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| Confused, Hurt, LOST......
Posted: 1/20/2006 3:56:54 AM | | keep ya chin up be strong n remember the word independance ya can make it next time dont be dependant on a fella keep yaself protected with those barriors til the time is right good luck !!!!!!!! | |
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| Confused, Hurt, LOST......
Posted: 1/20/2006 5:29:39 AM | 1) He cares more about his feelings then yours it's evident in many of your posts.
2) Your still in love with him and he THINKS he is in love with you. Your both not on
the same playing field. He knows this and is using it to manipulate you.
3) He will always have this power over you for as long as you let him, and you
let him ALL the time.
4) Trust me I know what it is like to be in a one sided relationship, but YOU, and no one
else has the power to change the pattern. It matters not what anyone else says
or how much advice we give you. Advice is alot like a tool, you may have all the right
tools, but lack the experience to use them.
5) Please read this very carefully:
"People change when the pain of changing is less than the pain of staying the same."
You will never move ahead until you can find the strength within yourself to move
past your internal pain.
I wish you nothing but success in escaping the pain you feel. | |
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| Confused, Hurt, LOST......
Posted: 1/20/2006 4:11:52 PM | Kingfisher1
Thanks for your reply.. and advice is never too late!! I'm really sorry for what you went through.. I try to think that life is already short enough and have fun... I don't know why I put up with what I do... Why would someone put up with this??? I couldn't imagine taking my own life... But at times it seems like it would be so much easier... My family expects me to be perfect and it's so hard with this on my shoulders.... Thank you though so much for your reply ... I'm trying to come in sense with the fact that some people are going to be mean and not give a crap.
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Fisherwoman007
Thanks for your reply as well... I really appreciate everyone's advice. I know that school is important.. but How do you all concentrate on stuff when your pissed off? What motivation do you have? Thanks for all your words... I'm trying to understand no guy is worth this.. i love how you said this
No girl because no man or woman is worth that....Get a Grip and dump the looser
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Nicenfriendly
Thank you.. I really think I learned a lesson ... not to be so dependent ... And not let someone completely in my world ..unless the feeling is mutual... of course it felt mutual before... but I think I should have protected my self better... Well anyways thanks a lot of your advice...
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Belgarion
Thank you for that ... You said it all pretty good... I guess I'm in denial but I can't admit it ... i don't know!!! I liked how you said
You will never move ahead until you can find the strength within yourself to move
past your internal pain.
that was pretty interesting and thanks.....
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EVERYONE......
THANKS FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT AND KINDNESS... I'VE NEVER HEARD SO MANY INSPIRATIONAL THINGS BEFORE... I CAN'T BELIEVE IM GOING THROUGH THIS.. THIS IS THE LAST THING I THOUGHT WOULD BE AFFECTING ME... I GUESS EVERYONES RIGHT WHEN THEY SAY IT HITS YOU WHEN YOU LEAST SUSPECT IT... LOVE IS SUCH A TRICKY THING... RELATIONSHIPS ARE SUCH ARE HARD THING... I WISH I WAS BACK IN 3RD GRADE WITHOUT A WORRY IN THE WORLD ... I CANT BELIVE HERE I AM NOW AND WHAT MY LIFE IS ABOUT..... BUT THANKS EVERYONE I REALLY APPRECIATE IT! | |
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| Confused, Hurt, LOST......
Posted: 1/20/2006 4:23:33 PM | Linds, there are many, many other men that will treat you right, normally i wouldnt reccomend this, but this seems like an appropriate thing to do...go out, have fun, *MEET OTHER POEPLE* see exactly what youre missing, find out the way other men will be willing to treat you and maybe that will break you of your bonds with your current Signifigant Other...believe me..once you see what you could have...youll look at your current, like a nasty grody old boot lol...
(now i'm not saying go cheat....i''m saying go out and talk to other men, ask questions...get to know people)
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| Confused, Hurt, LOST......
Posted: 1/20/2006 4:29:29 PM | Linds19 ... you are young and pretty and you are smart enough to be improving yourself through school and I see by your profile that you are looking for people to date... so it appears that you are ready for change .... be smart and carry through ..... move on.
