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| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/6/2006 2:11:11 PM | Why why why why????
I'm so g*d d*mn tired of people bi*ch*** and complaining about an abusive significant other
I have one sentence that could change your life
"LOVE IS NOT SUPPOSED TO HURT" weither its mentally, physically or sexually it's not supposed to hurt. if anyone in your life is doing these things...move on sista come on now your smart if your afraid talk to someone, find someone you can trust to give you help becuase you'll need it. If you have children with this person BELIEVE me they are better off in a home that is stable and heathy..then an unstable and unheathy lifestyle they have now...
MOVE ON !!!!
I'm blunt sorry lol
~Britt~ | |
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| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/6/2006 2:21:28 PM | "remember we can do all things through christ jesus who strengthens us" he is our provider and keeper, and "no weapon formed aganist us will prosper", and the battle is not ours but God's. most christians who are married believe you must stay in a relationship or marriage because its a sacred vow you made to God, which is true, through better or worse, doesn't mean " abuse" mentally or physically. remember "God is love" and if your husband if he's a christian knows his word as well, "how can two walk together unless they agree". i realize many churches agree you should pray for him that God would change his heart as i do , but there comes a time when you know "satan" has possessed this man and he has return to the life he once was freed from by our lord and savior jesus christ," backslider" and his word says when that happens, the demons that were frist removed from him bring not only themselves, but more, and the state of that person will be worst then the first, worst then he ever was before.
are you suppose to accept this ? absolutely not, when a man especially a christian man cheats on his wife, your bonds to him are broken because he becomes an adulterer, and what does God's word says about adulterers? they have thier portion in hell, right?
he's word also says when you have an issue between you (husband and wife) you pray and reconcile your difference, and if that doesn't work you bring it before the church to have it resolved,(pastor) and if that fails, you separate.
if you stay in this situation its only that satan has decieved you , in thinking its God's will, because the bible says he's the author of confussion and not peace, God is love and not the opposite.
remember when you are born again you become a mew creature in God, and the old man ( sin) is no longer ruler in your life, you are changed by the renewing of your mind, " what does light have to do with darkness" speaking of you !
what are the characteristics of God? " love, charity, humility, patience,peace,mercy, grace, forgiveness, not forceful, abusive, demands his own way, non forgiving, liar, a cheat, his words speak of love, and if anyone is different this this then who's are they " satan's, because he is the opposite of God.
we wrestle not with flesh and blood but spiritual wickedness in high places, " demonic influences" remember, from where you were called ? from a life of sin and bondage, for you are now free ! be not decieved , less we fall back into which we were freed.
remember you are changed!
my advice seek God and his word, pray and allow God to lead you, in which path to take, must we conform or be transformed by the renewing of our mind?
you already know what to do! as long as your with God your never alone, as he says i with you till the ends of the earth and his love for you is endless and unconditional. "you my tree by the fruit it bares" my prayers are with you ! isaiah | |
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| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/6/2006 3:34:46 PM | | i lived with an abusive alcoholic for 2 years x i lived in fear and felt i had no where to turn and when i did leave him he threatened me , my family my friends and i was so weak and traumatised and demoralised i went back x i believed all the things he said i was and had severe low self esteem x when i left hed tell me hed given me hiv , that hed took loans out in my name and i felt fear everyday x eventually he tried to set fire to me in a drunken rage x i knew that if i did leave it couldnt get worse than that x that was 7 months ago x im now recoverin from my bullnemia and slowly puttin my life back together x normally i wouldnt tel anyone what to do x but get out x i know its scary x but you need your life back x | |
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| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/6/2006 4:43:17 PM | I was married to an abusive alcoholic for 16 years.
Let me be completely honest here. It was 16 years of pure hell.
My daughter is now 17 and I thought I was staying to help her and all it did was hurt her more.
You can not change your spouse.
If you are happy in this type of relationship stay.
If you are unhappy more than happy and hate the screaming, drinking, put downs, and feel more and more like you can't leave then my advice is get out now before he starts threatening to kill you or actually puts you in the hospital, etc.
