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| Smoking Prefer not to say
Posted: 5/24/2006 6:44:44 PM | It's stupid to smoke (yes, I smoke); it's more stupid for a smoker to say "Prefer Not To Say," and even more stupid still for them to lie and say they don't smoke.
But it's right off the stupid scale for someone who rants in their own profile about how vile and disgusting smokers are to contact someone who clearly states she smokes. It sorely tempts one to commit the dreaded sin of read/delete. | |
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| Smoking Prefer not to say
Posted: 5/24/2006 6:50:15 PM | Sunshineface says:
"occassioanally as opposed to 6 packs a day. Thats why"
... which illustrates a feature that really disgusts me about smokers. They lie to themselves.
Imagine someone who says "I'm not a whore. I only pick up customers less than six times a day."
Or a drunk who says "I'm not alcoholic. I can go for a whole two hours without booze."
I would respect a smoker more if he or she would be honest with himself or herself and say I AM AN ADDICT AND I NEED HELP.
Instead they try to fool themselves and to fool everybody else with total BS like "I can quit anytime I want to" or "I only smoke occasionally."
People who lie to themselves are revolting NOT because they smoke but because they lie to themselves so they are prime candidates to lie to others. If you cannot be true to yourself you cannot be true to others.
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| Smoking Prefer not to say
Posted: 5/24/2006 6:55:20 PM | i agree with ya there dawn1114 and most don't see it coming at them when 1 is asked when they say Prefer not to say cough cough  | |
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| Smoking Prefer not to say
Posted: 5/24/2006 7:03:17 PM | | I think when someone says prefer not to say to the smoking question i just assume they smoke things other than tobacco | |
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| Smoking Prefer not to say
Posted: 5/24/2006 8:24:32 PM | I'm glad to hear that some people have all the righteous willpower on their side, but it took me a few months to be completely done with the habit...and even at that, there is an occasional craving. It has been said that the nature of the addiction makes it as difficult as anything to quit...certainly there are alot of ways to look at it, the actual physiological addicition and the habit/social side of the addiction.
Occasionally can mean just that...for years I smoked only when I drank...I drink occasionally, and I smoked occasionally. Frankly, just like I rarely ingest alcohol, if I got back to smoking a few only when I drank I would be happy with that... but I don't drink weekly or even monthly with any regularity...
Unfortunately I got sloppy and kept them around, enjoyed them infrequently but regularly...at times even hitting 10-12 / day but for most of my time staying between 3-6... most people that I knew in work/professional situations would never have known or guessed I indulged...
There were other times when it would be accurate to have said I smoked "occasionally" or "trying to quit"...it took me a few tries to quit over a few months. If there were no "trying to quit" I'd probably have put prefer not to say.
On another note, maybe some people are concerned about family, or job/insurance related issues and prefer not to say...and if you feel it is such a big deal but you are otherwise interested you can ask them directly after you've earned the right to do so by establishing a relationship with them.
To all the potential quitters: there will always be job stresses, academic stresses, crappy girl/boy friend or spouse issues, etc....don't wait for the horizon.
KEEP TRYING. If you fail just look at that as an opportunity to reflect and learn. It isn't for some an all or nothing one-off thing. The one-off cold turkey approach works for some, and those people (or people that have never tried) will tell you how it has to be, or tell you to "turn it over to a higher power" (12-step mentality), or tell you whatever.... You just need to keep trying until you find what works for you...and even what may be ultimately successful may take more than one effort.
GOOD LUCK!!!!
**NIGHTCUSP: good point about the email restrictions: I too have wanted on occasion to pass along a "hello" or message for any # of reasons other than dating to people and met a restriction...a shame. | |
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| Smoking Prefer not to say
Posted: 5/24/2006 9:10:43 PM | Without having read all the replies for this post, because well...I'm not in a reading mood tonight....I don't know if this has been mentioned yet, but the same thing goes for "Do you have Children = Prefer Not To Say" of course people are going to know you have kids, why hide it? Ashamed? I don't think anyone think anyone would want to hide the fact that they don't have kids or don't smoke....so putting prefer not to say is an automatic yes as far as I'm concerned.....may as well admit it, we're going to find out sooner or later that you chain smoke and have 7 kids (I'm exagerating for the purpose of humor of coure  ) | |
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| Smoking Prefer not to say
Posted: 5/24/2006 10:23:07 PM | @ fra59e
Wow. Interesting. So because I smoke, I'm a loser and have no intellect?
