| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 3/14/2007 3:46:44 PM | | I had a real problem dating when I was separated. Most women do not want to date a man until he is divorced. The problem is that most people are already divorced in their hearts and are just waiting for the judge to put his stamp on the paper. I personally don't like to date separated women now because I am looking for a possible relationship and until the divorce is final,it is hard for a person to have a clear head. Time is the essence of being ready to date again after a divorce. | |
|
lxboy
|
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 152 | |
| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 3/17/2007 11:23:08 AM | Laus,
You said it. There are definitely stages that a separated person goes through, and everyone goes through them in a different way. But I liked how you said be aware, and don't be too quick to judge. Exactly what I have been trying to get across, everyone is unique, and if you take the time to find out about their individual situation you just might find something wonderful. Of course you may not find that either, but isn't that the way it is with single people as well?
Oh well, like Aerosmith said, "life's a journey, not a destination." | |
|
| |
| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 3/17/2007 1:24:49 PM | Separated as in separated married people? No matter what anyone tells you its adultery and if you can live with that more power to you, but for me, no way no how. I won't even date someone who is recently divorced. They have to figure themselves out before they would be able to have a healthy relationship.
Me? I'm almost out 3 years from my 20 year Mexican Standoff that was my marriage, and I am just finding out things and being comfortable in my own skin.
Also keep in mind that in certain states, until they are officially divorced if you date a supposed seperated person, the other person can come back and file a civil suit against you. Happens all the time now.
To me personally it just isn't worth it. | |
|
| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 3/17/2007 1:25:55 PM | You did not understand that situation. Don't date anyone who has been separated less than about two and a half years. Even if the person thinks he/she has resolved the past, that's impossible in less than the two year period.
You need to ask the right questions at the beginning. I won't even go out and meet someone once if he hasn't been separated for about at least two years.
That should one of the first things you find out in sizing up someone for dating. You also need to consider whether or not you are attracted to unavailable men? Is that a pattern for you?
Judith | |
|
| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 3/17/2007 1:36:09 PM | Anenigma...My advise is dating is one thing, getting emotionally involved is quite another! There is the "Rebound" factor, there is "Jealousy" factor, there is the "Getting back at you " factor....I mean does anyone really want to get involved with someone else's drama...? Going thru this painful time for anyone is sometimes excrutiating...being a friend to someone in need is fine in my book and I have done that...it helps...but I have never so much as even given a thought to anything more than a friendship type relationship. I have to also add, that I have my life pretty put together...and even though I empithize with both men and women in this situation, it just drains the friendships and you as the person on the outside! It is not likely that I would even go there ever again...I want to be on the positive side of life...so I do not date men that are separated or even divorced under 2 years...just makes better sense!!! Good luck to you girl... | |
|
| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 3/19/2007 12:42:27 AM | In my circle of friends and family, there are four men who are currently unattached.
One has never had a girlfriend for longer than a year and has, for the past decade, been working the intimate section of another site and getting laid frequently.
Another has been getting into two or three year long relationships that always end with venom. He usually goes for a year or more without being able to drum up a date in between, with anger turning to frustration. I think he was married for a few years once.
The third had had no interest in women (or anything else) for 25 years but is now starting to feel the need to search.
The fourth, just last year, finally pulled the pin on a lunatic wife after living with her as nothing more than an unpleasant roomate for the last several years. I don't know if they've formally divorced yet or not.
Number one is a fun guy.
Number two is kinda passionate, I guess.
Number three is, well, a bit odd but not as odd as you'd think. (There's a lot of people like that, basically asexual.)
Number four is a bit boring, sort of a homebody (although he does teach sking and likes to water-ski and hike in the summer.)
Ask me which one I'd introduce my sister to. Oh wait. I know she's been living 500 miles from her ex for a year or so, but I don't know if they've filed all the paperwork so maybe I shouldn't introduce her to anyone.
OK. I'll concede, there is another, number five, who has been living separately from his wife and family for two years now. But I don't think he's dating because he still thinks he might patch things up.
Real people. My friends. | |
|
laus
|
Joined: 12/23/2006
Msg: 158 | |
| |
| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 3/26/2007 10:39:22 AM | | I have to admit I'm now rethinking the whole separated bit, though I do still believe each situation is individual...but having just gone through an experience that I won't ever repeat, I can say that if someone isn't separated legally at the minimum, and better yet been divorced for a while and has been dating again for a while, then I'm not going to be interested in dating them. It seems that no matter how much someone says they're handling things well, and no matter how much they act like they are, one can still be taking a chance by believing them. Again, everyone is different, but once bitten, twice shy...and I really do prefer someone who has their head screwed on straight. | |
|
| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 3/26/2007 11:14:45 AM | My thinking is that dating/relationships with separated people are a risky proposition, but if you keep your eyes open and your wits about you, it could be OK.
However, it can be very difficult to fall in love with you eyes open and your wits about you...
Cindy O | |
|
| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 3/26/2007 11:29:59 AM | Someone who is separated, 9 times out of 10 (regardless of what they say or think they feel), are in the breaking-up phase. They're adjusting to a new way of life, and it doesn't happen overnight or within just a handful of months. If you got a guy's number at the bar, knowing he just broke up with a girl and dealing with all that stuff, what would your expectations be? They shouldn't be of the romantic-comedy "but we're made for each other" variety.