No one can put you through something in a relationship unless you let them. Take control and be strong. You have everything to look forward to and everything bad to loose and good to gain. Enjoy life and live well. There are a lot of realy great people of many ages and both genders whom would like you and be good friends ... friends who would be uplifting and plenty of great people to establish an equal and loving and understanding and supportive relationship with. Everyone deserves that ... that means you! | |
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| Confused, Hurt, LOST......
Posted: 1/20/2006 7:05:53 PM | DesertWolf...
Thanks for the replies... I wish this would be easy.. I want to go out and have fun ... But then I think about who he's with and what he's doing... Why can't life be easier.. I just dont understand...................................
Bigger guy....
Thanks also for your response... How can I look at things in a postive way (school) when Im so depressed and hurt.... I feel like nothing is positive.. I wanna be happy... I wish I could be little again...... Thanks for your responses ..everyone is so nice to be giving me their opinions and advice... | |
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| Confused, Hurt, LOST......
Posted: 1/20/2006 7:07:58 PM | Where are the 19 yr old guy's on this site??? Somebody hit on this girl!!!!
I'm an old man for God's sakes!!! | |
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| Confused, Hurt, LOST......
Posted: 1/20/2006 7:28:45 PM | Pain is a beneficial thing.
If you touched a hot kettle your defence mechanism protects you by pulling back.
The pain you’re going through is an emotional defence mechanism.
Read up on some books and literature on the internet on how to relax yourself and recover your inner balance. You have youth on your side. | |
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| Confused, Hurt, LOST......
Posted: 1/20/2006 7:28:53 PM | First off, F all the people that are ridiculing this situation. the honest truth is you need to find yourself. WIthout that, you truely wont find the happiness you seem to be seeking. if that requires time alone, and more often it does, then so be it. otherwise, you're going to have to speak your emotions. be honest, it will at least keep your sanity...
secondly, you're beautiful. simply put. don't let yourself forget that, and for every stupid A$$hole you meet, realize that there are ten more that are dying to have a woman like you... regardless of who you are, that is just good advice. seek to improve yourself, and others will recognize it. Show that you are strong, and able to care for yourself, others will desire you.
I'm out of a relationship similar to yours. 3.5 years, and all that I ended up with was a fiance that cheated on me, and ended up preagnant with his kid. Now, when I look back at how futile I was and felt, I realize that it was actually HER futility that I was feeling. I didn't deserve what she did to me, and the world survived for me after her. Now, it is HER that is suffering the loss of me in her life, and not the other way around...
I guess my point is, no matter how important someone is to you, unless you let them Know, now, and everyday, than you will loose in the long run, and the more you rely upon ohters for happiness, the further you will fall when they are gone.
Move on, I personally would be grateful to have someone like you in my life, but also realize that I am content by myself, while I search for that special someone.
Good luck to you! | |
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| Confused, Hurt, LOST......
Posted: 1/20/2006 7:48:33 PM | Service with a smile.....
Thanks for your reply... I appreciate any advice anyone can give me.....
If you touched a hot kettle your defense mechanism protects you by pulling back. The pain you're going through is an emotional defense mechanism.
I get that...... But why is it when someone treats you so horrible you still care for them? Lies CONSTANTLY... Yells, Cusses, Has hit me, Punch's things (including car windshields before) WHY ON EARTH DO I CARE????
I wish I could understand this!!!!!! I've read things to relax my self..... Tried to go running, take a nice warm bath, chilled in the hot tub..... I cant get this off my mind.... I feel like I cant prevail over it!
Matt1978
Thank for that..... What you said meant a lot.... Part of me wants to go out and have a freaking blast.... Go home with someone... But part of me knows that isn't right... I've had friends tell me all I need to do is sleep with someone else and then I'll forget ..But that's not me.... Then others have said take a hit of cocaine and you'll be good... But that isn't me! Thank you for the compliments.... And I'm sorry for what you had to go through... I don't know what I would do in your situation... If my finance got pregnant by someone else I would probably turn gay..... I'm so confused right now..... How can someone tell you something one day (I love you, I'm a screw up, I'm sorry, I shouldn't do this to you and within not even 24 hours be like your a beotch, get the fuk away!!!!!!!!!) | |
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| Confused, Hurt, LOST......
Posted: 1/20/2006 8:09:21 PM | But why is it when someone treats you so horrible you still care for them?
because you need a lot of love in your life.
