| u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 5/4/2009 12:12:18 AM |
He also told me that plutonic friendship between 2 ppl of opposite sex was a cop out and it meant that one of the 2 was hoping to get lucky.
I feel quite sad for anyone who feels that they can't have a platonic friendship with someone of the opposite sex. After all, 50% of the population is the opposite sex. Cuts the number of possible friends in half.
But if you're hanging out with someone simply because you think you might have a chance of getting in their pants one day - that's not friendship, that's stalking. | |
|
| u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 5/4/2009 1:03:03 AM | | well it depends on the people and it depends also on what u do with thoses friends.if having friends of the opposite sex means the 2 of them sitting on a couch alone late at night watching movies all the time i dont think any 2 normal people would be able to do that without eventually getting romantic ideas at one moment or another.unless of course 1 or both people are totally not attracted to one another or one or the other is already with someone.call me old fashion but i cant believe 2 normal attractive single persons would be able to hang out late at night alone in a house and just do friends stuff without anyone of them getting ideas eventually. | |
|
| u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 5/4/2009 1:21:55 AM | well from what i can gather this guy is the jealous type. most guys dont go so overboard about it unless they got something they are fighting for. in this case i think this guy would categorize his conversation with you as "i was talking with my girl" while you say "i was having a conversation with a guy i know". he's hoping theres a relationship there, he's fighting to try and make you his while you're just at that friend stage. and its pretty obvious because thats his confession in the first place. he just said he believes that talking with someone of the opposite sex is only for sexual purposes, so why is he talking with you? (anyone can see that one :P)
but to answer you're question, yes its very possible to have plutonic friendships with people of the opposite sex. some of my best friends have been girls and not once have i ever thought anything sexually about them, because there are just some people that regardless of how smokin' hot they are, or the fact that they have another X instead of a Y, i just don't even have the thought cross my mind of sex because my requirements for an intimate relationship are way different than my requirements for a plutonic relationship. sure there are times when the two overlap and things have their awkward moments.
and for that guy? i think he's a jealous guy that either is making that story up or comes from one of those religious fanatic compounds in utah or wherever :P | |
|
| u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 5/4/2009 6:19:42 AM | I will speak for myself first, it's not what I'm pursuing someone for. That is to say, if I have female friends, I'm not going out of my way to have them. My experience(s) were usually that I was wanting more than just friendship. Now, I'm not suggesting it can't work for others, it's just not "me".
Just like my male buddies, I didn't "go after" them, it just sorta happens - we just start hanging out - doing stuff - etcetera. It's not like one of us was "damn, I want to go to the concert with you" it's not like that. If it starts out like that between male / female then there's probably another motive.
The other thing is this, most of the time that I ended-up in the friends zone with a woman that I wanted more with, they just seemed to have the same attitude the O.P. does. I'm not always so sure if that's genuine or not. All those women seemed to think it was "okay" to have very close platonic male friends - but there were MANY times when things got very close to something else (like sleeping together in the same bed - literally sleeping - cuddling with clothes on etcetera) I mean very borderline.
Most of those situations were my own fault - I was just *clueless* about what I had gotten myself involved in - and once involved and they laid down the *law* of just wanting to keep it friendly / platonic, I simply had no idea how to proceed. I stuck around trying to win them over (Dumb? HELL YES!)
Now that's the real clincher, since I DID treat those women "as-if". That is to say, I treated them almost romantically. I did things for them, spent lots of time with them, went way overboard for them. All this to try to change them into wanting me in the same way I wanted them. I wasn't as interested in friendship, even though many of these situations did lead to very great friendships.
When I'd finally let these women know what I wanted, and that I couldn't continue being so close without more, they'd act all offended, get angry at me and act like they had "no-clue" about the way I felt (even though it was mentioned, brought-up, hinted at, etc., etc).
