| my bf went to the strip bar
Posted: 2/2/2006 8:26:47 PM | | As long as he didn't come home wearing a dancer's G-String then why worry? If you like/love and trust him then let him be. If you don't trust him enough to let him go to the club (and ya gotta wonder about that word "let") then you might want to re-evaluate the relationship. | |
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| my bf went to the strip bar
Posted: 2/2/2006 8:28:22 PM |
honestly I don't like strip clubs not because of the naked women.. its because it continues to objective women in general..
This is pc talk. Strip clubs exploit men the same way that drug dealers exploit addicts. They use their libidos to extract huge sums of cash, and they do it in many cases by selling a lie -- that is, the lie that some hot chick likes them and enjoys their company. We hear people in these forums railing against gold-diggers, but I tell you, there is no gold-digger like a stripper. Heck, prostitutes really *do* put out for money. All strippers do is pretend they might. I don't go to strip clubs because I don't like being treated like a wallet. If I want to ogle mostly-naked, topless, or naked women, I can go to some beach and do it for free.
@0000:
thank you its about time someone agrees with me
Great, you got the validation you were looking for. You originally asked "is there something wrong here?" but it sure looks like you only were willing to hear one answer. So why ask? There was a great thread going where you could post anything you wanted and you would get a guaranteed yes-answer, why not post there? | |
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| my bf went to the strip bar
Posted: 2/2/2006 8:35:37 PM | sure, and if you're hungry, why would you want to LOOK at a steak..but to each his own. | |
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| my bf went to the strip bar
Posted: 2/3/2006 12:35:03 AM | Alright how can i explain this from a mans pov and not come off like an ass lets see ok here it goes:I don't attest to being an expert in psycology but here is a basic difference between men and woman's sexuality. Men have fantasies mainly visualy, woman live them out mentaly and emotionly. Have you ever had a guy that you thought was hansom come up to you and start a conversation or vice versa wheather flirtatious or not? Did you think anything sexual or romantic when he walked away my guess is yes. Now your going to say men do that too. which is correct we do but there usaly short tiny burst like "wow look at her rack" these do not solve our need for fantasy as it does woman. Most men require visual stimulant in order to do this, woman do not need as much. So it is much harder for a man to be asked not do things like go to the strip club with some buddies or from other such visual stimulants then if a man asked a woman to do the samething. Here is a positive which is going to sound very odd i know but if he tried to hide it from you that means he likes you if he said no screw you i'm going that would be different. My co-worker who i may say so myself is one hot chick let her BF go to the strip clubs and there relationship seems to be flurishing.When i asked why she let him do that because i found it odd that she was so cool with it she said, "...if you keep a dog on to tight a leash sooner or latter its going to break." . This is almost the equivilant of you finding his porno collection (and yes he has one).Now to ask a man to stop all visual fantasies is mostly unrealistic and for the most part impossable no matter how uncomfartable it make woman men will always want a fantasy its just the way we were made. I hope you find peace in this matter and everything works out.
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| my bf went to the strip bar
Posted: 2/3/2006 12:53:51 AM | Its never bothered me when anyone I dated went to a strip bar.............
the only thing that would bother me is if a guy I dated went to a batchelor party and had sex of some kind with a stripper...........
I guess Im one of the odd females that isnt bothered by porn and the like.....
Cheating bothers me, flirting bothers me, but porn or watching strippers is fine.
Just as long as I wreap the benefits hahaha | |
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| my bf went to the strip bar
Posted: 2/3/2006 12:57:33 AM | When I was a kid and the world was new, I thought drinking and naked women just went together. I mean why sit in a bar and drink and listen to a bunch of crotchety old bastrads btich and whine over a days work when you can watch naked women dance.
Then I got older, now I'm like an Amish guy in Circuit City. I have no use for it at all. Are they still pretty and scintillating? Of course they are. It's just something guys go through.
What is at issue here is you had asked him to not go. Maybe he didn't think it a big deal. In the sense that maybe his buddies goaded him into it. Who knows? The fact you are uncomfortable with that behavior and he either doesn't recognize its impact on you or completely disregards you is destabilizing at the very minimum.
But as you dump him tell him which of his azzhole buddies ratted him out. That's the real issue here. | |
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| my bf went to the strip bar
Posted: 2/3/2006 1:44:12 AM | So it is much harder for a man to be asked not do things like go to the strip club with some buddies or from other such visual stimulants then if a man asked a woman to do the samething
I sincerely hope this was a joke, because it's such a pathetic rationalization that it's laughable.
First of all, considering she already mentioned she'd strip FOR him, there goes the rationalization that a strip bar is required.
its just the way we were made.
