| Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 7/22/2008 7:02:10 AM | I'm a giver... I too need to find a balance. I find it very hard to ask for help... I am trying but it is so hard. When I have been the support and the person who steps up to the plate when others are in need... it is hard when I find myself in that position.
Even when help is offered I can't seem to say thank you I need help. So hard. Is it an ego thing?
~Charmed~ | |
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| Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 7/22/2008 10:11:28 AM | Well I give critisim and value judgement.
Offer my opinion and Im open to someones evaluation.
Giving is an act of generosity.
Where taking is an action that deserves an act of compensation.
How ever I like to give oral and love recieving oral.
So I would say finding the balance is an art and can be very fun.
fly with a view ... | |
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| Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 7/24/2008 3:59:13 PM | You know, its been a while since I've posted in the forums but this topic caught my eye.
Am I a giver? Ya without a doubt. Do I give as much as I used to? Not really.
I used to give so much of myself that I was my own biggest health issue. Friends would call at all hours of the night to vent to me about their problems etc. One day I noticed a pattern, because I was giving so much of myself everyone took it as the norm, or better yet, I was convenient since I would never say no.
Once I realized what was happening I started changing things to see if I was right, like if one of my "friends" asked if I was driving my car and I said no, I'm doing some work to it, he would say oh, okay ill call you some other time then when your car's back on the road.
So I began also saying no to other things and situations, needless to say I have lost some people from my life who I thought I was close with, but I've gained waaaaaay more since I started looking out for me.
I will always be a giver though, u can't change who you are deep down, I'm just more selective as to where and why my giving is neccessary.
I know I'm not a taker, I'm working on that though, even when I go to the gf's place I feel awkward when she offers me a drink or food. I do say thank you, but I almost feel like I've let myself down when I accept the offers of others.
There's a saying that I try my best to live by...
You have no control over anything outside of yourself, so if you don't look out for you, don't expect anyone else to either. | |
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| Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 7/24/2008 4:23:51 PM | As a giver who has struggled to learn how to receive, I found this thought particularly helpful:
if giving makes me feel good, why would I be denying someone I care about the opportunity to also feel good?
It's a pretty selfish, non-giving act when you think about it that way.
Accepting help, support, a cup of coffee... and being gracious in my thanks for their kindness and thoughtfulness is a way of giving to them.
Yanno, sometimes we givers train people not to give to us by our difficulty in accepting their support. Then we complain about how they are takers... lmao | |
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| Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 7/28/2008 7:38:40 PM | Okay I'll be the first to admit I'm a taker. Gonna cut down on my dates in here, but oh well.  I used to be a giver/doormat. Didn't know the difference between giving and being taken advantage of. I've finally figured it out. Now I'll give till it hurts to my kids, friends, loved ones. Good people in my life will find me supporting them whenever they need it.
Until they have proven themselves, I'm a little embarrassed/ashamed to admit that I've become a taker. Overcompensating? Maybe. Hard to find the balance. | |
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| Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 7/28/2008 8:04:46 PM |
Until they have proven themselves, I'm a little embarrassed/ashamed to admit that I've become a taker. Overcompensating? Maybe. Hard to find the balance
yanno... if you were at doormat extreme it may only feel like you're a taker. Might be that you've just brought it around to a healthy balance. The shame is usually the give-away... don't think takers feel that sort of embarrassment. Know what I mean? | |
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| Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 7/28/2008 11:02:57 PM | | I'm a giver more than anything and I'm usually the one who gets called when someone needs a hand to do something. | |
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| ballance giver taker
Posted: 7/29/2008 10:14:14 AM | umm ballance giving and receiving ... try hey hun its your week next week is mine
fly-on-a-tight-rope | |
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| Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 7/29/2008 2:42:42 PM | I am such a giver and have been all my life... I am now learning to be a taker and enjoying every minute. I have grown as a person, learning that it is okay to take and be thankful for it.
Wow Leanne, who would have thought this thread would last so long...and such a great topic too. | |
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| Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 7/29/2008 4:43:43 PM | Thanks MyI. Needed that.
Funny thing, when I finally became more selfish I found men treated me better. When I quit doing anything I could for them they now began doing anything for me. Single people are so weird. | |
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| Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 7/30/2008 7:41:04 PM | Wow, if there were really this large a percentage of givers in the world, it would be a much better place than it currently is! I guess we can only take everyone at their word and assume that POF-Ontario is not representative of society in general.
