| all you 30 something girls
Posted: 3/23/2006 3:51:38 PM | Not to sound to picky but actually Skinner never placed his daughter in a "box" and with held touch from her ..that is in fact the "urban myth".
It all started with a picture that showed his daughter in a portable version of a "incubator type" box that he had built I believe the picture was in a Good housekeeping magazine of some type with the caption "baby in a box".
The incubator was only a place where the child slept. He did this because he wanted to create a safe environment that was warm and did not require that he wrap a 100 blankets around his daughter, so the child would not be restricted in movement, and so his wife would not have to wash as many clothes.
The confusion comes because he also had created what has become known as the Skinner Box, which is different from the incubator. In this box he tested rats and other animals by trying to condition their behaviour through reward (food/escape etc) and was trying to prove that rats (and humans) have no real innate self but are prodcuts of thier environment and products of thier expereinces. Basically he would get the rats to press and lever and then they would be rewarded with food and thus he could condition them to press it again.
While I agree that no one would "die" from lack of touch I think there is quite a bit of evidence that humans and especially children need touch to grow up healthy.
Here is an interesting case about pre-natal children and the effects of touch on them
http://www.prematurity.org/baby/comforting-touch1.html
And as a person who hasnt had a GF in about 8 months I too am suffering ..lol..from such symptoms as reading too much about lack of touch, endless POF posting..etc.
now everyone Dance!
 | |
|
| all you 30 something girls
Posted: 3/23/2006 4:14:23 PM | canada, canada, may I say as I have said before you women are so lucky. I would dance with you sub..I forgot where I was for a second...ah yes human touch and the benefeits from infancy to adulthood. | |
|
| |
| all you 30 something girls
Posted: 3/24/2006 1:26:53 PM | I believe there is goodness out there but it is so difficult to just trust someone into my life that I sometimes prefer being single. I love my children and I would be afraid to just bring someone into their life without getting to know that person really good and the truth is that it is not really that easy to really get to know someone. Also I am cautious about just being with anybody because I dread a sex disease because I want to live for my children a very long time.
lisa | |
|
| all you 30 something girls
Posted: 3/25/2006 5:06:27 AM | | Hello ,Im Javier from Argentina I will live in West Palm Beach for a long time.Ii want to known friends.!!! | |
|
| all you 30 something girls
Posted: 3/25/2006 9:13:22 AM | C'MON !!!!! Give me a break!!! Practically every female post on this thread said something like ' I just want a good, honest, fun guy, who won’t cheat or treat me poorly...blah blah blah':
“guy that has a job and a car and a place of his own to live, doesn't cheat or lie, doesn't beat me up or do massive amounts of drugs or boozing; remembers my birthday, and doesn't have to get laid every night”
“energy of a 20 year old
drive like a 30 year old
patience like a 40 year old
chivalry like a 50 year old
wisdom like a 60 year old”
I HATE to sound jaded, but that’s such b.s.!
That’s what they SAY but that’s NOT what they DO, and actions speak way louder than words. How many times have each of you seen a decent girl who is with a looser, a-hole, etc. and wont leave him OR if she does leave him she finds another jerk? We all know good guys who have an almost impossible time finding decent, sane women.
I rarely find dateable women by coincidence in a library or grocery store, where there are no presumptions. But if I pull up in my convertible Porsche the crazy chicks flock!!! It’s pathetic. Is integrity no longer a desired trait? | |
|
| all you 30 something girls
Posted: 3/25/2006 9:26:06 AM | ^^^
Never dated the types of guys you described. So apparently, it's not such BS.
I don't go about saying I want this or that, unless I'm joking (see my "Lux wants a pony" message a page back. There's a good reason why I don't do that. I generally don't know exactly waht I want until I see it. | |
|
| all you 30 something girls
Posted: 3/25/2006 9:46:28 AM | Hey Atreat,
I can understand your frustration..but like you said you human mind is a little screwed up. Yes we are all looking for somone who has all of these unatainable qualities "confident not arrogant, strong but gentle, etc.." And realistically all of us (men and women) are rarely going to live up to it.
That said I dont think anyone finds someone by coincidence, like you said. The biggest problem I think is that if youre interested in more than a "roll in the hay" it takes time to get to know someone to see thier true character..but in our fast paced lives the only people you'll probally get to know like that are people you work with on a daily basis.
