ksue44
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Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 101 | |
| my bf went to the strip bar
Posted: 2/2/2006 4:16:11 PM | In a relationship, you can't tell someone what to do, you can't "forbid" him to go. I hear what you're saying about strip clubs, believe me, I wouldn't want my special sweetie to go to one either. However, I know I can't tell him that he can't go, as I don't care to be in a parent/child relationship. Let him know you feel uncomfortable about him going, but don't dwell on it with him, otherwise, he'll go to spite you.
Men are visual creatures. They will drop a ton of $$ at these clubs, then come home and want to hop in the sack with you. The thing you want most, is if he does go, is he tells you up front, instead of you finding out from someone else, or he sneaks around on you. Keep the lines of communication open.
If he does drop a month's salary there, I would be concerned, and I'd probably start shopping around for another special sweetie.
You shouldn't feel like shit just because he goes to some dumb bar... He's dating you for a reason, perhaps he loves the things you do for him, or the way you say "hello" to him. Lord knows... Don't depend on him to validate whether you feel good about yourself or feel like shit. You should always feel good about yourself whether he is in your life or not! | |
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| my bf went to the strip bar
Posted: 2/2/2006 4:19:14 PM | wouldn't bother me at all...infact i would probably go with him and get him a dance just to see the priceless look on his face | |
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| my bf went to the strip bar
Posted: 2/2/2006 4:26:55 PM | We all need more trust and attitude like that. Kudos to you women who look at it as
an opportunity to better your relationship...
And to quote a famous monkey 'look beyond what you see'
10 points if you know the monkey
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ndt
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Joined: 1/31/2006
Msg: 104 | |
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| my bf went to the strip bar
Posted: 2/2/2006 4:53:13 PM | No, you cannot TELL people what to do....or control them.
However, he disrespected you here.
Did he discuss this with you when you asked him not to go?
Did he work it out ahead of time before going back?
Doesn't matter if you are insecure or don't believe in strip clubs
as a form of entertainment. Doesn't matter what your reason.
This obviously hurts you and he was extremely insensitive and
disrespectful to you. Hardly seems a big sacrifice for him to make..........
not going to a strip club. | |
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ndt
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Joined: 1/31/2006
Msg: 107 | |
| my bf went to the strip bar
Posted: 2/2/2006 4:59:13 PM | waiting41 - If I may use this word "AMEN" to what you said. He should have thought of her and not be as you said insensitive and disrespectful.
The best thing it seems these days is to discuss in depth what each others pet-peeves are and things would be much better. If they cannot agree, then they either work it/them out or seek another mate. | |
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| my bf went to the strip bar
Posted: 2/2/2006 5:00:51 PM | i'm telling you, the worst thing you can do is tell him where he can and can't go, who he can and can't see, what to do and how to do it...this will scare someone away faster than you can say the word 'gone'.
'trust' is the key word...if there is no trust, then move on.
Although there might be more to this than what meets the eye, but i am speaking on general terms.
Men can be like little kids sometimes, the more you tell them not to do something, the more they will do it..lol | |
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ab_qt
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Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 110 | |
| my bf went to the strip bar
Posted: 2/2/2006 5:04:59 PM | | What's the issue with him going to a strip club? I'd be telling my man to take me with him for f.ck sakes! Now if it's a trust issue, why be with him if you don't trust him. Seems to me you're trying to keep your man on a leash ... not cool! | |
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| my bf went to the strip bar
Posted: 2/2/2006 5:14:02 PM |
The best thing it seems these days is to discuss in depth
what each others pet-peeves are and things would be much better.
If they cannot agree, then they either work it/them out or seek another mate.
Sounds familiar eh ndt... lol... (wink)
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@ brunette okie
ok you got 10, 842 more for the little stuffed toy over there...lol
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@ bambiwoods
What's the point in being grown up if you cannot be childish sometimes.
-Dr. Who
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and to myself @ todd4u2c
Never argue with a fool....people might not know the difference.
This is just a general quote, no need to all defensive anyone, I just
tend to look at it now and again | |
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| my bf went to the strip bar
Posted: 2/2/2006 5:43:49 PM | | Yes, my boyfriend has never been to a strip club without me, since we started dating, because when I go with him we BOTH get super turned on and take it out on each other! It's not that I would feel bad about myself if he went without me, I would be jealous of him! | |
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| my bf went to the strip bar
Posted: 2/2/2006 5:55:38 PM | You are just 19, very young. I used to get pissed if my boyfriend went to a strip club too. As you get older you won't really care, believe me.
The men I dated that didn't go to strip clubs were the ones that cheated!! As another poster said, he has more chance at a regular bar to pick up another girl than at a strip club. Those girls are there just doing there job, most are not looking to get picked up.