Just... wow. Must be nice being you; so perfect and all....  | |
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| Smoking Prefer not to say
Posted: 5/25/2006 5:22:13 PM | to all u righteous anti-smokers - do u realize modern medicine says its harder to quit smoking than quitiing HEROINE and MAYBE people like ME say - prefer not to say as they are TRYING to quit
So I guess it is the Server's issue - as they had no option to pick "Trying To Quit" in answer to 'Do u Smoke" = so all u righteous **stards stfu! | |
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| Smoking Prefer not to say
Posted: 5/25/2006 5:55:00 PM | | I hate the smoking habit. However, I will overlook it to meet a great person. We all have our habits and if the person is the one, I can accept it. Of course I will help her quit if and when she is ready. | |
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| Smoking Prefer not to say
Posted: 5/26/2006 8:12:15 AM | Thank you **lotslove68** cause today I didn't smoke...but it's been a good day, lol. I have been trying to quit, seems like forever... I have had "prefer not to say" and the question will come up, do you smoke? Uhh, well yeah, if I don't have any undue stress, now how stupid does sound? You know I bring this up myself usually right at the beginning. As it can be a very touchy subject.
Especially when I am going thru alot of stuff right now,all that will over by the end of the end of year..I have been told, "You really picked a bad time to quit, well yeah, but then again, cutting back is better than not quittin at all. 
There are some that still use reefer for pain and also so they can eat while they are sick...even thou it's not legal in alot of states... hopefully this too shall change. I, myself can't get into it, takes too my reality out of my life....I want to live in the real world... | |
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Happÿ
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Joined: 12/19/2004
Msg: 90 | |
| Smoking Prefer not to say
Posted: 5/26/2006 8:23:41 AM | Why would any honest person choose "prefer not to say" in the case of smoking?
I say I smoke because there are many non-smokers who not only prefer to date non-smokers but will not under any circumstances date a smoker and I don't want to lie to them!
Unfortunately I still get email from men who clearly say in their own profiles that they don't smoke and will not date a smoker so i guess they don't check my profile before they write to me LOL.
I even wrote it again in my bio just in case they missed that little note at the top of the page. | |
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| Smoking Prefer not to say
Posted: 5/26/2006 8:35:46 AM | I don't like that "Perfer not to say" option. Just say it is right!! I'M A SMOKER !!!
()_______))) ~ ~ ~ ~  | |
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| Smoking Prefer not to say
Posted: 5/26/2006 10:03:25 AM | Hey Happy you made me rethink my choice here, not that it's that big of a deal, well not to me anyway...there or some, thou, if you read some of the posts in here, that are very adament about their rights...
thanks again...you have thinking in a different path..catch you l8er...
Maybe soon I can actually and honestly say that I don't anymore.. but for the time bein', I still do when stress gets to me, ahhhhhh.... | |
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| Smoking Prefer not to say
Posted: 5/26/2006 11:52:30 AM | | prefer not to say means "yes" to me. my profile says occasionally - this means that i refrain from smoking around non-smokers. i did, however, once get a lecture about the evils of smoking cigarettes from a guy who smoked pot (huhhhhhhhhh?????????????) | |
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| Smoking Prefer not to say
Posted: 5/26/2006 4:07:33 PM | | The topic of smoking will NEVER interfere with me getting to know someone. I have vices too! | |
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Happÿ
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Joined: 12/19/2004
Msg: 95 | |
| Smoking Prefer not to say
Posted: 5/27/2006 7:08:16 AM | The options on our profiles are missing something between often and occasionally:
Prefer not to say = for some reason they are keeping this a secret and likely means YES.
No = not a smoker at all / never / no way
Often = to me means a huge amount / two packs a day or more / chain smoker
Occasionally = in the absence of another choice I use this to mean half a pack a day as is my case.
Maybe we should have 'social' as an option like drinking? I know it sounds a bit politically incorrect but lets face it, many people just smoke when drinking so that is social.
A 'trying to quit' option will seem a bit redundant to non-smokers (you either smoke or not) but it may be relevant for many people who are serious about quitting.
one question: if you can block smokers from mailing you why can't you block non-smokers?
I thought it was just me but read many other notes in the thread about smokers being emailed by non-smokers who are adament non-smokers but who didn't read their profile correctly.
And I for one will not hook up with a non-smoker who thinks they can 'help' me quit or otherwise change me in the near future to their benefit.