Since were all running at 1000 miles a second we rarely give anyone a chance...as you say were are all "hypnotised" by fancy cars, hot bodies and genetically perfect people. Its also why were so unhappy as we find that all those things fade/lose importance as time goes by but it doesnt prevent us from conituning the "wash, rinse, repeat cycle".
However I would disargee with your "bitterness" (though maybe youre just venting which is totally understandable and forgiveable) so please ignore my next statement if you feel it doesnt apply: but we tend to create what we imagine/beleive. If you think that all women wont give "nice guys" a chance than in your world it will be true.
I also have loved and lost but to be honest I still beleive in the possibilty of it and I think that helps to see/create/invision (sp?) that happeing for me...being open to it makes it more possible.
Im not really a New Age guy and I dont see peoples "aura's" but people do give off energy that you can feel...like when you see somenone going postal for eg. Much of what goes on between people happens on a sub-concious level and though we cant often put words to it...our gut tells us something is "wrong/off".
It similar to how when you have no GF no women talk to you, but as soon as you do..women may flock to you. You didint change and personally I dont think its confidence (though it plays a role) I think that your giving off good vibes that people pick up on.
Anyway I hope that you still see the possibility of finding what youre looking for and I wish you luck in finding it!
 | |
|
| |
| all you 30 something girls
Posted: 3/27/2006 8:08:47 AM | ...so let me get this straight Lux- are you saying that you haven't ever dated a good, honest, decent guy?
"Never dated the types of guys you described." 
subotai- got to say i like your attitude, sounds like me on a day off  . i am venting a little bit, but it comes from years of various disappointment. i have much better 'luck' when i am not being a 'nice guy' versus being less than what women ask for. it just shows me that what women want and what they say they want are two very different things.
i am sure i will find Mrs. Right eventually, i dont give up easily, but it is just bothersome  going through all the rest in the meantime... | |
|
| all you 30 something girls
Posted: 3/27/2006 8:26:24 AM | hi Atreat
I understand what you are saying I think all of us have been there once or twice..you know when you give off that "I dont give a fck!" and for some reason people respond to it.
I think I knew you were just spewing and I dont think that youre bitter probally more frustrated than anything..but I think youre comments are somewhat misleading:
"it just shows me that what women want and what they say they want are two very different things"
This is a human qualitiy not a gender based one. Come on have you never looked over a "less attractive female" because there was a "hottie" winking at you? As much as I like to think I always overlook that I know that sometimes I dont.
We as men often desire the same impossible combos: like...the ole "virgin-whore complex". You know how many men want a virgin to marry and meet mom and a whore to live out your fantasies with. Generally a hard combo to find.
What woman could possibly be both?. You think that arent a ton of great "nice" women who are passed over for a pair of "boobies" by the same men who claim they want a nice woman! I think it happens all the time.
If ever you design a pill/drug that allows us to see the beauty inside and not the "package" that holds it ..send me and everybody else a few 1000! LOL.
I forget the name of the movie but with Jack Black and Gwen Paltro (sp?) where he gets zapped by Tony Robbins and only sees the "beauty on the inside on the outside"..like that. Hey maybe we should all go to see Tony..though I think he may be the devil! LOL
Good Luck Atreat! but dont give up or into the frustrations they are a part of the process..just wish the road was a little shorter...but then dont we all.
and thanks for the beer
 | |
|
| all you 30 something girls
Posted: 3/27/2006 8:38:34 AM |
..so let me get this straight Lux- are you saying that you haven't ever dated a good, honest, decent guy?
It's amazing how people twist things around here.
Rememebr this from your post:
How many times have each of you seen a decent girl who is with a looser, a-hole, etc. and wont leave him OR if she does leave him she finds another jerk?
But of course you decide that I MUST HAVE meant I never dated a good guy.. because it suits the rest of your post to do so.
It's very easy to assume that women don't want what they say they want, when they merely just don't want you. Nine times out of 10, those "a$$holes" you think they're dating are just guys who actually approached the woman, asked her out, paid attention to her and didn't assume the role of PAL, which you so-called Nice Guys are wont to do. THen you whine and carry on about how women like a$$holes.
That whole women are full of $hit approach doesn't won't attract them either, FYI. | |
|
Keljo
|
Joined: 12/28/2005
Msg: 63 | |
| all you 30 something girls
Posted: 3/27/2006 8:41:18 AM | That movie was Shallow Hal...
