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| THE EX, CHILD SUPPORT, AND A NEW BABY
Posted: 1/26/2006 8:40:06 AM | | good luck; I have an 11 year old, and I was lucky enough to be able to "lawyer up" when her dad and I separated; it has been 7 years now and NO COST OF LIVING INCREASE; I still get the same amount that I did when she was 4 years old, and believe me it's much more expensive to raise her now; the best you can do is HOUND the living crap out of the CS agency in your area (don't let anyone tell you this doesn't work, my friend here has the same problem, and just short of calling them EVERY DAY, she was a general nuisance to them; the squeaky wheel gets the grease); they will eventually get sick of you and get you right.. | |
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| THE EX, CHILD SUPPORT, AND A NEW BABY
Posted: 1/26/2006 9:43:42 AM |
amazonka, why you so hate men? with such attitude, not many men will date you! again... we heard only one part, we didn't heard him.
and if somebody doesn't want to do something... (like pay $$$).. then, no way you can make him to pay.
personally i disagree when ex pay $0. i believe this is wrong. but i also disagree when ex claims thousands for a child support. this is also wrong.
Totaly, my wife has taken me to court for custody. Which she already had. For child support and health insurance for our son, which he already gets and has.
This is woman liberation at it's finest. Every guy in the relationship is the bad "person" for no more reason than the simple fact that he is a guy, no matter what he does or says. This is probably why guys are such jerks, if you're nice, you just get walked all over. | |
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| THE EX, CHILD SUPPORT, AND A NEW BABY
Posted: 1/26/2006 6:30:18 PM |
amazonka, why you so hate men? with such attitude, not many men will date you! again... we heard only one part, we didn't heard him.
and if somebody doesn't want to do something... (like pay $$$).. then, no way you can make him to pay.
personally i disagree when ex pay $0. i believe this is wrong. but i also disagree when ex claims thousands for a child support. this is also wrong.
why do u think i hate men hun ?
I LOVE MEN  
heheh
and i never had problems with dating ppl ;)
The only thing i said this guy gotta give $$ to his own kids !!! If its minimum what he has to pay - FINE ! If the farther of kids wants to give more ( i mean buy extra clothes for chidren/food/dipers...etc..) -good for him ...!
And noone is talking about claiming thousands ...If u are the farther of kids u gotta make sure that your children have food in the fridge ,money for eductaion , clothes ...whatever
So my point is that everyone who became a parent gotta be responsible !
I am happy that way that my kids have a great farther even if we dont live together
Cheers | |
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| THE EX, CHILD SUPPORT, AND A NEW BABY
Posted: 1/26/2006 6:40:03 PM |
Totaly, my wife has taken me to court for custody. Which she already had. For child support and health insurance for our son, which he already gets and has.
This is woman liberation at it's finest. Every guy in the relationship is the bad "person" for no more reason than the simple fact that he is a guy, no matter what he does or says. This is probably why guys are such jerks, if you're nice, you just get walked all over.
oh god
blah blah blah
i dont think she took u to the court just cause she is trying to make u look like a jerk...probablu\y was a reason for that ,right ?;)....   | |
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| THE EX, CHILD SUPPORT, AND A NEW BABY
Posted: 1/26/2006 6:56:43 PM | Interesting topic
I look at your profiles and smile to self, I was where you ladies are today 17 years ago. I had court orders and had them inforced for the first year. He went before the judge more than he had sex i am sure. Then one morning i woke up and said to self why am i spending all this time and effort in trying to collect from him. My job is to be a mother and now the main provider for my family. I raised my kids on my own, Some times i had 3 jobs to make sure my kids would not go without I refused to get caught up in the welfare roles I did not want my kids to growing up even knowing about welfare. I used it when i needed it but i refused to let it become a way of life for me and my kids.
