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| If you cannot feel sexual chemistry, should you continue to date someone?
Posted: 11/8/2006 7:17:51 PM | I would say that if you feel no chemistry at all, then maybe dating is better left to someone else. I have had friendships that go on for months, sometimes years and then all of a sudden, when you least expect it, the sexual chemistry hits you between the eyes. I think some attraction is important, but I have to say, too, that when I first met my husband (now ex) I thought he was weird looking... jaw too angular, eyes scary dark, too hairy, too skinny. After I got to know him I found him more and more attractive. We spent 17 years together before our attraction ended.
Good luck. | |
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| If you cannot feel sexual chemistry, should you continue to date someone?
Posted: 11/8/2006 7:45:04 PM | while I agree that without it you really dont have much to go one but ...I think you really need to "test" it.
I dont think its always so "clear cut" as to be able to tell without tasting deeply of the pheromones..rather than just sniffing your date like a couple of dogs at the park.
frankly I dont think you can really know without kissing..its cliche but kinda true.
In any relationship where there really wasnt any chemistry it became painfully clear the second we kissed. I no longer try to fight my way through it after the kiss.
Its not that you couldnt have a relationship..its just better when your connections happen on as many levels as possible. | |
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| If you cannot feel sexual chemistry, should you continue to date someone?
Posted: 11/8/2006 8:49:49 PM | | Totally agree..it's all in the kiss....you just kind of know it after that. I'm enbaressed to say that when I was younger (early 20's), I'd go out, party, have fun and if I saw someone I really thought was someone I liked, I'd ask to kiss him to see...yep, those were the Margarita, go dancin', get crazy nights...wouldn't do that now, but it is true...click in kissing, click in chemistry. | |
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| If you cannot feel sexual chemistry, should you continue to date someone?
Posted: 11/9/2006 10:50:13 PM | I guess te question is; can we live without it?
I have had the chemistry and the relationship itself was the shits..and they all turned out to be the shits..but then there were a few where there was not a lick of sexual chemistry and the other part was great...and then you get the odd ones that your really not all that attracted to but you get along great and the sex is great..
I guess that it's all waht we're willing to settle for or if we're willing to settle... | |
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| If you cannot feel sexual chemistry, should you continue to date someone?
Posted: 11/10/2006 2:24:25 AM |
well..... i met an amazing woman... beautiful and successful... smart and funny. ive taken her now on 9 dates... from brunch to movies.. to 5 star dining... to cooking for her... and meeting her friends...
she wont as much as french kiss me.. let alone have sex with me...
yes.. we hold hands... we hug... i get a peck on the lips...
ive brought it up to her.. and she says she is cautious.. and wants to take things slow...
LOL... slow?>> as much as i am falling in love with this woman.,... the lack of affection and physicality perhaps will just make me run away....
i have tried to not push.. but... when is enough..... enough?
I had almost a carbon copy of this exerience awhile back. I don't like to bug women once things end, so I'll never know for sure. I'm pretty sure though she thought I was a nice guy and liked the free dinners, movies, dances etc. but simply wasn't attracted. Whenever I went in for a kiss there was some lame excuse or it ended up being about as platonic as a kiss on the lips can be. She gave me the garbage about taking things slow because of her last ex which I might've bought except he didn't sound that horrible or wonderful and it had been over six months ago.
I would end it if I were you, you're going to get more attached, and if after nine dates all she's willing to give is a peck on the lips I doubt things will change much. | |
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| If you cannot feel sexual chemistry, should you continue to date someone?
Posted: 11/10/2006 2:34:27 AM | | It depends on how you rank sex. To some people sex isn't even a priority in a relationship so it depends on the relationship. Personally I am one of the men who actually thinks sex is overrated, so if I did not have sexual chemistry with someone I wouldn't mind it, but if you rank sex high then maybe you should get someone else. | |
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| If you cannot feel sexual chemistry, should you continue to date someone?
Posted: 11/10/2006 9:24:41 AM | Personally I believe if there is no sexual chemistry in a romantic relationship, there is in fact no true romantic relationship. You can more or less get all the other qualities you want out of a relationship short of sex from a pet dog, a pet cat, or a close personal friend. So unless you are into having sex with animals or your friends, I would look elseswhere for a proper romantic relationship. If there is no sexual chemistry between you and your partner, then what you have is a budding friendship, nothing more. The chemistry is there or not there, not something that can be brewed in a test tube, or simulated like rich, corinthian leather.
Have fun ;)! | |
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| If you cannot feel sexual chemistry, should you continue to date someone?
