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| I want to die
Posted: 2/14/2006 12:38:59 PM | there are so many stories of tragedy and it breaks my heart to hear them. so many of you are fighters and are with compassion to write to me and inspire me. my story is a tragedy to me, but when you compare it with others my situation is not so bad.
my greatest fear right now is time. it's passing so fast and i feel like i will die any moment. every day is going so fast i can't control it. i fear i will die alone, never knowing that kind of love i had or experienced. i've accepted i won't see her again but everyday is just another void.
i wish i could write to every single one who wrote me or responded but i get so sad to write individually i just freeze at the screen. i still feel my life is without direction or purpose. i don't know what to do anymore. i really don't. | |
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| I want to die
Posted: 2/14/2006 3:41:11 PM |
Yes! Brush up on your skills first by watching "the Wedding Crashers"
Just kidding. I don't know I haven't seen it yet, but heard it was really funny movie.
It was okay, I should know, I was innit. | |
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| I want to die
Posted: 2/14/2006 3:49:28 PM | | Im sorry to hear about what your going through, i know how it feels. Fact of the matter is, time is the only prognosis. typical women breaking your heart, all women are like that, they enjoy making us feel like crap. All women do is play stupid games | |
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| I want to die
Posted: 2/14/2006 3:56:35 PM | Someone once told me, "Forget your memories and they will remember you forever!
BE Well, Brother
Aho~
NativeREd | |
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| I want to die
Posted: 2/14/2006 4:17:01 PM | | Damn i dont think any women or male is worth diying for maybe in thoughts but not in realality. I know this through experience. If you truley love this women then you should understand her and be happy for her and her happiness. Even though it should be you sharing your life with her but unfortunatley it is not ..But would you rather still have her as a friend you first started out as friends I would rather have this then nothing. My wife was murdered a few years ago I was left totally devestated I lost everything I ever believed in the love of my life I couldnt go on (so i thought) I sold my business I gave up everything...now i realize just how selfish I was life is really not fair...but we do have to move forward and wade through all the shit life throws at us just remember to never give up there is always tommorow and trust me you will survive this and be a better person for your next relationship. | |
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| I want to die
Posted: 2/14/2006 5:59:13 PM | Still nothing!!!!!!!!Just checking on you!!I know this can be a shity day!!I know you'll make it through it!! | |
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| I want to die
Posted: 2/16/2006 7:31:40 PM | You are in the grieving process. Don't be alone. Don't listen to music that reminds you of her/him, get rid/put in a box/cover the box with any items she gave you or remind you of her/him. Move your room around. Talk to family and friends. Give yourself 6-12 months. Then force youself to go on a date. Even if it flakes out. You are beginning to swim in life again. Don't expect to find a replacement. Not fair to her or yourself. But a NEW RELATIONSHIP. Laugh now, its good for your inner healing, read silly jokes. Let us know if something comes up dear...       | |
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| I want to die
Posted: 2/16/2006 7:39:14 PM | | ataloss I am soo sorry. not all that long ago I went through the very same thing. I don't know what to say but that time will go on and you will heal. I lost everything when my love left me. not because I went bad but because it didnt matter to me. all the stuff I had was for her. now I am basically reborn and starting over. I will never make the same mistakes I did with her because I grew as a person. I hurt and I did not care to live but now, well now I am happy with my life, I don't have everything but still I am happy. I think that looking for answers and really looking at myself and the role I played in the whole relationship has givin me more than I lost when she left me. I won't lie that even still I have a part of my heart that belongs to her and maybe it will never change? I don't know, and it does not matter because my heart is only that much larger, you know? really it is a gift to go through this, it sounds strange but it is true, my ability to love is more fully realized because I know to a great depth what it means to hurt inside. just don't give up and things will change, you'll see. | |
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| I want to die
Posted: 2/16/2006 8:00:07 PM | At a loss...
Don't even THINK about suicide. It will only destroy the ones who care about you. At least you have loved.
Hell, think about your enemies. Do you want to make them happy? Do you want them sitting around laughing, celebrating your self-inflicted demise?
Man, if I haven't done myself in at this point, you shouldn't. Fight the reaper. Fight. Don't fade to black.
I know it sucks to love someone you can't be with, but for God's sake man, don't let it ruin you.
It's her loss. Not yours. If a guy like me isn't giving up on life, you shouldn't either, and my life sucks ostrich eggs. 
