| I'm losing my faith and respect for women
Posted: 2/14/2006 7:42:04 PM |
I'm more than happy to hear some suggestions as to what it is about my character or demeanor that would attract these players and basket cases
Proteus... who know's if it's your character.... like someone else said.. we don't know you. You can attract players and basket cases everywhere...anyone can... but it's up to you to make the choice of who to date. It's so difficult sometimes cause people are not always what they present to be... and that's why you have to be careful and take your time before getting into a relationship. You do have some control ... well, actually you have all the control of who you get involved with. Maybe you're jumping way too soon before you really know a person. | |
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| I'm losing my faith and respect for women
Posted: 2/14/2006 7:48:19 PM |
Without knowing you it would be hard to say exactly what you are doing wrong.
Thats just it, i can't think of anything either.
I don't activley persue women on these sites, every one I've dated has initiated first contact with the exception of 2 (one was a part of the problem, the other was and is the most sane and stable woman I've met).
I talk to them a bit, have a pretty standard run down of questions to get to know them and then if all goes well at that point, i then go on a date with them.
Usually goes from first contact to first meeting within 4 weeks.
On the dates, usually dinner and drinks, conversation, maybe some pool and darts or a movie.
Pretty standard stuff. | |
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| I'm losing my faith and respect for women
Posted: 2/14/2006 7:57:06 PM | Also, I'm not talking about relationships.
I'm talking about meeting women in general. Hell I'd be happy to finally make it to the relationship stage.
Closest thing I've had to a relationship is the woman I'm currently dating. She wants the friends first thing, I'm cool with that, then it comes out she planning on moving to Chicago in the fall and really was just wanting someone to hang out with in the meentime.
honestly, I don't know what the truth is, I personally believe she's using me becouse she is flat broke (College student with a part time job) and I take her out to nice restaurants and I afford her the ability to have fun. The differance between her and the one I told I wouldn't date, I actually like this girl, we get along very well and have so much in common it's frightening. I am willing to pay the cash out to keep her in my company, at least for now. Yes, I look at it as more of a business arrangement with her, she provides me company when I want to go out, and I pay for the service. | |
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| I'm losing my faith and respect for women
Posted: 2/14/2006 8:02:43 PM | Typically I don't get into this forum jazz, but for whatever reason the subject matter caught my attention and I just want to say to those of you gentlemen who feel this way, you just might want to take a look at yourself and see what type of women you are attracted to and the type of women you attact. Just because you may have had a less than fortunate encounter with someone or two, who hasn't? does not mean that you are justified in making such a strong statement that would include EVERY woman. You fellas can't honestly believe that all women are the same. How could you, you know that not all men are the same and then take it to the next level YOU have not been with every woman on the planet and until that time you are only in a position to say SOME women or CERTAIN women do this or that or ask for help from a forum such as this by making a plea and indicating that you personally have had problems or issues with SOME women's tactics. You cannot insist upon saying ALL women.
Just the fact that you have chosen to use explicatives here that you could not display, because of their raw and vulgar connotation is a direct indication that for whatever reason you don't have any respect for women. But in order for a man to respect women, he must first know what it means to be a man and that in being a man, that puts you on auto-pilot to respect women. If you have a problem with one. Then say so. That's ok, but do not get so high up on your horse that you post a message on the Internet for all the world to see and read where you blantanly disrespect and disregard all women by saying "don't think of a woman as a person". Regardless of what your experience has been, you absolutely have no right to express such a horrible and sadistic editorial aimed at all women. If it were not for women, none of us would be alive. So if nothing else, take us a miniscual moment in time and respect the fact that you are here and alive because of some woman.
And I will tell you this also, all of this Internet meet/greet/get to know someone is a game. It's one big game and the rule is there are no rules. I wonder what the percentages are for men and women who indicate that they are seeking to meet someone, when all they really are doing is putting up a facade, pretending to be someone that they are not and are clearly incapable of being. Insecurities run deep within, but insecurities on the Net run amoke.So before you go to hang out an entire gender, and have us banished from the Earth, take inventory and notes about yourself and your particular situation and if you are going to speak, speak intelligently and do so only in reference to YOU and YOUR personal experiences.
