| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 2/13/2006 12:44:34 PM | | Well I am a seperated woman and the only reason I am still married is because my husbands lawyer keeps getting a continuance on our divorce hearing because of my husbands mental condition!! My husband is an abusive alcoholic , drug addict, person with bipolar disorder and he not only abused me but abused our children as well!!! I would not take this man back in a million years!!! In my opinion we should have been divorced by now!! But because there are custody issues and support issues the lawyer feels my H deserved a chance to get his act together. Well that has not happened, a matter of fact my H has gotten worse and he is now in jail. And on Friday the judge at the CPO (civil protection order) hearing made it where my H is to have absolutely no contact with me or our children for 3 years!!! So hopefully when my next divorce hearing comes up my divorce will be finally granted!!! I feel I deserve a second chance at love and I should not have to wait until the lawyers and court system get there act together to pursue my second chance!! | |
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| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 2/13/2006 12:52:55 PM | DATING a separated person is fine , as long as you keep in mind its Only Dating, that is there is a good chance that this will not be a lasting relationship.
I have found that there tends to be an attraction because we represent something "familiar" or totally "opposite" from what was theri past expereince. "Separated" is a bit of a gray area for the emotions and self-confidence. When the dust settles, they often move on ....
The upside of dating Separated people is that they often are more willing to talk about feelings as they are at that time ....... | |
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| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 2/13/2006 1:02:10 PM | How does no sound? Put yourself in the shoes of the woman who he is married to and also allow that they may have children and their involved too...
Yes no is the correct answer...
Let them clean their house before becoming involved it is the only moral answer... | |
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| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 2/13/2006 2:05:59 PM | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ I agree 100%.
How does no sound? Put yourself in the shoes of the woman who he is married to and also allow that they may have children and their involved too...
Yes no is the correct answer...
Let them clean their house before becoming involved it is the only moral answer...
Good Man !!!!!!
Smoochie | |
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| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 2/13/2006 4:09:57 PM |
How does no sound? Put yourself in the shoes of the woman who he is married to and also allow that they may have children and their involved too...
Yes no is the correct answer...
Let them clean their house before becoming involved it is the only moral answer...
I would have to disagree with that one (the only one so far, sorry) in that...a separated person is yes, married, but not living with their spouse. If one is screwing around, dating, whatever, and they're a married person still living at home, then what you say is morally correct. BUT for those of us who choose to date a 'separated' person, let me remind you, it is not us that caused the separation. As far as I'm concerned, that is the worry for the person you are dating (if you choose to date them). I don't mean to sound cold, but I can't care for the whole world. While I was with my ex and he cheated on me, even after I left...I don't think it would've mattered much how thoughtful the woman was...and whether or not she declined to date him...regardless he'd have found someone else to date or screw around with...it was him, not her!
I don't mean to sound selfish, but I'm more concerned about my feelings not the jilted spouse. (I do enough caring for people all day long 24/7...as a nurse and a mom...if I don't think of myself sometimes, who will???) | |
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| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 2/14/2006 7:58:40 AM |
No morals... hmnmnmn
We're talking about someone who is married...
I only hope the coin is never flipped or KARMA as they say...
I certainly hope you're not referring to me! And the moral issue of dating someone who's separated is a whole 'nother thread. Why not ask those who are separated if they would hope or like it if... those THEY wanted to date wouldn't date them because of the immorality of it, how they'd feel? Separated is different from being married, yes still married, but different...even in the eyes of the law. That's why they have what's called 'legal separation'.
Those who decide to date people who are ALREADY separated aren't the HOMEWRECKERS! If they're separated already, obviously the home has been 'wrecked' already. DO NOT even suggest I have NO MORALS. I'm talking about dating someone who is LIVING apart from their spouse!!! Someone who's IN COURT already...i.e. SEPARATED. Why should I, or anyone who dates someone who's separated deserve or expect bad Karma? What did/are we doing wrong??? WE didn't cause the breakup. The only thing I can understand we may get, or deserve is to be hurt, IN THAT, we're walking on unsteady ground...because people reconcile....and if we get hurt, that's only because we took that risk....but we are not immoral...should I start a thread on premarital sex and ask you if you are moral??? I think you're too quick to judge atrkyhntr!! The only one who can judge me, is my higher being!!! | |
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| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 2/14/2006 8:36:29 AM | Hmmm, just too many things I disagree with in this last post to list them all, so sum it up to say the whole thing.
No respect or tolerance for married (separated means still married no matter how you slice it) people who hide behind this "separated" title or those who sleep with them.
Would NEVER date a married man. | |
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| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 2/14/2006 9:04:25 AM |
The only one who can judge me, is my higher being!!!
I think if you ask a clergy or priest their thoughts
they would be more in line with mine then yours...
You seem to be on the defense here...
All I am saying is why date and not wait?
You are judging me for being moral and using your non moral views (in my eyes) to justify what you or others are doing...
I stated my views and did not bring anyone under personal attack for theirs as you have me and mine... I only responded to your obvious reply to me...
That is just me and I am not pushing my views on anyone or you I simply answered a question that was posted....
Do you not want an honest answer or are you looking to simply justify the only response your concerned with, your own?
THANKS for your concern 
FYI... Yes I "did not" with my wife before we were married... | |
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sddude
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Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 64 | |
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| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 2/14/2006 11:34:24 AM | I have great advice - DON'T DO IT. I dated someone who was separated and his soon to be ex hauled me into court just because she could do it to harrass me. Nothing came of it (luckily) but I did lose a whole day's work and was subpoenaed on the job - so did not go well with my bosses.
