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| what fun.
Posted: 2/13/2006 12:02:43 PM | hagrid says [/a woman I met who insisted on meeting despite her smoking
habit and my complete inability to be exposed to tobacco in any form - she showed
up visibly dirty, and reeking of intense smoke -/]
Sounds like the description of events from a person who has a difficult time taking responsibility for thier own actions :P
I know: I can do that too from time to time
hagrid... I smoke and I would like to date you, no I INSIST and actually no... I am FORCING you to meet me.... I know it REVOLTS you but it is REALLY important to me that we try this out...
lol. to sweeten the deal I have a car that needs work (you could do that, right?) and children who need a father figure... so maybe you could take us to disneyland for the first date?
You have made choices within each of these scenarios. you can acknowledge that, no? | |
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| what fun.
Posted: 2/13/2006 12:52:28 PM | hagrid,
Then why stay? If internet dating has been so 'bad' to you....why stick around? You have obviously NEVER been the one to make any mistakes in your relationships...it's just the women. Why keep hitting your head against the wall? Go forth into the real world, Im sure you'll have better luck. You might even go ring up sword-guy, the two of you can paint the town red...find some virgins, woohoo. What's the point of your post except to moan and tell everyone how great you are? There are great people on the internet, and there are flakes...learn to tell the difference, and take your lumps like a man. The rest of us do. Good luck. | |
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| what fun.
Posted: 2/13/2006 3:53:12 PM | Amazing.
As for the first - the woman I mentioned repeated many times that she only
smokes now and then, and that she had dated guys before and put the thing
on 'hold', and that I would likely not even know she smoked when we met.
My guess is that she has practically no sense of smell, or that it was a really
fun joke for her to show up in a malodorous condition and watch while I tried
to figure out a polite way to visit and part without offense.
To the 'be a man' assertion below that post - I say only this:
I would find it very easy to believe there must be a string of decent, nice guys
you have 'had' previously that are now very careful about showing any real or
vulnerable side to women - this is what happens after the sort of treatment
gentle guys get from emotionally abusive women.
As for why I haven't just quit - it is simple - I believe that life lived alone is
selfish and ultimately pointless; vs. life with a partner which gives a deeper
meaning and color to the lives of both.
Best Wishes,
mark* | |
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| Islgurl...
Posted: 2/13/2006 4:08:08 PM | I used to be the knowing 'resuer' type - and figured it out, and then tried very
hard to NOT get involved with any more women needing 'rescuing'.
The only thing I can say is that there seems to be 1000's of variations and
flavors of that theme - because if this is what I have found since, there must
be no real way to tell ALL the varieties - I know they have sure gotten by me !
As for the label of 'druggie' - I did not know that woman during h.s./college,
but found after that adventure that we had folks we both knew in common.
I also knew her extended family before I knew her, and when we first met she
barely said hello at a family function we both happened to attend - her sister
then explained to me that she was getting divorced and was unhappy, and I
didn't actually get to know her until like 5 years later.
Afterwards I heard that she had a horrible reputation for eating any drugs she
could get while in h.s. and college - and had also been publicly injurious to
several of her earlier boyfriends - even had one bleeding badly enough to need
treatment - then after college she settled an hour away and seldom visited her
home town, where I still reside.
I had no way to know these things until later though.
As far as which drug, and why - I am not a dr., just a guy who'd like a drug-free
mate - and prozac does indeed scare me.
No, we didn't talk about it - I tried to ask about it - but she left the room, and
2 further attempts were glared at and halted - so I did my own research on the
drug, and found out why she was so worried about specific side effects, but not
willing to discuss it.
What I have shared is an accurate account of my own experiences, as best as
I can remember and type it off - and it continues to amaze me how women here
are so hell-bent to see such sharing as gender bashing and blaming.
I would prefer to gain greater understanding of these things, and then learn to
avoid recurrences permanently, if possible....