Secondly, you can believe all you want that men and women are THAT different, but you're deluding yourself. Of course some men enjoy strip bars. So? Some women enjoy watching the chipendale dancers, too. Works both ways. As for "much harder" ... I don't see how you can try and pass off going out to the strip club as some sort of unstopable addiction. Of course it's not hard to say no, it's amazingly simple, actually. He chose to go, easy as that.
Again, I don't have a problem with guys going to the strip club, I don't personally think there's anything wrong in it, especially when you consider that they go there, get all hot and bothered, and come home to you. It's eye candy, simple as that, BUT, yes, he should definately have paid more attention to your feelings on the matter.
I'm not saying that because you don't like it, he shouldn't have gone. What I'm saying is, he should have taken the time to find out what your issue with it is, and reassure you if possible. Talk to him about it, definately, but don't expect him to cease and desist all together just because you don't like it. Find a middle ground. | |
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| my bf went to the strip bar
Posted: 2/3/2006 1:49:27 AM | if you've got a problem with it - you've got a problem with it.
respect your self.
look in the mirror and get to know that person before you make demands of others.
Make yourself happy - all the advice in the world can't do for you what you are not willing to do for yourself. It's not about right or wrong, and it's not about what others 'think'.
It's your life, chart your own course.
Aloha | |
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| my bf went to the strip bar
Posted: 2/3/2006 4:45:56 AM | yes... off topic....
But I cant figure out anyother way....
DELYTFUL! I have a mail for you, but It tells me its not possible to contact you right now... I dont come by here very much and I dont know, Does that mean your not looking anymore?
Thanks | |
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| my bf went to the strip bar
Posted: 2/3/2006 4:49:12 AM |
after i told him not to go he went
there is the problem right there. You should not have "TOLD" him not to go. You should have "ASKED" him not to and talked to him about why you don't want him to. Men do not respond well to being "TOLD" to do something. | |
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| my bf went to the strip bar
Posted: 2/3/2006 7:13:42 AM | In response to #60, my statements about dancers being dancers and strippers being strippers is directed toward ANYONE who is misrepresenting themselves. Any stripper who thinks she is actually a dancer should try it sometime. Audition for a real dance company, get accepted, and prove it. Or, for that matter, see how much money you make at one of those clubs if you don't take your clothes off.
And you are the one making assumptions saying I don't know what I am talking about. Had a roommate once who worked in one of those clubs. Had to pick her up one time and the smell alone knocked me back out the door. Waited in the car it made me so sick. The glimpse of what I saw inside was just too disgusting. Fat, nasty cellulite flapping all around, and hag faces not too well camoflaged with ten tons of make up. Ugh! No wonder they keep these places so dark. This girl brought home some of her co-workers one night and that was it. Just listening to them turned my stomach. Yeah, threw her and her buddies out. She was VERY lucky that my child wasn't there at the time. | |
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| my bf went to the strip bar
Posted: 2/3/2006 7:23:48 AM | THEN A 10 DOLLAR LEASH WILL SUFFICE
you are 19, you're not married to the guy. He went 1 time with his friends to a strip club so what! If you are that insecure about yourself and the relationship to where you are afraid other women will touch him, then you have more issues then him going to a strip club. You cheated on him once, and now you are PARANOID that letting him go on his own to places that he might do the same to you. That is what you are worried about period. You are worried he will get you back. Well you know what? That's life, you made your choice back then, he is making his now. If you can't handle it then split up.
Dang the kid is 19 let him live a little. If he goes out and sleeps with a girl and cheats on you, then you have every darn right to be pissed and all that, but you have to let him decide on his own and be a man on his own. You already cheated on him once. You can't sit there and expect to hold the reigns on this guy when he is 19 and living his life. If you haven't figured out yet, the tighter you hold the reigns on ANYONE the harder they will pull it in the opposite direction.
If you "both" can't handle "being in a relationship", then being in one isn't for the both of you at the moment, until one or both of you grow up some more.
This isn't a post about stripping or strippers and are they bad and all that junk, so the knocking on them should just stop. This has to do with 2 people who don't know the meaning of a relationship, for one being they are 19 and 2 one already cheated on the other, and 3 the guy wants some freedom with his friends while he's still young. It's not a Jerry Springer epesode yet, but it's close. They need to sit down and talk it out or they both need to move on. They aren't married, so if she wants to continue pulling a leash on the guy he will continue to pull in the other direction. | |
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| my bf went to the strip bar
Posted: 2/3/2006 7:30:45 AM | | Just to clarify, would the OP feel the same way if her bf was going to the ballet as she does about him going to a strip joint? I doubt it. | |
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| my bf went to the strip bar
Posted: 2/3/2006 7:35:43 AM | The issue isn't the strip joint, it's their relationship as a whole, the strip club is her way of justifying that they have some serious problems and it's a way for her to justify her insecurities she has for the relationship....and his every move. Why not just hire a detective to follow him around....if anyone in the relationship should be paranoid it should be the guy, he was the one cheated on.
