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 Wildthing63
Joined: 3/8/2010
Msg: 751
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sexPage 31 of 50    (10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50)
I have a really good friend that is a guy. We have gone out for drinks together and I have stayed at his house, in the same bed with him, and nothing happened...Most of my friends are guys. What is the big deal? Yes u can have a platonic friendship with the opposite sex...at least I can.
 quarked
Joined: 5/23/2008
Msg: 752
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u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 12/22/2011 7:27:08 PM

My take is this, guys and girls can be friends but sex is always in the back of the guys mind, plain and simple. Just because he says he would never cross the line doesn't mean he hasn't thought about it.


What's wrong with that? My female friends are attractive women.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 753
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u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 4/28/2013 5:23:36 PM
You can have a platonic friendship with the opposite sex as long as you keep it platonic. Keep very strong boundaries, especially if one or both parties are in a relationship.
 GJBrown
Joined: 9/12/2011
Msg: 754
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 4/28/2013 5:37:16 PM
Male friend and female friend should Not be sleeping in same bed together!
why do that!?
 lostnfoundluv
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 755
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u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 4/28/2013 6:31:50 PM
It is upto a girl to decide if it is going to to be platonic friendship or not. for it is hard for a guy to refuse sex.
 Bold_Spark_700
Joined: 4/10/2013
Msg: 756
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 4/28/2013 6:49:48 PM
[I said so if i hung out with a guy over there and went for a few drinks n to play pool it couldn't be just for that he said no men have men friends n women women friends. I couldn't get my head round it]

It's easy to get your head round, the guy you were talking to is a full blown idiot.

[So what do u think can we have plutonic friendships with ppl of the opposite sex?]

The answer is of course, and it's not something I think, it's something I know.
 Coma White
Joined: 4/11/2004
Msg: 757
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 4/28/2013 7:07:10 PM

It is upto a girl to decide if it is going to to be platonic friendship or not. for it is hard for a guy to refuse sex.


Not really. I can think of many female friends I have that I don't want to sleep with. One is my neighbour that I've known for about 10 years. One is a woman I dated briefly a long time ago that moved back to town. Another one is a woman I met on here because we wanted to put together a singles event. It's not always up to the girl. Sometimes the girl is the one that wants sex or a relationship and the man isn't interested.
 jpwrnglrwmn_forumsonly
Joined: 4/23/2011
Msg: 758
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 4/28/2013 9:01:46 PM
Yes, you can have a platonic friendship with the opposite sex, as long as strong boundaries are established and followed, as said by some posters. Either this situation . .or where one party is not interested in the other in a sexual manner. Actually, I would have to say the first option .because if one party is interested and hoping for more, he or she might not be happy with the platonic friendship, and might not be able to handle it in the end. I tried being friends with an ex. .I had moved on quite some time ago, but he still wanted more. (And he was the one who broke up with me) Had to end that friendship. .I no longer was attracted to him in that way at all, and he made it clear he wasn't happy with just being friends.
 ochikergirl
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 759
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 4/28/2013 9:23:19 PM
You can always find out by sleeping with him. If it wasn't that good, then probably he just wanted a platonic relationship.
 marilynh77
Joined: 12/29/2012
Msg: 760
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 4/28/2013 10:13:28 PM
Yes you can have a platonic relationship. Very rare and few, never with someone you are interested in or have had a past relationship with. Friends of opposite sex are great benefits, they bring in the point of view from a different side.
 annywn
Joined: 4/17/2012
Msg: 761
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 4/28/2013 11:11:05 PM
It is possible for sure, but don't ever think for SECOND that your guy hasn't had those thoughts about their friend, but that is where trust comes into play. You should never ever ever x's infinity question your s/0 behavior and truthfullness. It is like the 7th circle of hell if you can't trust your partner.
 peaceful_garden
Joined: 4/10/2013
Msg: 762
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 4/28/2013 11:32:04 PM
Depends on what platonic means to you. If it means there are sexual undercurrents but you have no plans to act on them it's not platonic.

I've got lots of male friends. Would any of them boink me if the opportunity arose? Yep most of them would. That's why I don't fool myself and others claiming it's all so innocent and strictly platonic. IMO platonic only comes with your gay friendships. But hey I've seen those change too. Just this year 2 of my gay friends have told me they would like to explore romantic options with me.

In conclusion I vote "no", platonic is an unrealistic description of OS friendships.
 DonJ77
Joined: 2/8/2013
Msg: 763
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 4/28/2013 11:49:00 PM
Of course you can.

