| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 5/3/2007 7:07:46 AM | SEPARATED = not divorced.
Not divorced = STILL MARRIED.
Bottom line is that "separated" is still married, under the law, both statutorily and biblically. I do not date married people for my own reasons. Those reasons may not work for you, personally. The only good advice I have for dating separated people is to adopt a "look and see" view. Find out where the person's heart really lies. Protect your own. I have seen far too many separated people end up back together in all my years in law firms.
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| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 5/3/2007 7:17:53 AM | What makes "Seperated " people any different from Divorced or anyone else? Divorced yes you have another cheap piece of paper stating you are not tied together legally..but there is always that chance that the divorced will reconsile ,it has happened before, infact alot!...You take a single person that has never been married but been in a rather long term relationship ,they leave ...chances are they may go back to the X...I do believe that a Seperated person needs to give themselves time to find within what they really want..But I think it's safe to assume someone that has been Seperated..Living Apart for 4 years or more...comes as No threat for bailing back to the X...JMO | |
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| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 5/3/2007 7:39:23 AM | A note to Message #11, why would I want to call your wife to tell her you and I are going out? So I can hear how pleased she is for you? Forget about it. You aren't as 'separated' as you think you are if you make a comment like that.
My advice to anyone who is still going through the process of separating is to get your stuff together before you start dating anyone else. There are too many emotional issues to resolve before you are ready to start something new with a clean slate. Some guys just don't handle divorce well, even years after it has been finalized. Having a friend to talk things over is one thing, but to drag someone else through a traumatic time in your life is asking a lot. | |
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| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 9/12/2007 9:30:13 PM | I am being honest on my rpofile too. I have been separated for 15 yrs, left and moved out and never go back, some personal reason why not getting divorce, one thing is my religion, I will not depend myself here, I know that the situation is still married. I dont consider myself married since its been more than 15 yrs and living free make me feel so good. So if a man is interested and wont deal with status separated , I understand. Good luck to eveyone in finding the right fish here in POF. lucilou  | |
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| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 9/12/2007 9:48:12 PM | | It is confusing. I believe that separated couples mostly prefer to take distance from each other. There should still be a sort connection, restriction,... which doesn't let that the couple fall apart. I think we should respect their relationship and give them space, so they can make the final right decision about their relation. I know people do things wrong sometimes, but I think dating another person when you are separated is also wrong. | |
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| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 9/12/2007 9:52:26 PM | | Hey enigma as for separated ,, wait till they are glued back on straight ,, this guy who you loved was not into you ,, seriously if he wanted you he would have searched the globe for you when you left ,, read the book and realize that a smart woman does not tell a guy to follow his heart she hits the road first screw up cause some guy will appreciate you miss sexy beautiful for all you got and he was not the one,,, nope ,, for sure ,,, | |
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| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 9/12/2007 10:25:20 PM | My Advice? Stay Away!!! I went through 2.5 years with a " seperated" then finally divorced man...the lies and manipulation throughout the relationship (to everyone...the wife, kids, my family his family, and all the other women) were elaborate to say the least and VERY convincing (even with all the red flags)...but, eventually he couldn't keep his lies straight. He "used" his separation as an excuse to "slip away" when he wanted to, blamed everything on the soon-to-be x-wife...preyed on other women with the same sob-stories he laid on me at the same time...I mean, he really had the the nerve to lay the SAME story (later found out ) onto other women, with a few little changes here and there...to women who believed him (smart, financially secure, confident women). He even bought me (and others) friendship rings and engagement rings, threatened suicide because I didn't go to Bali with him (THAT was the last straw)...but VERY sociopathic. We all finally figured out his M.O.: sob- story over the soon-to-be-X (the hook), acted romantic, then jealous, then I-can't-live-without-you (the net), then when he finally says he's divorced, he made it our faults that he "got caught" is his complicated webs of deciet and lies (catch and release, especially release).
These individuals are VERY insecure and narcissistic...always needing a back-pocket woman (with intense high-seas drama packed behind them). And will go to almost any length to follow it through. Sorry, but you know what they say...s*** or get off the pot! Stay away from these very confused men (and women). They could make your life a living hell.
I would suggest, if you really like a seperated person...just stay friends until they have divorced, sown their wild oats and have some idea of solid self-identity...which will, in most cases, takes time.
Take care! | |
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| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 2/24/2008 6:57:42 PM | I am responding to this as one who is "seperated" and has been this way for almost six years. My divorce was filed almost six years ago and I am still waiting for this to finalize. My spouse and I lived together eight months, just long enough I could not get the marriage annulled (I tried). Please do not lump me into the category of being a person who would call themself "seperated" to slip out to go out on my spouse or go back to my spouse. I haven't seen my spouse since 2003 (and that was for a legal proceeding) nor do I know where he is. We don't communicate or share any financial assets. I no longer even legally have his last name.
I am sorry that the previous poster has had a lot of issues with seperated people. I am sure there are those out there that do a lot of hurtful things, but please understand I am not one of those and don't want to be included in that category. I have accepted the fact I have paid a lot for the mistake I made in marrying my last spouse but I have moved on. I am not insecure and I know who I am. I have a successful life, am financially secure, and have accomplished a lot of that since the ex left.
I think you have to be careful, there are people who will lie about their circumstances. However, I think if you completely rid yourself of all things seperated, you might just be losing out on the best thing you ever found! | |
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| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 2/25/2008 6:28:04 AM |
Bottom line is that "separated" is still married, under the law, both statutorily and biblically.
