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 MaccaFan
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 626
u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sexPage 26 of 50    (10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50)
Yes, you can UNLESS romantic feelings begin to develop for one person, THEN it turns into a disaster....
Trust me on this one.....
 gardenias2
Joined: 1/13/2011
Msg: 627
u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 2/2/2011 10:36:57 AM
some folks just can't see the whole picture. nothing is in statis, change is inevitable and when two "platonic" friends in the same age group continue to spend time together and develop emotional intimacy, their status can unexpectedly change as well. happens everyday in the real world. most affairs start off as "friends". wise up folks.

i learned this one when i was 18 yrs old and in my first serious relationship. if the sexual undercurrents aren't there today, don't think it's all good because they can be there tomorrow and you can hugely be disrespecting someones relationship. we are hard wired to reproduce, don't ever understimate human hormonal activity especially the airborne ones...phermones. we are so much more than our mere intellect which i consider to be the most boring part of us.
 FunkTheMillenium
Joined: 7/11/2010
Msg: 628
u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 2/2/2011 12:45:14 PM
and to think u still get all these women/girls who think of all their guy friends as "brothers".

hahahahaha, yeah and im sure the guy's like that label on their heads as well who are these "brotherly friends".

given one chance they would be all f***ing the woman.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 629
u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 2/2/2011 9:58:07 PM
But I cant stand being with guys for very long ... The only persons that really understood me were females. The only ones I could talk to really, were females ... They broke up, because of kids and or doistance, and I never batted an eye and 10 minutes later never thought about it again. But, a platonic, strictly chatting one that broke up recently, has really got me down.

Okay, with that in combination (and note: not taking your post out of context), you should understand that you are very much out in the fringe and don't represent the vast majority of guys, right?

Yes, one can have a platonic relationship with the opposite sex. A close one-on-one, in-person, frequently hanging out friendship? Rarely will that type of friendship with the opposite sex come without complication. Considered a friend more or less within a group setting... or a bit of a pen pal just for chit-chat exchange is one thing... but if you feel down because a "platonic" female friend walked away after it just being a chatting friendship some -- then your feelings weren't just platonic, whether you fully accept that or not... and I think that's what the topic hits up on: Sure, you can define a situation as platonic where only platonic -action- has taken place... but as far as feelings are concerned given enough time, a relatively close one-on-one friendship between a guy and girl isn't going to be 100% platonic for very long, for most situations.
 sunvalley1
Joined: 1/30/2011
Msg: 630
u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 2/6/2011 8:34:24 PM
I have some good friends that are men.
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 631
u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 2/6/2011 8:39:00 PM
^^^geez, you trying to set some sort of record for posting in the most threads in an evening. The newness will soon wear off.
 skirtsnboots
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 632
u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 2/9/2011 12:38:51 AM
I have platonic male friends, one in particular is one of my best friends.
We don't spoon though.
We only hug if one says 'I need a hug' as one of us is having a bad time.
He's not for me and I'm not for him in any romantic or sexual sense.
We are just friends.

On the net it's not so simple though I've found.
If you chat to someone on here on just a friendship basis which is made clear from the outset in all the cases I've experienced the guy wants more than that eventually.

This is a dating site but I do find that some men (and no doubt women too) come to you with the let's be friend's line only to have something else on their mind when usually it's them who have been totally clear in the beggining that all they were after was a friend.
I'm afraid that after a few bad experiences with this I won't chat to a guy on here in only a friendship sense anymore as I just don't trust that it won;t all fall back on me if I don't 'fall' for them.
In some ways it seems a pretty sneaky way of behaving.
 good_catch77
Joined: 3/28/2007
Msg: 633
u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 2/9/2011 6:40:35 AM

u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex


1st I had to fix the spelling of platonic, . But I've not even considered reading every response on here for this older thread. So if this has been said before sorry.

But I do fell like it can happen, but there has to be restrictions, I don't like someone who leads me on. Only considers me a bff if she is single. When she is dating per say I never get a call, email, text, heck facebook status comment, nothing. But when said female is single there isn't a moment that she doesn't want to interact with me. "Fair weather friends" is what my dad, and I know its not just him who said it, used to call that. Only being around when they "need" something. I don't want a fair weather friend, I want a friend who will be there for me as I am with them. I have my fair share of women whom are acquaintances and such, but not many that I consider a bff. That there is no thought of a sexual relations with.

