| Passionless Relationship
Posted: 10/28/2007 7:00:10 PM |
How many of you would stay in a relationship that started out full of passion, but after say ten years lost all signs of it? Lets say that everything else in the relationship was great except for that one thing.
And the reason for this happening is?
I don't know... shouldn't happen after any amount of time when you're with the right person. I'd have to experience it to figure it out I guess. But once you figure it out, you have to remedy the situation. The willingness to get to the heart of the matter and correct it is what makes the difference between 'I don't know what went wrong' and 'We can get through anything together'. The right relationship gets better as time goes on, not worse.
Next, if you were dating someone, and you thought this person was perfect in all aspects except for their lack of interest in sex, would you consider marriage anyway?
Wouldn't last long enough to start considering marriage. Both have to be on the same page where this is concerned. | |
|
| Passionless Relationship
Posted: 10/28/2007 7:11:35 PM | Just4fun
There must be a reason the passion went out of your relationship. Do you listen to your lady? Are you considerate of her? Have you gotten lazy in bed (hump, hump, get off, slap her on the butt and go to sleep), are you verbally abusive? give her to cold shoulder in stead of discussing what is bothering you? These are reason that you might be contributing to the loss of passion.
Lets say you are considerate, affectionate and kind. Perhaps she is having a physical problem. Ask her what is wrong. If she simply has no libido, get her to go to a dr. who is well versed in women't harmone therapy. Her testosterone levels might be off (and yes, women have testosterone, too -- it is the sexy harmone . . . that is why you guys are always up for a tussle). If she isn't willing to go to the dr., the relationship is pretty much doomed.
There is certainly more to a relationship than sex, but a man's sex life means a lot to him. Do you think you could maintain a relationship without sex (or without cheating)? If not . . . don't marry the woman. You would both wind up hurt. | |
|
| Passionless Relationship
Posted: 10/29/2007 6:44:59 AM | | I still get a laugh at fools who think sex makes or breaks relationships. It doesn't, get over it. | |
|
| Passionless Relationship
Posted: 10/29/2007 7:26:39 AM | Passion, like your body, must be fed and maintained. Most people expect passion to just exist and last forever, but it doesn't. No matter who you're with, if you don't regularly maintain that passion by doing little things for one another, it dies down after a while. Passion is nothing more than the lust one feels for the other person in the beginning of a relationship, but then life gets in the way. To some, depending on the couples lives, it will last longer. To others who have very crazy lives, it takes a toll much faster on the relationship.
The good part is that with a little willingness and a lot of TLC passion can return. As long as both partners are willing to revive the relationship why would you waste 10 year of your lives. If there was a spark there once there must be something worth saving. I would take the time, and that's all it is, to bring back that lust, love, passion whatever you want to call it, back into our lives. Listen. it's not going to be different the next time around if you don't understand what happened in this one.
We, meaning people, are to quick to just give up. It's just so easy to move on, and after a while and many relationships later, we say, there is just no one out there for me. The truth is that no one is taking the time to understand the whys' and how’s before giving up and moving on. Moving on should be the last resort not the first option.
As for the sex, it depends on just how much I care for the person. Sex is a big part of life but it's not all. As long as I can understand that it probably will not change anytime soon if ever and I'm willing to give up that part of the relationship, then why not stay. The problem here is that most people think that the other person will change or that they are so good in bed that they will convince them to change. This is not true. Usually this goes much deeper then just sex alone and it probably will not change. The more you persist the worst it will be.
But what do I know?
John | |
|
| Passionless Relationship
Posted: 10/29/2007 8:02:24 AM | Passion is a two way street. It definately takes two.
I would try my best to create new and improved ways to make it sizzle. But if she isn't trying at all, ultimately resentment results.
Trying to get marital help is also a solution, but again it takes two.
In short, if I give my all and get no help.... I believe I would ultimately end it. But that decision would not come quick. I was married 14 years of which the last several years were passionless. I gave it my all. Then I gave up. LIFE IS TOO SHORT! ! ! ! ! !  | |
|
| Passionless Relationship
Posted: 10/29/2007 8:04:00 AM | Passion is a two way street. But it only takes one driver to get it started.