Posted: 11/10/2006 9:26:16 AM | I think for myself...if I didn't feel the sexual chemistry "NEXT!"
Unless I had known them some time in some other capacity and actually was attracted to them intellectually, emotionally, spiritually etc., I suppose something could develop. I think however that you almost instantly know if you would be willing to share yourself with someone.
Two examples....
One is a man I have known for quite some time....he is kind, patient, and has made his interest in me known.. I would consider him a friend of sorts....yet..when i think about doing the "Grownup" with him....i just don't get "tingly" but I think..he is so sweet and attentive and kind...maybe one day I would feel it...?? Who knows...but unless I feel it...... I know for certain it won't get physical.
Other example:
I know this other person....who i have spoken with extensively...so i feel a rapport, then when we meet the first time in person... within ten minutes I am thinking "God I'd love to;" Still thinking it as a matter of fact **blush* So that was an instant chemistry for me....
Here is my pondering: Which would be the safer bet? Which would I benefit from more? I suppose it all does depend on what priority you place on sex in a relationship...and for me.....Hay....I like the whole "physical" raw, intense passionate feeling thing.
That girl who who writes...
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| If you cannot feel sexual chemistry, should you continue to date someone?
Posted: 11/10/2006 9:44:05 AM | I can't...
I've met some wonderful me... that had everything going for them... for some reason.. I just didn't feel it. I had a friend tell me "that's ok.. it's better if they are more into you"
It just seemed wrong. I want to crave being with the person I'm with and visa versa... I've had that before not willing to settle for less! | |
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| If you cannot feel sexual chemistry, should you continue to date someone?
Posted: 11/10/2006 10:03:35 AM | It depends on what type of relationship you are looking for. If you are looking for just a sexual relationship, then chemistry is a must. If you looking for long term, then you can wait to see what other qualities this person has,and if there`s chemistry then you are in luck. | |
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| If you cannot feel sexual chemistry, should you continue to date someone?
Posted: 11/10/2006 10:54:03 AM | I went out with someone 5x I thought he was such an awesome guy... dressed well, smelled great, had a great job, adorable kids.... I could not for the life of me figure out why I wasn't diggen this guy! Finally my gf told me that we needed a major kiss to see if there was anything there! It was one of the wost kisses of my life! And um... our last date
So yeah... it's all in the kiss! LOL | |
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| If you cannot feel sexual chemistry, should you continue to date someone?
Posted: 11/10/2006 11:26:17 AM | | Man that one is a toughie. I've dated a couple of guys who I had a blast with and got along with really well, except in the bedroom... just werent compatible. Kissing was fine, but not the rest. What I found was so hard is that other than that, things were great. But it was lacking that magic a little. Felt more like a best friend than lover... even though I found them to be 'cute'. I may stick around, I may not. Only time would be able to tell me. As much as the bedroom stuff is important to me, the relastionship outside the bedroom counts just as much. | |
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| If you cannot feel sexual chemistry, should you continue to date someone?
Posted: 11/10/2006 5:22:21 PM | Depends... have you had sex or no?
I once started dating this guy and he was really nice, we got along well. But I just didnt get that *spark* from him. He was a little on the nerdy side (which I usually like) but I dont know- it just wasnt there. We dated for a few months anyways and then when we finally did have sex--- WOW! To this day he is my best. After we did it-- there was a spark for sure! | |
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| If you cannot feel sexual chemistry, should you continue to date someone?
Posted: 11/10/2006 5:46:58 PM | hi bikeman
i think you are missing the point
chemistry---its not about performance.
chemisty is a natural physiological response that you have no control over. its like hunger. when you feel hungry you need to eat. your stomach growls or your body sends signals before this point to let you know its time to get some food ....
chemistry works in a natural physiological biological way. you either feel it or you don't/ its not something you can MAKE happen. its not somethingyou can make someone else feel.
it really is instant. i've experienced it
just because you have chemistry with someone doesn't mean they are a good person or have character. but you cannot have sex with someone you are simply not attracted to. its like wanting to throw up...its disgusting. even some men here said no way would they be having sex with someone they are not attracted to sexually.
you can be romantic with someone but its not gonna do you anygood in the long run if she is not attracted to you in that way to begin with. she might enjoy the gesture and the good feelings....because i've had this experience too. it feels good. but that doesn't cause me to want to have sex with someone i am not attracted to in that way. and its a form of coercion/pressure to do these things for someone in the expectation she will put it when she doesn't have those feelings for you. | |
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