If someone's separated, put no emotional eggs in that basket. It's a good avenue if you just need to get out there and date and having no strings attached/expecations. If you're out there with any desire to meet someone to settle down with, avoid at all costs. :) | |
|
| |
| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 4/1/2007 5:21:03 AM | | I have been wrestling with this subject for about the last 5 months. I don't use this site for dating. I googled advice for dating married but separated women and this forum came up. Most of the advice given is not to do it, but I want to lay my personal situation out here and see what all of you think. I met this girl at the bar one night and thought she was the most beautiful girl ive ever seen. Of course I asked her friend if she was taken before I started to make a move to which her friend replyed no.. I got her number, went out a few times and everything looked promising. Around the 4th date. she broke the news to me that she was married but not in the sense that i would think. She is a greencard holder and a friend of hers from back home wanted help in obtaining his greencard. She agreed after several contacts from his lawyer. Time went on and it became apparant that he wanted more from her than greencard status and she moved out. Supposedly, they lived together a total of 6mos. She had told me that once he got his card, papers would be signed and everything would be fine. I suppose I went against my better judgement because of how I feel for her. He has since obtained his greencard and has not held up his end of the agreement. Everyday I try to assess what part makes me more sick, the thought of giving her up or living in contrast with my morals. He has pulled some shady stunts like calling her mom in their native country and telling her that she is out partying and living wild, which couldnt be further from the truth. Crazy acts like that make me wonder about my own personal safety. if anyone has any good advice...please give it out. Im going friggin crazy...sorry for such a long post...thanks | |
|
| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 4/1/2007 8:02:20 AM | Well I have to ask then, would you fear dating anyone who has just recently left any type of long term relationship?? Why just marriage? Why is the whole "separated from marriage" the big questions here. We are all ppl & we have all had lives & have had other relationships. I dont believe it makes a differerance what type of relationship the other has been in, there will be always some sort of scarring, some damage, weather it be from a marriage or a long term relationship. If you choose to take that chance , sure its a risk, all relationships are a risk, everyone single one of us has a past. You can usually tell if that person is over their relationship in a short amount of time. Just because a person signed some papers & made it legal doesnt make them any different then the average Joe who just got out of a long term with someone, thats just silly.
Relationships are a risk, pasts are reality. I dont ever refer to someone having baggage thats riduculous. " Baggage" just another term for stating the obvious...life before another..Stop judging others for something thats trivial, go with your gut. | |
|
| |
| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 4/6/2007 10:27:36 PM | | For me, I DONT DATE MEN WHO ARE SEPARATED. Physically, subconsiously, mentally, and emotionally they are not finished with their current marriage and there has been no closure so as to let love flow with a new person. In addition, they have not determined and learned yet what THEY did wrong to make their relationship falter. There are too many rebounding issues also, 'baby-mama' drama if there are children involved...to much to consider. I find dating more fun, glamorous, and exciting with men who are not attached in this way. Just my thoughts. I hope it helps. | |
|
| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 4/15/2007 7:52:21 PM | [I would be a lil' nervous about dating separated men.....I woulddn't want to get close to someone or give them my heart and then they go back with their partner...]
Personally, I would never make that mistake again as that is exactly what happened. Luckily, I held back a piece of my heart, so it was not totally broken... | |
|
| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 4/15/2007 8:18:07 PM | "Generally it's best to only date someone who's at least a couple of years out of a serious or long term relationship"
Interesting. If I'm separated, I can't be "a couple years out of a serious relationship".
I've effectively been alone for 90% of the past three years. There does seem to be a level of paranoia here about dating "separated" people and I have to admit, I've lost a lot of my desire to date lately, I get enough paranoia at the various clients. | |
|
| |
| |
| |
| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 4/19/2007 4:05:19 PM | anenigma i agree with you time is of assents here i have been seperated for 2 years no intentions of rekinling we live 3 states away from each other and i'm happy that way the reason for time lapse is financal PS' i noticed there was no mention of seperated women dateing men whats wrong i'm searching | |
|
| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 4/19/2007 7:34:35 PM | | Find out how that person feels about being separated. Is it a "trial separation" thats just started and they just want someone to talk to? Or have they been separated a long time, their mind was made up ages ago, and things are just taking longer than expected? | |
|
| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 5/2/2007 7:03:17 PM | First I have dated men who were separated...BUT...they had not lived with their wife for 2 years or better. I also did verify that divorce papers had been filed (handy thing the internet).
I would think with men and women if all they talk about is the spouse or how evil the other person is then they are not ready to be dating. That goes for newly divorced people also.
Before I was divorced I knew the second it was 'stick me with a fork I'm done'. He wanted MY dogs! No turning back at that point. Never looked back again. | |
|
notard
|
Joined: 1/10/2007
Msg: 175 | |
| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 5/3/2007 6:56:06 AM | Although I was cautioned against doing so I met and dated two different women while they were still separated and on the route to divorce. I simply could not pass them up since they appealed to me so much. Anyway, one worked out just fine primarily because she had had a lot of counseling and did not pass on any anger against her future exhusband to me. She was very even keeled emotionally, pleasant, upbeat and a lot of fun to be around. While we were dating her divorce came through and nothing much changed in her behavior. The relationship amicably ended for reasons unconnected to her marital status when we met.
The other one was tempermental, volatile, and angry that her exhusband had 'robbed her of her youth'. She was apparently unable to disengage from her feelings about him when with me. Some form of transference must have occurred. It may have been especially difficult for her since her ex and I happened to share the same given name. Her divorce also came through while we were together. Had I met her a few years later things may have worked out with us, I do not know.
My rational in dating these women was I was attracted to them and hoped not to miss the opportunity to date and possibly marry them. They were real finds. I still think I did the right thing because most other men would have jumped at the chance to date either of them. They are each real winners! | |
|
Home
login 
