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| I'm losing my faith and respect for women
Posted: 2/15/2006 12:58:23 PM | | Life taints us all. Things we do... and things others do to us. No one gets out of here without some scars. We scar others and they scar us back.Sometimes we get to a bright spot. Someone who gives us butterflys in our stomach and sparks feelings that we knew we had but forgot about. . Sometimes there is someone that makes us change our ways and how we think about things. | |
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| I'm losing my faith and respect for women
Posted: 2/15/2006 1:19:48 PM | Alex HUN...
perhaps something may be lost in translation but if you're insinuating that all north american women are stupid...obviously you've been proven wrong.
you're also not the least bit funny.
ps...i'm canadian. | |
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| I'm losing my faith and respect for women
Posted: 2/15/2006 3:12:25 PM |
hmmm. You say you know who you are and are clear on that. What exactly are you looking for in a woman? Are you clear on that? I read your checkoff list and wondered what baggage you have that creates that type of checklist. If you check off some of those people, you may be missing out on the "right one". I think you need to develop a new checklist or better yet, THROW away THE CHECKLIST altogether and spend some time really trying to "connect" with women. You have eliminated a majority of women it seems with this checklist as many have been "cheated on", etc. How will you ever know if she is explaining what is "unique and special" about her just to try to make conversation and this is what some recent book or workshop told her she should do, as in "toot your own horn", etc.
What is wrong with one who has "turned their life around and only expect the best". I am very curious why you find that such a negative. I think you need to take a deeper look inside yourself.
rape story...check
abuse by boyfriend or significant other......check
being cheated on.......check
explanation as to why they are unique and special.....check
explanation about how they've turned their life around and only expect the best....check
You really need to understand yourself better I think, what you really want in a companion before you will find it. In the meantime, tell the gals you will go "dutch" as "friends" and be open minded enough to throw away that damn checklist!! In the short term, that will eliminate some of the negativity you must be projecting it is so pervasive in you right now. Don't go on a date thinking of it as a "potential long term". Simply go as friends until you figure all this out better. I think you will change your mind about most women.
Sometimes people talk and say things in the early stages of a relationship that are "learned conversations" and not totally who the person is. Give them a chance! You have become a self fulfilling prophecy. You will get exactly what you expect. Read a good book to discuss to keep the conversation away from those "checklist" subjects.
Good luck to you. Personally, I fear you may not be ready for a long term relationship and would be much happier seeking friends right now who can help you grow.
K, I'm getting the impression that you think the check list I established is something i am looking for in a mate. To clarify, that is not what I am looking for, it is however what I seem to run into on my dates.
I've honestly started to wonder if every single woman in the United States has been raped. (although when furthr investigated, I find a lot of women calling it rape when it was something else entirely)
When dating, I am open minded, Hell, I'm still friends with 9 of the 12 women I've dated, the others just were't interested in maintaining a friendship. I talk to the others regularly. They all tell me I'm not picky enough or I'm to nice. I feel I am a whole lot more open minded about who I will date as opposed to everyone I have seen on this sight. I don't judge anyone by their looks or lifestyle. Each woman I have dated has been from a different walk of life.
As for what I want in a companion, easy enough, trust, intimacy and companionship. I ask nothing more of her and nothing less. | |
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Psych
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Joined: 5/6/2005
Msg: 107 | |
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| I'm losing my faith and respect for women
Posted: 2/15/2006 3:17:56 PM | Proteus
Bad things happen to everyone. How one responds to them makes you either stronger or a victim. In your case, I would suggest you find out what your strengths are and start looking for a woman who can compliment them. If you go out with a woman and she says something that makes you know she is not right for you, end the date with a Thank you for sharing this time with me and I am glad we met but we are not right for each other...blah blah blah...then keep looking...there are a lot of fish in the sea. And keep 
Squeak | |
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| I'm losing my faith and respect for women
Posted: 2/15/2006 3:32:54 PM |
To quote Socrates...I am wiser because I am aware of my own ignorance.
proteus...if i were to use your method of judgement this would be my checklist for you:
abused as a child - check
can't spell - check
unattractive - check
hostile - check
major baggage - check
blames everyone else for his problems - check
controlling - check
never had a relationship and he's 32 so there MUST be something wrong with him - check
Pretty lady, the list doesn't offend me, it is somewhat acurate, or at least was at one point in time.
Abused as a child - Yes, done and over it. I don't bring it up normally because it is a non issue now. The only reason I braught it up here was becouse someone asked for details and I was being open and honest.
Can't Spell - Yes and No, I was a local spelling bee champ during middle school and high school, also Honors English in College. Just becouse I don't edit my own messages here and generally just fire them off instead of reviewing them, don't confuse that with the inability to do so.
