| need some help..please..i am begging
Posted: 11/23/2006 9:50:25 AM | One day you will wake up and realise that you are free again.
Getting rid of everything doesn't work as it is part of yourself as well, learn to live in the moment and enjoy things the way they are now.
Don't concentrate on what you had because until you let go of the past you will not be able to start a new relationship that is healthy. You obviously did have some good memories together - be happy for those - realise there is nothing you can do to turn back time and start living for the future.
It hurts like hell until you let it go! | |
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| need some help..please..i am begging
Posted: 11/23/2006 10:11:34 AM | | wow...does anyone or should I say did anyone check the date this thread was started? It is almost a year old. I think the poster may have gone on with his life already. | |
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| need some help..please..i am begging
Posted: 11/23/2006 10:27:05 AM |
Ok here is the problem....she doesn't have adhd she is bipolar and she needs meds..
and you are co-dependant...read some books on it and make yourself stay single for at least 2 months...realize for yourself its what is best and that you don't love her you are just addicted to her. - zgirlbeautiful
I agree that could be the problem ZGIRL. I think you are a smart woman.
BLUEYED - It is her and I's OPINION just as it is yours when you say she is "Manipulative".
-Dr. Passionateman777 | |
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| need some help..please..i am begging
Posted: 11/24/2006 5:18:37 AM | You are a handsome man...You seem very intellegent so move on and leave her in the dust..shes a using,b.... she has gotten from you what she wanted and this must be her MO..chalk it up, I know its hard,it sucks etc etc OMG I hurt for months after my last break-up but then you realize you come out on the other side a better person..Why waste time if you in your heart know shes not the one fore you...Theres ladies out here who know how to treat a nice guy...Time is the healer...Day by day One at a time!!!! good luck....God Bless you arent alone  | |
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| need some help..please..i am begging
Posted: 11/24/2006 5:38:14 AM | cut the ties....accept you have "lost" the money....$2k is cheap at the price just to be rid of her,shes screwed you head up enough now its time to move on...any time a thought of her pos into your head just think "STOP"...and think about more pleasant things and your future it worked for me
 x | |
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| need some help..please..i am begging
Posted: 11/24/2006 8:41:28 PM | ok.. here is what you need to do... Take her to Judge Judy.. get your two grand back and then thank the good lord this bipolar non medicated person is out of your life..
LMAO.. I didn't read the other posters, but some caught on to the bipolar non medicated diagnosis | |
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| need some help..please..i am begging
Posted: 11/24/2006 8:47:08 PM | Wow, some of these replies are just mean. OP I made a very similiar posting about a month ago when I broke up with my b/f and I received a lot more supportive and caring responses and some great advice that I think would benefit you too. It helped me a lot. Maybe you should check it out. The thread title is... "How did YOU move on?" Best of luck! | |
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| need some help..please..i am begging
Posted: 11/24/2006 9:23:22 PM | | if she doesnt want to be ur wife anymore than dont treat her like ur wife...the opposite of love is indifference..that i what she is showing you..show her that you are indifferent and she will change her behavior...by the way adhd isnt a good excuse for going between love and hate..seek counseling form a professional while u figure it out | |
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| need some help..please..i am begging
Posted: 11/24/2006 9:29:58 PM | | Hi, I can relate ask yourself this question, Do you miss the concept of being in love? or do you love her and want her back?, or like you said you are new to the area, and as other people said once you meet new people that pain will lessen. Memories eventually fade away only if you truly want them too. No Offense | |
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| need some help..please..i am begging
Posted: 11/24/2006 9:44:38 PM | It is easy for anyone to give advice, not that it will be good advice or even practical but here is my 2 cents.
It is similiar to a grieving process-which takes various stages. Disbelief, lonelyness, sadness, and then anger. You are an individual and who can tell you which path to take? Rather then giving up perhaps use this hurt as a place to start to help with others. There are people out there with much less in the world for one reason or another donate whatever you care to, or just do some community volunteer work. Somehow helping less fortunate puts in to perspective what we should be thankful for, Be thankful for what you have rather for what you have not. Nothing in the world beats holding the hand of a very ill child and seeing them smile when you walk in their room and their face shines with a big smile or talking with a forgotten senior in a nursing home, or even dropping off a meal to a lonely or older person who cannot walk or get about. My friend life is not always a happy time for us but it our life and we control what we do with our day. What do you wish to do? If a child with cancer can accomplish a bright smile what can you do to smile back, may you find peace and happiness in your life! | |
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| need some help..please..i am begging
Posted: 11/26/2006 12:38:12 AM | | It sounds a lot more like she is manic depressive than ADHD. Its sad that she owes you that much money but it sounds to me like you ough to cut your losses and walk away. Yep she has gotten the best of you and you have allowed her to do that and if you keep in contact with her than she will continue to hurt and use you over and over. Run do not walk to the nearest exit. | |
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| need some help..please..i am begging
Posted: 11/14/2007 2:56:02 PM | You are vulnerable right now because you are in a foreign country and may not have support network. I don't know how long you were with your ex but your situation has left you feeling more isolated and helpless than being home in Italy might have meant.
