| Women with Kids
Posted: 7/28/2005 1:27:46 AM | | I think being a father is the best thing that ever happened to me. If I met someone who had kids I treat them as my own. I do believe it would be hard to break up with someone who had kids because of the added pain of losing more than one person. Might make a few people work a little harder at the relationship knowing they have that much more to lose. But I do think if someone is bothered by the idea of raising someone elses kids they would be right to walk away from the relationship. Some people just aren't cut out for it. | |
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| Women with Kids
Posted: 7/28/2005 9:11:41 AM | | You I will have to disagree with you on that one because I am a single mother of two and I can tell you for a fact that I am not looking for a man to raise my kids or give me financial support. I can support my children and myself just fine without a man in our lives. I am searching for a man for companionship for me. Someone to do things with when my children are with their much involved father who pays his child support and loves his children. My kids already have a father and they don't need another one. And that is pretty sad that you are saying that a woman cannot be your equal because she has children. That is pathetic on your part and you are going to miss out on a lot of caring women out there because of your attitude. I am very independent and if guys attitudes are like yours well then I am glad that it is just me and my girls~~~~~~ More power to us~~~~~ | |
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| Women with Kids
Posted: 7/28/2005 9:12:29 AM | | ROBD20~I will have to disagree with you on that one because I am a single mother of two and I can tell you for a fact that I am not looking for a man to raise my kids or give me financial support. I can support my children and myself just fine without a man in our lives. I am searching for a man for companionship for me. Someone to do things with when my children are with their much involved father who pays his child support and loves his children. My kids already have a father and they don't need another one. And that is pretty sad that you are saying that a woman cannot be your equal because she has children. That is pathetic on your part and you are going to miss out on a lot of caring women out there because of your attitude. I am very independent and if guys attitudes are like yours well then I am glad that it is just me and my girls~~~~~~ More power to us~~~~~ | |
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| Women with Kids
Posted: 7/28/2005 9:16:00 AM | | You are awesome~~~~~~~ He needs a reality check~~~~~ Most women these days get paid more than the man does so what does that say about him~~~~~~~~~~~~~ | |
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| Women with Kids
Posted: 7/28/2005 9:25:03 AM | I find the 'financial' comment a little disturbing....as most single parents that I know actually have issues with being overly independent. It's difficult for them to ask for assistance from ANYONE, let alone someone they're dating.....
It's almost too much toward the 'other' side of never wanting to accept help, than expect it.
JMO
CH | |
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| Women with Kids
Posted: 7/28/2005 11:02:56 AM | I am recently separated with my baby girl. My biggest fear is to be the girl with baggage. Right now, if I date they will not meet my little girl. If you want to be apart of my life that is fine, but if you are not looking for baggage, that is fine too. Just dont try to be a figure in my lil girl's life. If I am interested in someone, and they are interested in a more serious relationship, then they will maybe have the lucky chance of getting to meet her. I do not want to mess my little girl up with guys going in and out of her life. I dont understand how your friend could jump into their life with no interest of ever being there. I am not looking for someone to take care of me and my baby, or else I would still be with my ex. I left the relationship, because I wanted love, not stability. I can make that for myself. Just because a woman wants to be married, doesn't mean they'll marry anyone for any reason. It kinda insults me to think that guys could still think that way. It took me two weeks to find a job and a place to live. And I am now living on my own by myself with my baby. Woman really dont need men. It's just nice to be able to love one.
My dad has been my dad since I was three. He will always be my dad. And I love him to bits. He and my mom separated when I was 9, got divorce when I was 12. He's the only man in my life right now.
Manda | |
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| Women with Kids
Posted: 11/23/2006 6:23:27 AM | | If you read the comment alittle closer, instead of getting defensive. You would notice the man was implying that the other person would get attached to thier partners kids and treat them as his own. You cant simply isolate your kids from the other person. As for the raising the kids. Its a given, the other person who is not the kids father,mother will participate in daily events of your life. Guess what.....thats called raising kids. Take into account, when it comes to you doing things with your kids, are you going to isolate the other person? He made no implications of the woman being less equal because of kids. | |
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| Women with Kids
Posted: 11/23/2006 6:25:26 AM | | Oppppps......was on page three and didnt see the rest of the messages, please excuse my stupidity. | |
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| Women with Kids
Posted: 11/23/2006 8:43:31 AM | So many things have been said, pros and cons. I should sit down with my dad (stepdad) and get his opinion on this as he's been the only male figure in my life since I was about 6 yo. Yes... he RAISED me. I accepted him as a parent into my life, and treat him like a parent. He is *dad*. He taught me to ride a bike, bait my hook, the difference between a phillips and a robertson screwdriver. He taught me about respect. In today's vernacular, he is a co-parent. He'd take me to the drs, dentist, school, trick or treating, put calamine on my chicken pox, wiped more then his share of tears from my cheeks, bandaged skinned knees. I held him the day we put his dog to sleep and we cried together. He walked me down the aisle the day I married, and he was there for me the day my marriage broke up. I am who I am today because a MAN who was not my father RAISED me.
