| Women with Kids
Posted: 1/25/2005 10:48:39 AM | If it's your own kids, you can raise them right. If they are not yours, she will have all kinds of rules and boundaries set that make no sense. I speak from experience in this matter.
For example,
I had just got the twins hooked up to pull the car out of the snowbank when she comes running out of the house, all "What the hell are you doing?", grabs the stick out of my hand, cuts them free and tells them to get on along to kindergarten. Did I get sex that night? Nope.
Children need their parents to present a common front, or else it creates uncertanity and angst.
Other examples:
No having the kids run down course to fetch arrows during a match. Hey, kids like to help.
No teasing the neighbor's pit bull, as if their little shoes would come off and they drop behind the fence. They were tied, look..they won't slip off, geez.
Insisting they eat indoors, especially at holidays.
Blowing good money on babysitters when we're only gone a week. It's not like they need help paying rent, or will run low on food, or if they did would be hard to revive. They got running water and TV, lighten up. | |
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| Women with Kids
Posted: 1/25/2005 12:45:57 PM | On a side note: I noticed that many of the men who are unwilling to raise another man's child aren't all that willing to raise their own, either.
In a nutshell. | |
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| Women
Posted: 3/17/2005 4:47:35 AM | hi
i want to be ur friend
so come to me
u can help me | |
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| Women with Kids
Posted: 3/17/2005 6:59:22 AM | First off ... kids aren't baggage. They're accessories. So many guys use the excuse "I'm not raising someone else's kids." Fact is ... they're your lady's kids. Those same guys would gladly drive her car, or live in her house ... if circumstance smiled on her. If you're father material ... those kids will adopt you.
Steve | |
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Missy
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Joined: 1/29/2005
Msg: 30 | |
| Women with Kids
Posted: 3/17/2005 7:10:51 AM |
The last time I dated a girl with kids, it was a nightmare. She was a major b*tch.
And you seriously believed that her being this way was a direct result of her being a mother?
*rolls her eyes* | |
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| Women with Kids
Posted: 3/17/2005 7:37:55 AM | | There is nothing wrong w/choosing not to date women w/children. But do not assume they want you to "raise" their child. Just because parents are not together, sometimes, does not mean the father is no longer involved. And on the issue of single mom's wanting money or whatever the comment was.... come on, get over yourself, those of you who think we cannot provide for or raise our kids......we were doing just fine before you came along and will continue to do so long after you are gone. | |
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| Women with Kids
Posted: 3/17/2005 8:16:42 AM | i'm not interested in dating a chick with kids cause i'm looking for a casual relationship, not the responsibilities and burdens of family life.
i'm also not interested in having kids of my own. too much responsibility. i'd rather live the most casual life i can. | |
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| Women with Kids
Posted: 3/17/2005 8:18:40 AM | Having been on both sides now I can say they are not easy roads to travel. I made the mistake of marrying again "for" my children. Needless to say that was one big mistake. They wanted a man around to chum around with(both boys). I felt I wasn't being the Mother I could be by denying them the companionship of a man. This man had children who I adore to this day. In my case their Mother could not get used to the idea of sharing her children. Didn't want them around me or any type of relationship happening. Sad woman and really insecure........
I learned old saying "To thine own self be true" the hard way. My children will always be the jewels in my world but they do not control it. One turned 18 last week and is gone and the other is 12. Still single but know there is someone for me. Just isn't the right time for me. My time will come and I will be ready for that special man or partner. I know to have happy children I must first be happy with who I am. The rest will follow........
Baggage.....we all have it.........
Children......the lucky ones have them.........
Relationships.......change as we grow and learn about ourselves.....
Love and Light | |
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| Women with Kids
Posted: 3/17/2005 8:22:11 AM | Some men just are not down for that..and thats just fine, cause who wants a man to be around your child that doesnt want to be??
For the most part I have found that most men do not care. Maybe they just say that at first, I dont know.
I know that I am not looking for a man to raise my child, nor to be the father of my child. She already has one, I may hate the SOB..but she doesnt need to know that either. | |
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mudbug
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Joined: 2/15/2005
Msg: 35 | |
| Women with Kids
Posted: 3/17/2005 8:29:33 AM | if and when boys grow up, they realize that children....with an infinite supply of love.....are the real reason we are put on this planet.....................and that it is a joy and a PRIVILEGE
to be any where around them. whether they are your own or not.
my famous last words? package deal, baby.
