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| Nice Guys Finish....FIRST!!!
Posted: 11/25/2007 1:48:26 AM | | A piece of advice for any woman who is looking for a nice guy. Most of you know a guy that likes you but is too afraid to make a move. Maybe he has and you think you would be better off being friends. That is the nice guy you've been looking for. The problem with us nice guys is we're often too nice to make a move. Nice guys don't take the initiative; nice guys are not aggressive. Women are attracted to confidence and nice guys rarely have that quality. When I was younger and idealistic, I used to think that being the "shoulder to cry on" would eventually put me in a position to be the boyfriend. Ladies, if you know a guy who listens to you complain about how your boyfriend treats you like dirt, that is the guy for you. The definiton of insanity is... | |
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| Nice Guys Finish....FIRST!!!
Posted: 4/8/2008 10:37:00 PM | re: Well, I'd like to say that I am one of those women that's looking for a "NICE GUY". I have yet to find one, either. I do feel that nice girls get treated the same way...well by most men. I believe that there has to be some physical attraction as well. Don't get me wrong, I'm really not superficial per se. You don't have to look like Brad Pitt to get my attention.
For you men who think women only want "bad boys", you just haven't found the right woman. Keep looking. We're out there waiting to meet someone like you.
AMEN.!!!!..... I finally found mine. Good Luck whatsername1971
and as for the one who said Good Guys let the girl finish first.!!!!!
Yeppers &
WOW.... what that does for a womans mood. I got sooooo happy.
The Guy whose shoulder I cried on...The one who was my friend first....became the one.
So, for the guy who said that...
Good Advice...!!!!
Look at those fellows ...give them another look and yet another until you see them.
Then those "bad boys" don't have a chance cause your hooked on the good stuff. | |
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| Nice Guys Finish....FIRST!!!
Posted: 5/11/2008 2:28:46 AM | Would you like to know why women sometimes seem drawn to that bad boy type, it actually goes a lot deeper than most people have thought or have even tried to understand? Being nice and being a "nice guy" or a "nice and needy guy" the ones who strive to please and give her what she wants, are two different things. You want to focus on your natural biological alpha characteristics and not so much on your lifetime of social conditioning and logical thinking. She does not sabotage anything she just no longer feels that gut level heart pounding sinking feeling of attraction so she seeks it else where. She wants to be with someone and commit and to be treated right on the surface in a logical sense but once gut level attraction hits her all logic goes out the window. Now I can get in to this more in depth just not right now but the bottom line you want to know the secret of "bad boys" and why she will leave a gut who is stable in every way treats her like a Queen, and is way more intelligent than who she leaves him for is that he knows how to create those feelings inside her. You don't have to be a bad boy but take on the role of an alpha male who is the leader of his tribe and she will be even more happy because she will have the best of both worlds and if you have any questions on how to get there feel free to ask and that goes for whoever might be struggling in this area of their life. Thanks.
Eros | |
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| Nice Guys Finish....FIRST!!!
Posted: 5/27/2008 2:32:44 AM | WELL NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED.
GIRLS LIKE THE BAD BOYS,
MOSTLY, BECAUSE THAY CANNOT HAVE THEM
EVERYBODY WANTS THE THINGS IN LIFE THEY CANNOT HAVE.
GROW UP SOMETIME, AND REALIZE, IS THIS WHAT
I REALLY WANT, OR DO I WANT IT BECAUSE,
I CAN'T HAVE IT,
GROW UP LADIES, THE GOOD GUYS FIND OUT YOU
LIKE TO PLAY GAMES.
WE DON'T HAVE THE TIME OR PATIENCE, FOR
ANY OF THAT CRAP.
GAMES ARE FOR KIDS,
DFIREGUY | |
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| Nice Guys Finish....FIRST!!!
Posted: 5/31/2008 3:57:55 PM | well this nice guy has gone bad ,lol Im going to spend the rest of my life being a arsehole , at least it will be fun , should of done this years ago  | |
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| Nice Guys Finish....FIRST!!!
Posted: 9/3/2008 11:28:26 PM | I think it all has to do with the definitions. Such a short sentence/thought, but such diverse concepts.
"Nice:"
Women: Is your definition of nice 'the guy who opens doors'?
Men: Does your definition include calling before you said you would?
Is "nice" just being dressed neatly and appropriately, or is it being able to look a woman and yourelf in the eye and know that you will never (NOT EVER) deliberately behave, speak, or act in any way that would cause harm to another person's dreams, hopes, fears, and desires? I think truth comes in to play here. Know this: honesty is telling the truth to others; integrity is telling the truth to yourself.
"Guy[s]:"
Women: Is a guy just a person with plumbing that you like and a lifestyle you find desireable? Or is he a partner, fully capable of complete and intact thought patterns that you are willing to appreciate, even though they are foreign to yours?
