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| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 8/6/2009 7:22:25 PM | Coming from someone who is divorced, it is a mental, financial and stressful process and with children involved even more so. As everyone knows, just like with a relationship you don't just "get over it". It takes time, that is key!!
Best advice I have, is that you know what your getting yourself into so don't be surprised if that person goes back to their spouse or if your just the "filler" for the time being and then that person finds someone else and you were never the one. You were only the distraction!
Life's too short and yes there aren't too many "good" guys left but better a chance with them then with the separated person. I know I want someone who has no hang ups, don't need it and don't want it! Learn from your mistakes, don't repeat them! | |
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HenXX
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Joined: 6/16/2009
Msg: 204 | |
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| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 8/6/2009 9:07:50 PM | I was separated for 3 1/2 years. I am no different now than the day before I wasn't "separated" anymore, and no different than the day I "became" separated. I am me, an individual, and a date on paper doesnt change anything about me.
I say that they are people too, and likely a victim of circumstances, but no less personable. Just be sure where you and they stand. | |
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| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 10/2/2009 7:45:47 AM | BE carefull is all I can say , my experience says that a year is good or more before I would think about dating someone.
I just talked to a guy that has separated and hes still living in the marital house !!!so you really have to question people when you first talk to them. A lot of these newly separated people are craving attention because they havent had it in a while LOL (just being honest) and they arent thinking that its not a good idea to get attached or thinking that they could really hurt someone in the process like a Single person.
Of course all circumstances are different but I would really do my homework on this one. | |
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| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 10/2/2009 8:02:00 AM | Coming from someone who is divorced, it is a mental, financial and stressful process
No, it was for YOU.
you don't just "get over it". It takes time
No, YOU don't just get over it.
better a chance with them then with the separated person.
So tomorrow when a judge signs a paper, I'm a much better "chance" than I was today. Right.
I know I want someone who has no hang ups, don't need it and don't want it!
Interesting since this post tells us that you have some real hang ups yourself. | |
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| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 10/5/2009 12:47:21 PM | | My advice--dont'. And to add don't date anyone that hasn't been divorced for at least two years. Newbies (newly divorced) are just not right in the head yet, and date date date. If you are not wanting more than to be a number go ahead, if want someone that has their head back on straight then wait. | |
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| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 10/5/2009 2:48:38 PM | | hell no! separated ppl = drama, baggage, clingy/needy, and insecure ppl! i used to have ppl who were separated tell me thats single i said no ur still legally married until the court says divorce is final then u can say ur single/divorce. i wouldnt waste my time with ppl who are separated. they always got some kind of excuse as to why they cant be with u and they still have feelings for their ex | |
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| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 10/15/2009 7:14:52 AM |
hell no! separated ppl = drama, baggage, clingy/needy, and insecure ppl! i used to have ppl who were separated tell me thats single i said no ur still legally married until the court says divorce is final then u can say ur single/divorce. i wouldnt waste my time with ppl who are separated. they always got some kind of excuse as to why they cant be with u and they still have feelings for their ex
This is priceless. How many people do you know that do not have drama, baggage, aren't needy or insecure? Me, I don't know any. How many single people have you dated that were on the rebound? Or were just players? There are no guarantees in life except we're all going to die.
If your divorce has finalized, remember if you can the loneliness and isolation that you experienced between your separation and divorce. If you cannot empathize then IMHO I wouldn't want to date you.
As one of the ladies posted, she was separated for 3 1/2 years. Three and a half years, think about it. For whatever reason her "purgatory" lasted 3 1/2 years. And as she so profoundly stated; she was and is the very same person pre, during and post.
Faith and trust are two very important qualities that many people just don't have.
OP - Just as in any scenario, exchange email, chat and eventually meet this person if you so desire. At some point you'll figure out where they are emotionally. As some have posted, proceed with caution as you would in any relationship.
It's kind of funny (strange), my EX, who is also separated is dating quite nicely thank you very much. But, no ladies will touch me with a barge pole because of my unfinished business. I'm curious if the ladies that have posted here to stay away had dates while separated or were cast aside as they're asking you to do.
G | |
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| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 10/15/2009 9:26:51 AM | Use your head, not your heart. There is a man on here that I got semi involved with and his profile says " Divorced", no, he's seperated and still living under the same roof for financial reasons.
You have to be careful and ask questions. His Mother told me his situation before he did. Go figure. | |
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| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 10/15/2009 9:56:30 AM |
hell no! separated ppl = drama, baggage, clingy/needy, and insecure ppl! i used to have ppl who were separated tell me thats single i said no ur still legally married until the court says divorce is final then u can say ur single/divorce. i wouldnt waste my time with ppl who are separated. they always got some kind of excuse as to why they cant be with u and they still have feelings for their ex
Interesting. You're 23 blueceleste. Your profile indicates you've been engaged since you were 19. Got involved with alot of separated folks in your teen years, did you? Because you certainly wouldn't be blathering on about something you know nothing about.
It's also interesting that you're bi and plan on continue having sex with women in the future. Yet one of your restrictions is that they not be looking for intimate encounters.
You can't write either.
But hey! You're "single". That's all one needs to consider. Right. You don't mind if us 50-something folks, who have been around the block a few times, bend the rules a bit, do you? | |
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| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 10/15/2009 10:13:00 AM | You have to use your head and I agree with many, I wouldn’t date the recently separated, there is a lot of emotional work to be done for many and if they say “no, I’m over them” chances are, they are in denial and just “want” to be over it.
Many of the women that I have chatted with state in there profile that they are divorced or single and in time I find they are still separated and remain so for health insurance reasons which is a big concern for many, a few have been separated for over 10 years.
A separated person is no more updateable than anyone else is unless you demand marriage in the near future. You just have to use your head and get to know someone, but that applies to what ever status they carry. | |
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| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 10/15/2009 10:33:31 AM | As someone in the Separated category, I'm always saddened to see how many women write in and warn others to NEVER give a separated guy a chance.
Every situation is different and unique, like everything else in life. I'm like the other guy here, who said there was NO WAY he'd ever go back.
There are legitimate reasons to be careful, of course, AND you have to deal with some limitations, simply because the guy will have to complete his divorce before the two of you can get married, if that's what you are after.
For the sake of myself, and guys in my situation (no divorce yet for purely financial, IE medical benefits coverage reasons), I suggest you give it a go, and just wait to completely release your heart until you get to know the situation well enough.
That same advice would be best for ANY relationship, of course. | |
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| Anyone have any good advice for dating SEPARATED people? Y or N?
Posted: 10/15/2009 11:30:11 AM | The way I see it is if a womans just separated then she aint 100% free, either emotionally or legally so , no, I wouldnt date them.
I reckon it takes time to process emotions after a divorce too and adjust so don't think people are in the right place to get into anything for at least a year. | |
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