Lies CONSTANTLY... Yells, Cusses, Has hit me, Punch's things (including car windshields before)
Okay, if these things have happened, I’d say stay away from the kettle or you will get burnt. How old is your boyfriend? He should have better sense than abusing you.
WHY ON EARTH DO I CARE????
If he is the only boyfriend you have had, then maybe you have been conditioned to thinking this is some kind of returned-love. Take it from me, it’s not.
I wish I could understand this!!!!!! I've read things to relax my self..... Tried to go running, take a nice warm bath, chilled in the hot tub..... I can’t get this off my mind.... I feel like I cant prevail over it!
Keep chatting and asking questions. Meet new friends of your age. Go to dance classes, do karate or something to occupy your time and thoughts. The answer will come to you eventually. | |
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| Confused, Hurt, LOST......
Posted: 1/20/2006 8:33:00 PM | | Linds, while I was still married, I went out with my girlfriends(I didnt tell my ex, I wasn't allowed to go out with my own friends), and had one hell of a time! I didn't cheat, but I flirted and was flirted with! It really helped me open my eyes to the world! It also gave me enough courage to say, "There are better things in life than being treated so poorly." I still once in a while when I need a pick me up, will go out with friends to a bar and flirt with guys and get flirted with. It really did help me! After this week, I went out and did it tonight, and you know what? I feel soooo much better about they way things happened! | |
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| Confused, Hurt, LOST......
Posted: 1/20/2006 8:47:28 PM | Linds:
Stop asking why he’s doing these things and just walk away. Don’t ask “How can I?”..you have three pages of people telling you what to do and you keep asking “Why”…. And I don’t mean that insultingly either but you can’t make the decision because you’re emotionally involved, so listen to the people who aren’t. I have read all three pages of this post and all you keep asking is “I don’t understand why HE does XXXX”….Stop trying to decipher why he does what he does and delete and block his email address, delete his phone number and block it if you can and tell all your friends to hang around you and make sure you don’t go look him up to talk to him.
It's not our job in life to understand what motivates other people. People will only treat us the way we allow them to...so put an end to it!
you’re a strong woman, just listen to the advice and come out a stronger person in the end….. | |
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| Confused, Hurt, LOST......
Posted: 1/20/2006 9:17:06 PM | Lind, find your own path. You'll do alright. Sometimes you've got to choose
a path that's least travelled to keep things interesting and to find out what
you're made of. I think I speak for many here when I say we've made mistakes and
will continue to...some of us will not admit to some of those mistakes even on our death beds (ya sick puppies! LOL) BUT, don't make any mistake that can't be fixed. Don't
burn bridges don't get hurt. If you can, take some time off this April and
head to Cancun - I'll be there (muhahhahaha). <<------- creepy laugh. | |
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| Confused, Hurt, LOST......
Posted: 1/20/2006 9:54:11 PM | Service with a smile
Hey... thanks again for your replys.....
He is 22 years old... Things used to be so different. I used to think he was just dumb or didn't know any better, but now I see. There are times when he's a total PHYSCO... and then times when he is the man of my dreams.... So I realized he does know right from wrong... I had dated a few guys before him... but he was the first serious ..serious one! I'm trying to over come this but the more I try to worse I feel... Thanks again for your reply, its appreciated.
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Wingsandheart
Thanks for responding... Well that would be great for me to go out and have a blast... But I dissed all my friends for him... Not many of my friends are "friends" anymore ... more like acquaintances... There was one girl I've known my whole life and well she even barely talks to me... I guess this is something I could work on... The sad thing is... In between our break ups and all that I have met better guys (stupid me.... dissed them when my bf came back around and wanted to be Mr. Nice guy)... I'm going to try to go out more ...Thanks for the advice.......
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Amberzamber
Thanks for replying.... But it's not that simple... People have told me for a long while what to do about him.... My mom. dad. friends. and other family... Either I'm just so stupid or I don't know. I can never follow through with what I say. He knows that I am always here for him and that's the sad part... He has walked all over me and I can't say no. I hope I can be strong or get strong... Thank you.
