| |
| |
| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 4/4/2006 11:10:26 AM | Bah.. it doesn't matter what anyone here thinks. If you read her next post in the middle of page one her religious beliefs prevent her from doing what we all deem the right thing.
I think we are all wasting our time. She will do what she wants regardless of the abuse she claims to be tired of and desperately wanting to get away from.
Perhaps we should suggest to her to reach out to her church community or her priest for guidance. I don't think her God or any God would ever punish her for leaving so that her children and her can lead happy lives and thus ending the abuse (her kids may end up abusive towards their partners too).
She knows there is a problem now for her to take the necesary steps to do what is best for her and her children. Whether any of us agree or not.. keep in mind this was just a question. You can't make/force anyone to do something they don't want to do. | |
|
| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 4/4/2006 3:33:11 PM | My heart goes out to you as well...just some small words of encouragement...I've lost so much in the past few months, and something happened to me last week that almost put me over the edge.....I said to myself "God....please give me a sign that everything will be okay..I'm losing my faith."...in that one small instant I heard a small voice say..."If you need a sign..then you've already lost it." At that precise moment...I KNEW that everything was going to be okay! Please take the time and energy to focus on yourself and your life...it is very precious. You are an extension of NO ONE...don't let him drag you down..God bless you.
Sanschele | |
|
| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 4/4/2006 4:15:31 PM | Sansscele, I can relate you you totally...When things seem to
get bad in my life which seems to be alot in the past few yr's.
When It seems I'm at the end of my rope and I can't take any-
more.
I just say "ok God I'm at the end of my rope and I can't take any-
more".
Something happens and it's something good!!! It could be a
big thing or something ever so small.
Twinkz | |
|
| |
| |
| |
daisie
|
Joined: 9/22/2004
Msg: 134 | |
| |
| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 4/4/2006 5:33:07 PM | RUN! FLY ! BE FREE! It took me 10 years to figure that one out! I was all ready doing everything by myself, and now it is so much better!
It took me to have him hold me by my throatn up against the door in front of my children after he had slapped me to realize that it wasn't worth it anymore! My children deserved more and so did I!
You can do it! Empower yourself! You will be so much happier! You will be able to laugh and live again! I promise! mthr | |
|
| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 4/4/2006 6:27:36 PM | | I understand how you can be torn since your faith seriously frowns on divorce. I know that a divorce can be sanctioned by the church in cases of abuse, but I can't remember if verbal abuse is included. No matter, unless you want to remarry, a civil divorce will not affect you that much. And Lord only knows honey, there is nowhere in the Bible that claims men may abuse their wives as they see fit. If you're lucky, you will have an understanding priest. Regardless, call your lawyer, get into couciling for yourself and your kids and get away from that man!!! A relationship such as you describe is not only unhealthy for you, it's giving your children an extremely unhealthy view of how adults interact. It is also setting a very bad example for them. The chances of them growing up and getting into the same type of marriage you have are very high. If you can't bring yourself to do this for you, then do it for them. | |
|
| |
| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 4/4/2006 7:57:55 PM | | To miss daisie...I agree with you 100%...Pretty much sums it up...But most women on here and in the real world want to play HOP-SCOTCH or 2 step...Which is fine...If they are happy to be un-happy...No problem...BUT!!!!!!WHEN THERE IS KIDS INVOLVED...Well that is another can of worms...Most of these women on here never even mention that...It tells me alot about them as people... | |
|
| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 4/4/2006 8:30:22 PM | Oh, that's good. Let's blame the victim and leave the abuser out of it!
What you are missing is the gradual way that the abuse develops. Everything seems fine at first, but little by little the problem escalates. As the problem escalates, the abusive person is chipping away at the other person's self-esteem little by little, making it hard for them to see that they do have the power and ability to leave.
Having been through this, I have learned that there are certain red flags to look for and I missed them. That doesn't make me the one responsible for the abuse. I am/was responsible for caring for myself and my children, but it is very difficult to see your way out of the situation when you are in it because you do not view the world accurately. And attacking the OP so bitterly is only reducing her self-esteem and hence her ability to act even further.
IMHO-you are being extremely cruel and are HINDERING her ability to leave the situation by reducing her confidence even further. So what good does that do for the children about which you express such concern?
It takes an enormous amount of courage to get out of a situation like this.
Once out, I hope that the OP heeds the advice of many on this thread-get counseling and don't repeat the problem. Listen to miss daisie and don't let any man put you through this again. Learn the red flags to watch for and learn to respect and trust yourself again before you try to get into another relationship.
Just my 2 cents worth. | |
|
| |
| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 4/4/2006 9:10:20 PM | | Sorry!!I got big news for you...She is a adult..She has a choice...The kids do not..GET IT!!!!A adult suppose to know better and have choices..GEt it...Obvously not...Just like MISS DAISY STATED...Some women will put up with shit..And some women will not...But that is not the problem...WE are talking about kids.......LOOk!!!!LIfe is choices...A woman chooses to be in that situation.So Do not hand me your PITY crap...What do you think all women are like that...Well hell no.There is some women that have a brain...Thank god...The bottom line if a woman want to go in a toxic relationship...No problem..BUT for the sake of kids well being ...DO NOT HAVE THEM...You have no business with them...Now that is what i call cruel and unusual...Being around a abusive drunk...How sick is that????Unless the loser has a gun at your head 24/7....Then i have no sympathy for succh of a so call woman...Because a level headed woman will run from such a creep.....I just know i will call the law in a new york minute if i see it...I have no frigin regrets...If you want to live in the land of oz....Then that is your choice..But i refuse to....Life is choices remember that...You choose that path... | |
|
| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 4/4/2006 9:21:23 PM | angel in jeans... actually most of the time, the abusers in situations like this are not who you think they are. Most of the abusers are society related... i.e. peer pressure, unrealistic expectations, a miserably failing law enforcement system and a judicial system where the color of green dictates your level of how much justice you get. I am not saying we should condone what this person has done, but too many times women want to blame the man individually... when actually it goes way deeper than just one individual. And a vast majority of the time,sending anybody back to the dysfunctional jail system designed to prosper off our mistakes, does nothing good for the individual, or anybody for that matter.