I can be friends with women, but they have to be taken, unattractive to me or too old/too young for me. It is what it is.

It is too tempting to be close friends with someone you want to sleep with. Being single and going through what I have in life makes me not wanting to repeat history. I've had too many close female friends use there sexuality to take advantage of me. Not sexually but in doing things for them. That's the old me.....

The new me only interacts with women, other than at my job, when I'm attracted to them and they are single. As soon as I find out they are taken they are merely a acquaintance.

Best of luck to everyone
 thisisit11
Joined: 7/11/2010
Msg: 634
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u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 2/10/2011 11:10:33 AM
of course you can
 lucanfor
Joined: 8/31/2011
Msg: 635
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u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 10/28/2011 1:03:19 AM
you can if there is no sexual chemistry which doesnt happen to often on both sides but is possible but more so when you have had some sort of relastionship in the past and realised you dont work as a couple but are good at being mates
 Coma White
Joined: 4/11/2004
Msg: 636
u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 10/28/2011 1:22:13 AM
I like having friends of the opposite sex. If they're not into me, why would I want to date them? That sounds like a recipe for disaster. I'd rather have them as a friend and who knows, maybe I'll connect with one of their friends. One of my best friends is a female co-worker and I've never felt attracted to her. I'm not sure if she's ever been attracted to me; I never asked. She just started dating someone last week. I think it's a lot more common for men and women to be friends than people think.
 Blondie_0421
Joined: 10/21/2011
Msg: 637
u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 10/28/2011 6:02:35 AM
Plutonic friendsips are basic and vital to normal development. If we cannot be friends with opposite sex persons without having sex or romantic behavior there is a problem in the development of the individuals. Opposite sex friendships are like brother/sister friendships. We relate with our families as adults like adult and the relationships are no longer volunteer they are by choice. Emotionally mature adults can and do have plutonic friendships with the opposite sex. If a person cannot they have issues that need addressed, processed, resolved and integrated into their life.
 PrunellaJones
Joined: 1/22/2011
Msg: 638
u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 10/28/2011 6:13:59 AM
So what do u think can we have plutonic friendships with ppl of the opposite sex?
I've always had friends of the opposite sex. I don't know why some people have issues with that. It doesn't make sense. For example, women have friends who are lesbian. Men have friends who are gay. It's not an issue. We are not attracted to everyone on Earth of the opposite sex, but we may like them as friends. I don't understand what people are scared of or worried about. There have been times when a guy wanted to be a 'friend,' but I knew he was interested in more. Then, I don't want to be friends. Have always been really uncomfortable about a man hanging around hoping I will change my feelings about him.


Opposite sex friendships are like brother/sister friendships.
Yes, exactly right. Brother/sister, cousin, etc.
 Consigliori
Joined: 1/7/2008
Msg: 639
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u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 10/28/2011 8:56:13 AM
I can be plutonic. I prefer to be saturnalian. Those mounds of venus are just gravitating.
 Coma White
Joined: 4/11/2004
Msg: 640
u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 10/28/2011 11:12:50 AM

Plutonic friendsips are basic and vital to normal development.


You mean platonic?
 ShalaT
Joined: 10/25/2011
Msg: 641
u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 10/28/2011 11:39:17 AM
It was a typo in the original message, that has clearly led to many people making astronomy/astrology jokes. But face it, if you're talking to Americans, half the high school graduates would fail the GED exam, so are we really that surprised that not everyone knows how to spell a word like platonic?

But on the original subject, my BFF is male. He is awesome, and neither of us have sexual feelings for each other. He's there for me, I'm here for him. We meet each other's dates after a short while. Sometimes double date. But bottom line, I can't imagine NOT having him in my life as my bestest friend ever. (and no, he's not gay and neither am I)

Just my 2 cents
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 642
u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 10/28/2011 12:37:19 PM
If we cannot be friends with opposite sex persons without having sex or romantic behavior there is a problem in the development of the individuals.

It can happen... but intentions of a platonic relationship from the get-go, entering a matchmaking site? That's where real problems lie. A good friend's long-term girlfriend? Sure. A cousin? Yep. And a by-product of things not going in the romantic direction but being-just-friends? Yes. Too close? No.

