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bsg789
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Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 401 | |
| SHORT GUYS
Posted: 1/25/2009 2:01:21 PM | It has also been my experience that the shorter women have the bigger problem with a mans height then the taller ones.
I have mentioned this before. Taller women tend to be ( not always ) more flexible about height for at least a couple of reasons. Tall women like myself ( I'm 5' 11" ) would be eliminating most men if we only dated men that are taller than we are. Tall women have probably been in many situations where they are taller than many or perhaps even most of the people around them. Therefore we are used to this situation. | |
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| SHORT GUYS
Posted: 1/25/2009 4:29:44 PM | It's sad and sick to STILL see the same ole' same ole' same ole' EXCUSES that a female can conjure up to not date/relationship a "short" male.
Even after the example thread that Jonathan Doeman posted comparing how there is NO DIFFERENCE between a male requireing a very specific weight in pounds in a female, and no more than that amount for him to feel like a man, with, how females REQUIRE and DEMAND that males must be a blah blah height for them, AND NO LESS, for if not, then heaven forbid "she just won't feel like a woman"!
Several EXCELLENT examples were used to show the fake, shallow, double-standards that females have applied to and against short males.
But it goes so much further and deeper than that in the predjudice against many males , in how females say a particular male is UNdateable.
What I have pointed out is that MOST of these standards are not about a male being ugly, fat, bald, no teeth, an alcoholic, drug user, a stalker, predator, axe murderer, child molester, etc., etc., that ANYONE, male OR female would not be attracted to.
NO, it's the SHALLOW one hair out of place, one misspelled word in typed conversation, being slightly nervous in a first meet, his car is not brand spanking new or the high-end model, he doesn't own a motorcycle, his job doesn't bring in the amount of money SHE THINKS it should bring in, or his company position is not as high and visible enough as she REQUIRES, he lives in an apartment or a simple older home which is a fixer-upper, and on and on and on............blah, blah, blah.
One itsy-bitsy teensy-weensy minute speck that she has against him and it's the ole' "I just don't think we're a match", "we wouldn't be any good together",
"we just don't have anything in common", "YOU KNOW, I just don't feel any chemistry", "you're just too intense and I am not looking for anything that intense".
As you read all of these EXCUSES, they really do sound petty, shallow, fake, double-standardish..................AND IGNORANT, don't they???  | |
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| SHORT GUYS
Posted: 1/25/2009 4:56:41 PM | | Sestruth, guys are just as bad with this crap. There are really shallow people in both genders, but there are also women who are not and don't have dumb height standards. Let the shallow people have each other and spend more time pursuing the women who don't have ridiculous standards. The shallow folks will probably die alone because they can't find anyone who has all their weird requirements, or in bad relationships anyway (i.e., they hate each other, but girl is with the guy only because he's tall, the guy is only with the girl because she's short and brunette), so why bother with them? They're idiots. | |
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| SHORT GUYS
Posted: 1/25/2009 8:34:22 PM | | At times I feel sorry for the tall guys...They have no idea how superficial the woman are that they are with. I think every tall guy should ask the woman he is with, "Would you be dating me if I was [insert shorter height]?" | |
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| SHORT GUYS
Posted: 1/25/2009 9:43:18 PM | So what you're saying is a good apple is someone that lies and puts up a false persona? I've had guys lie to me about their height so now I just consider it a given. I have no respect for liars PERIOD! This is the same when people lie about their weight/age, etc. What does it benefit if you know you are going to meet the person? The real you is going to show up, no?
That's not what I was saying at all. I am saying that it doesn't matter what you think to a short man. You don't like short men, so why should he care if he hurts your feeling through a lie? A short man increases his chances by going on more dates. He should ignore the feelings of the shallow ones and hope that some of the women don't mind that he's short.
In other words, a short man increases the number of dates he can go on by lying about his height. The consequences will be one of three things.
(1) The shallow woman will reject him on sight.
(2) The woman won't even notice that he is shorter than he claimed and he will have a fair shot.
