| he was married.......
Posted: 1/29/2006 11:22:36 AM | in my opionon the reason some women want to be with a man who they know is married..they want what the other woman has..they think if he is good enough for that woman then he sure as hell is good enough for me..if he is a good provider for his family then that there is another plus..woman want what other women have..we want that woman's hairstyle, that woman's figure. her job, her car, her home, her lifestyle..it just stands to reason, they want someone else's man..married or not..i watched my sister in law now, go after my brother with a vengence, wormed her way into his life and became good friends w/his then wife..and i watched her take him away from my ex sister in law..i didnt agree with it then and dont agree with it now..it took me along time to accept her in my life..but i will tell u something..even though she tells me that she is deeply in love w/my brother..i will never trust her around another man or even think of leaving her alone w/any of my male friends..u just never know..(i know i babbled a bit)..
ladyg | |
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| he was married.......
Posted: 9/24/2006 1:30:17 PM | | Bottom line....If you want to be with him, tell him to leave his wife....If he does...it was meant to be...if he doesn't...he is pulling your chain! I say he stays with his wife....If he does...I hope he gets busted...If she stays when she finds out....(and maybe she already knows)...then you all deserve eachother......HE IS SOMEONE ELSE'S MAN!!!!!!!! Stop being 5 years old...get your own toy!!! | |
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| he was married.......
Posted: 9/24/2006 2:12:15 PM | So he says, but the thing is he is still married. Think of how you would feel if this happened to you. Do yourself a big favor and walk away before you get more hurt than you already are. Cut your loses and chalk this up to experience. At least you'll be able to sleep at night and know that if his marriage breaks up it won't be your fault. Put it this way, if he lies about being married, what else is he able to lie about........ Just a thought.
Rick | |
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| he was married.......
Posted: 9/24/2006 2:41:13 PM | blu eyed might also add
"guilt feelings".
Most people feel some twinge of guilt when they discover they have done something they think is wrong. And any will say, well I am a failure for having done it so might as well stick with the consequences."
When you didn't know and he did, there are still consequences but HE is responsible and you are a victim of his dishonesty. You may love that dishonest moment but know that what you love was NEVER there.
"desire to recapture the blast"
The blast that you had was a LIE. It was HIS lie, but now that you know you also know that he created a lie and that NOTHING he said or did during that time was honest.
"Propoganda of a skilled con artist"
Some men and women have great skill in playing the feelings of others. They have no conscience about it. He did make you feel good, but can only do so by lying to you and you believing him. No matter how much you desire it, it won't happen again unless you believe his lies and the more you believe his lies the greater your hurt down the road. If you think his wife cheating on him justifies his action, just think what he will tell the next one about you cheating with him if he ever did leave his wife and be with you. (She sucked me away from a good marriage ...and probably was doing it with every man she could.) He has a line for every situation and he knows which ones will work with you.
"Poor self worth"
Most of us settle for less than we deserve when we don't feel good about ourselves. No matter how much you enjoyed the blast, do you really think you deserve
1) a liar?
2) a cheater?
3) only the moments when he is "available"
Do you really hope for a time when
1) You sit at home wondering where he is?
2) You ignore all the little signals
3) You have to share his income with his **stard children?
Yes, he's available NOW (in his eyes anyway) and perhaps no one else is. But he is available only in an extremely limited and for you self devaluing set of circumstances. If you permit him, no one else will want to be your man because they will judge you as well as him. He has already devalued you (for which you should be angry), don't give him the chance to destroy you. I think if you did not already have need of improved self image you would have kicked this guys ass to kingdom come as soon as you discovered he had lied to you. He HURT YOU by not telling you he was married. Why would you want to be hurt more? Go find that "blast" from a man who can give it to you completely and securely. | |
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| he was married.......
Posted: 9/24/2006 3:11:55 PM | this is my 2 cents.....
i understand you didn't know he was married when you met and had a good time, not your fault...but NOW you know, so the ball is in your court, it's your choice to stay and play or get the hell out ....as for the phone calls your talking about that he makes to you....sorry honey, he's playing on your emotions....as for the affair he told you his wife had....how do your know he's telling you the truth, she is probably a really nice person, but he's painting an ugly picture of her, this is his way of sucking you in to this affair....and yes, your having an affair.... be it sexual and/or emotional....i'm sure he's telling you all the things you want to hear, he's making you feel very special and all, but when it comes right down to it, he's not leaving his wife, and after awhile, he'll be cheating on you... sorry to say this, but what's so special about you that he won't. Now the reason i can say all this is..... I'VE LIVED IT, and let me tell you now, what feels good now, won't later, hurts like hell. So get out now before your into far..... | |
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| he was married.......
Posted: 9/24/2006 3:33:12 PM | Your not a bad person for what you did but your not good if you do continue to do it.
Stay away from married men.
My GAWD there are enough single men why a married guy that is obviously up to no good and as was stated earlier.
If he does it to her he'll do it to you.
Move on!!!! | |
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| he was married.......