Now... if I could only be so lucky to find such a man for me... | |
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| Women with Kids
Posted: 11/23/2006 9:12:00 AM | ok my thing is if she was good enough to date well having a child then why is she not good enough to marry well having a child???? I mean come on now.... to me getting married and being in a relationship what is the diffrence? the diffrence is that you have rings to show people and a paper that you signed.....
Ok I understand that some people dont want to raise someone else's child but I mean I am sorry when you are in a commited relationship (which is just before marrying someone) then you are looking after the child right? Were they living togther? how was his relationship with this child?
I soooooooooooooooo dont feel sorry for him for being alone... sorry just my 2 cent's. | |
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| Women with Kids
Posted: 11/23/2006 9:32:13 AM | This topic has an easy remedy for the men who dont want to raise another mans child/children.
Dont date women with kids. Problem solved. | |
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| Women with Kids
Posted: 11/23/2006 8:11:31 PM |  The plain and simple fact is that having children is amoung other things a symbol of virility and the gateway to a new kind of socail status. Raising another man's children while the biological father continues to contaminate the gene pool with future dead beats is degrading and rewards the misdeed. A man who marries a woman who already spoiled herself has my pitty and will have a very difficult time earning my respect; however, widdows are a different matter, especially the widdow of a serviceman. It would contrastly be an honor to raise such noble children. | |
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| Ex wife's kid caused my divorce
Posted: 7/29/2007 1:13:04 PM | The situation was this, my ex wife daugther who was at the horrible age of about 16 when we married was living with her father and would come to visist on weekends.
Then the father got tranferred out of state to keep his job he went and thus the daughter became an instant family in my first year oif marriage.
I married late in life and there was some inflexiblity to me since I was a little over 40. But I had sowed my oates and was really ready to settle down.
The kid was SPOLIED ROTTEN.
When we were just around each other once in a while while the kid was living with her father before the transfer, we got along fine.
But I was not daddy material and my ex-wife knew this.
But for a year I tried to make the best of it.
But both of the kids parents were weak in displining this kid.
She had everyhthing I would have killed for growing up. And the more she got the worse she became until my wife and I divorced.
My wife and I left to the attorneys office in the same car (we were at least that civil but not much more by this time). As we were leaving, I swear I saw this kid smirk when we left my ex wife's office (her kid was her emolyee in a small business) for the ride to the divorce lawyer's office.
So I will only date women who do not think her kids will only be number one no matter their age.
I will consider women whose kids are really on their own with decent jobs and hopefully married and have their own life and are not clinging to mom's apron when they are 30 years old.
Bettter yet, they have no kids.
Yet at my age (50) this is becoming rare and the women with no kids usually have something wrong with them (like being in their 50's and never married-not a good sign and it not because they are picky who they date) so it is a lose lose deal..
And if a kid does not like you, they will break up your relatiosnihp, marriage or prevent a releatioship from forming.
The kid(s) are in control of the love life and that is not the way it should be.
If I have to go outside this country for a partner who is my equyal and canr espect me as a person and not look at me like someone who can do something for her, then in 2008, I have several countries picked including Columbia where all posts say it is a single man's heaven. The Columbia women love American men and not for their money.
So the bottom line is if you have kids, don't complain if you coan't find men that want to date you. Chances are they have been burned at least once and I paid dearly for my mistake by losing my former home before I was married and being in debt since 1999.
