say that this is not the place to talk about religion or to preach. There are forums for that, and this is not one of them. I'm not interested in what the Book of Matthew says--or any other part of the New Testament.
I suppose if you have religious objections to premarital sex this would be a place to state that fact--but not to expose us to thousands of words of it. I really don't care if a 2000-year old book says I shouldn't bone my girlfriend. My religious beliefs are what they are--private. I didn't invite anyone else to share them, and I wonder why people feel compelled to shove their beliefs down our throats. | |
|
| If you met the right person, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 7/7/2006 3:15:27 AM | | I think that sex is a big part of a relationship, and if it is no good, the relationship is destined to fail. I also think that if you sleep with someone on the first date, they are more likely to become unfaithful during hard times in a relationship. If you are a virgin, all the power to you for wanting to wait, but first time sex is never as good as sex when you are in love and know when to what and where to do it. I think sex is over-rated, you do not need it all the time, but 3-5 times a day is great if you can handle it. There are many mixed opinions on sex, even in one persons own mind. If you play it up as a big deal and save it for marriage, you could be disappointed during the honeymoon. | |
|
| If you met the right person, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 7/7/2006 7:07:34 AM |
I agree with you Music Gurl. If you need to test drive a girl to ensure a lasting marriage then you might as well stay single. SCENARIO #1: guy meets girl, guy "does girl", sex is hot, BAM! A match made in heaven! Then one day guy & girl argue & girl doesn't have any more of that intoxicating , marriage material sex. NOOOO! All she has to offer now is her feelings. SCENARIO #2: Guy & girl "do" each other, fall in love , grow-on in life together, hit the golden years ,machinery doesn't drive so well any more.........????????????????? SCENARIO#3: The guy that is dating your sister, daughter, mother, etc. is not that bad of a fellow, he's simply gonna "TEST-DRIVE" your loved one before he decides she's worthy. I
worthless post.
I suppose if you have religious objections to premarital sex this would be a place to state that fact--but not to expose us to thousands of words of it. I really don't care if a 2000-year old book says I shouldn't bone my girlfriend. My religious beliefs are what they are--private. I didn't invite anyone else to share them, and I wonder why people feel compelled to shove their beliefs down our throats.
while i am not a fan of it, i think this guy was justified in his method of argumentation. there was a question asked and he used religion to answer it. logic and intuition provide better arguments for any question in my opinion, but that is just my preference. you cant fault him for using the religious argument if that is his best form of answering the question. | |
|
| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 7/7/2006 8:05:38 AM | She wouldn't be the right woman for me if she required me to wait for it until I made such a serious life-changing commitment.
Hell, I wouldn't commit to a car without test-driving it first, why would I do so with a woman? Sex is far too important a component to a long-term relationship for one to discover, only later, that the person is absolutely horrible in bed.
The same goes for her perspective. I wouldn't respect a woman that didn't try me out in every way she could conceive of, sexually or otherwise, if her intentions were to find a long-term partner. | |
|
| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 7/7/2006 8:09:54 AM | Yes, I could. If I haven't had it for this long, it wouldn't matter if I had to go for a bit longer.
I am an atheist though and do view the sex until marriage thing as being more valid for scientific reasons then any other.
Ive just never found anyone worth dating that I have anything in common with.
I respect other peoples personal values and priciples though if I met a woman I felt was worth being with that liked me as well then I could wait. Just that im not sure if the differences in religious beleifs would make us compatible anyways.
Proud to be atheist and with leaving god in the land of make beleive. | |
|
| |
| |
| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 7/8/2006 12:46:51 AM | "Yes, please do explain. I would dearly love to hear your reasons. I don't know anyone who has ever said there are scientific reasons for waiting until marriage (other than perhaps lowering your personal risks of STD or unwanted pregnancies)."
I meant I could rationalize it for those reasons. Since I obviously wouldn't have God as a reason to rationalize it.
The woman would have to be really awesome though. Especially for the reasons that fackker said.
I mean I could be happy with a primarily intellectual relationship if I really like the woman in question. Though it would have to mean we really are intellectually compatible on a personal level.
I personally would prefer to have sex before marriage. I also would want to be sure both of us enjoy the other sexually. Since I do think it's an important part of the relationship. I just could accept waiting if I met a woman that I knew I could be happy with regardless. All women and men are different, it depends on how happy I am with that person.
I might find a woman that enjoys sex and wants it before marriage that I click with intellectually but she might not share certain interests. I could meet a woman that wants to wait till marriage and she may click with me interests wise and intellectually a lot better. I kind of would be just as happy with the former because when the sex gets old we might still feel good about one another and feel that we have something in common.
Provided that criteria of course.
I mean sex is important but a wife should also be a good partner, if I find a woman whos a better partner and the sex isnt as hot as it is with another woman I wouldn't mind all that much. If the direction the sailboat is going on is a little less rocky, would it really matter all that much? | |
|
| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 7/8/2006 6:51:43 AM | I'm certainly not promiscuous... not into one night stands or sex buddies however, waiting until marriage is totally unrealistic. Sex is a huge part of compatibility. Waiting until marriage to find out that your incompatible sucks - to put it in simple American terms! Waiting a few months into a relationship to have sex is one thing and probably a wise thing - but until marriage? No way! When I met my husband we didn't have sex right away, he was respectful but at some point in our relationship we did have sex before we got married.... but it was only AFTER we got married that he started showing his perversions! If I would have known about those pre-marriage - I probably wouldn't have married him.