Now my kids grew up knowing there dad did not contribute finacially to there upbringing and they also seen with there own eyes there really was not much of a emotional contribution either. I never told my kids your dad is coming to pick u up this weekend because i did not want to have them disappointed over a adults poor choice . So when he did show up it was a real surprize and he always thought they were glad he came... lol
Over the years the contact became less and less... he did not do birthdays or christmas and i did not realize how much that affected my kids until they became teenagers and could talk about there feelings and thoughts on things. My son who is 21 now asked his dad before he died why he did not contact him by phone or letters over the years and his fathers response was I did not want to interfer in your mom's raising of you kids . My son said you did not contribute finacially either.
So as the father of my kids is trying to make peace with the lord He is trying to be a dad to his kids and my kids both looked at him and said on there own.... it is a little bit late for that You missed your ship. Harsh words but words of truth.
So I think YOU need to let go ...... and let the chips fall where they may. And it is not about money and you need to learn that . It is about love and the feeling of being wanted and if kids are not getting that as they are growing up you end up with really messed up kids... and they get in relationships and do the same thing that they were done to because that is all they know.
Good luck and love your kids because they are the best resource we have. smiles Westcoast babe | |
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| THE EX, CHILD SUPPORT, AND A NEW BABY
Posted: 1/26/2006 7:10:55 PM | This is a tough issue on both sides. I know on the male side of it I have met dads paying child support for children they have custody of, or children that at the age of 18 left thier mom to be with thier dad. So, why does she still getting child support? I also know dads that get half what women in the exact same situation get, and it doesnt seem fair.
Now, I also know women that dont get nearly what they should, and many that dont get any at all. I know women that are supposed to get it, and dont and it never seems to catch up like it should.
Then there are those that are paying child support on children that are not even thiers just because it was a LTR, and she is still collecting from the previous dad.
In short, horror stories from both sides. Face it the system is broken. The only way to fix it is to take it out of the states hands and federalize it. There is too much biase in the state laws, some favoring the women to extremes, some favoring men to extremes. The Federal government is already half way involved as it is anyway. Eliminate gender baise from the laws. Justice is supposed to be blind, we should make it that way. Besides which gender biased laws or laws applied unequally are unconstitutinal. Base child support solely on the income the person required to pay it makes, but include all income that person makes.
Seems simple enough, so why cant we get it done? I mean, aren't we the voters? | |
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| THE EX, CHILD SUPPORT, AND A NEW BABY
Posted: 1/26/2006 9:01:35 PM | TO SAMHONOLULU....
Well that wasnt the case when we met and were together for 4 years, i was the type then that tried to make him better i guess. THe point is we planned on being together and i thought he would make a wonderful father, well i thought wrong, and at 17 my judgement was a little off as with anyother female at that age, and because i wanted my children to grow up with both parents in the home, i tried to make it work, but it didnt, and i wouldnt change it now. He was a pretty distant father and now he just dont want to pay. So what i want to know are u saying that the situation i am in now is all my own fault? | |
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| THE EX, CHILD SUPPORT, AND A NEW BABY
Posted: 1/26/2006 11:12:08 PM | angel, basically yes - i am responsible for my own situation - and you are responsible for your situation. That's what makes it your situation - he's responsible for his situation. Not to say you don't have an obligation to hold him accountable for his responsibilities to what he contributed to your situation (supporting his kids financially). I would love to have any one of the kinds of single mother stories that i've read about where the woman wants the father to have a relationship with his kids and she's a 'decent' person meaning has the kids best interests in her values and lifestyle choices. Looking back - i'd bet you recognize things that you look back on and think - that should have been a sure sign that he was 'that kind of person'. Specifically, someone who doesn't give a crap about their own children. His family is probably the same kind of scum - otherwise, they'd be assisting you and holding him accountable. That's the only thing i was talking about. Keep up your positive attitude and you'll be sure to find the mate you deserve. Aloha
You've got time on your side - i'm 36 and should have known better - my daughters 5 and her mom and i were together about 6 years. i should have known better - people reveal themselves if we are only willing to accept the truth rather than what we want to believe. | |
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| THE EX, CHILD SUPPORT, AND A NEW BABY
Posted: 1/27/2006 1:52:38 AM |
oh god
blah blah blah
i dont think she took u to the court just cause she is trying to make u look like a jerk...probablu\y was a reason for that ,right ?;)....