Personally, I would drum the passion back up in the relationship. I would be creative and actually spend some time on it. Effort like that NEVER goes unnoticed. Who knows, maybe you'll even start a new trend!
My motto in relationships is: Be proactive, not reactive. That way these things like lack of passion don’t get a chance to rear their ugly head.
I know that over time people can get complacent, or comfortable, or even routine. It’s up to both parties in the relationship to keep the “spark” alive. So take control over this situation. You noticed it, so do something about it.
If you wait on her, you may wait too long.
Good luck to you, and have FUN with it!!!!! | |
|
| Passionless Relationship
Posted: 10/29/2007 8:10:06 AM | if you want a relationship....that includes sex! If you don't want the sex?....get a roomate!
So many relationships fail because the flame goes out, and one or the other winds up cheating. Get help when you notice the flame dying, instead of running out to find the "quick fix". | |
|
| Passionless Relationship
Posted: 10/29/2007 8:19:59 AM | There are a lot of variables in your question so naturally there will be just as many in my response.
A. There is a HUGE difference between passion and sex.
B. If my 10 year relationship that was perfect in every way lost the sex, I would have to deal with it or seek (counseling/medical) help. If it lost passion...I'd walk.
B. If I were just dating someone and it was perfect in every way but sex...I wouldn't continue pursuing it. Sex is just too important. | |
|
| Passionless Relationship
Posted: 10/29/2007 8:32:28 AM | | Yeah,being a model and posting some of your pic's on the net mean's that most jump straight to sex,before they even know you. Sex is everywhere,luv is somthing between you and your partner,and have to ushaly put time in effert in it. That's why they call it a relationship,and not just a screw buddy. | |
|
| Passionless Relationship
Posted: 10/29/2007 9:20:10 AM | "If you aren't interested in the sex, get a roommate!"
Well...
"If you only care about the sex, get a hooker."
I can make retarded comments too. Unfortunately for you, I CAN make them, I generally don't. :) | |
|
| Passionless Relationship
Posted: 10/30/2007 10:31:23 AM | Dead on about this situation making you feel inadequate. Been there, recently.
If you've had the conversation, and if all attempts both physical and verbal to see if you're on the same playing field resulted in the knowledge that you're not even on the same CONTINENT, the next question is, what is your partner willing to do to bring you closer? How can you meet in the middle? There has to be some mutually acceptable feeling of being understood and of needs being met, or you will no longer be happy together.
You can't force attraction/chemistry...it is or it isn't. (I do believe you can regain it, but you can't manufacture it from nothing.) I recently left a relationship where for 5 months, my guy wouldn't even KISS me in any other way but a quick peck on the lips - nevermind touch me, hold me, express any form of physical affection. I once gave this man a spectacular hour-long massage, and all he did was lay there - didn't make one move in my direction! He chalked it up to "it's been so long"/performance anxiety, "it's really not a lack of attraction to you," etc. BUT, his only solution to the situation was to ignore it and expect me to live with it. He knew my feelings, the way I wanted so much to be close to him, simply didn't care. Made it all about HIS need to NOT touch me ever in any way...and my inability to "respect" those feelings became our problem. I was the selfish one, for wanting so much more than he was able to give. So we continued on, with him ignoring me physically but still saying he loved me and wanted to marry me, and my loving all the OTHER great things about him and not wanting to let go of them. But the truth is, I was starting to feel like a freakin' LEPER!
Real love doesn't let someone feel that way. Real love works it out, or at least tries. Real love isn't all about one person's needs to the exclusion of the other's. So that's the way to know if you live with something or walk....are they willing to work on it? If not, this sounds harsh, but get over them and move on. It's not about is or isn't sex important in a relationship, it's about is or isn't WHAT YOU PERSONALLY WANT important in YOUR relationship? You need a "match" to be happy, not just someone who's alive and breathing. You need to matter. | |
|
| Passionless Relationship
Posted: 10/30/2007 11:18:50 AM | If all signs of passion are lost there's a problem that need to be dealt with. I wouldn't just leave, I'd try to find out what the problem is and resolve it.
