| I Need to Know IF What I did is worth what happened to me
Posted: 2/9/2006 7:31:35 PM | assumption
Who made assumptions? All I have posted are facts!
She may know the answers *now* - but she did not *then* and that is the factor that determines whether she deserved it or not.
The bridge has a lovely view from all sides. You're gonna love it! | |
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Raven1
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Joined: 9/14/2004
Msg: 52 | |
| I Need to Know IF What I did is worth what happened to me
Posted: 2/9/2006 7:33:42 PM |
P.S. Creating a fake profile is not a test - it's lame.
Exactly how was that lame?
She went with her insticts (which were obvioulsy right).
She was just using her head, (something most of the dumba$$es on this website and in society fail to do, regarding just about anything!).
Well, except for the loaning him the money. She made a mistake as far as that's concerned.
Not the first time it's ever happened to someone (male or female).
Guys have gotten scammed like that before too I'm sure. | |
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| I Need to Know IF What I did is worth what happened to me
Posted: 2/9/2006 7:40:23 PM | | whoville... did someone make you bitter? I don't get it... people make mistakes, I can't help but feel there is something personal here. (hey... I could be terribly wrong... and I'm big enough to admit when I am) | |
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| I Need to Know IF What I did is worth what happened to me
Posted: 2/9/2006 7:42:14 PM | | HEY NJCUTIE, DONT SWEAT IT,YOU DID YOURSELF A FAVOR. FIRST OFF ANY GUY WHO DOESNT HAVE 200 BUCKS ON THE SIDE TO COVER BILLS WHEN HES SICK CANT TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF AND CERTAINLY WONT BEING ABLE TO DO ANYTHING FOR YOU. NOT JUST MONETARILY BUT ALSO EMOTIONALLY OR ANY OTHER WAY. AND AS FOR THE FAKE PROFILE, HES FULL OF SHIT HE DIDNT KNOW IT WAS YOU, HES JUST PISSED BECAUSE YOU SHOWED HIM HOW MUCH OF AN ***hole HE IS. BE GLAD IT DIDNT TAKE YOU YEARS TO FIND OUT HE WAS A MORON AND MOVE ON, IM SURE YOU CAN DO ALOT BETTER. | |
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Raven1
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Joined: 9/14/2004
Msg: 56 | |
| I Need to Know IF What I did is worth what happened to me
Posted: 2/9/2006 7:45:32 PM |
never ever go out of your way for someone you don`t know.
WOW!
That's pretty jaded!
Hope the world's not completely full of people like you (with your mentality).
No wonder the world is the way is is (with people thinking like you).
Hell I go out of my way alot of the time. Sometimes for complete strangers (awhile back I left the house only to find someone down the street broken down in the winter cold, they needed a boost...I put aside what I had to do for a bit just to drive back and get cables and give him a boost).
If everyone thought like that what would this world come to?
That's one of the problems with people these days. Everyone's selfish and thoughtless.
Funny thing is just the other day the battery of my father's car was dead and nobody wanted to give a boost when asked. Guess the 2-3 mins it would have taken would have been too much time out of their lives!
I've done more for people than has ever been given back. I guess I take after my parents that way (they've giving people). Does that mean I should completely stop?
The author of this thread is obviously just kind-hearted and a very giving person.
Unfortunately this time it was taken advantage of and perhaps mabye next time she'll exercise a little more caution. That doesn't mean she has to turn into a cold, unruling, selfish, %$^& like alot of society's inhabitants. | |
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| I Need to Know IF What I did is worth what happened to me
Posted: 2/9/2006 7:49:11 PM |
To all the posters who think this was a set-up...Are you an idiot?
I am saddened by the lack of compassion and reason in your posts. Lack of reason because you resorted to name calling.  (Oops, did I just set myself up for attack?)
Of course he didn't plot to steal $200 from out of state women. The take is hardly worth the time spent in planning. However, he saw an opportunity and took advantage of her. That would make him an opportunist. This had the result of making her feel played or in other words... conned. A natural human emotional response to the situation.
She got exactly what she deserved. End of story!
Be careful about kicking someone when they are down. It speaks volumes about your own character. | |
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Raven1
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Joined: 9/14/2004
Msg: 58 | |
| I Need to Know IF What I did is worth what happened to me
Posted: 2/9/2006 7:55:09 PM | * I had to drive all the way to another state
* he got a cold and i even drove 2 hours to bring him soup and juice
* to keep him out of major trouble i gave him $200
Obviously you have never been in love or have had strong feelings for someone (that's ok you don't look like someone that could/would). But usually that's what people do with someone they truly care for. They bend over backwards for them.
