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| someone like your dad
Posted: 10/1/2006 10:56:44 PM | WOW, some of the ladies that replied to this thread must have had a terrible childhood and either caustic or non-existent relationships with their fathers. Ladies, what could possibly be wrong with looking for a man with the GOOD characteristics of your father? Good is good, no matter if it was your father or not. Dad's are just human and we make human mistakes and as children our kids can't know what demons we face and what motivations we have. A father's good qualities should be the measure that a girl uses to access the husband potential in a guy. This isn't about getting all "Freudian" and having "complexes", it's about choosing positive characteristics that all good men share.   | |
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| someone like your dad
Posted: 10/2/2006 12:48:13 AM | | i always thought women looked for a guy like their dad because of the way they treated their mother. and the way they protected and took care of the kids. | |
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| someone like your dad
Posted: 10/2/2006 2:12:19 AM | Well, I love my dad. He is a really special, strong and loving person. I think we live what we learn. My mom and dad introduced me to the world. The taught me how to behave and this is the little subcommunity we live in.
I think it is only natural that we'll seek out others who will fit into that same form of values, characteristics etc. I seek charisma (definitely my dad), love of family and friends, manners, kindness to strangers, a giving heart, etc. These are all qualities my Dad had but that I too value and appreciate. Of course I want these things and so if it means I'm seeking someone like my Dad, so be it!! I could do a heck of alot worse than that. | |
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| someone like your dad
Posted: 10/2/2006 6:57:32 AM | | I can see it. We are attracted to that which we are comfortable with. All the guys I've ever gone out with have all been the strong, silent types like my dad. They could also be very mean when they got angry. My partner now, is like my dad in that he's straight forward and blunt, loyal, dedicated, and doesn't seem to notice other women (well I'm not stupid, I realize he notices them, but he doesn't make a display of it when I'm around, so....) | |
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| someone like your dad
Posted: 10/2/2006 7:30:02 AM |
Ladies, what could possibly be wrong with looking for a man with the GOOD characteristics of your father?
How about I let you know if I ever think of any "good" characteristics
Dad's are just human and we make human mistakes and as children our kids can't know what demons we face and what motivations we have
Too bad he spent a lifetime making "mistakes" and we had to pay for his "demons"
Ben Raines: Your profile says you are in law enforcement - you must know that there are plenty of fathers out there with no redeeming qualities | |
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Ninki
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Joined: 4/11/2005
Msg: 32 | |
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| someone like your dad
Posted: 10/2/2006 1:33:29 PM | My dad was a force to be reconed with! He was strong And he was gentle; He was scarey sometimes when I thought I might get a licken which I did many times. But my dad was a wonderful man and a had a very good sense about him that he could tell if a boy was above board with his intentions toward me. I thought he didn't know anything! But now after he is gone to be with God...I would be doing well if I found someone who reminded me of my dad.
GN | |
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| someone like your dad
Posted: 10/2/2006 4:22:44 PM | | Well, I would not look for someone like my dad, either! | |
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| someone like your dad
Posted: 10/6/2006 2:46:19 AM | riverlady58, I'm truely sorry that you can't think of a single good characteristic about your father it's a sad situation. I don't know what you went through in your childhood, it must have been bad though. Yes I am in Law Enforcement and I do know many people who have few if any redeeming qualities there are fathers and mothers in this catagory and those who have never had children (thank God). I served 2 years as a correctional officer in the prison that houses more sex offenders than any other in my state so I have heard some horrible stories of abuse by fathers and then the pattern was repeated in the inmates in my facility when they became fathers. We all have "demons" that we face and fight every day and this doesn't excuse wrongdoing. Once again, I'm sorry for your experiences and sorry that you had a "sperm doner" only and not a father who loved and cherished you, one who guided you toward adulthood and becoming a good person in your own right.  | |
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| someone like your dad
Posted: 10/6/2006 6:54:48 AM | hmmm well if the question means do i tend to fall for guys who are emotionally unvailable.....the answer is yes
do i tend to fall for guys who are better with animals than people?...the answer is also yes
do i tend to fall for guys who have substance abuse or emotional problems? ummm also yes
is this a problem? the answer is yes
i love my dad, but some of us shouldn't be attracted to the traits they were raised with because it's not what is beneficial for breaking a cycle of rejection, co-dependency, or just all around loss.
if anyone has any ideas about how to change that....let me know | |
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| someone like your dad
Posted: 10/6/2006 6:56:32 AM | | My father is a deadbeat so I would never be attracted to that. | |
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| someone like your dad
Posted: 10/6/2006 7:21:43 AM | Funny that I should happen upon this thread for I was just having this discussion last night with a friend of mine and he brought up to me that the reason that I may not be having success is b/c since I so much adore my father and respect him that no one measures up in my eyes. I pondered this thought and I believe that it is true for my dad represents so much of what I seek in a man.......love, (unconditional) strength, kindness, devotion, hard working, family orientated, etc.