I can only say it's unrealistic - period! | |
|
| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 7/8/2006 7:01:39 AM | If she was the perfect match, I could wait till marriage. Marriage wouldn't be waiting for more than a week if she was the perfect match though.
however, this is an imperfect world.
If a girl were to tell me on the first date, completely unsolicited, that she was waiting for marriage, I'd suspect a few things. First, that since I'd not brought up the notion of sex at the conclusion of that date, that she was pre-empting. I'd want to know why she's reactive like that. I'd want to know why she wanted to wait as well. The issue is compatibility. | |
|
| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 7/8/2006 8:41:12 AM | littlejohn, first off, let me say I bypassed all the bible quotes. I'd rather hear your thoughts on this issue, not the regurgitated rumblings of that "sex-positive" Paul, whom you're proselytyzing on behalf of.
there is a wide gap between love and lust
Really? At all times? Love without lust is a pallid affair, and no marriage will survive without liberal, healthy doses of burning lust from both partners. What you're spinning is just the sad result of two thousand years of Christianity's teachings of the separation of sexuality and spirit, and which has fucked up more people sexually than the Moonies, Satanists, Atheists, Pagans, and other assorted folk combined. Sacred marriage is the conjoining of sex and spirit, the New Testament wrenched the two apart, and we're still suffering from it. From this point on, I'll nix the religious commentary, but since you went on and on from this perspective, no way I was going to bypass it.
I could tell by the look on his face that the wait had been worth it. I could also tell that the bride was eager to go off on her honeymoon and get in a lot of practice time!" I don't know about you, but that sounds like fun.
Well, that solves your case, then. The wait has somehow magically transformed their relationship into an easily discernible blissful future, even though they know absolutely nothing about sex-- their own, or how to please their partner, or even if they're compatible to begin with.
And I would have respect for her decision, and I would hope she would have respect for mine. In order to get respect you have to first give respect (a fact I wish a lot more people in this world would learn).
What does this self-righteous twaddle have to do with the topic at hand? If a virgin said she wanted to wait till marriage to fuck, I'd respect her decision, then say "adios". You seem to be implying that all men who want sex before marriage will not respect any woman who believes in the opposite, and will try to coerce their date/friend/"partner" into their own viewpoint. A disingenuous argument.
I have learned that I don't need it to live. I can do without sex.
Then you have a very low sex drive, and would be better off hooking up with a woman, for marriage, who shares the same physiological drive. Impossible to establish that knowledge, though, for either of you, without actually having sex on a fairly long-term basis, so that an intensity and frequency pattern can emerge.
Just because you are not having sex doesn't mean that you can't discuss your sexualities to determine you compatability. You can discuss what you are and aren't comfortable with doing sexually, and you should be free in your relationship to be able to discuss that openly (of course at appropriate times).
This is the most ridiculous and wrong-headed argument of all. I've already addressed it in detail, but since you didn't attempt to rebut my earlier posts(s) in this vein (perhaps you missed them), I'll reiterate anew: Reading a menu doesn't give you the nourishment and pleasure of eating the meal; reading musical notation and the composer's storyline for the score doesn't give you the aural joy of actually listening to the music in the concert hall; and discussing sexuality with your prospective mate gives you zero experience of sex. Sex is lived: the act of it is sweaty, spontaneous, unpredictable, vulnerable, powerful, mysterious, exploratory, but most of all in this context, it transcends the puny mind with all its calculations and bargains. Until you have sex, speaking generally as an individual gaining experience in how your own body works as well as your own preferences, and speaking as a pair, how you interact with your partner in the always unpredictable concert of rhythm, mood, flavor, style, and power, then you can talk idealistically about how wonderful and beatific your sexual union will be, but it's all empty words. The proof is in the highly idiosyncratic and long-running experiences you will have-- actual sex-- for which their is no substitute.
I will talk to her about her comfort level about sex before hand.
That is possibly the most naive statement I've yet to read on any thread in any forum thus far on POF. How can she give you a realistic viewpoint on her sexual comfort level if she's never had sex before? People discover what they are and are not willing to do by actually attempting it a time or more. Of course, many will nix many things just out of overall squeamishness, religious suppression, or general lack of adventure. That, in itself, is a problem that often won't surface until after the "knot" is tied, because after all, who knows the extent of their own self-strictures if they're virgins or greatly inexprienced? As to the more "adventurous", well, many things are promised in the heat of idealistic bliss-- a wish-fulfillment, not necessarily a lie, but still a complete misrepresentation.
But if you get married and find you don't click sexually what is wrong with seeking counselling on the subject? Communication is very key to a relationship, and especially in sex.