(and i found an incredibly mature and wonderful man who accepts that, wants it even)
so yes, they are out there. | |
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| Women with Kids
Posted: 3/17/2005 8:48:20 AM | If a lady has a kid it seem to work out a lot better,but no allways,with someone with a kid as well you see thing in different ways.It is called responsibilty.
I have a little girl and she is the world to me.If i were to be with a lady with a kid i know i'm not the father,but i would do may best to get along with there kid.Go out all as a new family,try to work on thing together eat dinner as a new family..Set some ground rules together.
Be a positive father figure that is all one can do!
Get the kids into sports or whatever they want to do,keeping them out of trouble or as much as possible,it is not a perfect world at all. | |
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| Women with Kids
Posted: 3/17/2005 10:43:18 AM | i agree with nybabydoll(funny how us babydolls kinda think alike).
my opinion: the kids are Hers and the dads. role models do come in many forms. i have two kids myself and am not with the father. if i have a long term relationship or was to marry then that one im with would have to understand that im not asking for a second father for my kids. they have one and thats all they need. a rolemodel or something is fine. but they arent dating my kids. theyre datin me. but my kids are a big part of me. so i agree that shes better off without him if he couldnt accept her kids and understand that he wasnt going to be the daddy. | |
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| Women with Kids
Posted: 3/17/2005 2:38:11 PM | "I'm gonna have to side with the guy here.
Because you got to remember, that some guys just don't want to raise another mans kid. This is just a fact of life. Some guys will, some guys won't. I feel sorry for him, if this woman was really a great gal. But, if she is already remarried, kinda says something about her...
Men avoid women with kids, because a lot of them are just looking for a source of financial/other support.
For me... I want a woman who will be my equal, not somebody I have to look after."
Yeah...some guys will date a single mother, but never marry them. Esp if they have no kids of their own. | |
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| Women with Kids
Posted: 3/17/2005 2:50:11 PM | | May not really be any of my business here and my opinion may not matter, being somewhat new around the boards, but I don't agree with some of the comments on here about single women with kids. I believe that if you are that interested with someone who does have kids and the feelings are there and everything then the kids should be accepted within your life just as much as she should be. Just because someone has kids that you are wanting to date, does mean that she is only after money or support...She does want to be happy and have a life and relationship as well...But then again this is just my opinion and it may not matter, but I think too many guys look at this situation a little bit too harshly. I have great respect for single mothers and I would not turn anyone away or put them down because of it. To all you single mothers out there trying to re enter the dating scene...I applaud you all... | |
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| Women with Kids
Posted: 3/17/2005 2:53:10 PM |
Yeah...some guys will date a single mother, but never marry them. Esp if they have no kids of their own.
I suppose I would be one of those rare exceptions ... but then I am a dad ... and a proud grandfather. If we loved each other ... a package deal is a great deal.
Steve | |
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| Women with Kids
Posted: 3/17/2005 2:56:10 PM | | I agree fully with you on that one Steve...there are not many out there that are like that. So I wish everyone luck in thier search. | |
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| Women with Kids
Posted: 3/17/2005 3:02:37 PM | THANK YOU, THUNDERHEART!!
My kids and I come as a package. They are a part of me and nobody will ever change that. No, I don't need money from the men I date, nor would I EVER ask for it! I don't expect anyone to take care of me or my children, except me, myself, and I.
What I would like is a partner. That's something I've never REALLY had, even when I was married. Even then, it felt like I was a single parent.
I want someone to talk to, to share with, to do things with...and I certainly wouldn't base my judgement on whether or not to date someone on whether or not he had kids. In fact, I would welcome a man that has children of his own.
Why is it that (some) men automatically assume that single mothers want a "daddy" for their kids or they're just looking for financial support?
I was able to take care of my kids for 2 yrs ALONE before I received any child support for them......and I could do it now, even without it. I own my own home and my car is paid for. It hasn't always been easy, but somehow, I've found a way to make it work.