But 2008 , it is all over. | |
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| Women with Kids
Posted: 7/29/2007 1:54:45 PM | | i just finished a relationship with a women with a handicaped little boy he was really somthing a real gift from god but mom was a major **** the relationship was short five weeks . It started out well i said to myself this is the one. The lady in question was a recovering alcoholic she went from a nice person to well the world owed her the people she worked for didn't pay her enough and they could aford to pay more .because she was a single mother her shift scedual should be special for her . Then the crunch the last weekend we were together i baby sat the little boy because she didn't have a sitter made her a nice supper she didn't even eat and did her laundry tbye the end of the week end she told me she deserved a sexy man in her life and because i weas over wait i was dicusting. I asked her if she didn't think she had taken advantage . She replyed it was my fault because i offered to baby sit . I also took her golfing she was obsesed with the game i haven't golfed in years but she was only a little beter . I'm glad know the realationship is over im worried if she dosent get help or go to AA her life won't change. I think shes in the dry drunk stage of her alcoholism. Enyways i was glad to get alway from her . | |
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| Women with Kids
Posted: 7/29/2007 3:43:32 PM | well you could not of said it any better could you??
Small minded egotystical and immature are just a few words that come to the tip of my tongue.
when will men realise thats its the year 2007 and now more than ever us women are more independant and self sufficient than we have ever been.We can look after ourselves and our siblings pretty damn fine on our own without any hassle or aggro that a guy could bring.
i have a 6 year old boy who has a very comfortable life with me as a young,working single mum.He has regular stays with his dad and i feel has a very well balanced family life.
any guys i meet i make them fully aware that i dont need a DADDY for my son he has two parents who love him and thats all there is to it.
Financial support???no all i say is pay your own way.
I certainly dont need another child to support.Financially or emotionally. | |
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| Women with Kids
Posted: 7/29/2007 3:45:18 PM | | Too all the single Mom's Hold your head High and the children are all Blessings and never think there not!The right Man is out there I learned at a younge age as My father raised three that my Mother had before me and he told me long ago that it takes a real Man to raise another Mans Child and he was just that Man and am I...... | |
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| Women with Kids
Posted: 8/1/2007 9:53:58 AM | You gotta give the guy credit....at least he fessed up and ended it before getting married and THEN telling the woman that he wasn't comfortable with it.
He can't help the way he felt about it. And who says he won't find another wonderful woman on down the road. It is not for you or anyone else to dictate what is right for someone else's life. | |
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| Women with Kids
Posted: 8/1/2007 10:19:51 AM |
I have a friend who had a great woman he could have married.
She loved him but he would not marry her because she had a kid.
He said he did not want to raise another man's kid.
Then WTF was he dating her for then? Recreation? Fun?
Sounds from the post the father is in the picture and they are co-parenting. | |
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| Women with Kids
Posted: 8/1/2007 11:04:30 AM |
Then WTF was he dating her for then? Recreation? Fun?
Perhaps he heard somewhere that single mother's are easy, and maybe with her it was true.
I wonder if perhaps the damper for the guy in the OP was that the child's father was involved. You know the whole "macho" thing. Not being able to compete as a "dad."
O.k. I have a HUGE issue with this whole "I want to raise my own family not someone else's" crap. Yes o.k. a person is justified to want that and seek it out, but open your eyes and take long look around. How many people do you see who do have children and are single parents by choice or by unfortunate circumstances or whatever?
Meh... kids are used too often as the reason why someone can't date someone. Granted there are some pretty unruly kids out there but I'd blame the parent NOT the child.
Oh and about the OP... karma is a wonderful thing. According to you your friend let "the one" slip away.
C'est la vie! | |
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| Women with Kids
Posted: 8/1/2007 11:14:27 AM | When I got with my soon to be ex husband I had a 2 year old son, when we 1st got together and the relationship was new he played no role other than a friend which was fine by me.. 12 years later we are now divorcing and he is still a part of my oldest sons's(not his child)life, they spend every other weekend together just as his little brother( his son)
There are some guys out there that can handle it and then there are some that can't. Its a huge responsiblity for someone and some just can't handle it shot there are some that can't handle it when they have their own children. never the less someone else's child.
As for the comment about her being remarried it says somethig about her... That doesn't me anything. 1. it was never stated how long ago that was,2. she can't sit and dwell on it forever, you have to move on and that is what she did. | |
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| Women with Kids
Posted: 8/1/2007 11:54:02 AM | It just kills me when people, particularly single mothers (I am one myself) gets all offended and/or pissed off when someone doesn't want to get seriously involved with a single parent because that person doesn't want to be responsible for their child.
It is all about preference.....no one wants to be judged by their preference in who they date....whether they only want to date skinny or fat, short or tall, etc. etc. It is the same with parent or non-parent. It is up to that individual and they should not be made out to be a "bad guy" just because they chose not to date someone based on the fact that there was a child involved.
Regardless of what everyone wants to say....children, while they are a complete blessing to our lives, can be very demanding and overwelming for some. It might just be one of those things he isn't ready for in his life. | |
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