Listen to some metal. It'll fix your life. Staring into the abyss can be therapeutic. Keep yourself alive my friend. | |
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| I want to die
Posted: 2/17/2006 12:00:48 AM | | Wow Starfish...I had a bf who had a dad and stepdad commit suicide. He feels the same way. When I told him one of my old bf did it to themselves he was very angry at that person doing that to themselves. As a child it really scarred him emotionally. His mom picked emotionally unbalanced men and then stayed with them. Instead of her and her little son getting mental health. She would look to men to FIX HER EMOTIONALLY, temporalily. You cannot depend on people, places, and things to make you happy. Some people do commit suicide because the feel there is no future. But you and I know life changes daily. How you feel today will change tomorrow. Dear, this pain will pass. You need help walking through it. | |
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| I want to die
Posted: 2/17/2006 12:12:38 AM | I know exactly how you feel. I lost my love and I was devastated. I didn't want to go on but one Wednesday night I found myself at church and gave my life back to God. At that very moment I felt better and not so alone. It was as if my pain brought me to that place and point in my life. Not everyone believes that God can heal their broken hearts but as for me I know He can.
Its difficult to mend a broken heart just because we can't put a bandage on it. There is no medicine that will cure us. Its something that time truly has to heal and it will if you let it.
The one positive thing you can take away is that you know what it is like to be in love and guess what, it will be that much greater with the next one you are with. | |
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| I want to die
Posted: 2/17/2006 12:18:36 AM | No, you don't. Honestly, you feel like it, yeah, but it gets better. It goes away. The most important thing for you to do is not try to contact her at all. This can be like an addiction, and you beat an addiction one second, one minute, one hour, one day, one month, one year at a time. I've been there, let your friends know, let your family know, this is why these people are in your life. Don't be ashamed to ask for help, like you have here, its part of the human condition to feel like you are, but you've got to push through and be proud of yourself.
Its an illusion, she's not perfect, far from it. Keep your chin up, it will get better, take it a day at a time, and when it does? Man, when it does get better? You're gonna be on cloud nine cause there aint nothing that's gonna open up your heart and being like picking yourself up from one of these. Trust me, the new you is gonna be fantastic. You can do whatever you want to do. | |
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| I want to die
Posted: 2/17/2006 12:24:59 AM | | Dont ever feel that way my freind , life's to precious to waste . Even though you feel your in the darkest times of your life the little rays of hope always come back when your need them the most. blessing to ya . | |
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| I want to die
Posted: 2/17/2006 1:48:35 AM | Hi there,
I'm so sorry to hear it , I'm sympathetic to you and I know how much hard you must go through now but I'd like you to CALM DOWN and answer these questions with all your heart and your mind.
IF YOU DIE,WHO WILL BE THE SADDEST PEOPLE?I think there are your family,your friends,NOT HER,because now she has her new love and she's getting married to someone this year as you said,that means she doesn't care about you any more.DO YOU THINK SHE DESERVES TO RECEIVE YOUR BEAUTIFUL LOVE OR NOT?For me,she doesn't.
Maybe she was not born for you.Somewhere in the world,your right lady is waiting for you.If you die,who will share the life with your right lady?I know sooner or later,you will find her and both of you will have a very happy family together.
I hope the truth from my life will inspire you.I had a fiance but He passed away when the plan crashed by stormy.He's Canadian,32 years old.His job was an Advanced Life Support Paramedic On the Air Vacs.He was a very caring,romantic,loving,honest and faithful guy.We had all plans for our life.We are a kind of honest people in love.He took last trip for his working before we organized a wedding party But That was also his final trip forever.It took him out of my life forever.At that time,It was a very big shock for me,I cryied,I didn't face the truth and I only thought about the beautiful past with him.I just thought about what he said to me,about our future plan ,about his voice sound.I'd been gone down after that.Lucky me,after I destroyed myself for 1 week,I discovered that what I were doing just destroyed my mind and my heart and just made my family more sadder and more worried about me.Beside that,It couln't make him alive again.
I use this idioms to inspire myself:"yesterday is history
Tomorrow is mystery
Today is present"
There was hope. For the first time in your life, you could see light at the end of the tunnel.
Have a wonderful new day to you and Hope you all the very best.
Christina | |
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| I want to die
Posted: 2/17/2006 2:00:33 AM | Maybe what you need to do is face what really scares you. Maybe it's not
necessarily losing her but something inside you that scares you more. All
people in here will lose someone special or have lost someone special like
a family member...mom dad or brother but they are equipped to move on. I lost
my dad and I felt a hollowness in me for a very long time much like or worse
than what you are feeling. But after some time, I recovered. It just takes
time. I also lost a gf and the pain was incredible....it's indescribable but again
I found a way through it by being honest with myself and doing some major
soul searching and recognizing my fears. I learned in the process that knowing
myself brought me strength & confidence.