It is not easy, but you will be ok. You are stronger than you think.
Good luck | |
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avert
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Joined: 12/4/2005
Msg: 33 | |
| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/6/2006 5:48:37 PM | I have also been in the position you are in. I left four times and each time he would admit to some part of the problem for a short while but then typically I became once again "the problem". I went to every type of counselling in order to find how I was the problem and how I could "fix" myself. Type in spouse or partner abuse into a search engine and see how many people are there for you. In many, many cases this becomes transformed to physical abuse. I denied that fact thinking that just because he threw tea towels at me that wasn't abuse. Or clapped his hands together mere inches from my face without actually touching me it wasn't physical, in fact the physical is so much easier to heal from. The psychological abuse is so much worse, the tearing down of your self image til you do believe that you're not worth it. I still hear those voices in my head whenever I am doing something that I know in our marriage he would've felt he had the right to tell me was stupid or made me "a poor excuse for a wife or mother" (as another has also been used to hearing from reading above in this forum). Your friends will believe you and support you, they probably suspect your suffering already and would love to know what they can do. I have one wonderful friend who gave me so much support and strength to leave without ever pushing. She even sat back for another year while I gave him another chance, encouraging me that I would only know that I had really, really given it my honest best and seen that it was what it was: disaster, . People don't change unless they want to, heck, we're doing well if we change our underpants daily. 
So I think you know what you have to do. You are worth the effort! Seek as much help as you need and know that everyone will be better for the courage you show.
God bless you and keep you safe.
Avert | |
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| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/6/2006 6:14:15 PM | | As long as it takes for you to get to the Courthouse. Think of the impact this is having on your children. You didn't say how old they are now, but if they're still minors, then they will learn this behavior from their father and carry it on in their own relationships. It's unbelievable how many woman will stay and suffer the abuse when there are so many "good" men out there. | |
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| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/6/2006 6:26:08 PM | Is God using me as an example of one who withstands longsuffering to change my husband into a loving man no matter how long I have to suffer, or is God allowing this to happen so that I in some way change from a weak person to a strong one and the results of that will come after I divorce him and start a new life?
If there is an all-knowing God, then he would also have to be able to look and see the obvious.
Do you think he likes to see you suffer?
Does he like your Husband to crush down your Faith?
The answers are rather easy to assimilate. | |
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| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/6/2006 6:38:12 PM | | Oh my goodness Hi...u are in my life...I also married an abusive alcoholic..remained with him for the past 15 years. I know what verbal abuse does to a woman, a mother a wife and also physical abuse as well. I loved my husband more than myself ...I also believed that the marriage vows were made to be upheld for better and for worse...I intended to "make it work" at any cost to myself. Then one day...he left me. I was devestated I offered to give him anything to make him stay...I was panic stricken, scared to death of being alone. I have young children and well and I truely thought that I couldnt do this not without him. He told me to sit still and do as I was told. That he was leaving and I was to sit still and wait till spring---no lawyers no one was to help me that was my order from him. Luckily for me I had a super support system my friends came ..they picked me up dusted me off and brought me by the hand to womens centers to learn what my rights were, they brought me to lawyers office, they remained by my side. One day he found out that I was educating myself ...and he beat me. This time, because I had my friends to help me and listen and I finally told the truth...(one thing we never do...we tend to want to protect them for some silly reason we cover for them and accept their behaviour) but not this time ....I called the police and he was charged. There is a restraining order in effect at this time...I have a hard time to cover all the household bills and support the kids...I am not gonna lie it is a struggle. My children are in counselling and so am I right along with them. They are my only concern. Abuse of any form affects our children for the rest of their lives...u need to remember this. Even if they are not the ones that the abuse is directed at...they suffer. Trust me ...and please listen. Even though I miss him....I have realized that what I miss...is the idea of the perfect life I imagined ...not the reality. I am happier now..more confident...I have a backbone which is new..lol I do not fear him anymore...I wont back down to him again ever. My children are laughing...yes laughter fills my home. We do what we want. I am independant I get lonely but nothing like I used to be when he was here. I guess what I want u to know is that u are not alone. I feel for u ...and I know what u are going through. The first 2 months u will question everything...u will think it is easier to stay ...but that is only temporary.... because NO MORE ABUSE!!! it will be over and done. You will be a survivor and trust me ...dont sell yourself short u have taken care of everything for many years ...you dont need him in fact he is holding you back...please take it from someone who is going through it as we speak now ...it has been 4 months and every day I feel better and better ...email me if u want ...I would love to talk and cheer u on ... | |
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| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/6/2006 7:51:22 PM | God - Marriage and Commitment.
