| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/7/2006 1:59:28 PM | Wow I could of wrote this aout my life. The only difference is that my hubby is a gambler not a drinker.
He also is manic depressive which does make it any easier!
I have tryed so many time to leave/kick him out but just can't do it.
I'd have to say my main reason for staying with him is that we have 2,500 in bills that may not seem like alot but with me not working and hubby bearly working it's hard.
I have this past year realized how much his behavior has affected our 31/2yr girl. she keeps me going some how!
For me I plan on leaving as soon as the bills get payed. That is going to take awhile but if i leave now the bills will all be in my hands and with no job i'd have no way to pay them.
I am looking for a p/t job thats about all i can do for now till i get my life staightened out.
Keep you chin up keep praying because prayer helps us thourgh the dark tunnels in our lives. I truly beleive when we are going through hard times like us it doesn't matter what people say to us we leave when we are phisicaly and mentaly ready and not a minute sooner.
Good luck i will keep you in my prayers
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nelli5
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Joined: 12/5/2005
Msg: 53 | |
| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/7/2006 7:16:26 PM | | Hi I am a mother of two young boys and was married for 13 years to an abusive alcoholic. I just finalized my divorce yesteday and I am very proud of myself. I understand everything you are talking about. When I finally decided to break the cycle I joined a support group for families of alcholics and recieved so much support . I was surrounded with people that were living with the same fears and terrors that I and my children were living with. I also joined Alonon. Which saved my life. After a year of being in these programs I found the courage to leave my husband. We deserve our sanity, peace and serinity. You deserve a life. Yes it is hard but at the end of the day living without the abusive man is all worth it trust me. If you wouldlike to chat let me know because I am sure we have allot in common. Take Care of yourself you only have one life to live. | |
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Xavi
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Joined: 1/6/2006
Msg: 54 | |
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| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/8/2006 4:54:23 PM | wow! you have been through it girl, i dont think it gets worse, and i dont think you should stick around to find out. my advice, go in the direction of your dreams and never look back, everyday you dont look back you get stronger and stronger. you can do it. being alone is not bad at all. its unfimiliar at first but as you start loving yourself and figuring out your talents. jesus spoke of talents, we all have them, some of us belive others and some of us find out for ourselves. never look back only forward. you have already seen where you have come from.
peace | |
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| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/8/2006 5:08:00 PM | I did not read your novel but to answer your question....only as long as it takes you to realize he is a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic. Why stay with him and teach your children that behavior is acceptable? You want your sons to wind up like him and your daughters to wind up with men like him? Stop the cycle now. Get out.
Squeak | |
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| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/8/2006 5:19:06 PM | My dear,
I have been exactly where you are with the same problems and struggle for my own individuality. I have cried the same tears for days and days and struggled to smile on the outside while concealing so much pain on the inside from physical and emotional abuse. I have had the humiliation, the degradation and the sense of being buried alive in a loveless chasm of misery - seen the alcoholism, drug addiction, felt the beatings, heard the sarcasm and cutting words. I have lived through it all and the pain is still here - beneath my smile - from a silent void that others know nothing about.
No one can ever understand without having lived it and no one can understand the fears that come with the idea of when and how to walk away unless it has happened to them.
Please send me an e-mail with your phone number. I would love to call and talk to you. We have so much in common here.
Betty
braynordavis@gmail.com | |
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| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/8/2006 6:16:43 PM | Ladies and gentleman, stop the presses.......
How long should you wait before leaving?
ready?
Ten minutes: 9 minutes to pack and 1 minute to whip a twelve pack of beer at his face at a thousand miles an hour as he falls backwards over the couch and lands smack on the floor as you walk over him and go home to your family and never look back......
Z | |
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| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/8/2006 6:26:31 PM | No one should have to stay in an abusive relationship...you don't deserve that. If he has not changed in 27 years, he won't...it will only get worse. If he is not willing to seek professional help he probably doesn't care enough about himself, or you, to change. Denial is a powerful thing. One of you has to overcome it and admit the truth....this isn't working and is getting worse. Please seek some professional help for yourself! See a counselor or therapist and get help with your own issues...you can change them...you can't change his.
The biggest motivator for change is pain. If you are tired of the pain...it's time for a change. The type and direction is up to you!
