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| Things You've Learned and Advice You'd Pass On Now That You're Over 40
Posted: 2/18/2006 1:36:10 AM | Okay since this is titled "Things you've learned and advice you'd pass on now that you're over 40"
I need some advice not for myself because i have not yet came to,
this certain time in my realtionship.
My friend is 22 year's old her boyfriend is 26 somewhere around there well they have been togeather for quiet sometime now she stay's with him half of the time he has an ex wife and an baby by his ex, wife he admitt's he does have somewhat of an short temper.
And he does not mean to go off and say thing's to his girlfriend and that it's just all the stress he is under not being able see his child half the time and his ex wife putting him through bullshit, and his job stressing him out.
Last night he called me crying on the phone and said he just needed somebody to talk to because he feel's like he's "NOBODY" right now and he doesn't know what to do or where to turn and how, my friend will not even talk out their problem's with him.
He started crying on the phone with me and asked me if i could help him and i said how can i help you "chris" with you and her what can i do and he asked me just please talk to her since yall are bestfriend and have been, since 95-now.
So i was told him i will try to help yall two out so i called my sister n law's because that's where my friend was staying and she answer'd and i told her chris just called me crying and wanted me, to see if you would talk to him.
She said NO not until he GROWS up and stops acting like a child and more like an grown man she said he hit her and he admitted that he did hit her but it was not fist fighting and she told him, how she said next time he hit's her that is it she's threw.
I feel so bad for him right now because the way he is in person and act's and the way his tone was lastnight did not sound like the same man she describe's or like her family say's he is, he said when he left for work she told him everything was "FINE" and that she will be here when he gets home from work and she "LOVES" him and when he returned home from work she was gone.
Not even leaving a note or anything saying where she had went off to and they are "engaged" i just do not see how women can do this to men now day's and i mean if he would have hit her or left, mark's on her YESTERDAY they would still be on her that night.
I did not see any mark's or anything on her or even an mark under her eye like she said he hit her in the eye and that all he did was beat on her it just tear's me apart how some female's are today takeing LOVE and the MAN, for granted when they never know what can happend from one minute to the next.
Any Thought's On This Subject Email Me, Through The Mailing
System On This Site And Let Me See You'r Thoughts. | |
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| Things You've Learned and Advice You'd Pass On Now That You're Over 40
Posted: 2/18/2006 2:32:28 AM | No you'r not "missing" anything i have said i just have known the BOTH of them for awhile now and i know how SHE is and how her family is and her family is the type that like's stick their noses in, other people's "problem's" and life and i did NOT see any mark on her from where he hit her.
I just KNOW the people where i'm liveing at and i KNOW how MOST female's are they will say and do anything just make an man's life a little harder and i do NOT think he was bullshitting about how, he said he feel's about her you would have to "KNOW" these people the way i do and as good as i do.
Nobody or None of us should EVER have to go through abusive realtionship's rather it being an female or a male i don't see why people would "hit" anybody in the first place and i agree/admitt IF he did "hit" her, he should have NEVER did it in the first place but she should LEARN how to tell "her family" butt out and let her handle her own realtionship problem's and life.
She is 22 year's old and her family still want's to tell her how to run her life and "who" to be with and what to do i mean it's time for them to let her make her own choice's and decssion's in her life, she is NOT 2year's old anymore and she know's when to get out of it and how long to stick around especialy IF it's as bad as they say it is. | |
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| Things You've Learned and Advice You'd Pass On Now That You're Over 40
Posted: 2/18/2006 7:05:31 AM | All I can say is there are only a few absolutely DO NOT”S DO’S in life. And hitting a female for any reason is one of them. Not saying they might at times seem to disserve it or even wish you would, you just can’t.
The rest is History in the making. Or should I say a repeat of history.
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| Things You've Learned and Advice You'd Pass On Now That You're Over 40
Posted: 2/18/2006 7:13:14 AM | | Hey Broken soul. You are right when you say no one should have to put up with being hit...whether it leaves a mark or not. I know. I lived with a man for three years, who got abusive when he drank. Sober, you would think he is the greatest man in the world...caring, thoughtful, kind. (and sober...he is) Drunk, when with his friends...life of the party. No one would ever imagine the name-calling, and abusiveness he put me through when he got home though. Some marks are only left on the heart as well. I would even try to pretend I was sleeping to avoid the inevitable, but he would wake me up to start in on me. Every problem was my fault. It is too bad he has an ex who is awful to him, etc. but remember we all have our crosses to bear. Not everyone with problems take them out on others...and they should not. Your friend is right to leave and not tell him where she is. In an abusive relationship, the abuser has a way of making it all seem like the other person's fault, and tricking them into believing that is true. (as well as all their family and friends too) And the crying? Oh, I can tell you....I saw more tears out of my abusive ex than I have my kids. He could turn it on and off like a lightswitch. They learn how to manipulate everyone around them and make YOU look like the bad guy. Yes, some women are as bad or worse than men...I agree. But you need to step back and let your friend decide what is right for her. I know I made the right decision to leave my guy, and even though there are times I miss him...the good stuff....I know in my heart that the peace of mind I enjoy now is more than worth my giving up on him. I hope your friend finds the same to be true for herself. | |
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| Things You've Learned and Advice You'd Pass On Now That You're Over 40
Posted: 2/18/2006 8:26:52 AM | | My best advice to you is not get stuck in the middle! Which, from what I am reading, is exactly what you are doing! They are getting you in the middle and you will inevitably get the rotten end of the stick, so to speak. Let them work things out for themselves and just be a friend in the wings. Let them know that you care and be a good listener, but don't take sides, or you will wish you hadn't. Trust me on this!! | |
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| Things You've Learned and Advice You'd Pass On Now That You're Over 40
Posted: 2/18/2006 10:20:28 AM | There is only one thing I would beat into the heads of every young person in the world.
At my age, I don't regret one realationship I have ever had that failed.
Good or bad, for better or worse.
The only relationships I regret are the ones which I never had.
The one's which never were, that I missed out on,for some stupid reason or another. | |
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| Things You've Learned and Advice You'd Pass On Now That You're Over 40
Posted: 2/18/2006 11:28:27 AM | Everyone
Please redirect your comments by emails to Broken Soul (as she requested). This thread is not an 'advice to the lovelorn' and I don't appreciate it being hijacked and turned into a chat thread. We've already seen most of our threads closed because of that and I don't want this one to be. I'm sorry if this seems harsh or mean, that's not what I intended. I hope you'll respect my request.
Thanks to everyone.
GoodDay
*****
Back on track...
Honesty is always the best policy, even when it hurts or makes you unpopular. | |
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| Things You've Learned and Advice You'd Pass On Now That You're Over 40
Posted: 2/19/2006 10:49:27 PM | Very funny, Mandrake!
*******
* True friends will always come through for you in the end.
* It ain't over till the fat lady sings. Don't count your chickens before they're hatched. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. And...in case you can't tell, all of these sayings are leading up to...Don't showboat before you cross the finish line! | |
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NZGal
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Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 118 | |
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| Things You've Learned and Advice You'd Pass On Now That You're Over 40
Posted: 2/21/2006 4:04:20 AM | Some People Could Be A Tad Rude,
Or Is It Just Me.?
I Mean Isn't This Thread
"Things You've Learned And Advice, You'd Pass On Now That You're Over 40"?
Well i'm sure ALL of yall have been through what i have asked and acturly do have,
some great/wonderful advice on the subject so why be so rude because of an simple
question?. | |
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Cynnie
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Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 125 | |
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