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| It's not your profile, it's....
Posted: 2/22/2006 10:50:41 PM | @kookyburd
Ok, I'll take a feeble stab at your questions...
How to know if someone's a tool -
1). They are absolutely clueless about how boring they are, because its all about them. An example would be your typical couch potato, who never wants to do anything but watch the tube. If you tell them you're getting bored and restless, they consider it your problem, and refuse to change anything, or think they're doing you a MAJOR favor to shake themselves out of their rut once a year to leave the house with you.
2). Nothing is ever their fault. Everybody is out to make them miserable. Life is so unfair. They want sympathy and comfort, but they're really lousy at giving any back.
3). They waver between unreasonably high self esteem (example, they gave you an orgasm so they are a smug, gloating sex god) and unreasonably low self esteem (see #2), so that they slightest criticism sends them into a self-pity spiral.
Those are all I can think of for now...
Warning signs -
1). See above characteristics.
2). Any complaints on your part will be met with overreaction because they are scared you are asking them to change (and they know they won't), so they see it as a sign you'll be leaving them soon. They quickly get bitter and angry and start lumping you in with all the other rotten members of your sex. They don't stop to think you may have a good point. Even days later they are defensive, moody and angry at you (and are trying to train you not to do it again).
3). They think YOU are lucky to have THEM, even though they are often contributing very little to the relationship.
What should you do -
1). Pick your battles. Do you really want him to change, and is it worth trying to convince him?
2). Explain calmly and logically what you feel is lacking in your relationship. Try to avoid saying anything that sounds blaming or accusing. Example, point out that you want to have more fun together, and mention some of the things you would like to do; instead of a statement such as "You never take me anywhere".
3). See if there are things he feels are missing as well. Sometimes you never know until you ask.
4). If it becomes obvious he feels everything is fine, and he doesn't want to (and won't) change a thing, its time to start exploring your options.
Disclaimer - tools come in both genders. Compromise is a two-way street, and upon communication you may find your SO finds you to be a tool as well. Therefore, don't ask for change unless you are willing to do some changing too. | |
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| It's not your profile, it's....
Posted: 2/23/2006 2:49:01 PM | | Well, John, just post a thread about how you're a nice guy who's tired of finishing last, and you immediately advance to the third level of TOOL HELL!! | |
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| It's not your profile, it's....
Posted: 2/23/2006 2:59:28 PM | I wanna be a tool. I want to be able to stand up semi-erect with my pocket protector gleaming in the sunlight and proclaim feebly that "I'm a tool and proud of it".
Course, it's really not gonna happen today.  | |
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| It's not your profile, it's....
Posted: 2/23/2006 3:02:53 PM | Pocket protectors do not a "tool" make.Now go and stand in the corner for 15 minutes and think about where you went wrong.  | |
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| It's not your profile, it's....
Posted: 2/23/2006 3:11:12 PM | now in the spirit of Babwa Wawa,....it you were a tool, what kind of tool would you be?
msannthrope, when are you going to finish the complete idiot's guide to online dating? You must have enough material by now? | |
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| It's not your profile, it's....
Posted: 2/23/2006 3:15:31 PM | | I'm sick of being a tool.Everytime I TALK to SANDRA......'It's all about SANDRA'.It would be nice if it could be all about JOHN for once. | |
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| It's not your profile, it's....
Posted: 2/23/2006 3:19:55 PM | Squirrly, everytime I think I'm done, someone comes along and surprises me...and is unsually not pleasant!!
John, I'm really worried about you. Please seek help for your warring personalities. I think "Sandra" may be winning. | |
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| It's not your profile, it's....
Posted: 2/23/2006 3:27:35 PM | I looked and asked myself honestly and truthfully,
''Dear God! Am *I* a tool?!?'' The answer was no.
Am I missing something here?
Am I supposed to be a 'tool'?
What sort of tool am I supposed to be? | |
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| It's not your profile, it's....
Posted: 2/23/2006 3:38:32 PM | TOOLs rarely have the self-awareness to realize they are, in fact, tools.
In a way, this thread is about that heartbreak. I think we need to hold a telethon to address this issue, and put a halt to TOOLishness in our lifetimes.
People say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. | |
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| It's not your profile, it's....
Posted: 2/23/2006 3:42:34 PM | What heartbreak?
I am very self aware.
I think you have to be self aware to realise that you are not a tool.
Why do you think everyone is a tool? | |
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| It's not your profile, it's....
Posted: 2/23/2006 3:47:12 PM | So squirrly you are saying that people use me to pick up very small parts such electrical wires or nuts and bolts and to perform soldering and such?
What?
Or were you making a hillarious joke?
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| It's not your profile, it's....
Posted: 2/23/2006 3:49:32 PM | to OP.
You said everyone was a tool.
You said people are too unaware to realise they are tools.
I am a person.
Therefore you were refering to me. | |
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| It's not your profile, it's....
Posted: 2/23/2006 3:49:41 PM | Squirrly was making a hilarious joke. There, there, no need to worry your pretty lil head about it. *pat, pat*
Bob, if you read back, you will see that I have never said "everyone is a tool." Hint: start with the first post on page one.) I am sorry you somehow came to that misconception, and also sorry if it caused you any pain. | |
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| It's not your profile, it's....
Posted: 2/23/2006 4:02:05 PM | Bob: Once again, I'm terribly sorry, but I *don't* know what you mean. I never said everyone is a tool.
And now I'm afraid I must ignore you. I've been warned if you feed a troll, it gets bigger and bigger and never goes away.
Have a lovely evening. | |
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| It's not your profile, it's....
Posted: 2/23/2006 4:06:24 PM | I've received more attention now that my profile says that I'm just here for the forums. Go figure. Most people love a mystery and most people love a challenge. Then again, most people are weird b*tches or b*stards. Just depends on your sex as to which one you are--unless you're a gay guy, in which case, I think he'd probably rather be called a weird b*tch. Oops. I'm rambling now.
Hey MsAnnThrope--you're definitely a tool, and I love you for it!
(No gays were intentionally harmed during the making of this post. It was purely for entertainment purposes and stunt verbs, stunt nouns, and other stunt parts of speech replaced the actual parts of speech of this thread.)
Oh yeah. To my original point . . . the simpler your profiles are--i.e. don't waste words or ramble (yeah, don't write like I do)--the more success you will most likely have. | |
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| It's not your profile, it's....
Posted: 2/23/2006 4:19:41 PM | tools...
I think everone in the dating market should ask of themselves:
Do I sincerely like the opposite sex?
Am I likable to others?
Do I bring joy to others?
Am I responsible?
Do I take care of myself & my dependents?
Do I make an effort to look & be my best?
Am I angry?
Do I have a bad attitude?
Am I willing to date within my league?
Do I indulge in wishful-thinking?
Do I respect myself and others?
AM I DATABLE????
WOULD I DATE ME?
Few are brave enough to sit in a dark room and really contemplate their own shortcomings and then resolve to reform. The norm is blame others, excuse oneself. Otherwise, how can anyone expect to get back more then they put in? Everyone, from the most vile to the most successful, has the time and resourses to move up in class, even just a little. I think that's what life's all about - to become better people. | |
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