I couldn't marry someone who's not interested in sex...my partner has to want to be intimate with me, not just do it bc I want it. | |
|
| Passionless Relationship
Posted: 10/31/2007 12:02:04 AM | what is passion really lets break it down..1. intense emotion: intense or overpowering emotion such as love, joy, hatred, or anger
Try and play it with a little more passion.
2. strong sexual desire: strong sexual desire and excitement
3. intense enthusiasm: a strong liking or enthusiasm for a subject or activity
a passion for music
4. object of enthusiasm: the object of somebody's intense interest or enthusiasm
Orchids are my passion.
So lets bring it into words like this. When you meet someone and you love them the passion will follow most of the time. When life gets hectic we loose that strong enthusiasm at times who dont. But if we struggle to bring romance into our life and we really work at it then its up to us to make that a part of our life and yes I agree with some of the others out there that passion and love and affection are all a part of sex.. in our life.. hahaha. So to those out there who dont give affection with that love how can it work really .. Sex is just sex making love is what really counts. So lets bring all the factors alive in our relationships and see where it takes us all.. Just making time for each other in the fast paced world will help so much..Alone moments are precious when you are raising a family that becomes hectic.But if you make it through them years think of what you have after the kids are all grown up.. hahahha The empty nest is so much fun.. So make the most of life by making love with one another not just having sex..pleasing one another ..................... all a package deal....................... | |
|
| Passionless Relationship
Posted: 10/31/2007 12:08:19 AM | 1. if it died out after all those years, then, just try to spice things up again.
2. i like sex, but i'd honestly turn it down for a delicious truffle! with that, i'm more fulfilled with other things than sex itself. yes, i get horny too...but it's honestly not 'everything' to me. with that, if the guy is 'perfect' in all the other ways...then ...ya...i'd consider marrying him still =) | |
|
| Passionless Relationship
Posted: 10/31/2007 6:16:44 AM | """"If you only care about the sex, get a hooker.""""
"""I can make retarded comments too. Unfortunately for you, I CAN make them"""
Bravo son, you are doing a fine job. I'd be proud to make such retarded comments. just remember to type ROTFLMAO, after every post, that way, people know you are funny. LMAO! | |
|
| Passionless Relationship
Posted: 10/31/2007 6:30:30 AM | Some definitions of passionate (Oxford dictionary):
1.
a. of a person: enraged, angry
b. easily moved to, or prone to, anger, hot-tempered, irascible
c. of an action, speech marked by anger
2. volatile
3. expressive of or characterized by intense love; dominated or moved by deep sexual love or desire; affected with love, infatuated
4. inclined to pity, compassionate
===========================================================
Out of the 4 definitions, only one is somewhat positive. A relationship that has begun out of "full passion" would adapt a swinging and bi-polar pattern of a pendulum. It is normal for people to have slight variations in mood throughout the day, week or year, but a full-swing relationship is like being on drugs all the time and having withdrawal effects everyday. A relationship should be good-humoured, with love, supportive, comfortable, and with occasional passionate surprises. | |
|
| Passionless Relationship
Posted: 10/31/2007 8:43:25 AM | | Aw, don't cry so much there bud. Of course, if I were inferior to a much younger person, as you are in this case, I'd be pretty bitter as well. | |
|
| |
| Passionless Relationship
Posted: 10/31/2007 9:02:52 AM | | It takes work by both parties to keep a relationship fresh and exciting. You will get from it whatever you put into it. If sex is one of the things you need in a relationship and you have discussed it with your partner, then it should be and easy fix. If you both can not come to understanding about sex before you marry then why marry. Communication is key if you can't do it BEFORE marriage, it will not suddenly happen after marriage. | |
|
| Passionless Relationship
Posted: 10/31/2007 11:32:32 AM | It all depends on wether your both content within the relationship, and either one isn't yearning for more? And if the question has come up, then your not really content. Some people can exist in a passionless relationship, it also depends on wether the other half suffers from an illness? Then you need to have understanding and the love you both have will overide the lack of passion. But if your a passionate person yourself then like me, it would be my worse nightmare because with out passion some people die internally and the deprivation of it can make one ill. Stroking, kissing, cuddling all release a hormone called lactoferin which produces that warm lovey dovey feeling, it also has a healing effect on the body. But if you get all that and no sex, but loads of affection theres still lots of hope. Its down to what really makes you happy and what you can spend a lifetime with.
