Ldygmr
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Joined: 12/19/2005
Msg: 76 | |
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| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/17/2006 8:15:51 AM | I remember living like that. I got out as quick as I could. We grow up with parents who are either controlling or misfits in some way and we don't find it unusual when we find the first guy to be the same way.
My mother was a yeller - a biatch. We were never good enough.
Well, the first husband was the same way.
I was never going to be good enough. You'll never know how many times I asked him why he married me, if indeed I was the fat, slob, ugly, stupid, frigid woman he made me out to be.
A girl can only get so many bruises before she figures it out.
You my dear have somehow been made to believe this is the life of your own making. Someone made you think you deserve this and you'll never have a better life. I would not normally suggest that someone get counceling as I believe we can help ourselves - but honey you are in way too deep and it's easier for you to fall back into that hole than it is for those of us who pulled ourselves out sooner.
At least you know deep inside that this is His problem that he is loading on you. He is looking for some excitement and thinks you are the anchor that keeps him weighed down. You are his ball & chain and no matter how good it gets it will always end up the same way. He can't see that this is His problem. Someone else must be at fault. You.
Leave his butt behind. | |
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| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/17/2006 11:50:27 AM | | If you don't understand women like me and have no pity for me...then why did you even waste your time posting a reply? I hope you are never faced with the "ramblings" of life that I have experienced. Women do lots of things everyday that I don't do. So what is your point? Oh that's right...there is none. It just made you feel better to make me feel worse. | |
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| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/17/2006 12:20:20 PM | OP: tell you something, i always liked drinking but recently (few days ago) had a really angry outburst (which i don't remember)...never experienced that before and it embarrassed me. i'd made a mistake.
drinking till i blanked out was always a, "oooo i wonder what story i'll get this time"...until now. my friends know my limit (alchohol tolerance) so i'm practically paranoid now. I'm sure i'll calm down emotionally, but i know my limit is 5 pints (one meal; shooters excluded)
The point is, i'm embarrassed because i'd been an aggro drunk. If i'd been a coward, i'd have plastered a smirk on my face and made witty comments to avoid the horrible feeling of embarrassment. (cause when you know you've made a mistake - it's embarrassing)
I've always intuitively known this, but now i know for certain: morons who refuse to admit mistakes are cowards who don't have the balls to feel shame (cause smirking is easier) and learn from their mistakes. petty petty little men. | |
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| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/17/2006 12:41:01 PM | Liveing with an alcoholic
Throughout the years
a growing acceptance
of a reacuring pattern
Try as you might to make
sense in the sensless
conjuring reality with it all
survival is where its at
and how do you explain it
just why daddy is drunk to
the minds that can't cincieve
just why
but the actions cannot be
explained
so its allowed and ignored
to make sense of the sensless
actions
to argue concerning the
simplest matters
and never never
win
for winning is not where its at
there is no growth
only daily liveing
existing
for there is no since in all that matters
no agreements
only striveing
always falling short of whatever striveing was for
So holding on to an illusion
a dream
to have the happy family
together and serene
day after day
within is a scream
of wanting
needing
a love never fullfilled
only dreams
when will this end and come to reality
to have the reality
of love
to have those dreams fullfilled
So resentment arrives within
the sea of emotions
of never quenched thirst
of wanting
hopeing
dreaming
all those years of devotion
Resentment as ugly and real
of knowing that quest will never,never
be fullfilled
a quest of love
walking throughout
liveing as a shell
of humanity
existing,void of joy
void of laughter
resentment
breading within the depth
cooking within
This is only one thing a person goes through liveing with an alcoholic
even if the alcholic should conform to not drinking the relationship died many years in the past. For people who live with people who have altered their minds with drugs drink the relationship will not grow it simply is as it is. A relationship that does not grow stagnates and becomes a smelly mess so to speak. | |
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| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/17/2006 6:32:59 PM | | I agree^^^^^^^^^^I have no symoathy for a women like that.....Maybe the first week...After that she brings it on herself....And all women like her.....Back in my 20s i use to try to be a savior and a supporter(A very bad mistake on my part)...Women like this make me sick.....They love men like these..They would not have it any other way....Most of the time(90%)When they do break apart for what ever reason...She is off to the races finding one just like him...When she see a respectful guy she runs from him...She could careless......She want mr.Rough and TOUGH...Or DRAMA..Like most women...But you know what the sick part about it is when kids are involved...In that case the kids should be taking away..And for the posters that say no...Then that tell me alot about your creditbility......You are going to sit there and tell me that kids will not pay emotionally the rest of their lives.....You must be kidding yourself....Because you sure in the hell not kidding me....Then you all pamper missy...WELL HOW ABOUT THE KIDS...They do not have a choice...The so called grown adult does......So give me a friggin break!!!!!Just because she lives in LA!LA! land does that mean the kids have to suffer...HELL NO...As far as i am concern if a woman has a history of living with drunks/drug addicts,bums...Then the kids should be taking away immediatly....If there is a gun poited at her 24/7...Then and only then i will have sympathy for her...But when there is kids involved...Then it tells me alot about her....I saw shit like this all in my 20s..It makes me sick to my stomach.....She has a choice...But like i siad before most likely she will find another one just like him...Sorry been there done that...Seen it soooooooo many times....You sleep with dogs and get up with flees!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/17/2006 6:58:32 PM | Your comments are cruel. You obviously have never been in a situation remotely close to this or that! You talk tough but it's not THAT EASY! Everyone has different...let's say emotional differences or strengths. Knowing what the right thing to do is easy, but doing it is harder.