Although I despise most modern psychological schools, there is a relatively new and interesting psychological branch dealing specifically with sex and marriage issues. One of the strains in this branch posits the reverse of what you state: that the Holy Grail of "great communication" which everyone bows down to in reverence is a crock, that couples who've been together for any length of time run into problems of stonewalling and frustrated silence because their communication is actually perfect. The reason no one says anything to resolve a problem is that they know all too well what the other already thinks. They're communicating perfectly: the problem is that one doesn't want to hear what the other has to say.
Your above statement also is misguided, again, because it presupposes that major incompatibilities in sexual drive, physical fit (not fitness), adventurousness, preferred style, and perhaps most of all, desire itself, that mysterious and powerful force that comes and goes of its own, and has nothing whatsoever to do with "education", "talking about ...", "compassion", and "mutual goal-setting", can be corrected by rational understanding and cerebral decision. The latter values are more appropriate in a work-team doing a specific task, not in the matter of sexuality.
But if you bring it in really fast you don't get to see the whole picture and only just one small area. So when the imperfections of the other person start to affect the relationship because you haven't learned to deal with and accept the person as a whole before getting that close problems arise that can be disasterous to the relationship. So take your time to get to know one another.
This is an absolute crock, and an insult to those of us, myself included, who have had sex as early as the first date. Sex is the best way to actually find out about all those wonderful things in your partner you gush about: compassion, openness, gentleness, honesty, generosity. Sex, like no other human activity, has the potential to strip away all the hypocritical humbug, and reveal each of us in our actual glory: the real us, in other words. It's the best way I know of to actually find out what makes my partner tick, and on many levels. Couples can talk a great game during courtship, not necessarily out of deception, but out of idealism and wish-fulfillment. There are many, many tests that have to be successfully negotiated during sexuality, and talking about them, to the exclusion of experience, in a highly biased (positive hopes rather than displayed reality) manner does no one any good. "One small area?" On the contrary, sexuality (again, remembering that sexuality encompasses sex and spirit) at its best, transcends the physical act and opens up many areas of rhythm and avenues as to who your lover really is.
I feel that by waiting for marriage to whoever my wife may be we won't have hang-ups and baggage from previous relationships and sexual experiences.
I see. You're making assumptions about your future wife's attitude when at this point, she's just a figment of your spiritually-heated imagination. And how does experience automatically equate to "hang-ups" and "baggage"? After all, your future wife and you will obviously gain experience, and you'll have to sort through the same challenges and problems that everyone must go through. Whether a relationship ends or not, those difficult "baggage-inducing" rites have to be gone through. All you're doing by waiting for marriage is delaying the process.
I just ask that if any of you do please do it fairly and impartially, without reverting to name calling and bashing religious beliefs. Let's be civilized about this, shall we?
A disingenuous tag-on. You identify very strongly with organized religion. So to criticise your views is of necessity criticising the framework from which they're taken. | |
|
| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 7/8/2006 1:43:35 PM | Lust is not a sin. It's a flavoring. A spice. It is enflamed, unquenchable desire. And anyone who wants to live without out is a pale shadow of a human being.
St. Paul and St. Augustine have done more to damage healthy, natural sex than probably any two individuals in human history.
I just have to say, Rory, that this is a DAMN fine paragraph, and if you'd been reading it aloud at an open mike, I would have stood up and clapped:
-
"Reading a menu doesn't give you the nourishment and pleasure of eating the meal; reading musical notation and the composer's storyline for the score doesn't give you the aural joy of actually listening to the music in the concert hall; and discussing sexuality with your prospective mate gives you zero experience of sex. Sex is lived: the act of it is sweaty, spontaneous, unpredictable, vulnerable, powerful, mysterious, exploratory, but most of all in this context, it transcends the puny mind with all its calculations and bargains. Until you have sex, speaking generally as an individual gaining experience in how your own body works as well as your own preferences, and speaking as a pair, how you interact with your partner in the always unpredictable concert of rhythm, mood, flavor, style, and power, then you can talk idealistically about how wonderful and beatific your sexual union will be, but it's all empty words. The proof is in the highly idiosyncratic and long-running experiences you will have-- actual sex-- for which their is no substitute."
-
I was going to say something else, but Rory, that is probably some of the finest writing I've seen you do on this forum.
I found myself able to add nothing to it. | |
|
| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 7/8/2006 1:53:56 PM | | This is a difficult one to answer. At first I thought yes I could wait,but as I think about it I realized that sex is important to any relationship. If your partner wants to wait for it I would respect that but what would happen if you are not compatible in bed? What if there was no passion? It could lead to disasterous consequences because your married life might be strewn with a lack of intimacy which may lead each of you to stray. So I guess I would say no I could not wait...unless we fooled around a lot and I knew we could be compatible in the bedroom. | |
|
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 7/9/2006 3:11:11 PM | | I wouldnt because i need to know every aspect of a woman before commiting. What if you go to have sex and the only way she will do it is if u do something that u dont want or she wants to do something to you that goes against all your principles. Ppl make sex out to be this major thing but if 2 ppl feel right about it and they feel their relationship is going that way then go for it! | |
|
| |
|
| Page 41 of 121
|
27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67 |
|
Home
login 