(3) The woman will notice that he is shorter than he claimed, but she won't care that he is short.
The number one (1) option is a wash because that woman wouldn't have chosen him had he put his real height down. The number two (2) option is a wash because that woman would have dated him even if she had known the truth. The number three (3) option is the "pick up" that a short man can get by pretending to be taller than he really is on a website. The number three woman would have overlooked his profile on the net, but she might go for him when he shows up at the date.
There is a number (4) option. This is the woman who would have gone out with the short man, except for the fact that he told a lie. These women value honesty more than height. And these women are one in a BILLION. They almost don't exist and so a short man shouldn't take this into consideration.
To prove that they don't exist, just imagine a guy lying about his height by claiming to be shorter than he is in real life. Then imagine him showing up to the hypothetical date as a taller man than he claimed. Would many woman leave him because of the lie? Probably not. Most women value the height more than the honesty, and so short men should not worry about the number (4) option.
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| Shallowness; Guys vs Girls
Posted: 1/25/2009 9:58:51 PM | First and foremost, women are not -obliged- to date guys they aren't attracted to. Physical attraction is not on the shallow wavelength. Some people get bitter when they're too short, too fat, too skinny, unemployed, not athletic enough, or no sense of basic style, and they throw a tantrum because they hate getting shot down, and blame everyone for being too shallow.
Everyone who advises people to date people who are visually not-so-attractive, here's what I have to say: I advise the opposite. Only pursue or entertain the notions where you know you ARE attracted to them. Don't "try" to be attracted to someone. Calling physical attraction "petty" or "shallow" only pushes people to become involved with someone who they aren't attracted to.
Ever hear of a guy complaining that he was talking to a girl, they went out, she seemed interested, then she just blew him off? Guess what? Much of the time, she wasn't that attracted to him in the first place. If you tell a girl that she should date people she's not -truly- attracted to ("but should be"), at the end of the day, there will be more guys going "WTF?". And of course, vice versa gender-wise.
1) Attraction is not a choice.
2) It is natural for a guy to be attracted to a girl who isn't notably overweight and has curves.
3) It is natural for a gal to be attracted to a guy taller than she is.
4) You can't ask people to change their tastes. If there's a trend in taste and has a natural root to it, it's not their fault; they're not shallow.
What constitutes shallowness? Well, yes, it can occur on the physical level, of course. It can also be shallow on the personality requirements, too. But guess what? In certain phases of moods, it's not unhealthy to desire a certain 'type' of person, as long as that desire doesn't define us in what we want.
Just Fine: A gal who's 5'3" and is usually only attracted to guys who are a little taller than she is, with her heels and all.
Issues: A gal who's 5'3" -needs- a guy to be 5'11", because it's not really about him being taller than she is, it's about him being at LEAST as tall as every other guy. She'd feel like she's 'settling' otherwise.
Just Fine: A guy who's usually only attracted to girls who exercise, on the slender side, and are in good shape.
Issues: A guy who -needs- a girl to have an ultra-toned body and could body-double for those gals in those exercise machine commericals.
Hey, most people have small issues, and it's unfortunate for them when it extends into that range, that's all. I think a lot of times being shallow is liking someone because of only one small trait (height and weight within normal comparative range is not small) when they are not a good catch otherwise, or dismissing someone because of something not-natural and petty when that person also has a lot to offer otherwise.
NOTE: If a girl lies about her body, or a guy lies about his height -- there's a good chance they still wouldn't have been attracted to you if you didn't lie. I don't condone lying whatsoever, and in the end, you'll gain nothing (why do people do it?). However, I will say though, that if a girl lies about herself being overweight, the guy is still going to be unattracted to her and will use her lying as an easy pathway to reject her without feeling any thread of guilt. Same goes with the guy who's 5'1" when he says he's 5'9". Lady still isn't going to like him. Be honest about your reactions, too! lol :) | |
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| Shallowness; Guys vs Girls
Posted: 1/25/2009 10:10:43 PM | 1) Attraction is not a choice.