If I could find a man even half of what my father is, I would be one very lucky woman. | |
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daisie
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Joined: 9/22/2004
Msg: 39 | |
| someone like your dad
Posted: 10/6/2006 7:24:12 AM | | If i become attracted to someone like my dad I give you permission to shoot me....and I'll even tell ya where I keep my gun and ammo. | |
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Lybbie
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Joined: 8/16/2006
Msg: 40 | |
| someone like your dad
Posted: 10/6/2006 7:29:24 AM | | I ended getting married to one that was like my father. But he turned out to be an idiot too. I guess growing up I didn't see what my dad was realy like. It wasn't until I went to him to ask for help cause my husband was using me for a punching bag, and my dad said to me, just listen to him then, and said I was so much like my mother. Packed my stuff and I was gone. That was the last time I talked to my dad, and my ex. They still get along just fine. | |
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| someone like your dad
Posted: 10/8/2006 10:52:24 PM | eww eww omg.. as soon as a guy reminds me of my dad, i will seriously run for the hills! Especially if he looked like him, or even same behaviour.. as in has a mustache..works construction, drinks lots of beer, passes out early.. listens to oldies music..watches old cowboy shows.. etc.. ahh.. ahh.. 
its just creepy.it.. *shrugs* | |
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| someone like your dad
Posted: 10/9/2006 9:34:20 AM | | I like my dad well enough, but there's no way in hell that I'd ever date anyone even remotely like him. | |
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| NOT MY DAD
Posted: 10/12/2006 2:05:19 AM | Lol, not me. My dad is a ghetto loser, with a litter of children. Gets high all day and and makes NO money. I left my husband, but he was nothing like that. | |
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panpan
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Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 45 | |
| someone like your dad
Posted: 10/15/2006 12:00:52 AM | Oh, my Dad was great. Sure, not perfect (as a husband, my Mom has said this) but he was such fun, so genuine and open and loving. He so loved all women and treated them with genuine care and respect. He once told me that my Mom was his 'rock' in life. His solidity. Sure, he mucked up a time or two so I'm told, but hey - as a Dad he just WAS.
I tend to think I've been judgemental in my (now ex) husband for this reason sometimes. He just didn't measure up to what I saw as a child and young adult. He didn't treat women well enough. So maybe I wasn't inititially drawn to those qualities and that left me failing in the 'wife' department. But I now realize that I very much expect the same qualities in a man that my Dad so openly expressed about/with/for my Mom and all women. | |
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| someone like your dad
Posted: 10/16/2006 9:16:11 AM | i think we do but unconciously....my dad was an alcholc, controling, verbally & emtionally abusive towards my mom.....but we was a 'GREAT" dad
5 outta 6 girls married a man with the same traits (6'th one not married)
all but 2 got out of that relationship.....
Now with grown kids they tell me "Dad was a lousy husband but but he is a 'GREAT" dad"
one was in an abusive realtionship, another one is with "her dad" she is going thorugh exaclty all the crap i have gone through.....
so yes we do, but next time around i know what to look out for and will never do that again.....as for my daughter...i have to let her make her own diccissions....I just point out what i see and h0w i feel about it.... | |
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| someone like your dad
Posted: 10/16/2006 9:47:24 AM | No. Made the mistake once of marrying someone who was also very self-centered and controlling, just like dad. Silly me; blindly running from one unloving home into another.
BenRaines, do not assume that paternal or spouse abuse need be caused by sexual or physical abuse, criminal behavior, or infidelity. Please do not presume that we judge our fathers o'er harshly. Rather, we choose to be neutrally compassionate. We do try to learn from our foiables and the mistakes we and others make as humans, eh? | |
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EB1
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Joined: 7/31/2006
Msg: 48 | |
| someone like your dad
Posted: 10/16/2006 10:01:00 AM | Let me see....
My dad recovering alcoholic(although hasn't been drinking a long time), ex-communist who insist that Jesus was the first communist(the thing with the fish and the bread, folks).
Now retired, collecting antiques and claiming to be labour party.
Although I love my dad and he has a fantastic sense of humour. I have to say no, I'm not looking the qualities that my father has on my future man. | |
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| someone like your dad
Posted: 10/16/2006 10:02:34 AM | My father at church said I'm the nicest of all the altar boys. I want to be *just* like him.  | |
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| someone like your dad
Posted: 10/16/2006 10:04:00 AM | | My dad was the most amazing man ever. Kind, generous with nary a temper. The strong, silent and stable type. I miss him dearly and would be so honored if my SO even remotely resembled any part of what my dad stood for. | |
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