Best of luck! | |
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| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/12/2006 5:17:20 PM | | Probably about as long as a man should live with a verbally abusing woman i guess! Yes, that was me, and no matter how many times I was told that I should get out of the relationship, I deserve better, I don't deserve to be treated like that (by people who didn't even know half of what I was going through!) etc, I simply couldn't be told. There is no set time. All there is, is a point for all of us where we say 'enough is enough', nobody can tell us where that point is, we just reach it one day and then regret we didn't reach it sooner. So, there isn't a time scale etc. There's just a point we reach ON OUR OWN, probably unfortunately. Only the individual victim acn really say when that point is reached.It's not a case of, 'If he/she does that one more time then I'm off' etc, It's a point reached without planning to reach it. As i said, and then you wish you'd reached it a lot sooner, but you don't. We all have a point, a tolerance level, and everyone is set at a different place. | |
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ksue44
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Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 63 | |
| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/12/2006 8:04:31 PM | NOT A SECOND MORE! None of us (men or women) should be in a controlling, verbal/physical abusive relationship... If fear of being alone is the main concern, that's chump change... What you should fear is losing your self worth, and more importantly how it affects children (if any are involved), and more so, it could cost you your life!
You don't wait!! You get out of the relationship and don't look back! I guarantee that you will be more thankful that you did. | |
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| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/12/2006 9:52:31 PM | Been there, done that. Once you leave denial behind, there is no reason to stay. The saddest thing to face is that you've been alone for a very long time - but, that should also give you hope and strength. After facing what you've been through, nothing on the outside that you do in a safe space will be as bad or as lonely as where you've been. Trust yourself.
Remember that abusers are all about control. He needs to have you off kilter to play his games. He likes the fact that you doubt your own soul and your own God, it only betters his position.
Remember too, that leaving is the most dangerous time. Even if he has never been violent before, he will do whatever it takes to keep things the way they've been.
Be safe.
Smiles | |
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| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/13/2006 10:23:55 AM | | faithhopelove, my heart and compassion go out to you. I have been where you now are. I didn't heed the warning signs along the path. I stayed far far too long in the pit and stench of addictive disease. In the end my addiction to "the relationship" nearly destroyed me. When the end came, my entire universe and life foundation crumbled beneath me and its taken me 6 long years to rebuild it. That has been a very soul searching and painful journey. But alas, I have arrived. God is love and love in its purest form, does not allow itself to be abused. It is so sensitive that It will get out of the way of anything that would abuse It. I believe this is also what he would have us do. I would strongly urge you to seek a support group... maybe alanon. In the end its the only thing that kept me sane. | |
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| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/13/2006 12:05:13 PM | I know that it's hard to leave, because they have you trapped in that vicious cycle. It seems impossible at times, but once you do it, you'll be more than glad you did, and gain back so much of the self-confidence that has been taken from you. That's the worst part of the abusive relationship. Not the physical part, but the emotional and mental part. They truly have you believing you are nothing and nobody else will want you--that you're not worth anything... Hah....
I have to also say that children should never have to witness something like that. It's another part of the cycle that can be repeated. It seems they either go the total opposite way or they become abusers themselves.
Really, get out and keep him away. My ex-employer had to call the police several times after I left my first ex, because he wouldn't leave me alone after I left him and he didn't know where I was living. He still doesn't know where I live, and it's been over 20 years. Do what you have to protect yourself and children..
I wish you luck, and don't ever give in and let him talk you into going back.. I've found out they never change--never~~~~ | |
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| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/13/2006 12:53:13 PM | | As long as it takes to get an attorney and a new place to live..not necessarily in that order! No one male or female has the right to control, belittle, abuse(emotionally, physically, mentally) another person ESPECIALLY one they are supposed to love. Run don't walk!! And never ever say you are sorry for it!!! | |
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| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/16/2006 5:23:40 PM | I hate to say something that will sound shallow but the truth is the woman stays for as long as she wants to. In other words until she feels she has another option she stays. Sometimes she has been beaten down so bad that she thinks there is no other options which is of course the plan of the so called abuser but the truth is many women stay anyhow. You would like to think that no one would tolerate this kind of mentality but it goes on all day long. Not just women either but Men will fall into traps that are similar as well.
That is my Jerry Springer thought of the day,,,,, take care of yourself and each other.
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| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/16/2006 7:56:55 PM | I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND WOMEN LIKE YOU!!!!!!YOU RAMBLE ON ABOUT YOURSELF!!!!!!YOU SHOULD HAVE LEFT FOR THE KIDS ALONG TIME AGO!!!!!!!!!!YOU WILL NOT GET NO PITTY FROM ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!REGARDLESS OF YOUR MONEY SITUATION YOU COULD HAVE FOUND A WAY TO SAVE YOUR KIDS!!!!!!!!!!!!WOMEN DO IT EVERYDAY!!!!!!!! | |
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