Do not resort to name calling. And suggest generating hate and hate crimes. If you freely bash women, who else would be on your list? I noticed it you mentioned putting faith in people, that could very well be the foundation of your problem. Never put your faith in people. places or things. Try putting your faith in God.
Seek Peace, Pursue Goodness And Choose Happiness. Ya Dig? | |
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| I'm losing my faith and respect for women
Posted: 2/14/2006 8:06:15 PM | Thank you for posting your message. I think you have helped to clarify somethings for me. I noticed that a few profiles mention that they don't want women who are into head games. I wondered what they were referring to. I think you have some good examples of how people can mess with your head.
I don't think anyone, male or female, likes feeling used. But I do question your statement:
"life is easier when you have multiple guys:" If you want to meet someone with the intention of forming a relationship, how are you going to do that without dating several people?
"you can date and have pay for meels regularly". Some people are poor and go from friend to friend's getting free suppers. I guess you can get financial suckers in the dating scene too. Personally, I think it is only common courtesy that an outing should be within each person's budget. You take turns paying or split the bill 50-50. If the woman has to pay her way, and she can't afford a $150 dinner then she won't be expecting you to take her on one.
Remember, prostitution is the oldest profession in the world. For centuries women have been using sex to get something. A wife is mad at her husband, so she says, buy me a fur coat or no sex. A girl on a date wants a nice supper, so she pays for it with sex.
I suggest you spend sometime on-line talking and getting to know these ladies, and meet in a public place during the day. Try going on some dates and not having sex, get to know the lady first. Then if you trust her, become more intimate.
Marg | |
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| I'm losing my faith and respect for women
Posted: 2/14/2006 8:08:18 PM |
A very wise old friend of mine told me shortly before he passed on......
there are only 2 things you can do to change your predicament...
1) Solve it - do what needs to be done
2) Let it be - you cannot solve it because the problem is BIGGER than you at
the moment
Proteus, there is nothing wrong with chosing #2 in this case. We are in a very strange time culturally. Anyway, I believe self proclaimed bachelorhood is a lost art form. | |
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| I'm losing my faith and respect for women
Posted: 2/14/2006 8:17:11 PM | Im with the OP. There are good women out there but they are very few, and very far between!
I had a great woman. Actually she was the very best! She died way to young and left me alone in this world of shitty, picky, thoughtless, shallow, money grubbing women.
Everyone woman I have met has been a total biatch With the exception of my lovely wife, may she rest in peace.
I plan to be single forever!
I give up on women! I refer back to a saying my grandfather always said. If women didn't have a hole between their legs, man would have eradicated the species by now!
And that is the truth my friends! | |
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| I'm losing my faith and respect for women
Posted: 2/14/2006 8:17:49 PM | | Hey Proteus... again... you're making a choice. You think the woman is using you, and from what you've written I'd have to agree. Pay attention to your thinking sometimes... cause in the fall when she leaves you just may be writing another thread about how women use you. You see... you really do have control over what you do..... | |
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| I'm losing my faith and respect for women
Posted: 2/14/2006 8:19:59 PM |
Thank you for posting your message. I think you have helped to clarify somethings for me. I noticed that a few profiles mention that they don't want women who are into head games. I wondered what they were referring to. I think you have some good examples of how people can mess with your head.
I don't think anyone, male or female, likes feeling used. But I do question your statement:
"life is easier when you have multiple guys:" If you want to meet someone with the intention of forming a relationship, how are you going to do that without dating several people?
"you can date and have pay for meels regularly". Some people are poor and go from friend to friend's getting free suppers. I guess you can get financial suckers in the dating scene too. Personally, I think it is only common courtesy that an outing should be within each person's budget. You take turns paying or split the bill 50-50. If the woman has to pay her way, and she can't afford a $150 dinner then she won't be expecting you to take her on one.