All the best..
Venice  | |
|
| Passionless Relationship
Posted: 10/31/2007 1:55:55 PM | Ask any couple who went the distance and stayed with each other in those 40, 50 and longer years marriages, and they'll all tell you the same thing. That there were ebb and flows......down times and up times...... Times where there was passion, and times when it seemed to have vanished out of thin air. But they will all tell you that you not only have to have patience and compassion when those low times seem gone, you also have to be willing enough to work through it via communication. It's not going to happen overnite, but it DOES come back.
We are human beings. And as such, we have biology and body clocks. It's pretty obvious for women, because we're made to know EVERY DAY when your clock is causing monthly havoc, or when 'the change' comes later in life. Why we are so surprised that emotional distancing and or lack of passion is going to happen astounds me.
I think the thing I'm reading MORE of from some of these posts is that 'passion' is the substitute word for 'excitement'. I'm noticing that people get bored now if life just doesn't keep having that constant 'adrenaline rush' that somehow defines 'passion'. I've read quite a few posts here who ALL SAY, to the like, 'we have a great relationship in every other way, we're the best of friends....but no passion'. It would seem like the POSITIVES outweigh the NEGATIVES.............but apparently not......because apparently it's more fun to now be single, away from that supposed 'passionless' ten year relationship or marriage in favor of posting some deep crap on a dating site about how passionate of a person you really are.....LMAO...........ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? What is lacking is NOT the passion....it's FORTITUDE.......the first one is just 'feeling'....but the second is who you really are.....Now It's the typical, 'if it ain't fun all the time, then forget it'........
The oldest couples I know knew there were phases to their relationship....but they all had one thing......CHARACTER.....character to say...."I will stick with you through those hard times"......and then they looked back and said, 'whaddya know....we were RIGHT to do so'.
I still remember Billy Graham talking about his wife right after she died earlier this year. He said, 'we were in the time of our life and reliving the love of our youth...."THE LOVE OF OUR YOUTH".........HELLO????? Sounds like that love of their youth might have contained some PASSION in it for him to say that.
Most just don't want to wait now. | |
|
| |
| Passionless Relationship
Posted: 12/7/2007 10:24:09 PM | | Passion is to a relationship as a pine tree is to a forest. It grows up quickly on bare rock if it has to. Sooner or later it reaches it's full height and provides shade for the other types of trees so they can get roots started and won't burn in the harsh lite of the sun. The pine tree is not designed for a long life as there are many things that attack it and it is suseptable to fire, many insects and rot in the roots, the bark, the limbs and the needles. All too soon it falls and within a short time it decays and in it's death it provides nutrition for the the rest of the forest fueling diversity. We have an idea of what suits us about life and our desire for what we want clouds our vision and we can't see the forest because our attention is only on the pine. A good forester will plant new pine trees if the forest is worth saving. Sometimes the whole forest is rotten and the best thing is a fire! | |
|
Kixxie
|
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 49 | |
| Passionless Relationship
Posted: 12/7/2007 10:40:19 PM | | Ohhhhhhhh that's a hard one. No sex? Hell I have no sex as it is. If I'm going to be in a serious relationship with someone......they best be putting out LOL | |
|
| Passionless Relationship
Posted: 12/7/2007 10:48:02 PM | I came out of my last relationship because of lack of sex, i tried everything to get things going but to no avail and at first i took the stance that i would not leave her just because of sex. After 8 months i began to blame myself and become self conscious thinking i was ugly. Then i realised it wasn't directly the sex that was the problem for me, it was the lack of intimacy and i would of been satisfied at the time even cuddling up. You begin to wonder if they are seeing someone else and the crunch come for me when i considered it. I'M 38 and have never been unfaithful so to start thinking that was a big issue for me so i left.
So although sex is important the intimacy is more. Hope this makes sense
Dave | |
|
Home
login 