Your right, it's probably not to make me look like a jerk, probably greed.
My point is this, some women are never happy no matter what you do. I let bygones be bygones, and that was not the case for her. She went out on her way to make things hell. And than lies about it. That's what pisses me off. She tells everyone how awful I am, and I'm such a horrible person. I'm not perfect by any means, but blowing things out of portion. She never bothers to include the things she’s done wrong. Which are usually results of my actions.
Than some girl on here tells me I’m a deadbeat dad because I’m being taken to court for child support. So don’t tell me I’m being ridiculous, because this is very common mindset of women today. Amazonka, you try walking in a mans shoes today. It’s not easy. I’m living in a state with only one friend to help me and no family. I now have no car, living in an apartment with no furniture, except a bed and a mismatched dining room set. Oh, and a borrowed 13 in TV. The only think I took was the microwave, everything else was mine pre marriage. I want to be able to spend time with my son and left alone (that is, by my ex and her family members). Is this to much to ask? I could probably live in a cardboard box on the street and give her my entire pay check every week and that still wouldn’t be enough. | |
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| THE EX, CHILD SUPPORT, AND A NEW BABY
Posted: 1/27/2006 7:42:33 AM | From what I've read, it sounds like the father here truly is in the wrong. Let's put a spin on things once: Angelbabe, as the mother of his children, are you working? As a single mother in WI, you should be. The state would pay for your daycare to allow YOU the chance to earn money as well. Many times, the mother elects to NOT work, to create a substantial income disparity between the two parents to generate a ridiculous child support figure. This is the tactic my Ex chose to use and yes, she is pressing for a HUGE back child support figure from even when she was living in my house with me still! 
In many of the cases, I think both sides need to be heard and have valid points, but in the end, there has to be at least a minimum support paid. It's the pressing of attorneys and urging for "revenge" that creates ugly situations where an ex is asking for too much, or an ex refuses to pay anything.
In either case, both parents need to focus on the main idea: What is best for the child.
NOT getting even. NOT getting Revenge. NOT hurting him/her. NOT taking him/her for everything you can.
I'll get off my soap box now and prepare for the backlash.  | |
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| THE EX, CHILD SUPPORT, AND A NEW BABY
Posted: 2/16/2006 1:31:57 PM | | I know where you are coming from. My ex had his "friend" as he called her pregnant 2 weeks after we separated. A month later when they found out about the baby, he was begging me to sell my house and run off down east with him. I actually convinced him that he should stay for his children because there was no way in hell I was leaving with him. He was really good with support until his new child arrived...now...his baby hurts for nothing and even though my baby doesn't hurt for anything, it is not because of his support. I go without so he doesn't have to. I have never kept him from his father, and I know that his new son is as innocent in this as mine is. I have just decided that even though I won't stop his father from seeing him I won't break plans or drop everything so he can see my son. I have told him that when his support is a priority so will his visitation. I don't freak out and scream at him...I just make sure my words make him think. I have told him that he isn't nearly the father he was when he was with us (and he agrees with me), that never in a million years would I have ever thought this would be the kind of father he would be, that he had always had issues about the way his mother and father were different with him compared to his two brothers but he is doing the same. I don't want to fight with him, I don't my son to have to deal with it. I am hoping that he will realize what a sh*t he is being and live up to his responsibilities...but that is out of my hands. I'm not sure what to tell you really, just that I know how you feel. Be strong, your child will realize someday who the real parent is. | |
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| THE EX, CHILD SUPPORT, AND A NEW BABY
Posted: 2/16/2006 4:19:21 PM | As I was reading your story, it sounded so much like mine. I left my ex, and once he had realized I wasnt going to take him back, he met someone who would take care of him, didnt mind that he was unemployed, owed thousands in back child support, and hadnt seen his daughter in 3 yrs. She was his enabler. Within 3 months of them dating, she moved in. Another 2 mo. later, she was preg.
Their son is now almost 1 yr. old, and only in the last 6 mo. has child support come consecutively. It is getting paid by other people, as he doesnt work, but the agency is staying on top of him thru court enforcement.