Unnatractive - subjective, although you need to clarify as to physical and/or personality.
Hostile - I feed off the energy thrown at me, if it comes at me red and angry, I throw it back just the same.
"Major" Baggage - Don't know if I would call it major, but yeah, I have some. Never said I was perfect and I don't expect anyone to be perfect.
Blames everyone else for his problems - Conjecture, you don't know me well enough to make a statement like that. I know what is my blame to claim.
Controlling - Explain please, you have me confused on this one.
Never had a relationship and he's 32 so there MUST be something wrong with him - I agree with this one to some degree, it does put me at a disadvantage, I lack a great deal of experiance in these matters becouse of it, but remember, it was a choice, I isolated myself from the prospect of getting into a relationship, I never saught one out. I didn't even seek companionship of any kind for a great period of time. | |
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| I'm losing my faith and respect for women
Posted: 2/15/2006 3:36:13 PM |
Life taints us all. Things we do... and things others do to us. No one gets out of here without some scars. We scar others and they scar us back.Sometimes we get to a bright spot. Someone who gives us butterflys in our stomach and sparks feelings that we knew we had but forgot about. . Sometimes there is someone that makes us change our ways and how we think about things.
Eloquent and wise. | |
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| I'm losing my faith and respect for women
Posted: 2/15/2006 3:43:36 PM |
fyi...when women tell you at 3 weeks that they aren't looking for a relationship it's because they're no longer interested in you but trying to let you down nicely.
Normally I would agree with you on this, but then how do you explain that she still calls me up to go out and is usually hugging me, holding my hands, rubbing her ass into my crotch and kissing on me through the night? | |
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Psych
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Joined: 5/6/2005
Msg: 112 | |
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| I'm losing my faith and respect for women
Posted: 2/15/2006 4:46:42 PM | Proteus, as much as I want to believe in the goodness of women and men, I don't let that cloud my understanding that 90% of us are worthless, self-centered, self-gratifiing, liars.
Is it evil? No.
It's natural.
Animals take food from the mouths of babies.
Animals often kill each other for sex.
Animals push their brothers and sisters aside for their mother's milk.
Humans are animals.
But lesser animals have no concept of good or evil, right or wrong, we do.
We know that a baby needs food more than we do.
We know there are feelings on the other end of a lustful act.
We have choices they don't.
A higher standard of being isn't something that should be rewarded, it is expected. In other words, You owe it to yourself, and all those that come after you to be the best human being you can. There's pity for those, like animals, that know no better. But there's no pity for those that do know better and choose to be a lesser animal. | |
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| I'm losing my faith and respect for women
Posted: 2/15/2006 5:14:53 PM | I'm going to add my thoughts based on a most recent experience here as well.
In regards to the statement on "feminism" made in this thread...my feeling is that many modern North American women have feminism confused with favouritism. They want to have equal say, equal pay and basically do away with traditional gender roles. Sounds great! I'm all for this as I have no interest in being some womans "dad" for the rest of my life. Here's where things go wrong though.
So far, a good many of the women I meet are spoon fed mixed messages all damn day. Commercials that remind them they they should be strong but it's much more important to be "fun and flirty" because after all, "being a girl rocks!!!"
T.V. shows them an endless parade of so called "ideal men". He's generally a tall, good looking, athletic, dominant male type who somehow seems to not only have a soft, caring side...but manages to totally availabe to his woman at anytime day or night.
The reality of course is that these guys generally are workoholics. They're never home. Never make time for their spouse or their kids. The get out of shape from so much work. They lose their hair etc...Now this isn't always the case but there is a pattern for a reason.
These dominant type A personalities are the "jerks" that all you ladies refer too. They're the ones who get you drunk at the bar...take you home...then don't call. They cheat and lie. They keep you waiting. Wondering...
The same thing that attracts you ladies ...the "confidence", the swagger, the fact that they're paying attention to you (my you girls can't resist that!!!) it's all because for that moment you represent another goal to them. You're that promotion, raise, car, gazelle...whatever example you like. Once they have achieved their target, they lose interest and something else catches their attention.
Then we..the good guy...then one you think of like a brother....the one who opens the door for you, pulls out your chair...says "you look so beautiful today", buys flowers...impresses your parents with his obvious love and devotion... heck he even treats your young son like he's his very own...well we get to hear the same old story. The story always starts the same and of course the ending leads you to our door.
So ladies...seriously. Stop watching sex and the city...stop reading cosmo like it's the dating bible and go out there. Be accountable for your own happiness. Stop waiting for some fairytale Knight to ride in and sweep you off you feet...or just turn around think about the one who's been right behind you all along.....