It would be great to find a man that wasn't so self-absorbed in himself that could actually deal with a single, independent mother and love her all the more because she is WHO she is. | |
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| Women with Kids
Posted: 3/17/2005 3:05:52 PM | this is nuts some of the comments to this topic hello ppl men and woman if you met them they have kids you fall in love with them its not a partial package you know what you was in for befor they got involved with them as for me im looking for a man that is done having kids and has his own as i have 2 of my own and ill treat his babies as there my own but i dont want to take the place of there Mommy's as i want him to treat my babies as they are his and not want to take the place of my kids dad alotta men/woman only think with one part of there body most the time and in the end they only get hurt think about it ppl they have kids them kids are going to be there till there 18....that is my note on it   | |
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| Women with Kids
Posted: 3/17/2005 3:10:19 PM | | It is very hard to sometimes figure out where most people are coming from on some of these forums. This one interests me the most though I must say. I was involved with someone who had two wonderful kids and I know in my heart that I still love all of them big time. It is unfortunate that things did not work out between myself and her, but we parted on good terms and are still friends to this day. She was never after any money or anything like that and well where most males get this from I will never understand. What I see and hear about it only seems that others are not wanting to accept package deals like this or do not want to have responsibility. It is sad to see in the world now a days. Just my thoughts once again. | |
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| Women with Kids
Posted: 7/27/2005 6:42:05 PM | Ok,
I thought I'd jump in on this:
I was in a relationship with a woman with a child, and though I do not have children of my own, I do want them. The problem with children in a relationship is that they bring their own special issues. I don't want to say problems neccessarily, because I believe kids are wonderful blessings, and I have a special place in my heart for all of them but there are issues to them. The first problem is something that's been mentioned in this post previously: Already has a father, doesn't need another one. Someone even mentioned being a role model. The problem for a guy is, there's this gut instinct (I hope it's a gut, maybe it's just an ingrained sense of responsibility) to be a father to kids your responsible for. If this relationship gets serious (I really am trying hard to stay away from relationships that aren't going towards seriousness, and as far as the woman I was in a previous relationship with who had a child, I was very serious concerning her), then if it is to be serious, a man has to evaluate his relationship with the children. Being a father is a natural instinct, and totally makes sense for a guy to do with kids he's responsible for, unless your the insensitive SOB who can't take responsibility for your kids. ANYWAY, a man wants to be the father, and so it's kind of difficult to figure out specifically what his role is when they are not his AND he's not sure if you want him to be a father.
Another issue (again not a problem just issue) is the other man, who will always be the kids' father, and will always be a rival in the eyes of the new man. Because, this person IS a rival. He's a rival for your children's affections because he's their father and those kids will always have that loyalty (unless he's the complete scumbag), and to an extent he's a rival for your affections as well. Because, let's face it, this guy shares a bond that can't be removed (from the man's perspective--bear with me we're exploring male psychology) and while the mature man can deal with this, it needs to be addressed and it needs to be recognized.
I love kids, and can't wait to be a father one day. As I said before, I've been in a relationship with someone with a child from a past relationship before, and really have no problem dealing with a similar situation, but again there are issues.
So, that's my two cents. Plus some change.
J | |
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| Women with Kids
Posted: 7/27/2005 9:37:19 PM | I like this thread and others like it (there've been Many). They allow me to go through and quickly check off those people who have attitudes and opinions regarding single moms that I can and cannot tolerate. I'd like to personally thank each and every guy who posted / posts on this thread, regardless of their POV.
I'm a single mom. One of my children has a father who is very involved ... in fact, my oldest spends more time with her father than with me. I also have a toddler who has no father figure. So, men who would prefer that the father not be in the picture wouldn't want to date me because my oldest child's father and I are co-parents and good friends, and men who prefer that the father be involved wouldn't want to date me because my toddler has no father figure. Catch 22? Not really .... there are (thankfully) some open minded men who are able to adapt, accept and understand different circumstances and situations. | |
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| Women with Kids
Posted: 7/27/2005 10:00:02 PM | to each their own.......but i will give my 2 cents..........
Some of the men who will not take on a relationship with someone who has a child- look out, you may be in our position one day and a woman will turn you down. I surely don't want a man to feel obligated and in a place where he would rather not be. It's best that these men feel the way they do. Saves a lot of problems. You are actually doing us a favor! Thanks in advance!
First off ... kids aren't baggage. They're accessories. So many guys use the excuse "I'm not raising someone else's kids." Fact is ... they're your lady's kids. Those same guys would gladly drive her car, or live in her house ... if circumstance smiled on her. If you're father material ... those kids will adopt you.
Steve
Well said! | |
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| Women with Kids
Posted: 7/27/2005 10:06:59 PM |
If it's your own kids, you can raise them right. If they are not yours, she will have all kinds of rules and boundaries set that make no sense.
 like we can't have rules but you can!? Get over yourself man! | |
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| Women with Kids
Posted: 7/27/2005 10:38:04 PM | | I see a lot of shallow men in this topic kids are the world weither there your or mine. alot of all make me sick. | |
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