I'll quit when and if I want to quit! | |
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| Smoking Prefer not to say
Posted: 5/27/2006 7:51:26 AM | | I sure would hate to miss out on that special someone over smoking. I am allergic to tobacco and cigarette smoke, yet I have my allergies under control. I have habits and vices that are not the best either. If I could help someone quit (when and if they are ready), I would feel great about that. A smoker is just as beautiful as a non-smoker. I agree too about the "social" smoking. All smokers I know smoke about twice as much when drinking. | |
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| Smoking Prefer not to say
Posted: 5/27/2006 7:53:32 AM | | well.. I can finally say...No! to Smoking! Woohoo.. I gave up last november, nd havent lQQkd back! Groovy baby... | |
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| Smoking Prefer not to say
Posted: 5/27/2006 9:15:01 AM |
exactly...if I see "prefer not to say" it' even more of a turnoff than saying you smoke, because at leat if you say you smoke you're admitting to it.
What also gets me are those who enter "prefer not to say" as their marital status, or if they have children, or if they do drugs! hahaha
They might as well have "prefer not to say" in their whole profile. Hair colour: prefer not to say. Age: prefer not to say. Interests: Prefer not to say.
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| Smoking Prefer not to say
Posted: 5/27/2006 9:30:27 AM |
I sure would hate to miss out on that special someone over smoking.
On occasion, smoking isn't so bad. Same thing goes for drinking, or eating junk food. If it's in moderation, who cares; live a little! I myself love beer, margaritas, chocolate, potato chips, the odd cigar, etc...
Doing those things I've listed above on a regular basis (to me) is like punching yourself in the face over and over again throughout the day. It is deliberately harming your body on a regular basis.
I dated a regular smoker and it was disgusting. He would use mouth wash thinking it would get rid of the smell. It just masks the smell, and doesn't get rid of it from the skin, hair, clothing, etc.
I used to be a smoker, and have no idea why I did it. It was hard to quit, but one of the best things I have ever done for myself. Apparently those who used to smoke are more disgusted by it than those who never smoked... But that's something I don't know for sure.
I also used to weigh 200 lbs. Never again. It is very unhealthy to be overweight. I have changed my lifestyle, still enjoy things in moderation, and as a result I am a healthy and happy person!!!
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| Smoking Prefer not to say
Posted: 5/27/2006 9:44:35 AM | hot topic!
In Native tradition, smoking tobacco is considered sacred. It is a link to the Creator. However, one is not to become addicted to sacred medicines. I was recently told that by one of my teachers, and have considered quitting based on that reason, although, admittedly I haven't put a whole lot of effort into it yet.
I consider the smoking and drinking issues to be very similar, so why not have similar questions? I consider myself a social drinker, yet for two years I didn't have a drink. Just a choice, never got a thrill out of drinking. But I recently decided that a social drink isn't all that bad. Only once in the last five years have I lost control over it (unfortunately it was at a POF party. LOL!). But how often is social, as far as that goes?
I consider myself to be an occasional smoker, not a heavy one. I do it every day, but I try to respect non-smokers. If asked, I will take it elsewhere, put it out or refrain if necessary. My last gf had kids, and I tried to keep it away from them, even though she didn't even think of it. I've done four days fasts where it was like quitting cold turkey, and had no problem with it. Thought about quitting altogether, but found the social element harder to kick than the nicotine.
I know it stinks, and isn't nice to kiss, for a non-smoker. But who's to say I wanted to kiss you anyway. I've had the same problem as Nightcusp, where I wanted to pass along a compliment to some one, but was restricted because I smoke. Same problem because I live too far away. But I have to ask why are these people keep showing up in 'my matches', if I have a vice they've indicated they don't want?
Theivery, thanks for your words. You are quite eloquent.
fra59e. What can I say to you that is polite, other than you are harsh and judgemental, and I don't consider myself a loser. If you don't want to talk to me because I smoke, that's your loss.
People aren't perfect. If it's an issue, it's your issue, not mine, but I'm not going to judge someone's character by it. Sh~t happens. We all have a right to our choices. It is an awful habit, but harder to kick than heroin, probably because it is legal and accessible.
But I think if people aren't playing games, they will be honest. If the question was yes/no, I would choose yes.
Prefer not to say usually implies a yes, but not always. If they are trying to quit, maybe they smoke but don't want to be considered a smoker anymore and are still working on it. | |
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