We're all different, but many of us can. I have female friends, everything's ok, and I'm happy to have em.
 ladywilltravel
Joined: 8/25/2012
Msg: 764
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 4/29/2013 4:04:27 AM
I have to agree with DonJ77. I have male friends and am happy to have them.
I don't look at every man as a sex object. This may be a dating website, but there is more
to life than sex and dating.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 765
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u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 4/29/2013 8:29:52 AM

I have a really good friend that is a guy. We have gone out for drinks together and I have stayed at his house, in the same bed with him, and nothing happened.


How many guys you go on a date with will buy that story-staying in the same bed but nothing happened? I'm not disputing if this is true or not, but I don't think many guys will buy that. If you were dating a guy who tells you that he has a female friend he goes drinking with and stays overnight in bed with her, but nothing happened, would you believe him without any doubt?
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 766
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 4/29/2013 10:16:22 AM

Depends on what platonic means to you. If it means there are sexual undercurrents but you have no plans to act on them it's not platonic.

Great way to put it. And those sexual undercurrents, nobody on the outside can prove until enough body language observed, among other things, shows through. It's that building of sexual tension that changes things. People will be inclined to deny any sexual undercurrents themselves, if it's not a crush or anything.

Basically, IMO, the problem clearly arises when it's a 1-on-1 friendship. If any of the parties is apparently interested -- don't have a 1-on-1 friendship that's platonic or aimed to be platonic. Group Friends (in a social circle, work, etc) -- sure, but distance yourself to the degree in which you and/or they have interest, basically breaking any sexual undercurrent. That is of course, if the goal is to Not be more than just friends. If you're with a SO, then it becomes more clear to keep a distance of closeness, as the general rule of thumb.

Very rare and few, never with someone you are interested in or have had a past relationship with.

Or with someone who has interest in you. And of course, it all depends on the level of "friendship". Being in contact once in a great while via facebook no more than the 2nd cousin who lives across state -- not a big deal. On the opposite end, having a 1-on-1 friendship hanging out together -- it's rare where there's mutual No-interest, not just as how it initiated but how it always has been. Group opp-sex friends? Yeah, that's there a lot.
 DonJ77
Joined: 2/8/2013
Msg: 767
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 4/29/2013 11:54:03 AM
As far as feeling "undercurrents" of sexual desire, I have them for some of the women friends I have. In other words, I find them attractive, appealing, etc enough to have sex with them... but it's not like something overwhelming, that prevents friendship. It's just a natural reaction to someone you find attractive enough, but it doesn't do anything to derail your friendship. It just doesn't have that power. There are degrees to everything, feelings can be stronger than lust, etc.

It seems a lot of people make this friends thing - friends with the opposite sex - way, I mean way too complicated a matter...
 peaceful_garden
Joined: 4/10/2013
Msg: 768
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 4/29/2013 12:34:20 PM
^^^No DonJ77, a lot of people are trying to simplify and prevent what would become or is already a way too complicated matter. Truth is Hon, it can get real messy when you least expect.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 769
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 4/29/2013 1:59:22 PM
DonJ77,

I have them for some of the women friends I have. In other words, I find them attractive, appealing, etc enough to have sex with them... but it's not like something overwhelming, that prevents friendship.

A friendship is not a friendship is not a friendship. Again, what kind? When you and a group of people go out, and Jane is someone you consider a friend, and you chit-chat now and again, etc -- you like her but aren't pursuing her or trying to impress her -- sure, that's fine.

Now take a 1-on-1 friendship with Jane. You chat frequently and hang out 1-on-1. Okay, you're basically role-playing to yourself that you're "just friends" when you have that attraction to keep your hopes down, etc. The boundaries are set platonicly, sure, but the point is, it's not purely-platonic. Getting into a 1-on-1 friendship where you hang out together 1-on-1 begs a question -- why? New in town? Doesn't someone at least passively like another out of attraction or need for attention? Isn't at least that potential there where it could happen? If there's ZERO chance that you'd ever be attracted to her, and she is knowingly NOT attracted to you one bit -- what makes you develop a 1-on-1 friendship with Jane and not keep it as a friend within the group?

I know among friends, where there is a female friend, and by happenstance we end up hanging out 1-on-1 (other friends didn't show up; we run into each other at the bar and our non-mutual friends drift elsewhere, etc) -- I'm not wanting to make a habit out of that or set some tone as that being normal IF I'm not attracted to her. I wouldn't want her developing something about me if I'm not attracted to her... or if say she has a BF, I wouldn't something 1-on-1 to develop for the sake of drama.