Men: Is a guy the great fellow you love to have a beer and a laugh with because he is real in ways you recognize and are comfortable with? Or is he some other "I can't ever be as as he is" kind of person that always seems to be a lap ahead, a dollar deeper in the checkbook, or a leg up on anyone you want to ask to dance?
Never forget--or ignore--the fact that men are hardwired to be good, chivalrous, strong, and capable, and at the same time rough, harsh, hard-hearted, and aloof. The same hormone that drives libido and attraction drives anger and violence. Think: "I'm Still A Guy" by Brad Paisley, and remember male deer beating themselve literally to death, just of a piece of doe.
"Finish:"
Women and Men: Where/when does "finish" occur?
Have you ever noticed that women who marry the ambitious, hard-working go-getter will later divorce the workaholic? Or that the men who marry the perfectly dressed and made up hottie will later divorce the high-maintenance diva? At what point did "Wow!" change to "Finished"?
"First/Last:"
Women and Men: In whose eyes is he first? or last? Yours? His? God's?
For the women: Did he go from 'great possibility' to 'kick him to the curb' because he is a great kisser, but doesn't seem to want to hear about yet another room redecoration story or GNO event? For the men: Did you get booted because you did what you knew was right in your heart for both of you, even if she didn't agree?
For both: I would offer for consideration that in both the above cases the guy finished first and last, depending on whose perspective (definition) you use.
I guess all I'm saying is that "nice" "guy" "finish" and "first/last" all depend on who is telling the story and on what definitions the teller is using. I know I always finish first, because I strive to always be an honorable man who acts with integrity, consideration, and passion. But I know I have finished dead last in way too many relationships, for whatever reasons a woman has decided I am not her prize fish. [shrug]
Hope I didn't bore you all too much with my longwinded 2-cents worth.
-tom, knowing that is why they call it fishing and not catching | |
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| Nice Guys Finish....FIRST!!!
Posted: 9/30/2008 10:17:18 PM | I call foul on this. I have always been the nice guy. I've been real about everything and I never lied about a thing and was always myself, and I've always been treated like crap from women.
I'm 33 this Halloween, and I've NEVER had a long lasting relationship. I'd like to try one out, but I'm always delegated to the back by women because someone better will always come along.
I wouldn't say I'm bitter.... :) but it would be nice, just once for a woman to come along that I'm attracted to, and to have a good relationship ensue for longer than a few months.
I have buddies who treat women like sex objects and cheat on women and they get all kinds of women, right kind, or wrong kind is up to you to judge, but they have no problems because in my mind, they are skinny. They are whores, but because they are skinny, they get all kinds of women. All they do is tell them whatever they want to hear, and bam.
I'll never be anyone but who I am, and I can't hide it. So, I'm not giving up, but in my mind, nice guys NORMALLY finish last, but sometimes, a nice guy gets lucky and finds a gem. I'd say, 1 out of 1,000,000,000 here in Wichita, Ks. | |
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| Nice Guys Finish....FIRST!!!
Posted: 11/29/2008 12:06:39 PM | What a great big Pandora's box!
1. Some women enjoy the excitement mentioned above. I was like that, and later learned that what I had perceived as "boring" before was in fact, comfortable and sweet.
2. I have not met many men who don't believe themselves to be nice guys. Latest boyfriend swears he's a great guy and asked the same question about why he always seemed to finish last. Well, he is a nice guy, who happens to believe that being nice means making my decisions for me, whether I want him to or not.
3. I've also known "nice" guys who are actually quite needy. If their happiness depends on my mood, then we're doomed. I'll run the other way fast. I am human. I get sad, angry, bored, etc. When I do, the LAST thing I want is to see it magnified in my partner. | |
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| Nice Guys Finish....FIRST!!!
Posted: 12/4/2008 10:28:47 AM | This topic has been beaten to death on the other forums so I won’t say too much on it. I have covered it extensively in some of the other forums. I enjoy reading about this topic every eight months or so because I always learn more.
I will add here that most “Nice Guys” seek Validation not only from women they are interested in but from everyone they are around. Alpha male types usually seek to be KNOWN instead of validated. They rarely if ever practice approval seeking behaviors therefore making them more of a challenge than the nice guy.
The term “Nice Guy” is one that is hard to define. Nice guy is usually defined as a guy who treats not only women with respect, he is honest, kind, considerate, loyal, trustworthy, and who shows great empathy for others.
A nice guy isn’t CONTROLLING. A lot of guys think they are nice when in reality they truly aren’t because they are either borderline stalkers or stalkers. I won’t say too much more on the definition of the nice guy. The last poster made a really great point about the guy she knew was a control freak.