2) It is natural for a guy to be attracted to a girl who isn't notably overweight and has curves.
3) It is natural for a gal to be attracted to a guy taller than she is.
4) You can't ask people to change their tastes. If there's a trend in taste and has a natural root to it, it's not their fault; they're not shallow.
I'd be careful using the word "natural".
Is it natural for a man to be attracted to another man?
What someone feels is "natural" is completely irrelevant. People like what they like and sometimes even that changes. However, I agree that we shouldn't try to guilt people into dating folks that they're not attracted to. But that's not what I've done. I've simply produced a mathematically sound strategy to increase the chances of a short man to get a date online when so many women are prejudiced against short guys.
It's not a conspiracy against shallow women. It's a strategy to help short men.
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| SHORT GUYS
Posted: 1/25/2009 11:11:38 PM | | Sorry Jonathan Doeman, telling guys to lie about their height is a horrible idea. I fall into the number 4 category and there are more of us out there than you think. I think its totally tacky, cheesy, just plan bad for a guy to lie about anything in his profile. I've known a few guys who lie about their age and height and they're all gross players that I wouldn't do long-term with. What's the point of a short guy getting "more dates" by lying? So he can spend more money on women who don't like him? Drive away women who would like him, except that he lied? Zero good outcomes there buddy. I hope no guys listen to this crap about lying about your height. You'll drive away the good women who do exist and continue to draw the shallow ones. No one wins. And if you seriously think that "most women value height more than honesty," then you're either seriously warped and need some therapy or there are way more height-obsessed women in the world than I thought. But then how do you explain all of the short guys I know getting married and many of the tall ones who can't get a woman to save their life? By your "logic" you can't, so I'd suggest getting new logic or chasing after nicer women. | |
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| SHORT GUYS
Posted: 1/26/2009 6:44:23 AM |
And if you seriously think that "most women value height more than honesty," then you're either seriously warped and need some therapy or there are way more height-obsessed women in the world than I thought. But then how do you explain all of the short guys I know getting married and many of the tall ones who can't get a woman to save their life?
Women clearly value height more than honesty...that's a no brainer. But that's mostly because all humans value the physical over the emotional before they actually love someone. The physical comes first and so it makes sense that women value height over honesty.
And saying that you know short men who do well with women and tall men who do not is completely anecdotal. It's like saying that you know a wealthy black person and so there is no racism. And anyway, my theory should work better online. A short guy doesn't need to lie about his height if he is standing right in front of the woman. He doesn't even need to mention his height. And if a woman asks a short man how tall he is in person; then that's probably a bad sign anyway.
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| SHORT GUYS
Posted: 1/26/2009 7:41:47 AM | I think it's an unconscious breeding urge. Women always look for the most suitable candidate for passing on their seed to the next generation. Something about tall usually implies strong and powerful, and women want strong, healthy kids. That's my thinking (forgive me, ladies, if it is flawed).
Plus they don't wanna have to look DOWN upon you, burying your face in their boobs, when you're slow-dancing LOL. Not to mention you being a formidable force in the bedroom.
I'm 5'11" so I don't have the shortness problem with most gals. For me, the problem seems to be that I'm a sheep in wolf's clothing--they don't get me. I can be strong, yes, but I also want to be soft and gentle. So tall guys have our hangups too! | |
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| SHORT GUYS
Posted: 1/26/2009 7:53:21 AM | | No I can't say small stature on a man would be a physical trait that I find attractive. I also don't find bad teeth,baldness,hairy bodies,acne,darker skin tone,large pores,tattoos,piercings or small hands and feet attractive. In life none of us has a choice but to take what life gives us and to make the best of it. | |
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| SHORT GUYS
Posted: 1/26/2009 12:38:05 PM | | Well, Jonathan Doeman, like I've said a lot in these threads, you can't say ALL women want the same thing. Not ALL women are into tall guys. I'm not. I prefer a man under 6 feet, so you can't say we all value height over honesty. I think you've been chasing after some very shallow women. Maybe that should telll you something about the types you're chasing. Most short guys who complain about this are only chasing the little supermodel bimbo types. Try going after the normal, girl next door type instead. Also, like I've said, short guys are always super picky about height themselves. Maybe if a short guy would stop discriminating against tall women, then he'd find a nice woman to date who isn't obsessed with height. If you're right about "height over honesty," then I say any women who think this way deserve tall liars over short sweet guys. I'd personally take the sweet, honest short guy any day, but like I said, I like not-so-tall guys anyway. So your little theory can't be applied to all women. | |
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| Shallowness; Guys vs Girls
Posted: 1/26/2009 2:53:29 PM | Jon,
Better put: 'commonly natural'? No, it's not commonly natural for a guy to be attracted to another guy. But it can be natural for a select few, just not common.