Everyone has different living styles too. As in...living in the country so not so easy just to leave. This is only an example and yes a woman should just LEAVE. When dealing with a total controlling maniac...leaving will end up perhaps in the hospital or dead. "put your kids through that"???? Ease up and show a little compasion! | |
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| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/17/2006 8:07:23 PM | | Sorry your wrong...I have^^^^^^^^^^I never look back.....Sorry to tell you life is choices...Put your kids through what..With a maniac..But there is a big difference...I am smarter than her..The first time i was out of there....You choose to live like that....If hed had a gun to your head..Then i would give you campassion...But when there is kids involved then they do not have a choice...Look if you do not care about your self then no problem..But if think for a minute that living with a maniac is not going to effect those kids..Then you are crazy...LOOK YOU HAVE A DUTY..You are suppose to be a protector.....And let me tell you something..I had a ucle that was a maniac and his wife did nothing..But i sure did..I got the law involved...I do not play games when it comes to kids...If you think life is a joke ..then that is you.....If i ever have a neighbor that is a maniac around his kids i would call the law in a new york minute....Talk about compassion..Why do you not show it for your kids...They should be number 1..Not MR.LOSER boy.......But you know what your the type that would go to another one just like him....So do not hand me your crap..I have seen this so many times i could write a book about it...I know all about toxic relationships..And it is a choice..But the kids do not have a choice.......It is sick to my stomach!!!!!!!Talk about cruel...Putting kids through a toxic relationship...NOW THAT IS CRUEL!!!!!!!And not normal.....I am sure glad your not my neighbor....You have to excuse me i care to much for innocent bystanders.....And for the rest of the posters on here that would not get involved...Then that tells me alot about your creditbilty | |
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| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/17/2006 8:11:53 PM | ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!!!!I WOULD RATHER DIE THEN SEE MY KIDS GO THROUGH WANT I'VE SEEN,FEELED,AND STILL LIVE WITH EVERY ****ED DAY!!!!!!!YOU HAVE SHELTERS, FAMILY,FREINDS,AND RESTAINDING ORDERS.SO WANT OTHER EXUSE DO YOU HAVE FOR NOT LEAVEING!!!!HAVE NOT GONE THROUGH!!!!!!!I GUESS YOU DID NOT READ MY FORUMS HANDYGIRL!!!!!EXCUSES,EXCUSES,EXCUSES!!!!!!! | |
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| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/17/2006 8:19:30 PM | | I agree^^^^But do you know that women like this love men like this...They could careless....That is why people like this should never ever have kids...They are very selfish cruel people..And anybody that puts the blame all on the man...Then i suggest they go get help......That mother has a duty to do..If she refuse to do it because of issues of what ever reason..Then i suggest the public do something about it..I have in the past and i will do it in the future,,,And for the people that boo hoo to her about her issues...Well then how about the kids!!!!!You people are a joke to society... | |
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| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/17/2006 8:43:36 PM | Even though I totally disagree with the cruel way that people are expressing themselves here, it is obvious that there are victims of child abuse here on the thread, and it is their deep hurt speaking. It shows that the cycle of abuse continues, in many different forms, when children are not protected from abuse.
The truth is that when you stay with an abusive man, you are, yourself, abusing your children. I'm not saying that to be cruel, I'm saying it because it is the truth. A very saavy, caring, well-educated counselor finally told me that about my own situation, and that information gave me the strength to pull myself out of denial and get my children to safety. I also have empathy and know that it is extremely difficult and complicated for women and men trapped in these relationships to extricate themselves. That said, though, there is no doubt that it is the right thing to do, and it is the best gift you can give your children. Emotional abuse is just as bad, if not worse, for children to witness. He abuses you, and he will abuse them. Good dads don't abuse their children's mothers - in any form.
I can feel the deep anguish and pain expressed on this thread, and my heart hurts for all of the people in the world affected by domestic violence. There is help out there for everyone, and I beg you to seek it. I send warm hugs to all of the people touched by abuse, and wish for them healing and strength. You will find the path to safety, through the middle of your own heart. | |
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| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 2/17/2006 9:30:57 PM | That was beautiful Choirdiva!I wish I could write things like that, in not get so mad.Maybe if I did more women would listen.Just please understand that somethings never go away!The things you have said are bringing tears to my eyes!I hope you keep spreading the message to more abused women who are looking for help.This way they know that there is a better live for them and there kids.I would try,but as you see my emotions get the best of me!!!!!I wished you could have had this talk with my mother about 29 yrs ago!Maybe I would have turn out different.Even though I tried not to live in the past,it still haunts me.God bless you and your kids Choirdiva!Getting away from that ***hole gives your kids a heathly life, that I never will have!I praise you and good luck to you in your kids!!!!!!!!! | |
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