Let me state first off that my profile states "separated" because that is accurate and true in my case. The statement quoted above, is not though, in my case. In NY we had to file a heck of a lot of papers prepared by real lawyers that cost real money in order to be legally separated. Among other things, those papers covered the custody of our children, my visitation rights, my support payments for the children and alimony, distribution of ALL of our property, including retirement accounts, and a mess of other things. Among other things, this legal contract allows us, even binds us to live separately for the rest of our lives. I am legally precluded from saying something like, you are my wife, so you must XYZ.
I actually looked it up, just because I was interested, here is section 1 from mine: "The parties shall continue to live separate and apart, free from interference, authority and control by the other, as if each were sole and unmarried, and each may conduct, carry on and engage in any employment, business or trade which each shall seem advisable for their sole and separate use and benefit, without, and free from any control, restraint or interference by the other party in all respects as if each were unmarried. Neither of the parties shall molest or annoy the other or seek to compel the other to cohabit or dwell with the other by any proceedings for restoration of conjugal rights or otherwise, or exert or demand any right to reside in the home of the other, if any."
On the plus side, all the messy work for the divorce is already done now, so that will make that step that much easier in the future.
Having said all this, I totally respect anyone's wish not to get involved with a separated person. Further, I understand that many people just say that they are "separated" without having taken any real or legal steps. That would definitely be a red flag to me. For me, I think it would make sense to judge things on a case by case basis. | |
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| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 2/25/2008 7:39:58 AM | When two people enter a relationship, it should be a clean slate. If one is not divorced or there are unresolved issues from a previous relationship, then you are not starting out with a clean slate. That person is still unavailable on more aspects than one.
They are not actually single yet. They are not totally emotionally free from what they are dealing with. They still have the divorce to contend to, so therefore, how can they focus totally on your relationship?
When I was going through my divorce, no way did I want to date or meet anyone. I wanted to focus and adjust to being a single parent and get through my divorce. I did not want to drag another person into my life while I was still trying to start over. Plus I knew I couldn't give myself 100% to them, when I still had things to deal with.
I think the best compatibility is finding someone who is at the same place in life as you.
Single, free and clear. | |
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| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 7/24/2009 6:33:13 AM | Depends on what you are looking for. If you are just interested in playing the field and enjoying a mans company...they are the perfect suitor.
If you are on a mission to secure a long term serious committed relationship...the odds are not in your favor. I find it takes a man a minimum of 2 years to get to the point where he is capable of anything serious. | |
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| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 7/24/2009 6:59:02 AM | It all comes down to the same question...no matter who you are dating.......
Honesty
How many single guys do you meet that have a girlfriend? How many guys lie about being single, engaged or married? The same goes for women.
I am seperated and that is probably held against me unless someone is just looking for a "little."
I came from a marriage that I tried so hard to make it work, but he has deep emotional issues and was very mean.
It depends if they are truly finished with their marriage and have exhausted all means to save it and are ready to move forward.
Even though I'm seperated....I even find it uncomforatble when I see that someone else is seperated because I know the emotional rollercoaster the couple goes through.
My ex was already checking out women before he moved out....but he's the type that needs to hook up with someone else before he can move on and unfortunatley he was lying to innocent women. | |
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| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 7/24/2009 11:48:38 AM |
Yeah...DON'T DO IT!!! They're still married!!!
One would think that most people on this board would realize that a marriage ends long before the divorce papers are finalized.
It's your choice who you date and I respect that but wouldn't it be a shame to miss out on that perfect match just because they were waiting the courts to catch up with reality. | |
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| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 7/24/2009 12:10:14 PM | I am definitely a bit biased on the subject but I will try and not let that cloud my response.
This is the best advice I have ever heard on the subject
It all comes down to the same question...no matter who you are dating.......
Honesty
How many single guys do you meet that have a girlfriend? How many guys lie about being single, engaged or married? The same goes for women.
Many people get hung up on separated not being divorced which is a 100% true statement and there is nothing wrong with that line of thinking. The ultimate reality is no matter what a person martial status is (single/divorced/separated/engaged/widowed) it always comes down to the person you are seeing. Everyone has "baggage", it is all in how they deal with it.
If your end goal is marriage, then the other person being separated IS a HUGE issue. No way around that. | |
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| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 8/6/2009 10:44:46 AM | {And, BTW, how do we men deal with the "separated" women on this site? The same way? Do the separated women want to wait until their divorces are final to begin dating?}
I didn't but the relationship was long since dead before I even left and the divorce took a while. I was dating again within about 6 months but we hadn't really been intimate for the last 4 years. | |
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| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 8/6/2009 11:36:03 AM | Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people?
DO NOT DO IT!!!!!!!!!
If a man/woman can't get their life/act together enough to end their marriage BEFORE they are out there looking for something better; why would they act any better in a relationship with you?
Or will you be the one they "seperated" from next?
Don't let them use the excuse of "finances" either.
Most states now have the Access to Justice system that will waive the filing fees for divorce and also help you fill out the paperwork and schedule the necessary court hearings.
And if they can't afford to leave their spouse and make a clean break, but they can afford to be seeing you............hmmmmm | |
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| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 8/6/2009 11:40:53 AM | If a person states that they can't get divorced for religionist reasons???????????
What major religion says its okay to date others while your married?????
If you go to hell for getting divorced..................... do you only go to heck for stepping out on your marriage??? | |
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| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 8/6/2009 11:43:39 AM |
Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
I don't know if it's good advice but do what you want to do. At least you know, going in, that he/she is still legally married. I, personally, would want someone who's no longer legally married and has his drama taken care of. | |
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