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Lazyboyz
Thanks for all your responses.. I really do appreciate them. I hope I can find my own path... This situation is so devastating to me... b/c when I was little I didn't take any crap from anyone... I was a little tomboy hardass... Whether it be friends, family or whatever... And I always gave my opinion... When subjects like this were brought up amongst friends I always said hell no ... get out and LOOK AT ME! How come I can be such a hypocrite... Now I've learned that it is really different unless your in the situation... For instance girls that get beaten... I always thought how the hell could this be possible for a girl to stick around... But now I understand how hard it is to walk away... Wish it hadnt been 5 years... Wish I was 5 again!
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EVERYONE......
Tonite was a hard night for me..... I fell for his crap... He told me we "were" going to spend time together.. (last night I told him I was done and he told me he loved me and blah blah and can we do something) MY MISTAKE FOR LISTENING, FORGIVING, AND BEING GULLABLE.... Well I sat around and waited LIKE THE IDIOT I AM... And then no call... I called and his little brother answered and said he was out side smoking a cigarette ... (WELL HE WAS SUPPOSE TO BE WORKING AND NOT AT HIS MOMS) So I drove out there BIG MISTAKE... And I was like well what the heck... we had plans .. weren't gonna call and tell me you decided something else... He yelled... cussed... hit his truck with his fist and blamed it all on me.... (WHAT DID I DO WRONG??? HE MADE PLANS, I WAITED, I CALLED, I CAUGHT HIM IN A LIE AND CALLED HIM OUT ON IT) He ended up taking his little brothers to a party and left me high and dry on Friday nite. ... I talked to his Mom for an hour and was like what the heck am I suppose to think (SHE SAID LINDSEY... LIKE I'VE TOLD YOU BEFORE I WOULDN'T PUT UP WITH IT) Well last night I went out a little, came home early and he came by UN INVITED b/c he knew I had friends over and was getting in the hot tub ... Well I told her all this ... He comes over at 1:30 TO CHECK UP IF GUYS ARE OVER... FILLS MY HEAD WITH CRAP and not even 24 hours later totally disses me... IM DUMBFOUNDED! I'm not trying to get attention by this thread I'm just at my last straw and last hope... I've called a hope line like 3 times before and done everything I could... At times I feel like I'd feel better if I wasn't here.... I hate thinking this way.... I never thought I would think this way... I know their are plenty of guys out there.... Does anyone know if there is any free counseling available? I want to go .. But I know I can't afford it..... Someone please give me advice ... I know there are 3 pages of people trying to help me but I still cant move on.... I don't know what to say, do, or feel, I'm so scared of the way I feel.............. | |
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| Confused, Hurt, LOST......
Posted: 1/20/2006 10:06:10 PM | | Linds19... I don't think anyone thought it was funny. You really can go see the school therapist for some advice that is what they are there for. You have become completely dependent on this guy for all your emotional needs and it seems you have completely lost yourself and who YOU are and that is not good. If you do not learn how to stop this now it will always happen. I know, I have been with men and completely lost myself in them because all I wanted to do was make sure they were happy. NOW however, I have become happy with myself, it almost scares me to even get into a relationship because I never want to go back to how I was. When a man starts trying to control me in any way... I just take a hike! I have a full life and plenty of friends. Please.. get away from him.. you are a very pretty girl, get some hobbies... find some new friends... do something with you life besides letting it revolve around another person. Seriously... you really should go and talk to someone, it will help you more than you know. | |
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| Confused, Hurt, LOST......
Posted: 1/20/2006 10:10:31 PM | You need deep industrial-sized therapy....but only to give you the tools
you lack. You've been given insight of what your bf is about, you've been
shown different perspectives yet you won't take our advice and seem
to be spinning in circles. Another bf is not the answer either because
you'll repeat the same pattern if you havent' gained any insight.
Good luck. | |
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| Confused, Hurt, LOST......
Posted: 1/20/2006 10:14:23 PM | Mesnafugal..
Thanks for your reply... Are their therapist in college? I asking because I have no idea... When you said
I have been with men and completely lost my self in them because all I wanted to do was make sure they were happy that is EXACTLY HOW I AM... I dont care if I dont want to do it .. hate it... I would do it to make him happy ..and I wouldnt mind it if he would do anything to make me happy ..but the feelings arent mutal and I don't know what I can't let go!!! Thank you for your reply I am gonna try to do something to get my mind off this.... | |
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| Confused, Hurt, LOST......