Best Wishes,
mark* | |
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| what fun.
Posted: 2/13/2006 4:24:07 PM | | You may say whatever it is you like, doesn't mean it's true. And I would be hard pressed to call telling someone to take their lumps like a man, abusive. But whatever floats your boat. I should have said 'you are so right about everything you've said'...since that is obviously what this thread was about....I apologize for not seeing that right off the bat. Carry on with your righteous self. | |
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| what fun.
Posted: 2/13/2006 4:50:58 PM | Assuming, then calling strangers a liar is very shortsighted, would you agree ?
I have not been 'fishing' for agreement only as you said - but neither have I
hoped to gain replies from women that for some reason associate being male
with taking a beating - you can do that if you wish, I prefer not to.
Is there also meaning in 'take your lumps like a woman' ?
Sorry, I haven't heard such a saying previously.
And name calling: 'righteous self' - I fail to see where folks think that such
purely emotional responses on a purely non-emotional medium like this carry
any credibility - all they do is clearly identify the emotional level of the mud
slinger - this kind of behavior does not establish credibility - just the opposite !!
Thanks for your helpful response namelessgrace,
mark* | |
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| what fun.
Posted: 2/13/2006 4:57:02 PM | | You are so right about everything you've said. | |
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| what fun.
Posted: 2/14/2006 10:12:28 PM | Dingdingdingdingding !!
AAAAAAANNNNNNDDDDDD.......Namelessgrace has made the KO - over 24
hours without another single post in this thread !!!!
Congrats nlg !
mark* | |
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| what fun.
Posted: 2/14/2006 10:26:35 PM | smallhagrid- reading msg 5, I think you are very much a gentleman, and there are lots of women looking for a man like you...don't let these people get you down. The world needs more men like you...
As for Swan.. that's totally messed up...Please, Mark, don't take HIS advice, or you'll be ruined!!!
As for the druggie, my X had a daughter like that...she was getting prescriptions from several different doctors at the same time...could never figure it out...you'd think with computers, they'd be able to track it better. This girl would resort to anything to get drugs!!! Once, when she was trying to convince her dad and I that she was quitting, she confessed to me, that when she was riding in a car with other people, she would often WISH for the driver to have an accident, so she could claim 'pain' and get drugs! Whoa! That is some scary sh*t, if you ask me. An addict will do anything to get their next fix, and they don't care who they have to step on to get it!! Mark, I have no doubt that your story is true...it might SEEM ficticious to those who have never experienced it, but once they DO, they will never again doubt you!!
~DC~ | |
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| ~DC~
Posted: 2/14/2006 11:20:58 PM | Thanks DC !
Your posts have been a pleasure for me, and I have no intentions of changing
things about myself that I have worked long and hard to attain because there
are some flamers making their mark on the world, courtesy of my posts.
Can you imagine how angry and abusive so many of these flamers must be
either in actions or words in 'real life', and it makes me cringe - like folks
that consider hitting someone to be a valid response to a question, it is
only sad.
I can only hope that in sharing their bile and aiming it at me, perhaps some
other person is spared a lashing who is within their arm's reach - and they
do no harm whatsoever in flaming me - so let them flame all they want !
Since the most powerful teaching is always by example - I will continue to
respond politely and patiently - that is my way, and I refuse to degenerate.
It is amusing how being polite with such folks is replied to with nothing more
than name calling and mud slinging - and I guess that is just fine for folks
who have that as their main means of communication (but some who pitch
would do well to also learn to catch, if you get my drift..).
Personally, it appears that there are people that seem to believe that the
LOUDER they yell LIAR, LIAR !!!, the more credible it is as a result.
In truth, it may work more like: 'Methinks the lady doth protest too much !'
Yes - addicts are scary people - and as life goes on I suspect more folks
will get to see how that works, as you so wisely said.
My Thanks, and Best Wishes to You !
mark* | |
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TMP
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Joined: 10/21/2005
Msg: 61 | |
| internet dating - uh huh.