And that would never happen. As long as the media and advertisers continue to promote unrealisitic expectations of the opposite sex upon us, we will never change.
I have one friend with stunning blue eyes and 40 DD's. When I am with her, I get passed over all the time unless a guy speaks to me to tell me my friend is hot.
She is shallow and only gives good looking guys with money the time of day (although she is working on that since she has been BURNED by her actions a lot lately).
I am short, have a few extra pounds on me, but I am a hell of a person. Until a guy looks beyond my physical flaws, I will remain single.
I may have to wait for the great equalizer to find love - that being OLD AGE! When we a re all wrinkled, grey and nearly blind.
 | |
|
| all you 30 something girls
Posted: 3/27/2006 9:25:46 AM | Hi Keljo!
Thanks for the movie info..I thought I might have to give the "you know that movie with the guy" ..type description.
Though I strongly disagree that the media/advertisements are what leads to this "human condition". Images/Advert's have the power to make us feel bad that we arent like the "perfect person", but the ability to see beyond the superficial is more a factor of time.
By time I mean that in this hurried world where were all trying to live lives and make decisions in a nano-second we dont take the time to see beyond the superficial.
While I dont "pine" for the days of High School or university one of the "nice" aspects of it was that you were in close proximity to members of the opposite sex without the pressure of trying to date each other. Consequently you could get a good sense of someone before: having sex, sharing bank accounts, or co-habiting..today we jump in with blinders and then wonder why it never works.
The only way to overcome this is by slowing things down. There was a thread about courting being a lost art and I think thats true. Not the "man chases women with flowers" type of courting but actually taking the time to get to know someone before exchanging internal bodily fluids.
Of course this is complicated by our need to feel connected, our horniness etc that often makes us do things that might not be in our long term best interst.
Maybe its that the human animal is not meant to be happy? We seek pain as much as pleasure, though on a sub-consicous level? Could be...similar idea behind "the Matrix" in which the first "happy matrix" was not believed by the human battery fields..sure bad comparison..but the Kung-fu was good! LOL.
 | |
|
| all you 30 something girls
Posted: 3/27/2006 3:08:16 PM | I'd just like to meet someone I could talk to and interact with as a friend on a semi regular basis. Someone who is both witty and kind hearted.
Best wishes from bookyone | |
|
| all you 30 something girls
Posted: 3/28/2006 5:51:19 AM | Lux - retract the claws! What you originally said ("Never dated...") sounded a little off, that was why I asked (note a question mark at the end of my sentence) for a clarification. As far as the rest of your comments... please! I have no fear approaching women, in relationships; I am very good at paying attention. Also, to clarify, I am talking about the 'jerks' like what Fry_lock posted 2/2/6 "cheat or lie, doesn't beat me up or do massive amounts of drugs or boozing" etc. Why would you (or anyone) be with someone who doesn’t respect you and is a detriment to your life??
I think subotai and keljo have a good idea what I am talking about. 
Subotai, I am working on a way to condense a 6 pack into a pill, but barley and hops don’t taste so good when dehydrated.
Keljo, if you’re ever in Florida.... | |
|
| all you 30 something girls
Posted: 3/28/2006 9:03:15 AM |
Why would you (or anyone) be with someone who doesn’t respect you and is a detriment to your life??
I still don't know where I ever said that's what I wanted. | |
|
| |
| all you 30 something girls
Posted: 3/30/2006 7:28:04 PM | sorry atreat but you came off pretty offensive to me too after you used my quirky little age comparisons in your rant (as you admitted later was a rant)
I too understand your rant but prefer after the irrational hurt phase to look at what I can learn from the relationships / friendships etc. One of the truest forms that I believe in is that everyone comes into your life for a reason and its up to you to see the benefits of them being in your life. Even my ex. who has not made the separation / divorce easy and has done a lot of things to cause me extra pain - I can look at him and our time together and see how that relationship affected me - good or bad. The choice is always within ourselves to let others affect or emotions. I chose to work through it and look to brighter future with "experienced" mind and emotions.
Saying all that above and just this evening I am working through a gamet of emotional turmoil over a friendship / relationship gone funny...
PS.....some people might say I live in a bubble for my cloud like views but I would much rather live in a bubble then live day by day bitter and angry in a generalization kind of view
oh another point - i tried to make it light but too the point and I don't think I mentioned anything about a fast car or $$$
thanks Sub for your comments - appreciated | |
|
Home
login 