That and when people are too kind and giving. They get taken advantage of by the rest of society (out there that are only out for themselves{most people})
TO WHOVILLE: "I have a daughter and is disgusts me that the OP shares a gender with her."
"the heart from the heart of Canada"?? <--your profile header
lmfao
You don't seem like you have much of anything, mucless a heart you jacka$$!
Hopefully your daughter doesn't end up like her prick of a father and grows up with a heart!
I pity the girl.
:( | |
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| I Need to Know IF What I did is worth what happened to me
Posted: 2/9/2006 7:59:48 PM | "I just cannot stand women like the OP who make your gender look like a bunch of simpering, doting idiots."
Well... from a former "simpering and doting idiot" I understand where she is coming from... some people will go to extremes "in the name of love". Sometimes it pays off... sometime it doesn't. That's a chance we have to be willing to take.
If this whole mess is due to poor self esteem and stupid decision making... that is a different story but I certainly refuse to stand on a pedestal and make that judgement call. I don't think anyone of us has that right. Only Cutie knows for sure and only she can do something about it.
whoville...deep breath in and out..k? | |
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| I Need to Know IF What I did is worth what happened to me
Posted: 2/9/2006 8:19:16 PM | Blade... I see you don't take emails from Canada... pity.
Whoville... I'm hearing your opinion.. I do. All I do know is that I've made more than my share of silly decisions in the past (out of "love") and whenever people would pass judgement on me... it would get my "hackles" up.
I chose to believe that you mean well and not to just be cruel. It's possible that it scares the crap out of you that your own little girl may make poor decisions like this down the road. I'm certain that if she grows up with a strong and healthy self esteem... it won't. (good news...don't you think??) | |
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| I Need to Know IF What I did is worth what happened to me
Posted: 2/9/2006 8:38:34 PM | WHOVILLE, Were can I find a GEM like you in my area?
May be the OP should have been taken out back and shot for being so DESPERATE and stupid, right?
Lack of compassion and lack of any kind of understanding. | |
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| I Need to Know IF What I did is worth what happened to me
Posted: 2/9/2006 8:57:56 PM | Dear njcutie72,
I really do understand that at the time you thought you were just trying to be kind, and nurturing, by helping help him out. Women in our society really are wired that way. Don't beat yourself up too much, but do move on...While I do agree that if you suspected him enough to take out an add to test his loyalty, then your gut instincts played out to your favor- it really was all over already, but the thought of starting over was too difficult to face right then, and "in fairness- "your conscience and your need to give him the benefit of the doubt", you confronted him- busted him- he of course retaliated by making it your fault-the crazy making- a classic Alcoholic behavior by the way. You are actually fortunate that your basic instincts were that good. It only cost you 200.00 plus the cost of the CD's...rather than something much worse. What if he had been a dangerous sort? What if you'd gotten pregnant and had that wacko's seed inside you? What if he were a contracter of a dreaded disease like HEP-B, or AIDs? As the judge on TV says "LOOK DEEP, BEFORE YOU LEAP" Know them really well before you sleep with them...liars will never tell you the truth about being a liar until they get what they are after if they ever tell you.... usually they will lie about the lie forever...
It is very common that a cornered rat can, and will lash out verbally, by making it all somehow your fault- its called crazymaking- and if that doesn't work then they usually get physical, or even violent...Crazy guys don't wear huge signs indicating that fact about themselves. Cut your loses. cut bait- the slug- where your emotions are concerned, and move on, and just be really glad that you weren't tied to him long enough to have any real impact on your kids, or worse yet if he had moved in to your place with you, and was then The dominant male figure in your kids lives before you found out what kind of guy he really was.
From what you have said about yourself, you have victim written all over you and I agree that therapy would be not only beneficial, but maybe even a must for your creating a better future for your kids overall. Understand me, I am not judging you, or condemning you. I believe that your actions were pure, and out of a kind heart. Those are very good qualities to have, but are best reserved for persons whom you already know that you can trust for sure, and trust takes a long time to build. If you were intimate with him, then I'd suggest getting checked out in a clinic, because he likely is indescreet with lots of others whenever he finds other "women who love too much", which is also the name of a really good book on the subject.
