| u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 1/25/2006 8:31:48 PM | | YOu can totally have a plutonic relationship with the opposite sex. I have to say for alot of my life, most of my friends were guys, girls were to catty for me, yes there were people who had interest in other things, as I did with some as well but there are others with whom I have never had a sexual thought and nothing has ever gone beyond friendship. I know some people can not believe it because they themselves have been unable to do it, but it can be done lol | |
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| u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 1/25/2006 9:15:49 PM | | i hear you on this ... but fact is you are female so ... yes YOU can be in a plutonic relationship .... but the guys ... rrrr other story. Ever notice after u become single some of them start getting wierd on you and then when u find someone else they get insulted? I do. and its because they were pretending to be a "friend" until I was single and could make their move. So in the end yes men and women can be in plutonic relationships but usually because the female makes it that way. The guy either sticks around or doesnt. | |
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| u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 1/26/2006 6:04:57 AM | Thats what happens to most " Nice guys " they become the best friend and like a brother....and its sad to see those guys still hold on to a fadeing dream. Do you think they care if your newest boyfriend just f#cked another woman? Nope..they hope you will see them as BF material.....cant blame men for trying tho. | |
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| u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 1/26/2006 11:19:19 AM | | There are women in my life that I've just known as friends for so long that to look at them any other way would be like hitting on my sister. However, early on, one of them was a f*** buddy, kind of. We were dating and when that was over, didn't want the buddy part to end. Still great friends and wouldn't think of sleeping with her. | |
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| u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 1/27/2006 7:32:21 PM | I am not sure if anyone has referenced the great trio of next generation thinkers on this topic. Plato, Socrates and Aristotle shared more or less a similar opinion on this matter and Aristotle decided to make it clear in his Nicomachean (Nico of Machean) Ethics. It amazes me how observations from four centuries before Christ in a unique microculture of Greece are so applicable in today's world. Especially given the focus of Philosophers of the time ... so grounded in logic and concerned with science.
Anyway Aristotle who I imagine gave it far more logical thought in the context of ethics and the behaviors of his fellow men / women than any of us concluded that men and women can not be friends unless unified by (the friendship) of marriage.
For him friendship type III is true friendship for the sake of the friend or the friendship itself (void of any shelfish motive) and in this bond men and women only exist as (husband and wife) lovers. Otherwise he felt that friendships between men and women were of type I (for profit or gain) or of type II (by commonality of community such as living on the same street or belonging to Plentyoffish). | |
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| u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 1/28/2006 10:45:40 AM | I think it can be done....as long as both parties agree to it. Also, in order to be a platonic friend both parties have to have absolutely no physical attraction toward one another.
I mean lets not kid ourselves ......if a guy or a gal is str8, one has to be sure there is no physical attraction in order for a platonic relationship to exist. Otherwise, there'll be "tension"
between the 2 of you.
IMO...I'd much rather have 'casual female associates' this way ya' don't run the risk of any emotional attachment, connection stuff.... which means ya' never start caring so deeply for that person to the point where ya' start thinking you could offer more to her/him than just being 'pals' ( hope this makes sense). IMO....emotions are utimately much stronger than physical attraction......so ya' gotta be careful.
I dunno...sometimes this whole "friends" thing is like what commedian Chris Rock once said.....'a str8 guy who's just a "friend" to attractive woman is like being a fire extinguisher in a glass box......break in emergency'.  | |
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| u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 1/28/2006 1:10:01 PM | I think it also has to do with the facts, and if you count cyber, phone or e-mail. 
But on to the real subject. I have male friends at work and ones that are husbands of friends it is easy to have a plutonic friendship with them.
I also have a friend (male) that I have known for 27 years. We meet in 7th grade. We never have and never will. There have been times when we could have, late nights, long talks, drunk off our buts, lonely, we even lived together for over a year. We are friends not lovers. It is all in how you see yourself and your friends. We have gone out dancing, out for dinner, to the movies, gone X-mas shopping together, I even helped him furnish his appartment when he came home from the Navy and his wife left him and we have a great time. He is more like a member of my family then anything else. I even dated someone in his family for a few years, it is great to know that even now we are still friends not time or miles keep us apart. When my son graduated from high school he flew in to see it. We sat and looked at each other like it was only yesterday when we were graduating. So YES you can as long as you truly are friends.  | |
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| u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 1/28/2006 6:15:43 PM | WonderBuns said:
" You can if you're gay. Anyway, it's absurd. I'm gay, would you say I can't have a plutonic relatioship with another woman? "
What if the woman in question was extremely attractive, fantastic personality and had
"fingertips", however, she only wanted to be your 'platonic friend'.? | |
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| u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 1/28/2006 6:48:39 PM | | I know more than one female who fits that description. I admit at least one is difficult to be around at times. But in general, no problem. There are plenty of available females. I think the problem may be more of a guy thing. | |
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| u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 1/28/2006 8:52:43 PM | I have always had problems maintaining friendships with the opposite sex.
eventually something always goes awry... which is usually one person getting attracted to the other, either reciprocated or non.