My bottom line was to separate the distinction between commonly natural attraction preferences vs ultra-picky-I-want-to-be-like-Paris-Hilton. When there's a commonly natural attraction preference of one gender about another, you can't even -think- of calling them shallow for that. Shallowness or the opposite doesn't apply there.
It'd be shallow to JUDGE someone based on little or false (shallow) evidence. But attraction isn't judging someone -- it's a taste issue.
Attraction does change over time, just like attraction to certain foods (ex: acquired tastes).
If someone stereotypes and says guys who wear really good clothing are a$$holes, over time, that can lead a gal to be unattracted to such guys as a whole (despite part of them being attracted). That would be shallow -- not in their overall taste, but their judgment.
Girls generally don't walk away from guys who are shorter than they are because of a pre-conceived notion about guys who are generally short. That may exist, but it'd be ignoring the biggest piece of the statistical pie -- it's just commonly just a raw attraction issue. Of course, other attributes can make up for things, it's just a handicap in the realm of -general- tastes. A shorter guy just has to have more swings with the bat, all other things being equal. | |
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| Shallowness; Guys vs Girls
Posted: 1/26/2009 5:00:42 PM |
My bottom line was to separate the distinction between commonly natural attraction preferences vs ultra-picky-I-want-to-be-like-Paris-Hilton. When there's a commonly natural attraction preference of one gender about another, you can't even -think- of calling them shallow for that. Shallowness or the opposite doesn't apply there.
Well this is a fundamental difference in understanding between me and you. We just share different philosophies on this issue. You believe that commonly desired characteristics do not make someone shallow, but rare characteristics might. I think the exact opposite. It is common for men to like big breast on women. And so a man who will only date big breasted women is shallow (imho). However, it is rarer for men to like women with fat ankles. So a man who only dates women with fat ankles is less shallow than the man who only dates women with big breasts.
It's just a difference in understanding here.
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| Dating column: Women hypocrites for refusing to date short men
Posted: 1/26/2009 10:47:00 PM | Great article from the founder and owner of LunchDates Boston.
By Steve Penner
August 15, 2008 6:00 AM
The first column I wrote three years ago dealt with the single issue that bugged me the most during the 23 years I ran the dating service LunchDates. Frankly, it was the aggravation caused by this issue that partially motivated me to start writing these columns.
I am referring to single women's prejudice against meeting short men. Since I doubt that too many current readers actually saw that column, I decided to revisit the topic. After all, this is one area in which many women display all the shallowness and superficiality that they love to accuse men of possessing.
The same woman who is 10-20 pounds overweight, and who cannot understand why a man might not want to date her because of those few extra pounds ...; that same woman often will refuse to meet a man who is 2 inches shorter than her "ideal."
During my years at LunchDates I interviewed women who were very flexible about a man's religion, his hobbies, and even whether he was divorced. But the one criterion they would not budge on was his height!
I am not just talking about tall women. It is certainly understandable that a woman who is 5 feet 10 inches might want to meet a man over 6 feet tall. (In fact, though, the few women who stated that they were open to meeting men shorter than themselves tended to be taller women.)
What really perplexed me was the number of short women who insisted that they only would date men considerably taller than themselves. It was very common for women 5 feet 4 inches or under to state that they "absolutely" only wanted to meet a man at least 5 feet 10 inches, and they really preferred 6 feet.