Posted: 1/20/2006 10:15:52 PM | | lazyboyz is right... YOU have to find some strength within yourself so this will not happen again when you get into another relationship, and believe me you WILL have more boyfriends in your life time. You will meet nice guys.. and you'll meet some jerks. YOU have to be strong enough to handle all emotional relationships. Right now you have had many people give their opinions.. and you know what you need to do so do it. Get on the phone, find a good therapist and let them give you the tools to work on yourself with. Take if from this old woman, it took me alot of therapy and self searching to make me as secure with myself as I am. But I don't let people walk all over me anymore, and I'm still a nice person. | |
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| Confused, Hurt, LOST......
Posted: 1/20/2006 10:30:46 PM | @mesnafugal Well put! Once you have some basic tools, you'll be free
to grow. Some of us for whatever experiences and troubles we've gone through
lack the basics. You need a bit of a handup and the rest come in their own
time. Maybe you could give your bf the number too.
Most schools have counsellor's especially colleges just speak with the
school administrator.
Again, Good luck! | |
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| Confused, Hurt, LOST......
Posted: 1/20/2006 10:36:23 PM | | Lind... a counselor or therapist will help you to see where the problem with your self esteem lies. They are not there to TELL you what to do, they will just help YOU figure it out and then go from there. You have got to get yourself stronger so you can deal with this. Do it now while you know you have a problem, it will make a difference in the rest of your life and your future. The way you are feeling is not healthy mentally or physically. You should never let yourself let someone have that much control over you. When I was in highschool, I was constantly going to my counselor. They will assign someone for you at your college. There is ALWAYS help out there you just have to find it. | |
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| Confused, Hurt, LOST......
Posted: 1/20/2006 10:40:09 PM | | You have to stop living in the past. What use to be does not matter anymore, only what is ahead of you, we live so much of our lives in the past and spend so much time worrying about the future, we have no time to live in the present. IT's 2006 out with the bad in with the good! | |
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| Confused, Hurt, LOST......
Posted: 1/20/2006 10:43:39 PM | Hope: she KNOWS that but doesn't have the tools to act. You know, you can
show a horse to water but can't make it drink it? | |
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| Confused, Hurt, LOST......
Posted: 1/20/2006 11:51:33 PM | Mesnafugal
Thanks for all your replys... Hearing this from everyone is so inspiring... I've never had so much help in my life... I hope I can find the strength in me that I used to have... Tonight I got in the hot tub with my sister and talked... I tell her often what's going on... It felt good to let this out... It feels a little better to be able to post here and have people listen... It amazes me that I feel like I get more caring-ness from everyone on here than someone I've dated and gave everything to for the past 5 years... By the way that is awesome that you don't let people walk all over you any more... I hope that is a quality I can soon gain. I am going to try to find a therapist to talk to... b/c I'm seriously at the breaking point.. I want to love him, call him, talk to him, make it work... But I know it takes two for that to happen... Thank you again......
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Lazyboyz
I love what you said
she KNOWS that but doesn't have the tools to act. You know, you can
show a horse to water but can't make it drink it? I want to make this happen... I want to be happy... Tonight while talking to my sister... She said don't call him.. if he cares he will call you.... If I don't call I feel like he's going to go screw around me (but in my mind I know if he's going to then he's going to, nothing I can do about it. But I can't help but want to know.... Is this normal?) Is there a way of lessoning this feeling... Not caring if he is screwing someone... Or off with someone? I'm so mad at my self... I have so many great people telling me exactly what I should do... (and it can't be wrong b/c everyone's ideas are similar in ways) BUT WHY CAN'T I STICK TO MY GUNS.... how much more do I have to go through... why do I put everything he does on the back burner and be nice?
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Hopestillfloats
Thanks so much for your response... I love what you said.... I want to try to do that....
You have to stop living in the past. What use to be does not matter anymore, only what is ahead of you, we live so much of our lives in the past and spend so much time worrying about the future, we have no time to live in the present. IT's 2006 out with the bad in with the good! I have realized that I do live in the past ...and that's what I guess I've been going off of... all the old times... Not really putting the present into reality I guess... Just living off the good times.... !!! Thanks for all your advice and help...... | |
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