It doesn't require sexual/romantic behavior executed to make things awry. It's about emotion & feelings, much of which, we can't help. Many times you may ask yourself, why is there this close friendship between she/he and I? Answer: Someone was attracted. My thing is that if you spend one-on-one time out, be cuddle buddies, and that sort of jazz, someone's fooling themselves or the other person. And it doesn't have to be so obvious either. It's a RARITY that there's no sexual thoughts/emotions on any level for a single guy & gal hanging out one on one. Rarity.

He is awesome, and neither of us have sexual feelings for each other.

I highly doubt that. Not that he would tell you. I'm sure he is just fine & dandy being just friends with you... and although that's not rare, it's of the less common variety but happens, yes. But sexual feelings for you? If I were to take 10 relatively attractive single women who have close single (hetero) guy friends, and they say & feel with the same conviction as you, I would bet against all of them in Vegas (assuming there was a mind reader to validate - lol) -- and I would probably lose on 1, win on 9.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 643
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 10/28/2011 12:37:38 PM
No kidding you can't, Pluto isn't even considered a planet anymore!! lol..

Had to fix it!

I agree that it can be difficult, many times it seems almost more trouble than it's worth.. but it is definitely possible!
 Euroalex
Joined: 2/20/2007
Msg: 644
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u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 10/28/2011 12:42:17 PM
even cats and dogs can be friends sometimes!

so men ad women can be also if they really want to...
 Euroalex
Joined: 2/20/2007
Msg: 645
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u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 10/28/2011 12:44:06 PM


No kidding you can't, Pluto isn't even considered a planet anymore!! lol..


Pluto is a dog
 tigerspawn
Joined: 8/9/2011
Msg: 646
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 10/29/2011 12:33:55 AM
I have heard the same thing on multiple occasions. It BS. I have more female friends than male friends. They are easier to get along with. The women that I date often have a problem that I have female friends. We sit down I talk with the women i date about their feelings on this issue. I explain how I feel. I give them three strikes. After the third one I move on.
 1usernotfound
Joined: 9/4/2011
Msg: 647
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u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 10/29/2011 12:54:05 AM
I just went through a similiar situation. I met a great girl really liked her but she also thought if a guy and girl were friends at least one wanted to sleep with the other. It was very frustrating and the end of what I think could have been a great relationship. The only benifit of the doubt I will give is on the spooning and cuddling. I know it seems innocent enough but I wouldn't spoon with one of my guy friends so in that instance I can see where the sex of the person makes a difference. I'm sure many will disagree with the cuddling but I'm only saying I can understand the point of view.
 PrunellaJones
Joined: 1/22/2011
Msg: 648
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 10/29/2011 1:01:35 AM

...spooning and cuddling....
I don't know where this originated in this thread, but regarding a platonic relationship, spooning and cuddling is 100% out. You wouldn't do that in a platonic friendship any more than you would do it with a brother or sister. If you're doing that, one of the people, if not both, have feelings that go way beyond platonic.
 VirtuallyLove
Joined: 9/8/2011
Msg: 649
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 10/29/2011 7:46:27 AM
I don't know if anyone else noticed, but skimming through these posts I see this basic pattern being described over and over: "I have had plenty of opposite-sex friends that I have no romantic desire for, though sure, occasionally there have been sparks and sometimes a sexual connection and sometimes a man (or woman) does have some romantic interest, but..."

In a poll referenced in Psychology Today, 62% of opposite-sex friends report sexual tension. A Match.com poll revealed that 62% of platonic friendships (no comment on plutonic ones) crossed over the line into a sexual relationship. In that same poll, 94% of the respondents reported that they believed it was possible for a friendship to evolve into a romantic relationship.

"In a study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, Sapadin asked more than 150 professional men and women what they liked and disliked about their cross-sex friendships. Topping women’s list of dislikes: sexual tension. ***Men, on the other hand, more frequently replied that sexual attraction was a prime reason for initiating a friendship***, and that it could even deepen a friendship." (Asterisks are mine.)

Of course it's possible, but depending on the degree of intimacy of such friendships, it may not be advisable. You takes your chances, in other words.
 tigerspawn
Joined: 8/9/2011
Msg: 650
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 10/29/2011 9:06:09 AM
If the OP has been spooning and cuddling with her male friends than its definitely not just friendship.. OP could you elaborate on what your definition of a male friend is.
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