Remember, prostitution is the oldest profession in the world. For centuries women have been using sex to get something. A wife is mad at her husband, so she says, buy me a fur coat or no sex. A girl on a date wants a nice supper, so she pays for it with sex.
I suggest you spend sometime on-line talking and getting to know these ladies, and meet in a public place during the day. Try going on some dates and not having sex, get to know the lady first. Then if you trust her, become more intimate.
Marg
I have had sex with only 2 of the 12 women I have dated this year, hon. It's not like I'm out whoring it up.
I do take the time to talk to these people, I could write a book on the conversations, I still havethe conversations since my Instant messanger records them all by default.
The smallest conversation I've had with any of the twelve I dated over this year is 186 pages long, the biggest conversation is 627 pages long.
People, my post was an example as to why I am starting to feel this way. Granted, some spitefullness might have come out in the process, but honestly, all I'm looking for is a reason to not give up hope on women in general.
P.S. Let's keep your God out of the discussion please, I would put my faith in a human being long before I would a deity who is no more substantial than Santa Claus. | |
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Sarahv
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Joined: 1/29/2006
Msg: 35 | |
| I'm losing my faith and respect for women
Posted: 2/14/2006 8:21:10 PM | | Honey your being a bit of a dink here !! If you're going to cry and whine maybe that's the whole problem , "Be" the guy get stroked under the table and take no prisoners or sit back and watch it's up to you . | |
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| I'm losing my faith and respect for women
Posted: 2/14/2006 8:23:16 PM | I understand just what you're saying Proteus but I feel that when we complain about the other gender, we're really complaining about the human race. We just tend to focus on the other gender more and their bad behavior effects us more.
I used to talk often about the fact that I just couldn't connect with women and they seemed dishonest and insincere. The women I spent time with were also very neglectful of me on saturday when I felt I filled their world on thursday. But then I analyzed my friendships with other men and found a whole lot of parallels. I don't connect with very many men on a friendship level either and the men I do make friends with tend to display dishonesty and neglectfulness in the friendship. I can't say I can tell you where to find the silver lining in this problem, but maybe you should just lower your expectations of people. Human beings are human beings and we all have a self-serving bias. I'm more comfortable now with the way many women act simply because I don't expect a whole lot from them. Maybe a woman will surpise me someday. At least the good behavior will be a surprise instead of the bad behavior. God knows I've been surprised by a male friend now and then so I'm sure it's bound to happen.
Feminism is not bad but it tends to attract some reactionary personalities. The concept of feminism is to bring awareness to gender issues (both male and female) by encouraging public awareness. Many women do use feminism as an excuse for moral absolvement or to hate on men but they are abusing the concept. There is also such a thing as Masculinism, which tends to be more pure to the concept simply because it is less widespread. | |
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| I'm losing my faith and respect for women
Posted: 2/14/2006 8:23:20 PM | I agree with some of the answers to your post. If you keep doing what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got.
I don't know what kind of women you are meeting. I have no rape story, no abuse story, no big life altering turn around, and I don't expect men to buy me dinners, I like to pay my own way.. that way, if it doesn't work out in the end.. neither of us feels used.
There are a lot of losers out there.. men and women.. hold out for the person who makes you happy. Look for what's on the inside. not the outside. | |
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| I'm losing my faith and respect for women
Posted: 2/14/2006 8:26:26 PM |
Honey your being a bit of a dink here !! If you're going to cry and whine maybe that's the whole problem , "Be" the guy get stroked under the table and take no prisoners or sit back and watch it's up to you .
And this here is exactly my point.
I am at the frame of mind where I must decide to be that guy, playing the women for nothing more than my gratification physically or continue to look for the one who will satisfy me emotionally and mentally.
Change comes hard to me, more so than most. I've spent my life in disgust at those who treated women in the manner I now contemplate.
I am at an empass. | |
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| I'm losing my faith and respect for women
Posted: 2/14/2006 8:28:13 PM | the supernatural - I agree with you about #2.