Posted: 2/18/2006 12:14:01 AM | mark Ive read from the start of your forum what you have said. Im sorry guy Im not sure you could ever be happy,  | |
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| internet dating - uh huh.
Posted: 2/18/2006 8:53:51 AM | So, I am a misguided man who is punishing women ?
Not really, no. You do seem to be painting all women using online dating with the same brush. So 3 online women screwed you over. Sure you're bitter about that, who wouldn't be? You should probably get over it, but I suspect these burns are a bit too recent for that. Am I correct?
Holding these 3 women responsible for their crappy behavior just makes sense. No arguments there. Holding women at large responsible or at the very least assuming they'll all be just like what you've faced thus far?? Not good.
Your choices in women was bad. Period. We all make bad choices, though many of us here like to pretend we don't. Thing is that even if the bad choice can hide their crappy selves for awhile, as you've discovered, it eventually comes out. We can sometimes tell when it's a no-win, but not always. So the entire board can tell you "make better choices, dude", but you're never gonna know if you've made one until you have a relationship (from online or not) that works out.
To your credit, you didn't stick around trying to fight a battle you'd lose.
I'm all for working out problems, but when the problem is 'I don't want you around anymore because 9insert valid or insane reasons here) ', how the hell do you work that out?
it seems as though you choose women with problems from the start.
How can you expect a good relationship when starting out like that?
I can at least give 2 of the 3 women credit for telling him up front what they thought their big problems were. Number 3 didn't give him any info. Is it better to start off a relationship with a lie or an omission that might impact the relationship down the road? I wouldn't think so.
Now the smoking thing:
I'm an occasional smoker. I sincerely doubt that there's a corelation between self-loathing and being a smoker. While I can mostly agree with anyone who tells me they think smokers are abusing their bodies, I believe it's more of an addicition problem than it is a self-loathing issue. I certainly do not hate myself.
Many people do hate themselves, but alas... not all of them smoke.
If one doesn't wish to love a smoker, one shouldn't... simple enough. Pretty valid perference. The only thing I question is given your prefs, why'd you meet her? Did she lie about it then? I didn't see that, if that's the case.
Try treating a woman like dirt. I mean, not really like dirt, but be a little insensitive. It may go against who you are, but I find women need a little discipline if they have been naughty outside of marriage.
This is ridiculous. Why advise him to go against his nature? I'm not even gonna touch the rest of swansword's inane post.
One thing I find very interesting about posting here is the emotional ways
that folks 'hear' what other folks post, and how they respond as a result.
Folks hear (read) what they want to into people's posts. It generally doesn't matter what you say.
The whole thing about how he picked these women with all these issues... bad bad bad. So what I'm seeing here is that we must drop someone we care about because they may have issues? How rotten! Sorry, but that stinks. I guess accepting faults isn't big around here. I don't think that his pursuing a relationship with a woman who openly admitted that she has issues with her children was stupid.. or that he asked for trouble by doing so... No one is perfect. Had she admitted, 'Hey, I like to sleep around and cheat on my man', if he'd stayed after that, then sure... I could see the venom.
But geez... liking someone enough to be willing to deal with their crazy kids? It's amazing how attempts to work through something WORTH working through get twisted all to $hit.
I think some folks are reading too many self-help books and clearly not comprehending them at all...
"You don't know how to pick the right women"?? /men
Actually, there's no logic to that statement
Not a lot of logic, no, but honestly, we're not all psychic. None of us know how to pick the right people and then presto... bang... boom... one day, we do. Is this really so startling? | |
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umm1
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Joined: 2/13/2006
Msg: 63 | |
| what fun.
Posted: 2/18/2006 9:00:26 AM | at OPer, you are not looking for a person to love or have a realtionship with... maybe an object to satisfy some ideal you have.
I am betting you have many of your own issues that are far worse than smoking, only you can't see them. | |
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| internet dating - uh huh.