In the defense of “Nice Guys” they really can’t help the way they are. They were taught by their parental figures (probably their mother was the dominant one) to be nice, respectful to others, to please other people, to be kind considerate and helpful. While those are all wonderful traits to have, they do not apply to the attraction dating game whatsoever. However, they do apply to long-term relationships and can be beneficial in long-term relationships. Notice I did not say short-term relationships. In our modern society we do not have the rites of passage into manhood that existed during the caveman days or afterwords in some tribal societies. Boys went through experiences that caused them actual physical pain and most importantly they were separated from their mothers and taught to be men real men. Am I saying that we should go out and put stakes underneath the upper part of the chest skin on nice guys? No not at all. What I am explaining is the “Why” of the modern nice guy phenomena.
As far as attraction between men and women is concerned, I truly do believe that it goes back to the primal days as well. Based on what I have learned from Dr. Paul Dobransky, women looked to men for protection from saber toothed tigers, wholly mammoths, and a host of other dangerous carnivores. They would often mate with the most physically strongest guys, the most confident, and especially the leaders of the tribes. Thousands of years of women (especially attractive women) selecting the most strongest of their tribes has biologically hard-wired a need in women to go for the alpha type male. While there are several women who would disagree with my previous statement, that is expected since if I were a woman I might become naturally defensive as well to agree with Dr. Paul Dobransky’s and several of the dating gurus for men who say that “attraction for women is not a choice”.
The problem today is that there are no more saber-toothed tigers to endanger the women nor are there rites of passage to manhood for natural beta male type men. Men now know that they must either adapt by becoming and/or being alpha type males in our new post-feminism world or they will continually fail when it comes to attracting women.
In today’s society how do beta type males learn to become more alpha type? Well, they did not learn from the home they were raised nor from their schools so where? They learn from the dating gurus or from other male friends who are alpha type males. Specifically, they can learn by mirroring the alpha males’ behaviors.
Another point I would like to make is about how amazing of a radar women have. Women can always instinctively tell if a guy is truly an alpha male or is a beta or even a beta in training to become an alpha. It still amazes to this day how they can tell within seconds. Example: Group of Marines who were truly nice beta male type guys (which was unusual as most Marines are usually alpha) walk into a club in California and all the ladies ignore them completely. Group of guys who are alpha types and actual gang members were not ignored and the college girls went home with the gang members that night. Hopefully that example I just used wasn’t too poor, but anyways my point is that the attraction part in the ladies brains signaled to them instantly that the guys who were gang members were the “primal leaders of the cave man days”. Therefore, their attraction went beyond the visual physical realm.
I come from a different school of thought: Why do we as boys or men have to focus on dating women or attracting them? Regardless of what kind of a man a guy is, why must our focus be on always having women (i.e. alpha who is banging a different girl every week) or our goal of needing women (i.e. beta male who thinks he needs a woman to boost his baseline level of happiness)? I have known many alpha males when I was in the Marine Corps who were masters at attracting women and you know what. At the end of the day they felt horribly shallow deep down inside because having sex with tons of women truly did not bring increase their long-term happiness. Conversely, I have known many beta males who constantly feel like they need women who expand so much time, energy, money, thought, and negativity into running up against a break wall in attempts to gain the favor of women. They are so stressed out that their quest to find one “true soul-mate” becomes their life.
I think the focus and goal of modern men both alpha and beta should be on improving their happiness through several ways such as doing volunteer work, showing gratitude, meditation, and a host of other tools that I don’t have time to discuss. | |
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| Nice Guys Finish....FIRST!!!
Posted: 2/12/2009 1:53:06 PM | Sometimes men whom classify themselves as nice are not attracted to nice women. I think they look for someone whom is opposite and hope they will bring something out of them. I have been out with some guys who said they were nice however, they just wanted to sit at home and play video games. There has to be some level of fun and excitement in any type of relationship.
To the men whom feel like they finish last, change the type of women you are dating. Try the ones that you don't usually date. You will be amazed that the ones you have been passing over are just as nice as you. | |
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| Nice Guys Finish....FIRST!!!
Posted: 7/4/2009 5:48:36 PM | | Personally I hate the nice guy moniker. My co-workers sometimes call me that. It isn't that I am nice, but, I'm doing what I beleive to be right and best. It is more about paying attention to others needs, and being thoughtful then follow some ritual. So be true to yourself and others will follow, and be drawn to you. | |
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| Nice Guys Finish....FIRST!!!
Posted: 7/7/2009 7:15:18 AM | Nice guys finish last...that's what makes 'em so nice!
What is that comment? That is why we are nice because we finish last? We finish last because we are overlooked, misunderstood, not taken seriously. We want to be happy in our relationships also, but most women want a certain look or a certain type. I am a nice guy and I treat people the way I want to be treated. Too bad society doesn't think that is a good trait. I sometimes wonder if women want to be happy at all......... | |
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| Nice Guys Finish....FIRST!!!
Posted: 10/29/2009 10:29:29 AM | Denarama: LOL! I honestly don't care if a guy finishes last or first... just as long as I my needs satisfied!!!  | |
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