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| I want to die
Posted: 2/2/2006 7:55:29 PM | Robglide I have to say your story touched me and I feel for you. im glad to hear that you still are positive. I hope that life brings you much happiness!
I want to die. I understand that a breakup is so hard and it takes time. Really only time will set youfree!Death is not the solution! There are people worse off and with stories much sadder than yours. There is a person out there for you and one day you'll find them and thank God that you didn't die!
Take care and have strength! | |
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| I want to die
Posted: 2/2/2006 8:15:08 PM | I feel ya honey! It is hard to lose someone you love. The first person I ever loved comitted suicide while we were together. It was the oddest thing since he was always so happy around everyone and we had so much fun. Either way after that happened I was all messed up, even calling his number when I would get home like I expected him to answer. Some mean people didn't help either sending his number to my pager... never did find out who was doing that but it was a damn cruel joke.
Here's the deal I fell into what I call a dream like state where I didn't think anything was real. I thought it was all a dream and I wanted the dream to end so I could wake up and he would be there. I somehow got it in my head that the only way to end this dream would be to commit suicide cuz if I was dead there would be nothing left to dream and I would wake up.
I ended up downing 220 extra strenth tylenols 3 by 3 and went to sleep with a note on my door that said "do not disturb". Although I did wake up and puked a fair amount I survived (obviously...lol). After that I gave my head a shake and finally realized what was going on. I couldn't believe what I had done. That was when I was 16, 8 years ago. After all that I had a thought that God was obvioously not done with me yet and that I still had something important to do. I still believe that. My point to you is that your life has a purpose and you need to fulfill it. I have had so many great experiences since then and life has been good. I would have missed out on alot had I suceeded. Think about that... what you could be missing in the years to come. Believe me keep living! Its definately worth it! God has a plan my dear! | |
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| I want to die
Posted: 2/2/2006 9:53:33 PM | I think I know what you mean, I felt that way myself just about a year ago. 3 days before our 23rd anniversary my Husband walked out on me. It was a few days later that I learned that he's been having an affair with a friend of mine for nearly a year, and had already moved a lot of his 'things' into her house. He just went from our home to her place, never even told me a thing about where he was going or what was going on. The thing is, that even though he was 'with' her, he was still sleeping with me every night, making love to me, telling me each day that he loved me. He was living the life most men only dream about, with good wife at home, keeping the house and working outside the home to keep him in the style he so enjoyed. He told their friends that I knew all about them and approved of the relationship.
Once I knew what was happening, I really did just want to die! I've been suisidal(sp?) most of my life so that was my first thought. I believed that I couldn't live with out him, he was the love of my life. I still feel like that a lot of the time. But he did one really terrible thing, he told me a story about how a friend of his had killed himself, iin a 'gentle'(his word) way, and how he was sure that it hadn't hurt a bit. My husband told me this story a few weeks before he left me, on our last Christmas together, he didn't even give me a gift, but I got the Visa bills for the gifts he's given to his 'mattress' oops, I mean mistress.
That was a year ago and I've got most of the 'first things I've had to do alone' over with,and I've survived. I didn't give in and kill myself just to make things easier for him and the slut he sleeps with. Instead,I live a good life now, lonely perhaps,but better off now, and I know it.
The reason I know I'm better off now is because I know that he sleeps with a woman who jumped into bed with any man who looked at her, most of those men are in their social circle too. He sleeps with a tramp, who will dump him as soon as a better one comes along. She sleeps with a man who is a proven cheater, liar, and a man so cruel that he'd coach his wife in how to kill herself and can't be trusted not to do it to his new bedwarmer as soon as some other woman looks at him the right way. Her adult daughter seems likely to be his next one. Seems like he has developed a taste for trampy sluts.
Now I'm the one who came out of it battered but stronger than I thought I could ever be. You will survive too, and it's a great world out there once you dry your tears and start looking around. I've learned a lot about myself in this past year, I'm a happier woman than I've been in many years too. I'm not under his spell any more, I'm free and I can live and be happy. You will too, I promise you.