Posted: 2/19/2006 1:57:19 PM | Lux,
Actually my POV is that ALL people in my life - whether they have contributed anything
blatantly positive or not - and I do mean ALL people are considered by me to be my
teachers. One way or another I have learned something from being exposed to any
person in my lifetime.
You wrote: "So 3 online women screwed you over. Sure you're bitter about that, who wouldn't be? You should probably get over it, but I suspect these burns are a bit too recent for that. Am I correct?"
This has a couple of answers rather than a simple yes/no:
If I was going to be bitter, I would have to start with the members of my own family
because drugs, alcoholism and abuse were daily occurances in the family 'home'.
Instead, I have learned the value and sheer power of forgiveness, and that the greatest
motivation to forgive is to be a better person for myself - forgiveness is something we
each must learn to do for ourselves - and by it everyone benefits.
(And *NO*, I am not religious - not at all.)
Of the 3 women I shared about - 2 were genuinely impossible to get and stay close with,
and so I got over those experiences very quickly - the third was intense and amazing,
and baffling and sad all at once - and the lingering wonder has been only in response
to that woman saying that for her I was 'her perfect man', then dumping me right away.
Cerebrally I understand the whole thing - the facts make good sense - but the feeling of
amazement still shows up now and then, a year later - but I am not angry or bitter
because those emotions would be damaging, so all that may linger is a wee bit of sadness,
in the thought of how lovely it could have been had her addiction(s?) not been more
important to her than the love she professed to seek as her top priority.
You also wrote:
"The whole thing about how he picked these women with all these issues... bad bad bad. So what I'm seeing here is that we must drop someone we care about because they may have issues? How rotten! Sorry, but that stinks. I guess accepting faults isn't big around here. I don't think that his pursuing a relationship with a woman who openly admitted that she has issues with her children was stupid.. or that he asked for trouble by doing so... No one is perfect. Had she admitted, 'Hey, I like to sleep around and cheat on my man', if he'd stayed after that, then sure... I could see the venom.
But geez... liking someone enough to be willing to deal with their crazy kids? It's amazing how attempts to work through something WORTH working through get twisted all to $hit.
I think some folks are reading too many self-help books and clearly not comprehending them at all..."
Thanks.
Truth is that it is really impossible for anyone to go through any amount of life and NOT
have something that needs help - and especially when a person has gotten past 40 -
WOW, there's ALOT of history in a life that long, and wounds, and healing, and ???
I believe that no relationship or person is 100% perfect, and that all this stuff takes
time and effort - and I always give any situation what I consider to be a fair chance to
work out - but when they are beyond hope, it is time to depart peacefully, that's all.
I don't believe that folks should stay together in a painful situation for years and years
for any reason - but neither do I believe that it is right to break off immediately without
at least trying to 'get it right'.
Best Wishes,
mark | |
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| somehow the time to take pictures is never at a nightclub
Posted: 6/25/2006 7:08:43 PM | hmm, I think when you just skim through posts like I do you tend to misinterpret things.
I read the last part of swan's post as something positive, like how he hooked up with this amazing girl and had a good time. And how she proposed ...
anyways, you get married fast, you get divorced faster, seen it many a time with my friends ... well about 3 times, but only known 5 friends to get married so there you go
personally I'm getting married to get cheaper car insurance ... can't wait ... that's the ultimate sign of a skin flint / cheap bum, lol | |
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| internet dating - uh huh.
Posted: 6/25/2006 7:40:57 PM |
have also noticed that ALL people who smoke have some kind of anger or
self-hate issues, and tend to be negative and to assume others share their
way of living. [quote/]
Your insane, you seem to be the judgmental person, I m sorry your relationships haven't worked out but thats life!! and if you continue to faill at personal relationships maybe the problem lies with you and not them................
but either way thats dating some work out some don't...... your gonna have the same experince if you meet the peson online or out in the real world................... | |
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| internet dating - uh huh.