It sucks though because it does bother you... | |
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| my bf went to the strip bar
Posted: 2/2/2006 5:59:05 PM | | I have read your post and then your profile and I only have one thing to say. Work on you so that he will be more interested in staying home. Often men are out at Strip clubs because they aren't getting what they want at home. And tell me why you are on a Dating site when you have a boyfriend? A little double standard don't you think? | |
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| my bf went to the strip bar
Posted: 2/2/2006 6:05:04 PM | Not all men are little kids. Some actually happen to be grown up
and take thier partners feelings into account.
Just because one person gets turned on in a strip club
does not mean everyone does.
Everyone has a right to personal preferences and what they are comfortable with.
Stop shoving this down this young girls throat.
Jeeeeez........... | |
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ndt
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Joined: 1/31/2006
Msg: 117 | |
| my bf went to the strip bar
Posted: 2/2/2006 6:13:07 PM | I'm echoing waiting41 post
Let's all try to help and console her. Also some compassion wouldn't hurt either.
She's going through this tough ordeal and needs our positive input - that's why she posted here.
Please stop strapping her into the "Electric Chair". Sheeeesh! | |
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| my bf went to the strip bar
Posted: 2/2/2006 6:21:03 PM | | well ndt it's kinda hard to do when most of them are in favor of the guy. she's the one with the problem cause she doesn't want her man going to the strip joints. i feel sorry for her and i do sympathize with her about her ordeal. all i can say is if he can't stay away from the strip clubs, then she needs to leave him. she can do much better than him. | |
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ndt
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Joined: 1/31/2006
Msg: 119 | |
| my bf went to the strip bar
Posted: 2/2/2006 6:28:36 PM | | bugsybears - Agreed - that would be my advice to her too that if her bf can't stay away that she should trade him in for another man. I guess she'll learn from this and probably (hopefully for her sake) will make sure to discuss with her next man before the relationship goes to deep in time on how she feels about strip clubs and then she can take it from there. | |
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| my bf went to the strip bar
Posted: 2/2/2006 7:24:59 PM | i personally dont see a problem with men going to strip bars. i enjoyed going to them when my city was allowed to have them(till one of our aldermen ruined it for us)  anyways.. aslong as your man comes home to you , there really isnt or shouldnt be a problem with him going. its time used to hang out with friends and get some entertainment. | |
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| my bf went to the strip bar
Posted: 2/2/2006 7:50:18 PM | this has probably already been mentioned but i'll say it just in case it hasn't been said...
it's ok for the OP to have a profile on a dating site but it's not ok for her partner to go to a tittie bar? if that's not the biggest double standard i've heard of... slap my a-s-s and call me willy! ok, don't call me willy.  | |
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| my bf went to the strip bar
Posted: 2/2/2006 8:01:49 PM | This isn't an issue of trust. The OP hasn't, AFAIK, indicated that she doesn't trust him. She has indicated a distaste for that type of entertainment. That's her choice to make. I'm sure a lot of men don't like the idea of their girlfriends going to a male-stripper club either. I don't happen to be one of them, but I'm sure there are some.
So, this issue is about the boyfriend, regardless of whether he is within his rights or not, choosing to go to the strip club against her wishes. If I read correctly, this only happened once or twice and isn't a regular thing. The question really is, does she have the right to make this restriction for him, and does he have the right to not take her feelings into consideration? This is clearly (to me) a communication issue. Each has to clearly communicate to the other why they feel the way they do and come to some agreement. I would suggest the conversations start immediately (rather than waiting for the next time he wants to go). | |
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| my bf went to the strip bar
Posted: 2/2/2006 8:03:45 PM | OMG! I didn't read through all of the posts but let me say this anyway....it may have been said....but I will repeat if that is the case.
Do you think that because he is looking at other women that he will be tempted..."what if he touches" well if you are worried about that I wouldn't be considering the strip club my biggest problem. There is a different atmosphere in a strip club - some men prefer it - some men don't.
Do you honestly think because you told him not to then by going there he was doing something wrong? Hell NO!!! He was doing what a grown man does...what he wanted to do probably innocent and harmless and because you decided you wanted to dictate his behaviour and he decided he is allowed to make his own decisions.....he is wrong???? Life doesn't work this way and if you have decided to make it clear that this is not acceptable behaviour as far as you are concerned then you shouldn't still be with him.....he has already made it clear that he considers it perfectly acceptable by going there. Why is it that women want a man who will lead their peers but follow them - if you want a strong man with a mind of his own - sounds like you have one. If this is that morally repulsive to you maybe you are not meant to be with him. He lied to you because he knew as his g/f (not his friend) if he told you the truth he would have to listen to the henpecking/whining and clucking for the rest of his natural existence and he must like you or he would have told you where to go as soon as you started dictating where he was/was not ALLOWED to go.
Just my 2 cents | |
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| my bf went to the strip bar
Posted: 2/2/2006 8:16:10 PM | Quite honestly, if you trust your partner, then why shouldn't he go?
I always saw this as a no brainer ... if there's trust, then let them look at the menu, who cares? He comes home to you when the bar closes, doesn't he? | |
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