Your new friend, Mara
I'll be happy to chat with you anytime you want. | |
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| I want to die
Posted: 2/2/2006 9:58:58 PM | | no one is worth me takin my life over...NO ONE! | |
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txstar
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Joined: 1/13/2006
Msg: 55 | |
| I want to die
Posted: 2/3/2006 3:10:52 AM | | There is someone special waiting for you. God is looking over you. I fell in love with a guy that cheated and lied to me. The bad thing was is that I did everything for him, I left my friends and I lost some communication with my family . He was jealous of my kids three grown sons, and he was suspicious of everything I did. I couldnt go outside in shorts because he accused me of messing around with the neighbors. H would call me constantly i f I didnt answer the house phone he would call my cell and furious. He mentally abused and didnt even want me to leave the house. when Idid I had to call him and let him know and then he would be checking up on me. I love him so much that I didnt realize what he was doing to me. If i came home 5 min. late from work he would accuse me of cheating. He would drive by my place of work to make sure I was there. If he didnt see the car , because I parked somewhere else. I would hear it when I got home. I didnt know how possesive he was, I didnt see it. He slowly started changing anafter 1 and half years he didnt want to live together anymore. He kept saying he needed space. I gave him the space. I was unemployed and broke and car problems when I left his house. Thank God I had kept my trailer to go to. I cried, drank myself to sleep and I didnt care. I woke up just to check on my boys who by choice lived with their father. It was the worst time of my life. I had a friend who would check up on me and wake me up made sure I ate. I drank and slept for 3 weeks, finally I got up and looked in the mirror and I had lost 30 pounds. Then I decided enough was enough. Got myself together, found a job. 6 months later I dated someone who also was a cheater and a liar, but I just needed the company. Finally I met the most wonderful man on the Internet. He was everything I wanted in a man. He loves me and takes care of me, he does whatever he can to make me happy. I am blessed I met him. We are now married. though I still think of that other man and I always will, he will alwasys be in my heart. And you know what he is completely Alone, he goes out with women for sex but he does not know how to love himself or anyone else.I talked to him beore I got married, he claimed he missed me and he always thought of me, I told him I was moving, and he tried to change my mind. For once we were friends and we talked. BUT it was TOO LATE FOR HIM. I didnt tell him I was getting married, I couldn't hurt him the way he did me. I just left. SO YOU NEED TO GET YOURSELF BACK IN TRACK. Look in the mirror and tell yourself I can do it. I can go on with my life. You can be Happy. You are a step away. Just pray for patience and dont forget that god is looking out for you. I had to learn to forgive myself, and then I was able to go on. I had to forgive myself for something I didnt do. Because he hurt me so much, that I actually felt guilty. LIFE is out there, just reach out. and you will love again. | |
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txstar
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Joined: 1/13/2006
Msg: 56 | |
| I want to die
Posted: 2/3/2006 3:15:33 AM | By the way, I too contemplated suicide. I tried and at the end I couldn't go thru it.
I thought of my family, and why would I want to make his life easier with me out of the way.
He still thinks of me, and misses me. But I am out of reach. He can't love me or HURT me ever again. I love the person that I am, the person I had lost when I was with him.
I am alive, and loved once again. Yes love it hurts, it doesnt go away, BUT it gets better.
Best of Luck! | |
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| I want to die
Posted: 2/3/2006 12:51:11 PM | I know exactly how you feel I've been there an still feel the pain of the loss, It's horrible an probably the worst thing you'll ever have to go through but surround yourself with friends an to hesitate to talk to a therapist it does help. I went through a very difficult divorce an I did try to kill myself twice because of all the pain but it wasn't meant to be an it's not worth giving the other person that satisfaction of knowing how much they are making you unhappy. It will get better it just takes alot of time, an patience. You'll shed alot of tears believe me I still cry an cry over it but there is someone out there that is perfect for you an then all of this pain will seem like such a long time ago. Join a support group find one in your local area or join a local church group, it helps believe me you need to surround yourself with people who care an understand the pain. Know that you aren't alone feeling the way you do so many of us have felt or are feeling the same type of pain an are there for each other to get through this difficult time.