Don't worry, dude, it WILL get better. I guarantee it. | |
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| I want to die
Posted: 2/17/2006 4:42:26 PM | Dear god.... im sure after this, every 1 on this site will be after my blood, but so be it, ive been wrestling all day not to have my say, but hey, im going to!
i think if any1 hasnt gone through.... or isnt going through what you have/ they are very lucky indded.... its all part of life and becomming mature.... i went through it, i thought my life had come to an end, was sure i would never love again.... but you do! 20 months ago my beutifull niece lost her only child to meningitas, he was just 4 years old, due to start school, couldnt wait to wear his uniform, he put it on 1 day, and insisted his mam took his photo, thank god she did.... because that was the 1 and only time she saw her baby..... looking all grown up, apart from the day he was buried in it, we thought she was going to take her own life, because we had never seen any one suffer like her, we took it in turns to stay by her side, she begged for death to come and take her, she needed her little boy, but strength eventually took over, goodness knows how, but she survived, she now has a 3 month old baby boy, he will never take camerons place, we all know that, but she has coped, and im sorry but if a parent can come to terms with losing a child, then theres nothing that cant be over come by any one..... sorry if ive offended anyone..... r.i.p little cameron! | |
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| I want to die
Posted: 2/18/2006 4:50:33 PM | You have not offended anyone!!!!!!!!!!Our prayers are with your niece!!Just tell her that one day she will be renited with her daugther in Heaven!!!Keep the faith!! | |
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| I want to die
Posted: 2/18/2006 5:25:36 PM | wow..
that's pretty inspiring... glad to hear you are ok. My ex gf of 4 years broke up with me and got married 2 months later.
that was 7 months ago... and i still ahve bad dreams sometimes. | |
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rrsjr
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Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 145 | |
| I want to die
Posted: 2/18/2006 5:42:10 PM | | Sorry to dish out some harsh advice here, but while feeling like you wanna die may be an honest statement, it's not one that's going to serve you well by sharing. While women may dish you some sympathy, I guarantee hearing that will freak a woman out enough to view you as an emotional liability, i.e. you're gonna drive any potential lovers away with that kind of talk. My advice is get some professional help if the feelings persist and, for god's sake, keep it to yourself. Seriously, you're gonna drive them away. "Fake it 'til you make it", bro. No one said it's easy, but the alternative is loneliness and continued misery. | |
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| I want to die
Posted: 2/18/2006 5:54:26 PM | | trust me, i know how you feel.....i drive a truck, i stayed out on the road for over a year to buy my wife a house, i was 2 weeks away from buying when i found out she had been living with another guy during the week for over 2 months, then coming home to me on the weekends like nothing was wrong, i just wanted to die, but my family and the advice of others are what kept me going. its been a month and a half now, yah it still hurts like you wouldnt believe but now im at the point that i realize its her loss. you will get over this, and you will eventually find the person that respects you and respects what you have to offer, its just not worth throwing your life away over, just think of the woman out there that you were meant to be with, if you kill yourself then she will not get the chance to be happy either.... | |
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| I want to die
Posted: 2/19/2006 12:37:08 AM | | In a way you are really inspiring, likely one of the most honest people I have had the pleasure of being in contact with, with a wide open heart. That having been said, I'd be happier knowing you are on your feet. Life is without direction or purpose, yeah, I know that feeling, but seek and you shall find. I felt that way too initially, but now I have a few directions and/or purposes that are bubbling around, and though I'm not entirely sure at this point which way my life will go, I now know that it is going somewhere. Its not always easy, it takes effort, but keep at it. Whatever you need to do to get back on your feet (barring anything harmful to yourself or others) just do it. Put on a Nike cap and just do it my friend. Soon these things you are feeling right now will pass, and you will need RESOLVE, likely a cement mixer full, to get back into life. "Fake it until you make it," excellent advice too. Good luck, you're in a lot of people's thoughts. | |
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| I want to die
Posted: 2/19/2006 1:04:18 AM | | Use your depression as impetus to change something you don't like about yourself or the world. As motivation. Make it a strength. The earth's not on your shoulders. It's under your feet. Hang tough Pal. | |
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| I want to die
Posted: 2/19/2006 1:58:04 AM | | I can assure you, you dont wanna die... If you really wanted to die. You wouldnt be alive anymore. Face it.. | |
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| I want to die
Posted: 2/19/2006 2:50:58 PM | | That's not entirely true. When you wanna die you might not have the courage to commit the act because of the inability to assess the way to go about it in a painless manner or other related fears. I know that is how I felt and I tried 5 times. The last time I tried to commit suicide, the resolve was definately there for a whole day and I drove into no where to do it with 64 sleeping pills. I had them to my mouth and a cop just came out of no friggin place and pulled up IN FRONT of me lights blaring. I knew if I had taken them he would have found me listless and slumpted over and had me rescued. So that attempt was foiled. It's not usually a continuious thing. The resolve can come and go depending on the level of melancholy. And it's only when you are at the most intense level of that that pushes you over the edge. The complaint is to get help to make the pain stop. That's when one says help I wanna die, I am in so much pain, please make it stop. That is actually the whole complaint. Not so much you want to die as that seems to be the only way to make the pain stop. Other people who wanna die usually drink themselves to death, smoke themselves to death. They do anything they know to be unhealthy that they know will end up in death. Like crack and heroin addicts. A lot want paradise or just the pain of living to stop. So, knowing what they do will kill them they indulge anyway. | |
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