I find it amazing how many women have attached an almost magical meaning to the height of 6-feet tall. If society tended to describe people in terms of inches rather than feet, I wonder how attractive it would sound to hear a man described as "72 inches tall," rather than "70 inches."
If you are skeptical, have a single man you know place an ad on an Internet dating site saying that he is 6 feet. Than have another man place an identical ad except for stating that he is only 5 feet 10 inches. I guarantee that the first ad will attract nearly twice as many responses from women!
Now many of the women I interviewed at LunchDates were "modern" women who insisted on equality in every way ...; except height. That is, they were educated, had good jobs, and earned a decent income. They only wanted to meet men who also were educated, had good jobs, and earned a decent income.
But those men also had to be tall! When pushed to the wall and asked their reasons, they replied with some of the following excuses:
"I usually wear shoes with at least three to four-inch heels," some women responded very naturally. They also frequently pointed out that many boots have even higher heels. So these women would add at least three to four inches to their own height just to pull even, then another few inches to make sure that the man on their arm was still taller.
"My father, my brother, and all the men in my family are over 6 feet, so that is what I am used to," one women stated, insisting that she KNEW that the average height of men was around 6 feet. When I tried to tell her that the median height of men was between 5 feet 8 inches and 5 feet 9 inches, she got up and angrily marched out of the interview room!
"I am short, and I am looking for a man to father my children, and I don't want to have short children," a number of women told me, with a straight face, I might add.
"I just feel safer when I walk down the street with a man who is much taller than me," was also a common response.
"I am only attracted to tall men, I just can't help it!"
So where does this height bias leave short men? Behind the proverbial eight-ball, I am sad to say. After all, take a woman who is only 5 feet 2 inches, add three to four inches for her "heels," another two to three inches so she can feel safe, and lo and behold, it is not unusual for such a women to refuse to meet any man under 5 feet 9 inches. That means she is eliminating about one-half of the male population.
I was especially disheartened when interviewing a man under 5 feet 6 inches. After all, it is easy to tell a single man or woman who smokes a pack a day that he or she would have a much higher Dating Quotient (that is be easier to match) if he or she quit smoking. It is a little more awkward to tell a woman who is very overweight that she will be difficult to match unless she drops a few pounds.
But a smoker can quit, and an overweight woman can lose weight. But there is not much a short man can do.
Fortunately I am not referring to all women. There are (and were) exceptions.
For research purposes, I occasionally would glance through my dating service's "married file," (a file that obviously contained the profiles of couples who met and married through LunchDates). I noted that many of the women in that file had stated in their interview that they really cared very little how tall their matches were, and that flexibility had translated into a very successful membership.
Then I looked through the file of people who had completed their membership at LunchDates without meeting anyone. Sure enough, it was full of those women who had insisted they would only meet men much taller than themselves.
Over the years I became increasingly frustrated by many women's lack of flexibility in this area. Once I decided I was really going to "negotiate" with a short woman who was insisting that she only wanted to meet men over 6 feet. The woman had just stated that she was looking to get married and have children.
"You realize that if you are talking about growing old with a man, most people shrink a couple of inches as they hit old age," I said.
The woman paused, thought about what I said, then responded "Well, if he's going to shrink, all the more reason to only meet someone very tall!"
Steve Penner was the owner of the Boston-based dating service LunchDates for nearly 23 years. | |
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| Shallowness; Guys vs Girls
Posted: 1/27/2009 12:50:28 AM | Jon,
Let me clarify my point before I begin...I believe commonly natural attraction preferences -that run deep for biological reasons-, yes are not shallow. I'm not saying anything that's generally common per se, because you could live in a pocket of society where people latch on and are influenced by folks' tastes alone with no evolutionary root to it.
Yes, we do see things differently, but I must also say that there is a difference between judging and attraction. It's hard to say that instinctual attraction alone can be shallow -- unless it's been conditioned by shallow judgements... in which case, it's the judgement that is shallow (and the attraction is merely the byproduct).