You know there is more to this then just the guy going to a strip club, I don't know how many times that has to be said. The guy went to a strip club with his friends one time, so big freiking deal!! Some of you act like the guy has already cheated on her back!!!!!!!
I'm just amazed how the fact that she already cheated on him, and when he wants to go to a strip club now "he" is the jerk for wanting to do so? lol....are your morals backwards?
And yea the cheating awhile back has EVERYTHING to do with it because it's obviously when it all started like she said.
SHE has the issues not the guy. He went to a club to watch women dancing, so what? the cheater sitting at home paranoid worrying every min if her boyfriend will cheat on her back is the one with the issues here. He is being a man and enjoying hanging out with his friends, like a ton of men do. that's it. and sorry men don't go to the ballet with their friends. I think if he did that she would have more issues then with him watching strippers lol | |
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| my bf went to the strip bar
Posted: 2/3/2006 7:40:55 AM | ndt mentioned showing compassion. well, with wisdom comes compassion and i'm not seeing a lot of wisdom here.
a lot of you are missing the point. the point is, he's hurting her. she doesn't have to go with him, she doesn't have to accept it. there's nothing wrong with her because she doesn't want to go. if he chooses to behave selfishly and knows it hurts her, he's the loser and she should definitely move on. he's obviously not worth the trauma | |
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| my bf went to the strip bar
Posted: 2/3/2006 7:42:10 AM | | I'm not assuming anything that hasn't been said already. Was that your first word out of the womb? because you like to "assume" that others "assume" alot don't u? | |
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| my bf went to the strip bar
Posted: 2/3/2006 7:44:27 AM | I'm just amazed on the ones who side with the woman who is actually the one with the issues here. If it was the guy who cheated on the girl in the past and he is paranoid and being protective when she goes out, then he would be the jerk.....whatever....
she cheated on him a while back, it was doomed from that point forward. Go back and look at the "would you stay with the other if he/she chated on them" forum and see what answers you get. It was doomed awhile back.
the man is having fun, he's not married. He went to a strip club once, big whoop..he didn't sleep with another woman | |
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| my bf went to the strip bar
Posted: 2/3/2006 7:48:04 AM | a strip bar has nothing to do with her paranoia.
She cheated on him so she'll always be freaked that he might do it to her to " get back" or something...that's what happens when you cheat, like awaiting said....doomed from that point on.
I really wish people wouldn't get SO involved at such a young age. | |
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| my bf went to the strip bar
Posted: 2/3/2006 7:54:10 AM |
a lot of you are missing the point. the point is, he's hurting her. she doesn't have to go with him, she doesn't have to accept it. there's nothing wrong with her because she doesn't want to go. if he chooses to behave selfishly and knows it hurts her, he's the loser and she should definitely move on. he's obviously not worth the trauma
I don't agree that he's automatically a loser. It's not a matter of behaving selfishly when you don't let someone else control your behavior. There's selfishness going on on both sides. This is a communications issue, as I said before. Both people have to communicate their issues and get them out on the table. Only then will this problem go away. It very well may be that neither person can compromise their viewpoints. Then the relationship is over, I suppose.
For decades, growing up, my mom hated it when my dad had a poker game in our garage. He would have several friends come over, they would smoke cigars and play all night. He had a bathroom installed in the garage and a refridgerator - so they never even came into the house. Still, for years and years, my mother gave him grief over a poker game that was, at most, once every couple of months. My dad didn't feel he should be denied this pleasure - he worked 6 days a week and earned an occasional poker game (she hated it more if he went somewhere else for a poker game). My mom thought it was terrible behavior, left the house smelly, and she didn't care for my dad's friends. They almost divorced over it. I thought the whole thing was silly... but didn't mind collecting a few bucks for cleaning up the garage the next day.
Compromise is the key to any successful relationship. | |
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| my bf went to the strip bar
Posted: 2/3/2006 7:58:03 AM | If you went to a female strip bar yourself you would laugh.These girls are doing it for the money and really do NOT want anything to do with the men there.I have gone to a lot of strip bars with my buddies and seriously all the people that think there is something wrong (other than the obvious moral issues); this is the safest place that your bf can go!
This is the only place that is male dominated with a few girls scattered in between.The girls are there to make money and are rarely interested in any of the patrons.
Going to a regular bar as u say is a lot more dangerous if you are worried about your man being picked up or cheating on you.The girls in a regular bar dont care if they are married, have a gf or a significant other.The strippers only care if they keep throwing them loonies!
Half the girls cant dance, arent nearly as hot as u think they are (except for a few hotties);and the guys half the time dont even look at the girls unless there is somethign spectacular about them.
It is not the fact that they GO to a strip club most of the time the guys are just male bonding in a place they arent bugged. | |
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| my bf went to the strip bar
Posted: 2/3/2006 8:27:32 AM | You seem to be upset both that he went and that went after you told him not to.