Posted: 9/24/2006 3:35:28 PM | | You won't get any flack from me.I am sure you have beat yourself up enough.But there is no need to.You didn't know he was married.And no i don't think we can help who we fall in love with.But now that you do know,put him out of your heart.He doesn't belong to you.This might be the toughest thing you have ever done,but keep in mind,even if he left her for you,he is a cheat.Would you want to go through the rest of your life wondering,Who is he with right now.I wish you the best of luck. | |
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kame
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Joined: 4/7/2006
Msg: 33 | |
| he was married.......
Posted: 9/24/2006 3:45:53 PM | | Yup,this has happened to me before,but I was able to figure it out on my own after awhile when things didnt add up or seem right,and it really makes me mad too because its always said on my profile (no married men)they can only hide it for so long before the truth appears ,the good thing was I was not in love with him which made ending it easy. | |
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| he was married.......
Posted: 9/24/2006 7:01:16 PM | | OP - I'm not so sure I'd even believe the story that his wife cheated on him if I was you. My soon to be ex told his girlfriends that I cheated on him and was an "unfeeling, uncaring woman". Of course, none of that was true. I was absolutely true to him...and always bent over backwards to try and make him happy and feel loved. If he cheats on his wife now, he would do it to you in the future...and would probably tell stories to justify it to his new girlfriends. | |
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| he was married.......
Posted: 9/24/2006 7:24:18 PM | Oh yeah take it from someone who's been there.
He's gone back to the wife until he goes back on the prowl again.But I would be too good for him if he came back into my life.
I found out tonite that he had one girl get an abortion while his 1st wife was in labor with his daughter.
Pretty sad.
I've been told from one pof date that I'm too vulnerable.
Oh well I guess that's just a cute word for being called stupid and a fool!
Good luck girl I feel your pain but there are plentyoffish out there just don't lose your respect over them.
You know what your about and follow your dreams......... | |
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| he was married.......
Posted: 9/24/2006 9:34:51 PM |  He was dishonest by omission for not informing you at the start of your relationship that he was married, so why should you believe anything he tells you now. If he so upset with his wife for cheating why doesn't he leave.... | |
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| he was married.......
Posted: 9/24/2006 10:18:18 PM | | ~OP~ You had no fault in the beginning, however, if you continue to see him ~ I would question your character. Truthfully ~ this is exactly why I choose to be celibate until there is an established relationship with someone. If you wait to have sex until you are a part of his life ~ you would have known he was married and this wouldn't be a thread in a public forum. JMO, but I think you want him because you know he's unattainable. | |
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| he was married.......
Posted: 9/25/2006 10:02:09 AM | First of all....two wrongs don't make a right. Just because his wife cheated on him does not make it right for him to do it.
Secondly....you may not be able to help who you like or love...but you sure as heck can help what you do with that like/love. | |
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| he was married.......
Posted: 9/25/2006 12:58:58 PM | I found out a fella was married when his WIFE called me. Imagine MY surprise. His wife told me HER side of the story.
No.. they aren't divorced.
No.. she never cheated on him
No.. she's not a lesbian
No.. this isn't an isolated situation with his cheating
No.. he doesn't have to rush home at night because his dog barks when left outside after dark
No.. the reason he never took me to HIS place was not because of "bad vibes from the x-wife" (bad karma)
No... the reason he never took me to the company gala was not because he was sick
and the BIGGIE.... NO... SHE IS NOT NUTS/CRAZY
I could go on endlessly, but suffice to say...
It's just another lesson in life we single people learn. | |
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| he was married.......
Posted: 9/25/2006 8:38:49 PM | a married man. what to expect??
1.you are on his call
2.get his time after the wife
3.you're getting a cheater-on her, you, the next one
4.his excuses for why he cheats,cancelled dates
5.be the other woman to his friends, if you ever meet them
6.not meeting the family
7.if ever meet the family, you are the one who broke up his marriage
8.someone you can't trust
9.sneaking around so no one sees you together
10.Christmas and other holidays alone
he had his affair. is he even now? or does he get extra time-month, year, next affair?
his fault for cheating and lieing to you, now it's your fault for not ending it.
and if you ever?? get married, you open the mistress job up for some other woman
your profile says about meeting someone in "favor"
of telling the truth. i hope you deserve better than him | |
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| he was married.......
Posted: 9/28/2006 8:14:35 AM | Ok have to say hun, think that you may not be first woman that he has cheated on his wife with , and more than likey won't be last. and do you really belive him about his wife cheating on him come on that the oldest one in the book, that and my wife dosen't understand me. next thing he'll be telling you he can't leave her because of the children.. or they don't share same bed anymore. but guess he must have forgotten to tell her.. look what ever you decide to do is up to you. but just one thing to think about, if he can cheat on his wife, and see her everyday look her in the eyes and lie to her, then sure as hell he's got no problem lieing to anyone else. | |
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| he was married.......
Posted: 1/20/2008 1:33:15 PM | You're not at all a bad person, you had no idea. i will say get the heck away ASAP, which i'm guessing you're already doing.
I have SO many female friends that are dating guys that cheated on someone before them (or worse yet, with them on the previous gf) but "he won't do that to me." sorry, but yeah he will. and the more ladies put up with it the more it'll happen unfortunately. | |
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