The big breast comparison -- let's be fair. Your comparison was a little off to make your argument sound stronger. A woman who won't date short guys are not the same as women who will only date tall guys (there is a highly prevalent in-between). Hence, the comparison would be between a guy not being attracted to most women with A-cups, and a girl not being attracted to most guys who are considered short. Those are more equal comparisons, IMO, and I would say that no, both are not shallow. It's attraction alone.
If you aren't instinctually attracted to someone, you shouldn't date them. Notice how people say "won't date" instead of "aren't attracted". Why? Because attraction's not a choice, and calling foul on that that would sound too demanding. Dating is a choice, so they use those words to make it sound bad, by implying that one really is attracted to them in the back of their minds, but are making a shallow judgement about them, thus refusing to date. I say no, 90% of the time -- no judgements are made, it's just a taste issue that runs past the shallow end of the pool.
I agree, if a girl IS attracted to a guy who's considered short, but she has it in her mind she can't DATE him because of that, yes, that's shallow (because that's due to a shallow assessment and is against actual attraction).
However, what the gripes are about is attraction, not the rare cases of attracted-to-them-but-won't-date-them. | |
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| Shallowness; Guys vs Girls
Posted: 1/27/2009 4:15:51 AM | I'm just over 5 feet tall, so a guy 6 feet tall is a giant to me. 
I actually prefer guys that are around 5'7 or 5'8. | |
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| Shallowness; Guys vs Girls
Posted: 1/27/2009 6:31:24 AM | | Jerseygirl, I prefer guys around the same height and I'm about 5'9" or so. Like I said, the guys I've known who've either gotten married or are total players and get tons of women, are the guys who are under 5'9", so I just can't wrap my brain around these "short guys have no chance" threads, because my experience is the total opposite. One guy I know is only 5'1" and he always dates tall models, so thsi thread makes no sense to me. Short guys need to start being open to dating tall women, maybe that's why all the shorter guys I know get so many dates, because they're open to dating women of any height. | |
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| Shallowness; Guys vs Girls
Posted: 1/27/2009 8:31:42 AM | 2x in my life taller women hit me up & I dated them..... ie. in a relationship. The last 1 was 5 years ago. She was 6'. I have no problem with it. She developed ... or actually stopped hiding a drug addiction & I do not tolerate substance abuse. BUT I will not flirt with or show interest in a taller woman because it is sooooo remote that a taller woman will date a shorter guy that the odds are astronomically nil. That being said, it seems with internet dating ..... the odds are the same with any woman .  | |
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| Shallowness; Guys vs Girls
Posted: 1/27/2009 8:43:01 AM |
I agree, if a girl IS attracted to a guy who's considered short, but she has it in her mind she can't DATE him because of that, yes, that's shallow (because that's due to a shallow assessment and is against actual attraction).
However, what the gripes are about is attraction, not the rare cases of attracted-to-them-but-won't-date-them.
I don't think this is rare. There are plenty of women who would reject a short men for reasons that have nothing to do lack of physical attraction.
1. Concerns about what friends /society would think
2. False stereotypes such as think a taller man can "protect" them better or short men have "Napoleon Complex".
3. A woman's insecurity. Thinking that she needs a taller man to feel more feminine. | |
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| Shallowness; Guys vs Girls
Posted: 1/27/2009 10:49:57 AM | Celts,
I don't think this is rare. There are plenty of women who would reject ...
Good point, had those thoughts in mind, and but I didn't want to make my last post even longer. Answer to that is, I believe it still is rare. Why?
1) If a woman has a huge insecurity -- it usually runs deep enough that it's woven into compiling actual core attraction itself. In other words, it isn't something she thinks about, it's reflexive.
2) Those things you point out, many times are not THE deal breakers. It's usually because she's not attracted to him, and if the issue's brought up as to why, she'll point out those reasons.