It is very easy for slimey people to deceive people on these sites. There is really no accountability, and it is difficult to check people out before you've commited your heart over time. trust your gut, and not your heart until you know them for sure really is a good thought. There is one guy in the sites -several of them- who is a total cyber-stalker who is a total impostor, and he does this kind of thing all of the time. When he gets found out, then he just makes up a new profile, and buys a new picture-usually of a male model-. He impersonates being a american doctor most of the time, and his age, and picture are totally fake. Once he feels he has your trust then he lets his need for money, or having someone open an american bank account to help him out of a jam. He says that he has been working out of country, and that the boss is holding his check until he has an american account. He says that he just needs an account for him to wire his money into then he will gladly pay you back once he gets his money. The banks will tell you it is a Nigerian fraud/scam, and that these guys actually do work out of several countries, and even within the US. It was an expensive lesson, but your benefit was that you are alive to tell the story, and to also not let it ever happen to you again...
That guy, in his own way took power from you, and if you don't let go and move on then you will be allowing him to be keeping that same power over you. Think of it this way...The guy you met was not real..he was an impostor who truly does not exhist at all just acting like a really nice caring guy who was ready to be treated with kindness and respect, but because he was only an actor- not the real thing- he is incapable of even feeling any true remorse for his actions, and he'd do it all over again in a heartbeat. I agree about you putting the word out, and making his location, and handle public, so others won't meet the same, or worse fate...in the future though, if you give money out to someone you really don't know best to consider it a gift, or don't give it out at all.
You were in a can't see the forest for the trees situation, and because your emotions were involved too you subconsciously allowed yourself to put on blinders, and disallow your own basic instincts to be numbed to keep up the facade that you had believed through the pictures that you had formed in your mind of what you thought he was like your self-imposed fake reality. For the future, letting mature, and trusted friends help you before leaping into a situation might help you, but investing in the time for the needed therapy to learn about all of your victim signals that he was able to hone in on could help you best, and maybe even help your children not carry the tradition over into the next generation which often happens...
I tell my kids that smart people learn from their mistakes, but really smart people learn from others mistakes... You are alive to tell the story, so you still have time to play it smart next time...We all do really dumb things once in a while...Its good that you are making yourself accountable by admitting your part, but your need in doing so further shows your need for therapy to find out what all of your victim signals are. The sites are actually not the best place for the expose' of yourself, so I would truly suggest- for your hearts protection- that you change your name/handle in here to protect yourself from future predators who would take advantage of your- now public- kind heart... may peace, and love reign in your heart, and life....snow | |
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| I Need to Know IF What I did is worth what happened to me
Posted: 2/9/2006 10:08:37 PM |
Lack of reason because you resorted to name calling
I didn't name call, you quoted me asking a question
Obviously you have never been in love or have had strong feelings for someone
If this thread and the OP had anything to do with "love", I wouldn't say anything. That is the point, isn't it, that this isn't love, it is desperation
that's ok you don't look like someone that could/would
That's funny coming from Rico Suave
people will go to extremes "in the name of love". Sometimes it pays off
She set herself up to be his doormat. Men do not respect this unless they are abusive. So, NO, the OP's actions could never work out
It's possible that it scares the crap out of you that your own little girl may make poor decisions like this down the road.
Not possible. She has been raised to respect herself and know her value.
May be the OP should have been taken out back and shot for being so DESPERATE and stupid, right?
Now that is just mean. Shock therapy maybe, but not death.
I think I covered it. I tell ya, leave for a little while for a coffee and you just lose control of a post. | |
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| I Need to Know IF What I did is worth what happened to me
Posted: 2/9/2006 10:29:02 PM | Wow I went out hours ago and came back and you guys are still at it? 
Though tough love may be good for some it doesn't mean it works for everyone. Yeah sure some of us would never make the types of mistakes the OP did but let's keep in mind this is the Broken Hearts section of the Forums and people come on here for refuge for already feeling pretty crappy about mistakes they have made. Are we making things any better by pointing out the obvious?
No one is saying the OP didn't make huge stupid mistakes, but do we really need to keep flogging the horse that has been dead for hours?