Always remember ladies it does take 2 to tango. And for the life of me i cannot understand why "anybody" would stay in a dysfunctional relationship for more than 5 minutes! But also, part of her problem can also be attributed to the actual abusers and exploiters of peoples demises.
Either way, unilaterally speaking, i still wish you the best. | |
|
tnmom
|
Joined: 9/28/2005
Msg: 143 | |
| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 4/4/2006 9:22:53 PM | | I am sorry to say i lot of us have been there. and it is a sad state of affairs i am recently divorced from the same type of all around jack***. I didnt stay as long as you did but i stayed to long, dont worry about being alone sometimes thats better then waiting up for him. and there are plenty of loving faithful good men out there just give yourself a chance. | |
|
| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 4/4/2006 9:29:26 PM | FaithHopeLove06:
I have been there, for years. I finally understood how things really were. I also felt that marriage was for a life time. All marriages aren't made in heaven. Marriage also implys more that just a bond. He also made vows that he has in no way kept. Sounds to me like he broke the marriage bond, you just keep trying to put it back together. You are afraid you can't make it because he has worked to make you feel insecure and inferior. This is want he wants. You CAN make it. If you have family to help it is easier but you can manage anyway. He may or may not be a Christian. For a fact he is using isolated scripture out of context to keep you under control, believe me, control is his issue. He is weak and needs to stomp you to feel adequate. He doesn't love you, even if you are married in the eyes of the law, do you really think this is the Christian definition of a husband? I assure you it's not. Girl, you don't have a husband. The majority of scripture on divorce is allegory about Christ and Israel, & Christ and his bride, "the church". Forgivness is the word, the scriptures also say if an unbeliever is pleased to dwell with you, let him stay but if he depart. Well , he's not pleased to dwell with you. Does any of his treatment make you think he is pleased with you?
About his professed Christianity. Saying the words doesn't make it so. Nothing in the way he is behaving and treating you bespeaks any form of Christianity.
I can tell you first hand knowledge, raising your children with this man will not be good for them and he WANTS things this way. Keeping you unsettled and uncertain and insecure is how he feels in control. He has a problem. You are a victim of abuse. Call a shelter, hot line. Women's help group. Go to a psychiatrist or counselor. Ask for help. The sooner you go the less time you will resent wasting later on. He won't get better. Get over thinking that.
You can't be good enough kind enough, love him enough, work enough, etc. to ever please him. He will, with certainty, get worse. He probably is drinking when he says he isn't.
You keep enduring it from fear and guilt. Fear is from the devil. God is love, joy and peace.
If you follow Acts 2:38, repent and be baptised in Jesus Name,recieve the Holy Ghost, you are a child of God. Think how much you love your children. Do you really think God had less love for his children than you do for your's? He never asked for you to live with a creature, note I didn't say husband, for he isn't, that abuses you. God will for give what need to be forgiven just like you would forgive your little child because of love. I have a problem thinking that you are leaving a husband just because of a legal piece of paper when he is not being a husband. Have faith in the mercy of a loving God. We are called to peace.
Talk to Jesus about being afraid and alone and know that you're not. Yes, find a real man, a real Christian and have a husband. You'll see things differently when you take a stand.
When you're done, be done. No contact, no conversation. Look forward. Today is the day.
I wish you the best. I don't mean anything I've said to be hurtful. I just hope you can look at this clearly and not clouded with his lies. Stand strong, you're not alone. | |
|
| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 4/4/2006 9:45:26 PM | | Viva... religious and biblical guilt are a large problem... first of all Constantine altered the Bible to keep men in control of the world,and left out books of the Bible like the book of Mary... and also to keep a "certain few" in control of world finance.The world needs to be healed from these lies which have created more wars in the world,and more screwed up people than anything else... not have more guilt pressed upon them,and more peer pressures. | |
|
| |
| |
| |
| |
| How long should a woman remain married to a controlling verbally abusive alcoholic?
Posted: 4/5/2006 4:37:15 AM | | Insults...NOt hardly!!!You know what so ironic....Majority(90%)of these women that complain about these types of relationships and finally get out of it,Then about 1 year later she is in another toxic relationship just like she was in before....And of course the cycle returns....To me that makes a statment....To the one that stated...IT TAKES 2 TO TANGO...SO TRUE....In other words..LIFE IS CHOICES....And again...How about the kids????Do you people understand the effects on a young one...OR do you even care....After to what i have been reading on this thread...O often wonder about this world....The way i see it...If a woman chooses to live in the land of OZ...No problem...But when their is kids involved...Well you are opening another can of worms....You people are too busy playing the pity party with such of a woman...If you are going to play a pity party..At least give it to the kids...I will never give sympathy to a person MALE or FEMale that lives in la la land that lives with a abuser that has kids in the house....If you people do not see that...Then obvously you have do not know or been around abused kids....Then she has to say i was picking on her...Let me tell you if you were my neighbor and i knew your kids being abused...I would call the law and would not give it a 2nd thought...If you people would not do it,Then i must say it tells alot about you as people.......Because of shit like this is the reason our society is in moral decay... | |
|
Home
login 