I don't think she is bipolar... but she does sound like a typical woman who is dumping a very needy man. She won't be honest with you because you will scream the place down and maker her life hell. She knows you're living through hell, sure, but she doesn't want to know because it cramps her style. Very sorry to say it it's painful, and please don't do anything to harm yourself... please please please... write to ME personally if you think you will.
So it is up to you to find how to change your life and come out strong and in full knowledge about women, love and how to behave... what's acceptable. You are not weak, you are misguided and have self esteem issues that probably caused your current pain and loss. Women don't stick with needy codependent men... they run for the hills.
Make a promise to ME, but more importantly to yourself that you will make sure you follow every lead you can in order to be the man you can be. Learn everything you can about gaining self esteem. You can, you must... I understand, I hate to see anyone suffer like this, but it can all change for the better.
When pain has taught you wisdom, you will be great and you will draw that line that must never be crossed. That line is crossed when you allow any woman, don't care how much you are addicted to her... but when any woman steps all over you and treats you like **** or speaks disrespectfully to you like this... YOU WALK.
If you contact me i will not hesitate to give you some great pointers to starting your big journey to self esteem and peace... It probably won't be a short of painless road, but there is NO OTHER WAY.
Peace, respect, and the very best to you.
Johnny | |
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| need some help..please..i am begging
Posted: 11/14/2007 3:15:58 PM | LEAVE THE WOMAN ALONE.
QUIT HAUNTING HER AND BEGGING LIKE AN INSECT AKA SPINELESS CREATURE. YOU SOUND SO NEEDY AND DESPERATE NO WOMAN IS GOING TO WANT YOU.
IN THE WORDS OF DON HENLEY " GET OVER IT !" | |
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| need some help..please..i am begging
Posted: 11/14/2007 3:23:21 PM | I felt the same way- at the time it was a connecting-up of other things from the past as well.
A friend sent me a book written by a female doctor called "Obsessive love" - I identified with some of that as I identify with your situation- I feel for you.
There is a saying that the one in charge is the one who loves the least.....
Larry | |
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| need some help..please..i am begging
Posted: 11/14/2007 3:26:37 PM | you know the best way to get over one women is to get on to two women,just joking but my advise is to dump her,forget about the 2 k and move on,she is playing you.there is allot of good women out there,life is to short to put up with that sh@t.
do not call her anymore.short term pain for long term gain,think of it that way.and good luck,things always get better,just think positive | |
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| need some help..please..i am begging
Posted: 11/14/2007 4:51:34 PM | I think there are a lot of questions that YOU have to ask yourself IF you want to see your life CHANGE.
It sounds like you are begining to get tired of the drama in your life. You are fighting back against some of the abuse. At least something told you to get smarter about the money. If nothing the defaulted loan in your hand is visable proof she couldn't handle a financial promise. Forget any emotional ones that might have been implied. That in itself should tell you that your relationship is only commercial.
"But" seems to be a big word in your vocabulary. You keep coming up with excuses.
I am not going to review each one but maybe if you read through your own words you will see it.
What is very obvious is you are crying for attention. Doesn't matter who. Doesn't matter from where. That sure makes you vunerable to just keep getting messed up.
But until you figure out why you need attention you are going to keep finding it an issue in your life.
I am not sure why you would pick comeing to the States from another country. Evidently you had some resources here if you got a house and had enough credit for furniture. Don't think it was any great accomplishment to attract the woman you described; sounds like she was pretty desperate so maybe you have a rescue complex or just were that terribly lonely.
Culture shock can be very overwhelming. The best way I know to lessen the effect is to develope a network of friends. I would recommend something positve like a religious affiliation, a volunteer organization, or any thing associated that reflects a job skill. You keep tearing down your emotional health you are probably going to start flakeing our at work. Since you are probably bi-lingual I would suggest a charity that could capitalize on that such as Meals on Wheels, Habitat for Humanity, or even Red Cross but I am sure there are others. With something positive to focus some of your energy on besides your recent foul up it will be easier to break away. These relationships will be much less stress than personal ones that you need to take a break from.
Are you living in and empty house? That is easy to fix. A few bucks at Salvation Army or a garden shop can hold you over until you find a room mate. Look for someone older and stable. The advice of a little painting and fix ups going is to be fun if you make it a cooperative effort with friends or possibly to help a developementally disabled adult finally have a adequate home. They will come with a network of professionals to make the arrangement manageable.
But you have to clean out your dirty laundry. Leaving the phone in a car is a beginning. Maybe you will be lucky enough to have it stolen and actually have to get serious about changing your number. There is NO REASON for this Ex to have your phone number. If she wants to pay her "debt" (which really makes you really sound like a jerk if she was disabled and living with you) she can mail it. If she doesn't then take her to small claims court and make it payable to a charity. THEN LET IT GO as a lesson learned. You got off cheap. You could be paying child support for a kid, a morgage on a house that was burn to the ground, or recoverying from a serious domestic violence episode, or in jail for stalking her.