IMO, the key difference is group-friends vs 1-on-1 friends, when it comes to the opposite sex. Being group-friends keeps a preventive distance. Once you go through a lot of the 1-on-1 situations, you Want to keep it as group-friends if you're not attracted to them and/or they're attracted to you.
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 770
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 4/29/2013 2:18:14 PM
It is up to a girl to decide if it is going to to be platonic friendship or not. for it is hard for a guy to refuse sex.
----------------------
I don't agree with you. There were times I friend zoned females and it goes both ways regardless of gender.
 ProcolHarem
Joined: 8/29/2008
Msg: 771
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u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 4/29/2013 2:39:48 PM
Sure you can...Some of my best friends are women. I've had some for over 20 years.
Gotten some of the best advice about women & dating from those female friends too.
 DonJ77
Joined: 2/8/2013
Msg: 772
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 4/29/2013 3:08:23 PM
^^^No DonJ77, a lot of people are trying to simplify and prevent what would become or is already a way too complicated matter. Truth is Hon, it can get real messy when you least expect.


No it doesn't. Not for me, nor many other people I know.

And to confident-realist. It seems to be a little too much all-or-nothing for you. There are all kinds of degrees and possible relationships with women for me.
I don't find that having close female friends is a problem at all. Even if I find them attractive.

If I was consumed with lust or in love, I'd understand. But it's simply not like that all the time. Attraction and friendship can co-exist.

Friendship or something similar is dominant in that case... And attraction is like a background noise that doesn't bother anyone.
We know it's there, but it's not potent.

And to people who are always afraid of cheating well, that's you. We're not all like that. ;)
 tooborednow
Joined: 1/13/2013
Msg: 773
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 4/29/2013 3:11:58 PM
I found this hilarious and germane to the OP:
http://www.businessinsider.com/bang-with-friends-is-raising--1-million-to-help-people-find-hook-up-buddies-2013-4

"Bang with Friends (BWF) is a Facebook app that does exactly what you're thinking it does. It helps people on Facebook find friends to hook up with rather than date."

and http://www.businessinsider.com/bang-with-friends-co-founder-interview-2013-4
"Crazy, right? Well, not really because its working, really well...BWF has amassed more than 820,000 users who are all 'down to bang...'"
 peaceful_garden
Joined: 4/10/2013
Msg: 774
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 4/29/2013 4:46:38 PM

And to confident-realist. It seems to be a little too much all-or-nothing for you. There are all kinds of degrees and possible relationships with women for me.
I don't find that having close female friends is a problem at all. Even if I find them attractive.

If I was consumed with lust or in love, I'd understand. But it's simply not like that all the time. Attraction and friendship can co-exist.

Friendship or something similar is dominant in that case... And attraction is like a background noise that doesn't bother anyone.
We know it's there, but it's not potent.


Yeah right. So you don't care if your wife has male friendships with sexual undercurrents and attractions. And she can go on vacations, movies, dinners and other outings with him because they are just friends right? Even sleep in the same bed, undress, try on clothes and go into the bathroom together cuz thats what women friends do with each other. Or do you have any boundaries with OS friendships?
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 775
u can't have a platonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 4/29/2013 5:45:01 PM
It seems to be a little too much all-or-nothing for you. There are all kinds of degrees and possible relationships with women for me.

Oh, I agree completely that there's all kinds of degrees & variances of relationships with women. Of course. That plays a big role when you start getting into a Relationship with someone. There's nothing wrong, when you're single, with being friends with the opposite sex that you like.

My only point is that it's a stretch to call it purely "platonic" when you like her and/or she likes you, and it's more than just a group friend or facebook friend -- but a 1-on-1 relationship. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that in and of itself -- but sure, there's potentiality to lead someone on or be disappointed. It all depends on the level of emotions/feelings and the closeness of that 1-on-1 friendship.

Now, when it comes to being in a Relationship, that's when there's potential danger if you're attracted to them AND you have a 1-on-1 relationship with them with platonic boundaries. Even when single it may be called into question, it being 1-on-1 and all when you like her, but when you have a GF -- that's not cool. Even if you can "contain" yourself. It doesn't mean writing them off -- it just means not being so close, that's all.

Example of a bad one: Say you have a new GF. She ends up having a closer friendship/relationship with a guy who's part of her circle of friends, and they have been FWB. She hangs out with him 1-on-1 frequently, not just within the circle of friends. He comes up within a thread of conversation, and you ask:
"So you guys were FWB how long ago?"
"Oh, last year we began being FWB. We were FWB a year before that..."
"Oh, when did you guys not be FWB, and just friends?"
"I dunno, like, around the time you and I first met. I mean, I'm not into him -- he's not hot. He's a friend. When we're both single, yeah, we have our share of benefits... but we are real friends. We've known each other since high school."
"Oh, so if/when we were to break up, you'd be FWB with him most likely if he was single, right?"
"Gee, you make it sound bad! Are you jealous? You need to learn about trust, my dear. Guys are so jealous. Yeah, he and I would have sex and be having sex along with our friendship, because I would be single, so there's no problem with that. But I'm with you honey. Oh, shoot, that's him texting me. I'm running late for dinner with him. Can you make sure the DVR records Sex N the City for me? Thanks sweetie!"
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