So, I know (again speaking for me only) that it's not what I'm looking for. I know that if I was the one pursuing a woman, it's not for friendship. I also feel that many women who claim to be "okay" with this arrangement simply say so because they know that guys like I formerly was will fall all over them and treat them like a girlfriend even though there's no sex. I don't necessarily "buy" it when so many women claim to think it's perfectly "okay". Those same women whom I ended-up friends with, would not have given me the time of day had I just treated them like another one of "the guys". I treated them like romantic interests. Those women knew they were benefiting from it and took advantage of it. That's the only "reason" so many women think it's okay too.
I've noted that many women that have so many (too many really) platonic male friends, seem to think it's okay to expect them to treat her like she's a girlfriend. This is a very convenient arrangement for her since she never has to get involved. These men are all truly wanting more than just friendship from her if they are treating her like that. Likewise, men that have so many (too many) platonic female friends, seem to want a large choice in possible / hopeful mates.
Then there's the ones who can "only have friends of the opposite sex" (I've observed this more with women than men - I.E. women that could ONLY have male friends). There's something else going on there on a personal / psychological level. It's a true power trip for her because she knows that these guys are wanting her more than that. She knows she couldn't get away with that if she had only female friends. If she only had female friends, who would put her up on that pedestal?
Just my 2ยข (based on observation and / or experience)
Mike | |
|
| u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 5/4/2009 6:26:34 AM | | I think Platonic friendships with the opposite sex are possible. Some people may start out friends with someone and have sexual designs in mind, but in reality I think any person will only find a small minority of the people they meet in life sexually desireable. | |
|
| u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 5/4/2009 7:39:08 AM |
I was having a conversation with a guy I know from the US (Carolina) mentioned a friend was coming over he asked the sex and i said it was a guy he said that doesn't happen where he lives. He also told me that plutonic friendship between 2 ppl of opposite sex was a cop out and it meant that one of the 2 was hoping to get lucky. I couldn't believe what I was hearing I have always had friends of the opposite sex and would never dream of having anything apart from friendship with them ok yes sum of my friends have tried it on but that includes the females lol. I said so if i hung out with a guy over there and went for a few drinks n to play pool it couldn't be just for that he said no men have men friends n women women friends. I couldn't get my head round it. He also said that if a local woman said she had a male friend coming over it would be the same as cheating as too is spooning/cuddling a friend. I think some ppl focus too much on sex and not friendship having views like this. I told the guy he was sad that he felt he couldn't have a normal friend in a woman.
So what do u think can we have plutonic friendships with ppl of the opposite sex?
xjx
What that guy is saying is a load of bullshit. I was very friendly with a woman for over two years. I regularly went over to her house to visit her on our own. Neither of us fancied the other, but we enjoyed each others' company. Most of my online friends are women. | |
|
| |
| u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 6/2/2009 11:06:17 PM |
So what do u think can we have plutonic friendships with ppl of the opposite sex?
Yup. A few of my gal-pals are actually among my best friends period.
And...to add fuel to the 'fire', both of them were at one time lovers (of mine, not each others). So, not only can you be friends but you can be friends after having had sex as well. *nods*
Well, at least *I* can anyway.
*tips his hat*
- Mr. S | |
|
| u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 6/3/2009 12:59:26 AM | ^^^^^^^^^^
many of my ex-lovers are now friends. Maybe it's because they usually are what I consider friends before they become lovers, and I don't have difficulty talking about those "tough subjects"
It doesn't mean they're ever going to change status, just that there was something about our personalities that drew us together in the first place. Take the "sex" out of the relationship and it doesn't mean that we don't still appreciate each other on other levels. Not everyone can handle this though - I think it takes a much higher level of emotional maturity to understand. | |
|
| u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 6/3/2009 2:11:27 AM | | if any of you women who believe your MALE buddies are really just your friends, then offer them sex, if you are right he will refuse, if you are wrong, he gets the sex and the lie is exposed. | |
|
| u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 6/3/2009 2:17:38 AM |
If men are from Mars, and women from Venus, and we live on Earth - how does Pluto enter into a friendship? That's pretty far out!