I spent a very large amt. of my time being mad and upset about his irresponsibiltiy to unzip his pants and create another offspring when he cant take care of the one he has now. But ya know what? It isnt worth it. I realized that I got the better part of him, and that it is entirely his loss for not ever being able to see her grow up and her milestones. Her first tooth, first scrape on the knee. First words, other than "mommy" and her never saying "daddy" because he was not in our lives, first steps,etc.
I finally got to understand that this is my life, and to concentrate on what I have, and the good things I have in my life---my daughter. And being the best mother I can be.
As for how to handle someone one cant take care of their responsibilities, I know its tough. Believe me. I am just another statistic with Child Support Services, but I armed myself with a vast knowledge of the system, a custodial parents rights, and my daughters rights. I became relentless in pushing my case til something got done. Something has gotten done, but my ex is still the deadbeat, and I think he always will be. You cant will a person to change and do the right thing. All you can do is the right thing and just know that karma will have its time. | |
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| THE EX, CHILD SUPPORT, AND A NEW BABY
Posted: 2/20/2006 1:18:12 PM | I am in the same predicament. My ex, who pays no support and barely sees our son, has just had another baby with his current girlfriend.
Other than doing everything you can with the courts and then the Family Responsibility Office (or whatever it's called where you live) then there's nothing else you can do.
I know it's hard to accept and it is a big piss off but you have to try to let it go. Even though I get no support out of him, I am still careful to be very civil with him when my son and I do see him. This way he can never tell my son that it was my fault he was the way he was.
Just keep in mind that you got the best out of him. Be thankful for your children. Also remember not to ever bad mouth him around your children for they know that they came from him and it will just end up making them feel bad about themselves.
Stay strong. | |
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| THE EX, CHILD SUPPORT, AND A NEW BABY
Posted: 2/20/2006 1:31:42 PM | | I agree with jadesmom here about the putting down of an ex, my long time ex, who is my sons baby mother, did some pretty horible things that show a direct lack of character. When I was a little younger I worried that my son would carry some of her personality traits. So thought to myself, when he is old enough I am going ot have to tell him, what is wrong and right and talk about his mothers influences that may be left on him. But, through having custody and speniding the time with my son, I see him growing up to be the person I want him to be. I also learned that nothing good could come out of belittling his mother. After it is his mother, what right do I have to take away his feeling of pride he has in her. That would just hurt him and would be cruel of me. When a parent uses those tactics is is usually a direct result of not feeling like they are good enough. So they put down the other parent which gives them a breif sense of superiority. But, in the end is is them who has to improove because that feeling fades quick. | |
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| THE EX, CHILD SUPPORT, AND A NEW BABYand moms new boyfriend
Posted: 2/25/2006 5:19:16 PM | Also remember not to ever bad mouth him around your children for they know that they came from him and it will just end up making them feel bad about themselves
Even if what you say is not true? DO you speak HIGHLY of the man who gives the child nothing and put it in this situation though? (I could not)
Would you lie to your son in order to make him feel better about who you, he, and his dad are?
I would not respect that so very much.
Take him to court if you want money
Agreed. GET THE COURTS DECISION FOR YOU EVEN IF HE ISNT MAKING MONEY NOW. Garnish his wages and that $$ will be taken off before he even gets his paycheque.
If you do NOT goto court; I have no sympathy for a single mom who complains about not getting support. In truth; I think I think rather poorly of them for having a child and not doing all they can to ensure its happiness and success.
Get him court ordered EVERY way possible. | |
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| THE EX, CHILD SUPPORT, AND A NEW BABYand moms new boyfriend
Posted: 2/25/2006 5:35:58 PM | My ex has 2 kids with me (that he has decided he wants nothing to do with) 1 kid with the woman he had an affair with (and he doesn't see that one either) then he got a new girlfriend and had a baby with her. Support is few and far between.
Umm..why can't we just shoot those boys like him who do this stuff?
And no; I do not think I am joking here either.
*Shrugs*
you know? | |
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