Better be single, free, worryfree, STD free, and have money than to be with the wrong woman - which is the majority in the western world that about 75% of them initiate the divorce.
OP - Maybe one day you'll get lucky and actually find a "genuine woman" that will LOVE you till the end of time and not take you to the "cleaners". I wish you well. | |
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| I'm losing my faith and respect for women
Posted: 2/14/2006 8:29:55 PM | OK so friggin what! This post and thread has actually Pisssssed me off.
The generalization is one thing. But how are these women doing anyhthing different then the men out there doing the same damn thing? I mean get a grip! A man can F--k around all he wants and its fine. A woman does it and she is a tramp, a whore. Talk your double standards! It isn't right! A woman has a right to as much sexual freedom as a man.
Men were doing everything the original poster said women do, and others have said since the beginning of human civilaztion!
So tell me is just more apparent that women do these do things? More so apparent then with men?
Believe me. I have known some whacked out, cheating, conniving women in my days. I have seen women date more then one guy at a time as well. I have seen women scheme and entrap men. I seen use men for whatever reason. I have seen women use the children against a ex and so on and so on. But I have also seen the same shiot done by men and worse.
I am not defending the people who do these things, either sex, male or female. But fewer people do this then this post suggests and it is stereo typing.
I am a man. I am not perfect, no one is. Yet I can say I am not a liar, a cheater, a thief, a user, and over all I have been told not your typical male. I am different from most men I have been told over and over through the years. You know why I am so different? One reason is I had good parents who set a loving a example of what a good relationship should be. Another reason is they taught and raised me to be a gentleman. But over all from a fairly young age going into my teen years the way my own gender behaved towards women sickend me. I am talking about the examples my gender set on TV, in movies and in real life!
When was the last time one of you guys opened a door for a lady, or told her how pretty she looked just because? Light her cigarette or helped clean up the house or do dishes when you are with someone?
I hate stereo types and this entire thread almost seems like a tribute to them.
If you find this crap happening to you then you need to reassess your role in matters and whom you choose to date. As some have said, what are you doing to attract these types of women? I mean if it has happend this much to you, to bring you to the point of harping about it out here then you should have enough experience to spot the type of woman who will do this kind of shiot before you ever get serious with her or even onsider really dating on a regular basis. You need to start looking for the warning signs, and at yourself.
Ok I am done ranting and sorry about going off like this. But as one comedian put it, " Thats Not Right! ".
Be well,
John | |
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| I'm losing my faith and respect for women
Posted: 2/14/2006 8:31:35 PM | | I'm glad someone said it - That is the whole problem. A lot of men these days have turned into nutless wonders. They cry, **** and whine about how they're being treated, and other things in general. Heck, do they actually think that a woman is going to treat them with any measure of respect with that kind of behavior? | |
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Ldygmr
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Joined: 12/19/2005
Msg: 43 | |
| I'm losing my faith and respect for women
Posted: 2/14/2006 8:34:03 PM | Proteus~
Sorry bud. Scratching that itch is about all you guys are good for anyway so why disabuse you of that notion?
*rolls eyes*
At least this is an original attention getter. I mean Dayum! TONS of chicks love a good "project" to fix. | |
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| I'm losing my faith and respect for women
Posted: 2/14/2006 8:37:37 PM | John - here in the NYC vicinity most women don't know how to appreciate a goodhearted gesture by men. These women on the most part don't know how to say "Thankyou", "Please", or "I'm Sorry". Heck, one can go to jail just to offer a woman assistance in these parts - they complain and the law sides with these women and they have NO evidence to prove their accusations. So men have really given up as the problems with most women in society (in the western world on the whole) are much larger than Men can do about it.
The cheating, etc..., really doesn't matter because "Feminism" is a greater problem than a man can handle without ramifications to boot. | |
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| I'm losing my faith and respect for women
Posted: 2/14/2006 8:37:42 PM | Again, I'm not getting serious with these women, some have come close, but not getting in relationships.