Exactly...I was going to answer I couldn't, because I live in Planet Earth, not in Pluto. | |
|
| u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 6/3/2009 4:35:29 AM | hey i only checked into this thread to see how many jokes i could find about pluto.
if it weren't for men i wouldn't have any friends. my god there's nothing i hate more than a catty broad. present company excepted, of course.
this whole dialog, of course, was played out quite well in that movie with billy crystal and whats-her-name.
if any of you women who believe your MALE buddies are really just your friends, then offer them sex, if you are right he will refuse, if you are wrong, he gets the sex and the lie is exposed.
^^^^yeah right. and how many threads are on this board at any particular time about "fvck buddies", hmm. the only thing this argument does is tell you where the male vs female priorities are
 | |
|
Phan59
|
Joined: 5/26/2009
Msg: 313 | |
| u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 6/3/2009 5:27:55 AM | Hey Smooch,
Of course men and women can have perfectly reasonable, happily platonic friendships. BTW, a platonic relationship with the opposite sex does NOT include,.. spooning/cuddling. If this guy expects you to not have relationships with the opposite gender, sounds controlling to me. CONTROLLING, that's not good Smooch. In a relationship, exert control..., then ABUSE.
Are you an adult? Are u kidding? Getting your head around it? | |
|
| u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 8/30/2009 9:49:22 AM |
trailgirl: "many of my ex-lovers are now friends."
That's not really what I think people are asking. Technically, a relationship where you have/had sex can't be "platonic". I agree that it's entirely possible to be friends with an ex-lover. I have those friendships, myself. But it's not the same as being friends with an attractive woman I have NOT had sex with.
Maybe it's just me, but the male ego is a funny thing. If a woman agrees to go out with me, and just kisses me (not even talking sex, here) it feels like validation. All kinds of crap can go wrong after that, and we may never see each other again, but in my mind, for that moment, she found me attractive enough to get physical, and that's an ego boost and a half. She'll always have a star next to her name on my mental gradebook.
Likewise, if I meet an attractive woman who's married, dating somebody, or is totally age innappropriate, I have absolutely no problem being platonic friends with her.
The kicker is the single attractive woman who rejects you. There's really no motivation for me whatsoever to be around a woman who turns you down if you don't have to be. Who wants that constant reminder of failure?
 | |
|
| u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 8/30/2009 10:07:32 AM | | i'm sure someone has already pointed out the obvious since this thread is 3 years old but WTF is a *plutonic* relationship anyway?? is it like if you live on the planet Pluto? that typo is too funny, lmao. | |
|
| |
| |
| u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 8/30/2009 10:22:23 AM | lol...funny shore66...
I have many platonic friendships with men. I tend to 'get' men more than women..though in my 30s, I really started appreciating female friends, too..
Learned an important less on this. Had a GREAT friend. We went to basketball games together all the time, hung out, he was a great friend to me. When I got pregnant, didn't run the other way,and was a great friend still...hung out with me at my house cause I didn't want to go out & leave my girl. He was such a dog with women (and yes ladies , I gave him hell for this). He had his reasons and he was what he was..but we were never romantic or sexual. Though we talked about his girls all the time..mine to a lesser degree..and then once I had my daughter I pretty much didn't get laid so I lived vicariously through his exploits ;-) But , it wasn't one of those relationships where there was that underlying tension that we wanted to have sex with each other. He really was like a brother to me.But yeah, he was very good looking & every chick I know pretty much wanted him, even the married ones. Anyway, I moved out of state. Before I moved , we got drunk , decided to have sex. It was a disaster. Ok but definitely not what either of us were used to (we're both very sexual..but when that chemsitry isn't there..it's kind of just 'okay') ..The biggest disaster was that it really changed the friendship and we drifted apart. Go figure. It was very sad to me, but lesson learned. I'd never jeopardize a friendship now...no matter how much good ole Jose (now Don..I'm such a tequilla snob now..but then..quite broke =) tried to convince me it was a good idea.
So yeah, but if you have a great friendship that you both value...don't blow it. | |
|
| |
| u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 8/30/2009 11:37:53 AM | Friendship isn't about gender or agendas.
True friendship is just that, true.
Too many people use the word cavalierly.
Some simply don't understand the concept.
I refute the OP subject assertion. | |
|
| |
| |
Home
login 