Why do you feel you had the right to tell him not to go in the first place? You are his girlfriend, not his mother. If you have an insecurity about yourself or his commitment to you then you are not emotionally stable enough to be in a relationship.
By all means share your feelings on the subject (or any that may bother you) with him, but be reasonable about it. In a relationship neither partner has the right to forbid the other from having social activities with their friends. And if there is trust on both sides then it should not even be an issue.
As long as he is just having a few drinks with the boys, he does not spend more time with them than you, and he does not bring a dancer home and say "she followed me home, can I keep her?", then just relax and stop making a big deal out of such a little thing. Save your energy for the serious stuff. | |
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| my bf went to the strip bar
Posted: 2/3/2006 9:21:50 AM | To the OP I don't have much else to say that hasn't already been said before: a relationship is a cooperative effort where both partners are equal, you can no more command him to do something than he can you, either way it's just plain wrong. Respectfully telling your partner your feelings on the matter is one thing, and at that poitn it is up to them to decide for themselves whether or not they still feel like doing said action. No girlfriend of mine ever had the audacity to even attempt to tell me what to do, because they knew I'd walk without a second thought, and also because I would never command them to do anything either 
I don't know whether you've cheated or not as some posters have mentioned, if you have, then you really are wasting your time with this relationship - if you haven't and are trying to give orders to a 19-year old guy, you're still probably not in the right relationship for you and should just move on if it bugs you so much and find yourself a nice timid little man that will obey your every whim 
As for the topic of strip clubs, I believe sexy_redhead has already done a very good job educating people on the unfounded stereotypes that plague strip clubs, but I shall briefly offer the wisdom of my experiences as well to those willing to lend an ear. I grew up a pervert (got my first girly pics at age 6), and in what better city than Canada's strip club Meccha, a.k.a Montreal The second I hit 18 my Dad took me to my first strip club (well actually it was my second outing by then but I didn't have the heart to tell him ). For all the pro-feminists and jaded housewives out there painting them as rickety dens of sin, you are far from right, but not completely wrong depending on your interpretation of things.
There are basically three types of strip clubs I've encountered in my 8 years of legitimate perversion (LOL):
1) Classy strip clubs: sporting the most beautiful women, but where only table dances are available and if you try to touch you'll have your fingers broken not to mention other valuable appendages These are the places with the best eye candy, and attract traveling businessmen trying to conduct deals, or just some guys that want to look at drop-dead gorgeous women - some enhanced, some au naturel (they way I prefer them  ) No touching ever goes on here, no matter how much you spend, the most you'll be lucky to receive is a kiss on the cheek goodbye, and maybe the girl leaning on you during the table dance, but your hands better be securely planted on your knees or that will end fast and once again a beating will most likely ensue if they don't appreciate your actions
2) Contact dance clubs: these are clubs that allow lap dancing, which will run you $10, or $20 if you are unfortunate enough to live outside of Quebec with the rest of the Canadian prudes Here you have an array of strippers that are willing to be fondled because they know they can make way more cash than doing regular table dances. The pros are you can touch but not the cookie jar, and the law requires the girls to keep their thongs on at all times when in the booths. Bouncer surveillance is increased at this level to enforce this, especially if a place has been raided often by the cops. While there is the possibility of the rules bending if the dancer happens to be in a good mood, digs you, or you are dropping a lot of cash, most of the time it ain't going to happen, and when she's done dancing with you she pops into the ladies room to towel herself off and most likely pour herself a stiff drink to erase the memory of the experience if you were repulsive
3) Off-shore strip clubs: These are the ones to worry about the most - if your man is driving 20 km out of town into the smaller townships to visit a quaint little strip club, he's most likely hitting a brothel in strip club's clothing. In these sorts of remote places anything can go and the dollar talks. Haven't really bothered to check out these venues, but the things I've been told are enough to give your Grandma a heart attack 
Though I seldom bother to waste my money anymore in strip clubs, there's nothing wrong with a guy frequenting types 1 or 2 if he's single, and even when I was in relationships I simply wouldn't get any lap dances. It's a fun atmosphere for guys to hang out and occasionally check out naked chicks - most of the time I brought friends there we spent more time talking and watching the game on the screens than we did cat-calling the stage. Male conversation is a funny thing to watch in these clubs because one moment we'll be chatting about something, then for 3 minutes we're deathly silent while a hot girl is peeling onstage, then the second she's done the conversation resumes as though we've never skipped a beat... It's hilarious ladies, you should attend once and see for yourself  | |
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| my bf went to the strip bar
Posted: 2/3/2006 9:25:14 AM | I'm not assuming anything that hasn't been said already. Was that your first word out of the womb? because you like to "assume" that others "assume" alot don't u?
There ya go again. | |
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