Not a lot of people with balance in their lives/relationships. But I guess if you are okay being a giver (or taker) and you have a partner that fits your lifestyle well. My viewpoint is that at times you need to be malleable and sometimes be a giver and sometimes a taker depending on your specific situation as a whole and at any given time. And if your partner can be as malleable and thoughtful, they will know when to be the giver and when to be the taker. That's the ultimate relationship to me.
I also try to live life, or at least partly, by this thought: Try to do something every day/week/month/year (whatever time frame is appropriate for you) for someone else who couldn't possibly repay you. Do it not because you want the recognition immediately, but because it's the right thing to do, because it will make things better for but one other person, because it may become infectious and others will do it as well. Even if it is shoveling someone's driveway who couldn't do it themselves or something as simple as that.
I think if someone were to try to adopt that attitude even just a little, the world would be a better place. I try to, don't succeed all the time, but when I do, I feel good about myself without having someone else have to affirm that. | |
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| Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 7/31/2008 5:10:40 AM | | I'm a giver by nature...don't know how to be any other way. But like a lot of others here, I am having to learn to pull back some on that. Sometimes because I can get taken advantage of, and sometimes because my generosity can be overwhelming. I am ok with accepting help when I need it, but will always be the first to give. | |
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| Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 7/31/2008 12:03:08 PM | | Like so many here I too am a giver sometimes to a fault so I am told..not sure how giving can be considered a fault though...giving an help others when an however I can makes me happy an those I help as well I hope...learning slowly to be one to also take as well but it's a slow work in progress..maybe if someone is willing to teach me...lol... | |
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| Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 8/18/2008 12:53:40 PM | I'm a natural giver. I find it hard to "take" things that are offered to me. Because I know I can stand on my own, and look after myself.
The times that I have taken what was offered to me (even though it was hard to so do), I understood what it meant to the other person to offer it or it was something they felt was needed at the time ... so I accepted it, because it came from them, and I know they care and that's just how they show it.
I guess that's where I've found balance. By understanding that others need to feel like they helped you in some small way, or that the gifts they offer to you, is because they are wanting and needing to express to you how much they appreciate and care about you.
Just my 2 cents worth ... | |
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| Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 8/18/2008 2:50:52 PM | It seems like all women are takers. Always take more than they give. Look at the who pays threads.
I think the only time a woman gives at all or gives more than a man is in a lesbian relationship lol. | |
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| Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 8/18/2008 4:13:16 PM | Since the time I first posted this thread - I have tried to balance out the way I give and try to take graciously - without pangs of guilt! It's strange how we can feel uncomfortable being a taker - I guess it's just not my style. There have been some changes in my life - that makes it harder for me to give - in the manner I used to and for that I feel guilty as well. So whether it's not giving in the manner I wish to - or taking in any form - there is some stress attached. I gotta get over that crap!  | |
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| Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 8/18/2008 4:23:59 PM | All I can say to Duke12 is that you are full of crap. You've put so many comments on here that it's hard to single out any one invidual comment that is not crap.
Girls are brought up to take care of everybody else but themselves. Some men give back, that is true, but in most cases in life, the women give and give. I got so fed up with my ex, that I never even asked him for help anymore, I just did what had to be done. Then when I met someone who wanted to help, I couldn't let him. It took a long time to be able to let someone else do some of the work. Then, of course, things changed and I ended up doing everything myself again, never asking for help. And I guess I'm still that way. I never ask for help, it was ingrained in me that it was a sign of weakness.
Luckily, many of us who have been like that have now taught our daughters that it works both ways, and they don't have to always give and never receive. So here's to our daughters who are hopefully learning wiser lessons. And I hope my daughter never meets someone like Duke12. And if she does, he better watch out! | |
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| Are you a 'Giver' or a 'Taker'?
Posted: 8/19/2008 8:24:42 PM | I think the question is a bit too generic. I think more important is to recognize the area you give in.
Is someone giving in ways that can be measured empirically like time, money or giving in other ways like sensitivity or emotionally?
Each person has their own value system as to which area means the most to them. That's why it's important to find out what is important to your partner. You could be giving and giving and feel your partner doesn't appreciate because it's simply an area that doesn't mean much to them. | |
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