Posted: 6/25/2006 8:39:21 PM |
3+ years ago, a very nice woman, who told me of her biggest problems right at the start -
her 2 kids that were very messed up, and that she wanted a guy to be with when they
went with their dad, because she needed the R&R - she also confessed she seriously doubted
that she wanted cohabitation or marriage again.
We were good together - seriously, very good - and after 6 months when I mentioned that
I really wanted a long-term relationship....BAM ! All done, just like that.
1st Woman: So, she tells you from the start that she's not looking for cohabitation or marriage and you're surprised when you want a long-term relationship and she doesn't. What part of her telling you from the word GO that she didn't want marrige or cohabitation didn't you understand?
The Prozac Lady: Did you ever discuss her use with her? Perhaps try to help her? Or did things just fall apart and you never spoke of it? If the subject was never broached by either of you, clearly...things are going to go nowhere. Fast.
The Needy RN: You say you knew from the start she was needy. Then you were surprised that she was...needy?
You say the women weren't offering honesty just expecting it from you.
Seems to me, at least 2 of em were pretty honest. Maybe you weren't listening?
As to the Prozac woman, unless you made an honest effort to confront her, hold an intervention or some other form of help...how is she the only one at fault?
You were in the relationship too. When you found out, you should've done something. You don't say you tried to offer to get her any help or stand by her.
You only say you were "watchful and hopeful".
Watching and hoping an addict will change isn't helping them. It's enabling them.
Colin | |
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| internet dating - uh huh.
Posted: 6/25/2006 8:44:11 PM | what's the common denominator in these failed relationships... you.
but playing devil's advocate, it sounds like your selection process may be a bit off guy.
these negative threads won't exactly enhance yer online datin' propects. | |
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| internet dating - uh huh.
Posted: 6/28/2006 6:28:44 PM | mark,
you seem very thoughtful and balanced. You asked how many guys have had similar experiences to you. You didn't ask how many woman have. | |
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| internet dating - uh huh.
Posted: 6/28/2006 7:19:42 PM | | Everyone expects to meet the perfect man or the prefect women from online. There is no one who is perfect...everyone has flaws and if you really like someone and care about them then you learn how to deal escept who there are and what is apart of them. | |
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| internet dating - uh huh.
Posted: 6/29/2006 8:01:43 PM | I believe a high percentage of people that are with 'on line' dating just basically are meant to be alone. Why? Because , sure, they have time for their computer, but when it comes to reality...other things are more important.
For those of you whom this type of dating has worked , more power to you | |
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| internet dating - uh huh.
Posted: 6/30/2006 10:02:56 AM | | can anybody tell me how to post my story?can't seem to figure it out...brb | |
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| internet dating - uh huh.
Posted: 6/30/2006 10:12:23 AM | | To the OP…. I’ve been on and off for 4 years now. I lived all the same crap that you did, and probably worse and far more often. For some reason, I seem to like the abuse. No one is ever going to convince me that online dating works. The thing is, online dating is just a symptom of a very serious disease our society is suffering from. What is it? Not sure. All I know is that dating has been from far the most painful thing that I ever experienced. | |
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| internet dating - uh huh.
Posted: 6/30/2006 9:58:01 PM | this is not only painful but also fake!!ppl pretend...which is sad...it's just like real life...u meet someone, they treat u nice for a while then they lie and start changing colors...i give up on love period!!!i've gotten hurt on here more then i ever imagined i could.i didn't believe in this at first, but started to because of ...so i thought...a special person...ppl are shady no matter where n how u met them!!!sad but true!!! | |
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| internet dating - uh huh.
Posted: 7/1/2006 9:29:46 AM | | not all women hide behind their profile and some of us r honest(the good and the bad)--i figure u might as well be honest from the beginning because if u meet the person u have been chatting with , the truth is going to come out | |
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