My two cents is NO relationship between two people is one sided, yes the OP made some obvious mistakes but the guy had his share of fault in creating that dynamic, so just because there are people who are more suseptible to being used, or naive if you will, than others it doesn't give someone else the automatic right to be ready and willing to use them. It takes two. | |
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| I Need to Know IF What I did is worth what happened to me
Posted: 2/11/2006 9:30:26 PM | I think one of the biggest problems is even though we may start out with our guards up and try to take it slow and cautious, some of us are still very soft in the middle. Because of past relationships where we have been "burned", we may seem skeptical and untrusting, but we just want someone to love and be loved by. And, in the long run we may seem more appealing because we seem like a challenge, when all along we are all bark and no bite. Does that make us desperate? I don't think so. I think it makes us HUMAN! I have too fallen prey to this type of man. I didn't dish out any money (learned that lesson with regular friends), but the part about going out of your way for someone you care about. I did that many times in my last long term relationship. I am just that kind of person. I didn't complain about it later because whatever I did, I did because I wanted to and not because I was desperate or conned into doing it. But, these days, you don't know who to trust. If you are too trusting you're labeled an idiot or desperate. If you are skepital then you're bitter and negative.
WHAT? Because I was in love, I allowed myself to be used. Allowed myself. I have no one to blame but ME. So, I tried to be careful the next time (which was 4 years later). Yes, I was alone for 4 years. I got to a place where I didn't hurt anymore. I was doing things for me. I was happy being alone. I didn't miss being a couple or any of that stuff you miss when you first break up. Then, I met someone. ONLINE. I thought I was being COOL and taking things slow. But, he just said all the right things and passed all the tests. He was attentive, sent me flowers, bought me gifts. I started to trust him and then BOOM! He got another notch on his bedpost and moved on. Without so much as a Goodbye, Kiss my foot or go jump in the lake. So, I can totally relate. So, I put it to ALL you guys and gals. Who can you trust and when do you know who you can trust? Now, I am on the brink of paranoia. I think to myself, is he telling the truth or is this just another scam. Was everything he ever told me just a big lie? HELP! | |
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| I Need to Know IF What I did is worth what happened to me
Posted: 2/11/2006 11:13:34 PM | NJCutie, I don't think what you did was so bad. You had good intentions. You thought you had met someone you could trust. Sadly, it turns out this guy didn't deserve your trust.
We can all be deceived by someone at one point or another. We all make mistakes. It doesn't mean you're a bad person or anything like that. I'm sure you've learned some important lessons from this.
A nice guy would have had the self-respect to refuse to take the money you offered. A nice guy would have appreciated your efforts and concern for him when he was sick. A nice guy would have had the decency to break up with you before telling another girl online that he was single. It's not your fault this guy wasn't as nice as you thought he was.
I'm sorry that this creepy guy abused your trust this way. I can imagine that must be very painful. If you can simply make sure you learn from your mistakes, you're headed in the right direction. :) | |
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| I Need to Know IF What I did is worth what happened to me
Posted: 2/12/2006 6:51:43 AM | | No, plain and simple the guy was just using you! No one desrves to be used or played. Just forget it, move on. Sure you can do much better than him anyways. Lifes to short to hold grudges, forget it, find someone and be happy. | |
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| I Need to Know IF What I did is worth what happened to me
Posted: 2/12/2006 5:11:27 PM | i just want to thank all of you who were kind enough to be honest. good and bad.
you're all right in a way.
to clear a few things up, no, i didnt jump into bed with him, i'm not wired that way.
and i just didnt meet this nut and do all these things. it happened over time.
as far as the dumb mistake, when someone tells you they love you and then stop talking to you as much, the insecurities start i guess. no excuses. just the facts.
so, thank you all. good or bad. god bless. | |
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| I Need to Know IF What I did is worth what happened to me
Posted: 2/12/2006 5:40:22 PM | I know I'm jumping in late in the game (4th qtr!), but I want to present a unique perspective on the situation. FYI: what you did WAS worth what happened to you. Love makes people do things they wouldn't otherwise consider rationally. But, don't feel bad ... you outfoxed a snake! However, stay away from guys who don't have a job, k? If you don't learn to trust your instincts or gut feels (aka red flags) you're going to keep suffering like this. If you hadn't trusted your feelings later on, you would not have opened the new profile and "snuck up on him" - - true? So start trusting your God-given intuition from day one.
Now, you may have lost some dough, but I think you have saved money in the long run. I say make the guy a proposition: 30 days to return (by mailing it to your address - - use your P.O. Box # (ask your nearest post office - - we all have one)) your money and DVD's, or else... you will release his identity on this forum to the public. (You can guess which result most of us on this forum are rootin for...) If he can't be persuaded by means of common decency, then there are other means of persuasion. If he values his reputation, he will return your things via express mail. (Money spent on dates is independent of personal loans or belongings.)
And if you have clouded feelings on something, there's nothing stopping you from consulting with some close friends on various life situations BEFORE doing something. There's a lot of wierdos out there. Be wise. | |
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