Two of my boyfriends have been "friends".
I guess i could work out if there isn't a physical attraction on either side. Otherwise there may not be love but there will certainly be lust at some point if you get close to them. But that's just my experience.
You can choose not to act on it, and say it's fine, but whether it's safe depends on your stance about how "you can enjoy the scenery without having to pick the flowers." | |
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| u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 1/28/2006 10:48:24 PM | It's absolutely possible. I've always gotten along better with males, simply because most of the females I've known are catty, competitive or just flat out annoying. My 3 closest friends in the universe are men, and these are long term friendships, one dating back 15 years, the shortest being 3 years. We've seen eachother through relationships, we've been single at the same time, and still the thought of anything other than good friends wasn't an option. They think of me as a sister, I think of them as brothers.
I find it flat out irritating when I hear people say that it's not possible, that the guy is definately thinking about sex, yada yada yada. I always wonder what happened to make them so cynical about friendships, and contribute it to the fact that THEY think sexually about every female friend they've ever had, and base the entire subject on that. Sad, actually. | |
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| u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 1/29/2006 12:44:07 AM |
"why does spooning or cuddling have to be sexual."
Maybe I'm a little Bass'Ackward but I think spooning is more intamate than Sex. I could have sex with anyone I found sexually attractive, but spooning, I'd really have to want them to be close to me, to feel that closeness. | |
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| u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 1/29/2006 1:27:57 AM |
So what do u think can we have plutonic friendships with ppl of the opposite sex?
I will go with no, or very very difficult at best.
Granted this is of cource my personal experience and what I have observed through my roomates relationships over the years. Be they Female or Male roomates.
I think the problem is there is almost always a power imbalance in the friendship. Either the Man is attracted (Be it sexually or romantically) with the Woman, or the Woman is to the Man.
In the beginning the one who is not attracted to the other (be it the Man or the Woman, in my exp it does not matter which Sex) loves the closeness and the companionship of the friendship. And the one who harbors secret or not so secret fellings towards the other is able to supress those desires just because they themselves are so happy just to be around the object of there affection. Of course they also enjoy the closeness and companionship, which further heightens the euporia they feel i'm sure.
But
As time passes by in the relationship things generally change. Almost never for the one who is not romantically interested in the other. They would carry on at the current level of the relationship forever as they have exactly what they seek in the friendship. A Companion and Confidant. But the one who does harbor feelings for the other begins to strain under the weight or supressed feelings towards the other. Now this battle that the attractee? feels towards the attractour?  can wage for months, even years or maybe just a few weeks before it comes to a boil.
I had a x-roomate whom was so secretly in love with one of the other x-roomates. She pined for years and years for him and it all blew up for her one night at a reunion BBQ party. Granted there was booze a'plenty but I think booze only scrapes off our top layer of inhabition to let loose whats always just below the surface.
Anyways she laid it all out to him, all the signs, and hints she left for him (she is a shy lass thats for sure) All the nights they comforted each other over failed relationships and lifes trials. He said he was completley suprised (I got to be a Drunk Dr.Phil for both of them after there blowup) by it all, and she was understandably broken hearted.
There frienship ended that night and they never really spoke ever again. She felt cast aside and used for all those years of friendship and support she gave him, and he felt he was being blindsided out of the blue, and then being punished for being honest with her that he didn't feel the same about her (romantic vs. friendship love)
I went through basically the same thing years earlier with a Gal I was completely in love with. I knew in my heart that she would never really respect me or feel for me the way I did for her, but I craved that contact and interaction with her so desperatly I would do anything for her. (She wasn't cruel or anything, infact great to hang with) We acctually dated for a few months early in our friendship but she wanted someone more grown up and worldly I guess. She was from Holland and 4 years older (4 years I guess seemed like a big dif to her in the early 90's). Anyhoo she broke things off with me, but wanted to remain friends. I laughed and said thats impossible but she kept calling and inviting me out to group events. And of course I wanted to be with her so I did my best to supress the urge to date her and focus on being her pal.