My advice - wait until they are officially free with papers stating so before you go out with them. Ex's can be a real pain in the can!! | |
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| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 2/14/2006 5:34:20 PM | Hi Rick,
My name is Joanne and I was separated for 7 years before getting my divorce. In those 7 years I did not put my life on hold. I went about dating and socializing as if I was divorced and my situation never harmed my relationships. Neither my husband nor myself interferred with one anothers lives. As you and your wife, we faced the truth that our marriage was over. I think you shouldn't disappear from this site until your divorce is final. So long as you know your marriage is over you have every right in the world to look towards your future.
Joanne | |
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| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 2/15/2006 10:04:04 AM | Ronnie411 says: "I'm not sure it's terribly different from anyone who's exiting a meaningful relationship, with or without the marriage certificate...getting involved with such creatures is a risky undertaking. Is the possibility of marital reconcilliation between your lover and his ex a bigger risk than reconcilliation between your lover and his ex-girlfriend? Emotions are emotions."
This wraps it right up. I'm separated, have filed, am mediating, fully expect to be "legal" again by May. I am dating.
I do not profess to having no baggage. Get real. I am 46. I have two kids. Life is baggage. I am a "walkaway wife". I tried, he wouldn't. I stopped trying and began planning my life without him. Now that I have my ducks in a row, I'm legally processing the divorce. Past the emotional BS by now, just not legal.
A divorce is not a decree stating the person is balanced.
Be careful. Follow your instinct. Ask questions. Ask more questions.
Have fun while you look, but be open minded. Hate to let a keeper go cuz he has not got a piece of paper, single is not a synonym for sane.
Love these forums, thanks to all for helping me. | |
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| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 2/15/2006 12:00:13 PM | What a great thread! I’ve dated a few separated men who were wonderful – no bitterness, paranoia, obsessions, just nice, fun and great to be around!
But, some separated men have some heavy-duty baggage they don’t want to part with. And, these things are harder to find than just asking “how long have you been separated?”.
So, when there are statements like “we can’t go there, or do that, or you can’t say this or that, tell this person or that -- because my wife may find out”, then -->> RUN for the hills as fast as you can.
Also, there are guys so bitter about their marriage dissolving, they obsess about getting all the women possible. This seems to increase their damaged egos. And, these men, seem totally incapable of caring about someone. So, be careful tangling your heart with such a person, it just means pain, EVEN IF they start feeling something for you -->> they’ll run for the hills, since these feelings interfere with their agenda of fking as many women as they can.
And, of course, if the separation is messy, every conversation turns to it. If you, as a friend, patiently listen and make suggestions, it could be wasted breath if all they want to do is talk about it, not DO anything about it. Again, -->> run for the hills ASAP if they haven’t done anything about the legal stuff, and only talk, talk, talk about it. To me, it seems like they’re not really looking to end the marriage, just want to whine about it and all the perceived problems a divorce will cause.
So, in the end, just listen, and watch. One, to see if their words match their actions, two, if they act paranoid, and/or, three, if they seem to have a special agenda. . .
After all there are plenty of GREAT fish out there! | |
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| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 2/15/2006 12:11:01 PM | Hi there
Well this is all I have to say... my husband.. yes we are not seperated but living together is on here... telling women he is seperated... so my advice is to not believe anyone on here. It is all lies and crap......
Up to you... do what you want but risk being hurt | |
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| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 2/15/2006 7:42:54 PM | I agree that "separated" is still "married" -- at least legally. Emotionally it may be a completely different story. For me, personally, if you were to call my wife and tell her I was out with another woman, she'd be pleased, I'm sure. We're both "over" each other emotionally and physically. I think we have been for years.
Kudos to you Rick- marriage is a state of mind and a paper, one can be divorced and still married in their heart and vice versa. Each person and their situation should be evaluated on an individual basis. BTW- have met many liars at this fishing hole, say they are divorced and still live with the wife. I am honest, I am seperated. end of sentence. I am seperated both physically and emotionally. Somes divorcees can't honestly say that.
Bonnie | |
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| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 2/19/2006 3:28:45 PM | SuperNovaKitty - not trying to pour salt in a wound but what were you thinking having anything to do with a man who claimed to be "separated" but was still living in the same house as his wife? You honestly believed him when he LIED and told you he had his own bedroom? ROFL! I very much *doubt* that his Wife has any idea that they're "separated."
Classy Canuck (aka Lucille Ball) - um, nobody ever said that people who are separated aren't human beings or that they don't have feelings - that's not the issue. If you haven't fully and completely resolved connections with your former spouse, why are you looking to bring someone else into your life? - that's the issue. Why would I want to get mixed up with someone who's still got a potentially nasty/long/chaotic/energy-draining divorce to go through? Why would I need to get involved with someone who's technically still married, whose (not yet ex) wife may become extremely jealous and bitter when she finds her husband is dating - and then she becomes vindictive and possessive and psycho - even trying desperately to get him back by playing all kinds of headgames with him? Who needs the drama? And no, not all separations or divorces involve drama but most do to some degree (even moreso when children involved) and how can you know until you're already involved, just how much drama will prevent? What's the rush to start dating anyway? Why do so many people have to jump from a marriage that went bad into another relationship? Where's the fire? | |
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| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 2/19/2006 3:41:29 PM | | No you avoid dating anyone who is separated. Even if the divorce is on the horizon and is a done deal you are talking about an individual that will not be ready to date .......for reasons other than banging your bones for a minmum of two years. want your bones banged ?????????????????date a individual who is separated. For those of you who are separated.......suck it up and try not to F*** anyone else this time. | |
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