Remember everything happens for a reason an she just wasn't meant to be the one for you an there will be a ms perfect in your future.
hang in there,
Lisa | |
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| I want to die
Posted: 2/3/2006 1:29:23 PM | The lows and highs are a part of life.
Pain is a protection mechanism. If I touch hot water the pain protects me by pulling my hand away. Don’t think of pain as a negative, when in truth it’s beneficial. When you see pain for what it really is you will recognise its there to protect you.
You are on a special journey now, so find your true self. | |
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| I want to die
Posted: 2/3/2006 1:38:34 PM | | Don't give up, We all go thru this in our lives, Makes us think of the mistakes we made, Helps us in our next relationships. | |
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| I want to die
Posted: 2/3/2006 1:50:15 PM | | dont let it get you down i found my best friend in bed with my girl with my son in the cot next to them ,boy did that hurt i thought my life was over but you get stronger day by day there a lot more fun out there to have | |
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| I want to die
Posted: 2/3/2006 1:51:52 PM | Hey Man,
At first it hammers you mercilessly....... you hurt like no other pain you have ever felt. Nothing matters and you will feel as if you have lost your will.......
It will pass.......slowly......a little each day. It is the hardest thing you will ever go through......but you will make it and be stronger because of it.
I know this because 2 months ago, I was where you are now and I didn't believe it either......but now, I can honestly say it is true.
Yes.... I miss what we had. I miss her. ............... but I no longer fill my thoughts with her and I no longer feel the quaking feeling in my gut.
Your pain and wounds will heal in time......... Just hang in there man. It will get better. | |
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| I want to die
Posted: 2/3/2006 1:57:50 PM | Finally, if you commit suicide chances are you will suffer in hell for eternity.
And when you see crap like this, keep going. This kind of crap is better left acted out that Theologised about. Those fools have been arguing semantics for years and all it leads to is more confusion. Bottom line, do unto others as you would have.... I was where you were 7 years ago. Took me 4 to get over it. I almost killed myself 5 times. One time, a cop just dropped out of the sky right in front of my car, up in the mountains, out in the middle of nowhere in the dark just as I had the 64 sleeping pills up to my mouth.
It wasn't in pain because, "I had lost my love." I was in pain due to being in love with someone who didn't want me as a lover and treated me like I had done something horribly to them (gender wars. I was a guy and guys hurt her). So they left 7 days before Christmas 1989.
We still lived together for the next 8 months due to the lease on our house. But she went hog wild. She was sullen and depressed when we met and thought all men were dogs due to abusive relationships in the past. I didn't find this out till too late in the game. I gave her my life basically. Moved her into my place. Gave her half of everything and all of me. Moved into a larger place so she could be closer to work. Moved into the country to remind her of home. All in a year and a half. Then she wanted to move to VA. for work. She went to Jamaca by herself after the break up. I died. Lost 30 lb in a month. Cried all the time. Couldn't sleep. She came home after 10 days then went away for 2 months. We made up, but she treated me like a roomate. Guys callin all the time etc. Slept with her personal trainer during the break up. So instead of being a doormat, I called it off and moved into my car.
This might sound like a Soap, but, I had been injured on the job. Slipped, fell and had a near fatal blow to my temple area. I had TMJ, Spinal damage, a concussion and neck damage. Had to take pain killers and couldn't sleep at night due to ear and nose bleeds and body pain. All she would argue about was money. Long story. So, I lived in my car going to dentist, chiropractors and neurologists. She moved away. I Lost my health, my career, my love and my home. Merry Christmas. Had to settle out of court for the accident cause I couldn't continue in my car, and it had been over a year. So, settled, didn't get treated medically, the right way and in time. Insurance issues and they fought me all the way. I curled up into a ball for the next 3 years after the settlement and getting a place and fought demons. Cried a lot, didn't do much of anything. So I know what ya feel dude.