But I would always either be the shoulder for her to cry on when Stud A or Stallion B did not work out for her, or, her on/off longterm Boyfriend was off. I would drop everything and zoom over with just a phonecall from her. It was always the same thing (we only visited once ever month or two months by then) either I was a confidant for her relationship troubles, or she was in a dry spell but knew she could count on me to make her feel wanted and beautifull. Many a shoulder and footrub ensued on those nights after she would take a bath while I waited in the frontroom for her to come out hair sopping wet in her bathrobe. (gawd I think back and wonder how the hell did I last so long against temptation  ) ans she made sure to always show just enough of a calf or a shoulder to keep me comming back. O'well it wasn't like I was suffering, I loved ever moment of it at the time.
But over the 2 years I was her Confidant and Lost Puppy I guess I grew to resent it, and began to turn down the offers to come over. I basically woke up out of the hase of infatuation and saw that she was taking advantage of me. Getting all the attention, affection and comforting from me and with no reward except a new carrot on the same old stick each month.
So after about 3 months of no contact she showed up at my place to visit in her Fiancaise Truck to take me for a spin cause she had a big suprise to share with me. She told me she was engaged and they were planning marridge, a condo purchace and a child (3 thinks her bohemian heart swore she'd never do, 3 things I represented to her) she was doing. I guess that irony, even though I knew she would never be attracted to me for years by then, that irony was the straw that broke the ole Camelback.
I confessed everything to her. Exactly how I felt about her then and through all this time right up to this very moment. Called her on all the times she used me to make herself feel better. Laughed at myself for being a fool for not respecting myself more and letting her disrespect my friendship with her. I knew she knew exactly how I felt about her, she proffessed complete innocense ( I wish people would just fess up at times like that, honestly really is the best policy ) and had no idea what to say. I said don't worry about it, there is nothing to say, I wish you the best in your comming Marridge, hope you have a fantastic life together and a beautifull home and child. I wanted to tell her that all then and there cause I let her know I won't be friends with her anymore. And I got out and left, and proceeded to get thoroughly hammerd night with my 2 very supported roomies.
I don't know where she is now or what shes doing. I guess this sounds mean but I don't wish her an ounce of good will. I don't wish her ill will at all, but I'll save my good ones for those who deserve it. The Silver Lining on the who story for me was her two roomates later professed to me one night when we bumped into each other at an all night coffee shop, that they tore up one side of her, and right down the other when she told them about our talk, and that she had no Idea I felt that way. The called her on it two and called her out for 3 other guys she had in her "support system black book". The also thought I was the most romantic and loyal feller they had ever seen. So that felt great to here that. I ain't no prince at all and I know I've pissed many Woman off in my life. But it was nice that someone noticed
Eh, so after that massive ramble which basically had nothing to do with your question. I feel that as long as there is a "Power Imbalance" in the relationship, then no, 2 friends or the Opposite Sex can't last. Because one of them always wants more than the other does. | |
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| u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 1/29/2006 4:06:39 AM | | I too have a special relationship with plutonium and the females of our species. I find generally its presence hinders my "abilities" when it comes to impressing the ladies. Often its radioactive glow makes me feel nauseous and ill. | |
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| u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 1/29/2006 6:05:51 AM |
I have alot of male friends ..I guess it is the value we put on our relationship and how important it is to keep it "plutonic"...
some of my male friends have come to my rescue at the bars as well as I have done the same for them...it's more of a bro and sis relationship...
but I have had men as friends that have gone too far and ended a perfect relationship....if it didn't end then it just became very awkward..
so yes I do think men and women can be friends but it does become a special kind of friendship...
I know very few men that would go to their male buddys and say " why hasnt (so and so) hasnt called me yet?" or " Joey, how do you think (so and so ) would like this?".. Alot of my male friends ask me advise about the women in their lives and I ask them about men in mine....
I think alot of us get and give support to/from the opposite sex.. | |
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| u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 1/29/2006 6:25:18 AM | | You are absolutely right Kymber. There is another thread going on here in the forums about how to approach women in bars. Trust me on this, if your wingman is actually a wingwoman, you don't have to worry about how to approach them. Especially if your buddy is attractive. | |
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| u can't have a plutonic friendship with opposite sex
Posted: 1/29/2006 12:36:49 PM | My best friend is a male and we have been friends for over 6 years now. We have always been there for each in the good times and bad. I have watched him go through a divorce and many girlfriends in the past years and I have always been there with the shoulder to cry on. He has been there for me when I have needed him to. He is the type of man any woman would be lucky to have in her life. I have taken him to weddings, company parties and even family gatherings with me when I didn't have a date.
So yes I beleive that it is possible to have a person of the opposite sex as a platonic friend. More people should try it. | |
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