RARE: Girl looks across the room at a guy and thinks "Oh yeah, he's hot", they talk, and she's really attracted to his personality... but after their convo and knowing he's going to give her a call sometime, she feels she can't date him because she's 5'1" and he's 'only' 5'6". Then yes, she's a screwball and it'd be a result of shallow judgments that rest in her. That would be Rare.
Most of the time, if they're attracted to you strongly and your personality rolls with it, too, they're going to be game to date you. They're not going to go, "Oh... wait. Shoot. Can't. You know what? (sigh) You're too short!" They wouldn't have been so attracted in the first place (99% the time).
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| SHORT GUYS
Posted: 1/27/2009 11:10:46 AM | *Women clearly value height more than honesty*
Oh gimme a break! If a man's height is more important than his honesty then a woman is only kidding herself. The man, on the other hand, who has to lie about his height in order to attract a woman needs to work on his self-esteem.
I thought (note past tense) that because I am taller than average (not really tall at 5'7" but I never slouch and like to wear heels too sometimes) that the "perfect" man should be a few inches taller than me.......and then I discovered something at a ballroom dancing class:
1. I could dance with the short men too as long as they were good leads. Some of the short men had better rhythm and step mastery than the taller men; maybe that has something to do with smaller body parts to move around and naturally smaller steps.
2. One of the best dancers in that particular class was a man who was at least three inches shorter than me. His regular dance partner (and, as it turned out, his girlfriend)
wore heels but was already a good four inches taller than he was. And they were so in love!!
SARL | |
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| Short Men
Posted: 1/27/2009 11:31:34 AM |
Yes I have dated short men. I even married one. I didn't do this out of any sort of attraction however. like most women I don't find short men attractive , but beggars can't be choosers so I took what I could get. No my husband and the men I have dated didn't instill any great passion or longing in me, but he was the best I could do. Had I the looks to get the men I wanted I would of went after someone very physically different. Due to his size I was also the best he could do.
This is probably one of the saddest posts I've ever read - anywhere. Not because you believe that you and your husband are irreconcilably, physically unattractive; but because you cling to the belief that inside, you are so ugly, that no one of "value" could ever love you, and that you refuse to look past his form and find his inner beauty. Or worse still, that you totally reject the notion that inner beauty exists at all, and we are simply an attractive, or ugly bag of skin wrapped around a pile of innards. Your post, and personal profile project an abject self-loathing that I find truly shocking.
It doesn't have to be this way. | |
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| Short Men
Posted: 1/27/2009 12:40:15 PM | In short you can not be called shallow for liking what you like.Some like tall some like short. You like what you like simple as. If short guys are getting annoyed with some woman wanting tall/taller guys whats the problem.There are also short woman that like short guys, there are tall guys that like short woman.Its who you like and thats your choice.
I dont think there is anything wrong with short guys.But my preference is a tall large framed guys.Which not many woman like.I'm not into these gym 6 pack types.
If short guys get a complex they shouldnt.There is someone fort everyone be patient if your not with someone already | |
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| Shallowness; Guys vs Girls
Posted: 1/27/2009 6:45:58 PM |
Good point, had those thoughts in mind, and but I didn't want to make my last post even longer. Answer to that is, I believe it still is rare. Why?
1) If a woman has a huge insecurity -- it usually runs deep enough that it's woven into compiling actual core attraction itself. In other words, it isn't something she thinks about, it's reflexive.
You can't have it both ways. This point negates your main argument.
Let's change the topic from height to race so that the point can be better understood.
Suppose that a white man believes that he is not attracted to any black women. Is this racism? According to you, it would depend. If he simply is repulsed by black skin, then this is natural to him and so it is not shallow and cannot be judged. BUT, if he is doesn't date black women because he believes black people are inferior or he believes that black people are immoral, then he is a racist.
Fair enough.
But here is where your argument breaks down.
You also believe that it is not racist for this same person to reject black women because his racism "runs so deep that it is woven into his being and compels his actual core attraction".
This is essentially defining a term through the use of that same term. The logic is completely circular and thus, invalid.
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