I hope this helps. It's been like 7 years. I tried to be her friend but she didn't want it. I never did anything to her but love her. She just wanted to be young, have fun and drink pepsi. So I said, I love you and I want your happiness so I will let you go be happy, when she told me she wanted to break off our engagement. I once told her I would step in front of the bullet for her so, enduring this wasn't much. Still hurts, not that she was necessarily "The One" just that, getting that close to someone is going to cause some damage if you have any feelings at all and they turn out to not be the one. Kinna why people sleep around. You don't get hurt. But us guys who feel deeper than stereotyped, we get devistated. I don't know how long it's going to take you to heal? I haven't had a relationship since. Had a few fly by nights, not by choice. But you never know what you are gonna get. Just godda get past the pain by living and see what's ahead. One hour after the next. I got dragged kicking and screaming. So there is life after evisceration.
Remember everything happens for a reason...
Remember, not all reasons make sense and are reasonalble. Just cause this stuff slips off the tongue and sounds all clever and gushy. Most of it is meaningless if you take a good look at it. | |
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| I want to die
Posted: 2/3/2006 2:05:49 PM | At a loss
I have to ask, do you have parents, other family, friends and such.
The most incredible pain a parent can feel is the death of a child, no mater how old. Are you willing to inflict this pain on the rest of them and the rest of the people who love and care about you? And to what end, because you can't deal with a break-up?
Grow up man, there's 6 billion plus people on this planet. You suppose their's at least one other who will love and cherish you? I bet there's more than one. Go find her.
JMO | |
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| I want to die
Posted: 2/3/2006 2:28:55 PM |
there's 6 billion plus people on this planet. You suppose their's at least one other who will love and cherish you? I bet there's more than one. Go find her.
This is the idea.
I did the math. Six billion souls, about 63% or more are women. About 30% are under the legal age, 45% are married or have been and are over the age. That leaves about ????? 75% from 100% is....... 25% and 25% of........What's 63% of 6 billion? Anyway, 25% of 63% of 6 billion is your answer of approximation of single women on the planet. Dats a lot of wemenzzzz... | |
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| I want to die
Posted: 2/3/2006 2:29:56 PM | Dear At a Loss;
With about two-thirds of marriages hitting the rocks your woman did you a favour by setting you free. | |
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| I want to die
Posted: 2/9/2006 1:08:56 PM | You know my father shot himself after my mother left him of 23yrs of marriage.When a person does something like this, it destroyes everybody around them.It's a very SELFISH ACT!!
when he did that it destroyed my life.I was 19 and the one that found him after 30mins after he did it.I have and never will be the same again,it's like apart of me died that day for ever.Please thing about want you would do to your kids,mother,sister,brother,friends,and people who love haveing you around!It's also better to hurt and go to HEAVN then take the short way out by killing yourself and going to HELL! Doing this will not bring her back or solve anything.Please locate your local suicide Hotline in get help,because it's never to late or just get out of the house and walk down the street.Look at the trees,grass,sky,people that say hello to you.Talk to family members,friends,or just pet a animal.This is want you would be missing if you left use so soon!!!!!It worked for me when I thought this was the only solution at one time in my Life.It workes and can work for you,if you TRY!!!!!!!!!!Please read in the Bible{Footprints in the sand}!PRAYING FROM TX | |
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| I want to die
Posted: 2/9/2006 1:20:35 PM | Things WILL get better for you, it just takes time. This bullshit happens to most of us. No woman on earth is worth ending your life over! There are plenty more out there. Just keep your guard up and be more careful next time around to who you give your heart to.
Goodluck! | |
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| I want to die
Posted: 2/9/2006 1:30:07 PM | Look, grief and mourning can be tricksters. You really believe you are rational and making good choices, you believe you have found the right solution. You work through the logic inside your head and come to the conclusion that suicide is the only thing left that you can do for the people around you.
You even begin to see your actions as the last heroic thing you will be able to provide for the people that care about you. To take them away from your misery. But it is all a lie that is being twisted in your head by your own grief. You are not thinking clearly right now and you need to take time off from you.