You can believe that you are serving God by serving your husband's will.
but you can also believe that you are not really serving God, that to continue in your present life and pathway - you are really moving away from God, not really listening to God tell you that you are married to evil....... Maybe your life is how evil entraps us and to be true to God you must believe that you are a person worth loving and to carry God's message of love to others you have to be brave and find professional supports in your community and tell the people you know that you need their support as well. Just like you told us. | |
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| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/7/2006 12:12:27 AM | Would you watch your best friend go through this and say nothing? If you would help a friend, why don't you want to do the same for yourself?
If the guy is as you describe him, then calling him a goof would be being polite. He has no need to change because he's suckered you into accepting his behaviour. You want the good things in life, then ya gotta get it that it's not going to be him and he won't change unless he has one powerful impetus to and it would appear that it's not you or his family.
So now that we figger that he's not going to change, what about you? You're the only person holding yourself up as his punching bag. Why? What's the reward in it for you? What in the name of heaven and earth makes it okay for anyone to treat you like that?
I've been there, done that and own the t-shirt factory. It took me a while to figger out that I was able to survive anything else life threw at me and I had the right to choose my challenges and carting around someone else's dirtpile wasn't one of them. Once you come to that realization, you may choose to leave and have the life you would prefer. There are worse things in life than being poor. | |
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| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/7/2006 12:42:35 AM |
I fear God will not protect me from unknown consequences that going through with the divorce will cause because I read over and over in the Bible that God hates...detests...divorce.
Have you not read over and over that God is a forgiving God as well? Is your confusion over staying or leaving this man , NOT already causing you to doubt your faith in God as whether or not God will still even provide protection for you as one of his children? God does not want you to lose your faith in him, regardless what it takes to keep it, and I believe, even if that means divorce. I also believe your confusion to leave this situation could also be a trick by Satan, using Scripture to influence you to stay and be miserable. Are we not more inclined to lose our faith if we are miserable and unhappy day in and day out? Do You think our Lord wants us to take his gift of each of our lives and throw it away by not nourishing and surrounding ourselves with love and happiness kindness, compassion, etc.? No, I dont think so either, after all, are these not the feelings (tools) that strengthen our faith?
This is only my belief, who really knows what is right or wrong or with some issues, what exactly God wants or expects from us? But I can say, I have been divorced twice and truely feel God loves me no less for it.  Good Luck to you and Best Wishes for you and your children. | |
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| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/7/2006 1:50:38 AM | yeha being laughed at by your significant other sucks. this one time i was shopping cart racing down this busy street ( dont ask ) and i slammed head first into a car well she sat there giggeling her ass off like it was the funniest thing she ever saw. of course it is now but when your laying there bleeding to death on the street i think laughter is not on your mind.
edit: opppsss sorry about that posted it in the wrong thread DOH. | |
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| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/7/2006 2:16:25 AM | I'll have what ever you're having c3, pass it over
OP: Survey Says ---- Get the heck out.
How long is a nanosecond? Though noble to stick to your vows of marrage, it should still be worth the trip. Don't worry about being alone because it's not going to happen. You have a whole world around you. People everywhere, look around and smile, IT'S YOUR LIFE, LIVE IT. And you always have plenty of fish that care when you need them. | |
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| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/7/2006 4:59:45 AM | | I'm sorry to hear about your life story, but I wouldn't left a long time ago if I had been you. If a woman had sex with someone else while her and I were just dating, then that would be one thing but if we were boyfriend/girlfriend, living together as a couple or engaged and she cheated on me, then I would never marry her. | |
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