You keep running your mouth about her you could be paying her lawyer for slander or community property. Publiclly outting a person's possible medical or learning problems sure doesn't make you sound like a gentleman since you PICKED her and state you ask her to live with you. If it turns out to be cheap talk and hurts her career you could be a very unhappy camper because she might end up owning your home.
You are not an innocent party in this little drama. If you make your whole world one person then you are setting yourself up for misery. If you have a emotional problem that you obsess on one person then you have to ask for counseling. Good luck. | |
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| need some help..please..i am begging
Posted: 11/14/2007 4:58:09 PM | | Oh yea So what this is an old post...this is a repetative problem when people trnsplant themselves with out planning ahead for a sucessful move. It is possible that POF folks will read and learn something they can apply in their own life. | |
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| need some help..please..i am begging
Posted: 11/22/2007 10:46:05 AM | Well if your wife or girlfriend needs time It's over she is just getting herself ready with another guy, and if it works out your gone if he treats her like crap, she will come back until she finds someone else. I'm telling you this because i did the same thing waited until she came back and she did but in time did the same old FU**ING thing so don't give her a chance find someone else and look up the song By Chris D. Over you good luck but if you stick around her you will be her ****!!!!!
Jeff | |
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| need some help..please..i am begging
Posted: 4/23/2008 3:21:38 AM | | I am Mike2967 and just found these replies....I assure you I did not write these although I do know who did...a real sicko. | |
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| need some help..please..i am begging
Posted: 4/23/2008 2:57:48 PM | This does fit someone I know with ADHD; it is often accompanied by mood problems. Obviously, you could give up on her as she's obviously causing pain, but if you love her and you think that she might want it to work, deep down, another way of dealing with it is to teach her how to treat you.
Do not tolerate her being nasty to you. If she starts behaving badly, explain that you will talk to her when she can behave more calmly and walk out; or, if you are on the phone, say the same thing and put the phone down. If she really is out of her own control (and that's quite possible), it won't take her long to realise she's got to try harder with you. You will find out whether her moods are the problem or if she simply doesn't want to be with you. If it's the moods, she will probably start trying to behave better, but will struggle. This is when you praise the good behaviour and walk out on the bad behaviour. If she wants you, she *will* make an effort. Because ADHD causes erratic behaviour, it is confusing to others and they don't know how to respond. She probably hasn't had anyone stand up to her yet. You could be the first one.
If she really has ADHD, she will be fighting a battle to control herself a lot of the time. Ritalin-type drugs do help - has she tried any of these? They have some side-effects, though and appear to lose their effectiveness if used too regularly, so coping with the condition is always going to be a challenge. | |
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| need some help..please..i am begging
Posted: 4/23/2008 3:40:53 PM | Well in part it may make her feel "bad" to actually talk to you if she owes you 2k which she may have trouble repaying or not even intend to repay. The A.D.D. is not a big a deal as the medical companies often want to convince you it's more than it really is to sell medication. And todays it's a growing trend for parents to prefer to medicate their kids with some medicine to make them compliant rather than actually show them any love or teach them any morals. You could say by medical terminology that pretty much anyone who doesn't want to listen to what someone else tells them to do has A.D.D. which has nothing to do with something "wrong" with the person. We are at our base freedom, we know this in our very core. And when we reach what we feel is our tolerance and start feeling the confining... then we are guaranteed to rebel. And ignoring what people say is the least of the rebellion. Having people to tell us "how it is"... that we have do be/think/say/do what someone else thinks we "should" in order for them to be able to make up for their own inadequacies...
Quick way is to get rid of her, she seems to be out of tune with what you're looking for, and find another woman more on the level of what you want. And it may be a while before just grows up and quits making excuses to avoid the real subject at hand. So unless you want to wait around and feel terrible, either sit down with her when you both down have anywhere you need to be, and talk out everything, or part ways because it's not doing either of you any good to continue this as is. Who knows, it's possible she used you for the 2k and can't face herself in the mirror because it would shatter her beliefs of being a "good" person. I don't know from this perspective so I may be "wrong". | |
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| need some help..please..i am begging
Posted: 4/23/2008 4:02:22 PM | Op...my ex wife treated me the same way, I found out (obviously the last to know) her attitude and demeanor stemmed from her hiding the fact she was cheating. In my opinion you have recieved your sign...move on with your life, take your losses. Be glad your experience only cost you a couple grand. If you were married to her she might have taken you to the cleaners (been there, done that). Believe me when I say if you stay in this relationship it is only going to cause you more grief and heartbreak. But just from reading your forum...that alone tells me you are not going to take anyones advice. You love her so much you would do anything to keep her in your life...THATS WHERE YOU WILL FAIL!!!!! Move, change your number, get a restraining order, block her from any contact with you. Wake up!!! It's YOUR life you are talking about NOT HERS........Good Luck My Friend | |
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