I am merely presenting my sampeling of women through my dating experiances.
Yes, these are generalizations, but in the normal context of conversation I would assume that an intelligent adult male or female could grasp the concept and not automaticly assume that I am accusing all females of the species to be this way.
Unfortunately I assumed wrong, apparently things must be spelled out in great detail to the simple folks who read a comment and take it as a literal translation and becouse I used the term woman or women, which implys all, I was in fact using it to imply all that I have experianced.
My appoligies for insulting your sensibilities, and over estimating your conversational capabilities. | |
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| I'm losing my faith and respect for women
Posted: 2/14/2006 8:46:07 PM | rape story...check
abuse by boyfriend or significant other......check
being cheated on.......check
explanation as to why they are unique and special.....check
explanation about how they've turned their life around and only expect the best....check
Do you not realize that men present these same situations? I'm generalizing worse case but in addition to the items listed above, my list is:
do they have a job, or do they want to financially mooch off of me?
do they just want a f*ck budy?
are they alcoholics or drug addicts?
are they married or living with someone?
are they gay, in the closet, transvestites, or pediphiles?
are they verbally or emotionally violent?
are they control freaks?
do they have old pains and have explosive anger?
are they con artists who take your money?
I've met all types. | |
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| I'm losing my faith and respect for dudes who generalize!
Posted: 2/14/2006 8:47:19 PM |
Oh, and cheating on women is also not the answer. You're not going to make the world any warmer by throwing ice cubes.
Excellent point!!!!
Hate to rehash...but dude...don't generalize...there are players in all shapes and sizes...and for every player there are 5 girls you passed on the street today who would treat you like a king. Drop the negative attitude...try to wax a bit more positive...and let the chips fall where they may. But to become bitter and angry (lets be honest..that's what this sounds like) will turn no one's head in the right direction.
Relax...drop the players...rethink your strategy...and begin again. Good luck to you  | |
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Sarahv
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Joined: 1/29/2006
Msg: 48 | |
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| I'm losing my faith and respect for women
Posted: 2/14/2006 8:50:19 PM | I have placed a profile on this sight twice now. Gone from very specific with my picture to just a basic with scenery. I have gotten responses ranging from the very sweet to the utterly ridiculous. AND I DO MEAN UTTERLY RIDICULOUS.
But, just because one person is a bobo and talks off the wall, I'm not gonna lump every guy that contacts me into that same category and blow you all off.
I'm new at the dating thing, but I think maybe you should be a bit more specific about your search than what you have in your profile.
How can you be looking for someone longterm, when your about me and first date sections both say just here for the forum. Who are you expecting to take you seriously with no information about you stated other than the general that everyone has.
You don't have to give your life story, but what it is that your looking for would be a way to get a better response. Be for real about you. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Either they'll be intrigued and hang around to learn more or you'll weed them out, which means that she couldn't have been the one for you anyway cause she can't handle the truth.
I'm not saying that you still won't get a clown or two message you, but you give nothing other than your picture to catch the eye of the nice girls.
Many of us aren't feminist, we just have to play the cards we've been dealt. Which sometimes makes us become too independent. But the right kind of sugar can sweeten many bitter taste. Not all, but many.
Don't give up on us all because a few have done you wrong!! | |
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| I'm losing my faith and respect for women
Posted: 2/14/2006 8:50:30 PM |
I'm glad someone said it - That is the whole problem. A lot of men these days have turned into nutless wonders. They cry, **** and whine about how they're being treated, and other things in general. Heck, do they actually think that a woman is going to treat them with any measure of respect with that kind of behavior?
So if you have a personal problem we shouldn't respect you anymore either? I'm sorry foxy but a man can complain about anything he wants to complain about. It's odd to me that some women talk about the "male standard" regarding being "thin and agreeable" being an inhuman expectation, then turn around and proclaim their own inhuman expectations about men. NO ONE is confident and charming all the time foxy. Men are human beings and they have just as much a right to complain about something as you do. | |
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