Go talk to a professional... | |
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| I want to die
Posted: 2/9/2006 1:57:09 PM | I understand how you feel ... but I can assure you that something very special is waiting for you just around the corner. If you take time to help other people, the universe will respond kindly back to you. Now is the time to make a difference in others lives. Here you have a wonderful opportunity to spread some love around. Join group activities that put you in touch with other human beings. Give your best and spread support, strength and love to others who are also needing your support ... even if you don't know them, give away what you would most love to receive, your unconditional friendship, understanding and support.
You will see that a beautiful new experience is waiting for you just around the corner ... no matter how things are today, if you give your best, regardless of how hopeless it may all seem now, something beautiful will enter your life and you will start to live again ... this time even stronger and happier than ever before.
Give thanks for what you have and allow the love that is waiting for you to enter your life.
Above all, don't worry! It is always darkest before the dawn!
God's Love - | |
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| I want to die
Posted: 2/9/2006 2:29:14 PM | I think it is good that you are reaching out for help... It is hard when someone you love so deeply obviously doesn't feel the same way, and moves on.. I have been there, and it is tough, very tough.. It takes TIME... although it sucks, the heartache will lesson as time goes by.. In the meantime, try keeping yourself busy so you don't think about her constantly. It helps to have a someone to confide in also. Before you know it, you will be thinking about her less, and less. Dying is no option, you have to be strong and have the will to go on. Believe things will get better.. There is someone for everyone, and you will find yours someday.
Hang in there!
Tina | |
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| I want to die
Posted: 2/9/2006 2:33:59 PM | DUDE DONT DO ANYTHING STUPID
TAKE SOME TIME FOR YOURSELF AND THIS MAY SEEM SELFISH BUT JUST THINK FOR YOURSELF, I KNOW THE PAIN U ARE FEELING BUT IT WILL PASS IT MAY SEEM LIKE IT WONT JUST KEEP BUSY AND DO THINGS THAT WILL ENHANCE YOUR MOOD I WAS A SEVERE CODEPANDANT FOR BASICALLY MOST OF MY LIFE AND ONE THING U NEED TO KEEP IN MIND DONT SELL YOURSELF SHORT ALWAYS BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF AND
PEOPLE AND NEVER PUT ONES NEEDS AHEAD OF YOURS
HANG IN THERE! | |
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| I want to die
Posted: 2/9/2006 3:29:32 PM | At A Loss:
I know it hurts right now and that you are willing to do anything to take the pain away, but killing yourself is not the answer. As someone said in an earlier post, "it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem." The pain will go away. Not today, not tomorrow, but it will. You just have to believe in yourself. Spend some time concentrating on yourself, how you can improve your life without Shannon. Things in life do not always go according to plan. You just have to pick yourself up and move on and look back on Shannon as a pleasant memory. All that matters right now is that you learn to love yourself. | |
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| I want to die
Posted: 2/10/2006 6:09:13 PM | I thought I would check on you!!!!!!Sure was a pretty day to day!!!!!! | |
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| I want to die
Posted: 2/10/2006 6:24:58 PM | | Two things, one your an idiot,two get over it and move on .Oh ya third thing this is gonna show up on my profile. Get over it.God damn.OK feel better now. Grab your mommies apron string and repeat I love you Mommy. | |
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| I want to die
Posted: 2/10/2006 6:48:14 PM | It sure is great to see all the beuatiful things that comes from people hearts in here and I'm gonna pray that everyone whom showed such caring and has been through such heartbreak
gets the happiness they deserve. Alot of terrible things happen to people and it is sad, but there is beauty out there somewhere waiting for each of us and though I have been kncoked down a few times and I'am still single I know that the beauty awaits out there somewhere
and it is a wonderful place and yes perhaps I shall never find it but I promise myself I will continue to search for it no matter what. People can take your heart, and diminish all the love and dreams you have within but I (as you should) should never let that dream and hope
be taken from you because it lies within you, it is yours and no others and it is beautiful. | |
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