Cheers | |
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| I'm losing my faith and respect for women
Posted: 2/15/2006 6:42:55 PM | "I've honestly started to wonder if every single woman in the United States has been raped."
(sorry, still trying to figure out the "quote" function)
Well, I haven't-so far.(knock on wood) There may be something to the theory that rapists target women who look like they'd be easy to overpower. I look like I could bench press a 1958 Chrysler.
Seriously, are you hearing this from women a lot? Why?( I'm not being a smartmouth here but if you keep winding up in the same place maybe your compass is broke and you're going in a circle) I hear your frustration! I've come to suspect that my failure to secure a 'serious" relationship since my hubby died;is simply because I'm not destitute, dumb and borderline psychotic.I even went blonde to hide my intelligence!
Son, if you are going to date and seek relationships with women,I guaran-dam-tee that you will spend a certain amount of time baffled, confused, mystified,frustrated and completely in the dark. That's a given.
Now are you REALLY looking for a REASON to keep your faith in women, or an EXCUSE to treat them badly? I'm fairly sure that the world will not stop turning, whichever way you decide. | |
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| I'm losing my faith and respect for women
Posted: 2/15/2006 8:28:54 PM | think of her as a hole to be plugged for awhile.
but I find myself starting to believe that mentality.
There are Anger Managment courses available,...if That don't work You could always go Gay,
(not that there is anything wrong with that)
for the most part this is just another "I hate Women thread" | |
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| I'm losing my faith and respect for women
Posted: 2/15/2006 8:53:14 PM | It's not that I hate women at all...it's just been so long since I met a real one!!!
Is there a female term for "Metro-Sexual" ????
I'm just confused...do they want the Marlboro man or their hairstylist...because the two cannot be combined that I'm aware of... | |
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| I'm losing my faith and respect for women
Posted: 2/15/2006 9:32:59 PM | I know men have acted this way in the past. Now women have realized the power they have over the emotions of men. That is why so many(not all) women do these types of things these days. But I do have one point to make...
Women are able to take heart-ache better than men. It doesn't make sense, because women are so emotional by nature. The only way I can think to explain this is that women know that they can, and most of the time will, go out with another man in a day or two. This takes their mind off of the situation, and rebuilds their confindence. Some women will go out with someone that they don't even find attractive in any sort, just for this reason. Guys will do this also, but their is a problem with this plan when it comes to most guys. We(most guys) can't call up a woman tonight and expect them to go out with us all the sudden. Why? Well, because women don't look at you asking them out as "last call"! Men do! What I mean by this is men will look at the chance to take a woman out, as... "if I don't take her out now she will just ask someone else that will." Women= "he'll want me later, I would rather go out with 'john doe' tonight. If it doesn't work out I will call him later."
The result is that the man goes into deeper depression, and anger comes from it. Turns on women, and just start looking for trash. I the man fall in love with trash, things will just get even worse for him.
Point= Men "you can't turn a ho into a house wife" so stop trying.
Point= Women, dating is just easier for you gals. And you know it, even though you aren't going to admit it.
Everyone needs to look for the "right one", not the "one for right now!" | |
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| I'm losing my faith and respect for women
Posted: 2/15/2006 11:17:00 PM | | Your original post says it all..."I'm losing my faith and respect for women". So YOU have to deal with it. Don't blame the women for YOU losing your faith. Find your faith and respect and you will find your woman. | |
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| I'm losing my faith and respect for women
Posted: 2/15/2006 11:21:45 PM | Stop dating, my friend. Stop dating.
If you feel like the dating thing is making you feel like crap, then take a vacation from it. Maybe it's your current mindset - you seem pretty negative. Negative begets negative...Focus on something else - take a class at a community college, take ballroom dancing classes, or anything that will keep you busy and improve yourself in some way. It sounds like dating has turned into 'work'. It's supposed to be fun. Odds are, when you stop 'looking' for someone, you'll meet someone...capiche?
Cheers! | |
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| I'm losing my faith and respect for women
Posted: 2/15/2006 11:26:57 PM | | And Chemistry...quit doing for all these ladies who throw you (the great guy)off for someone they believe they'll meet because they watch "sex in the city"...and quit bothering to even TELL them to quit watching it...that's obviously their problem. | |
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| I'm losing my faith and respect for women
Posted: 2/15/2006 11:55:06 PM | As a female, I started to get defensive while reading this. But rather than get mad, i'm just going to say maybe it's just the females your surrounding yourself with. Whever your meeting them, obviously it's not a reliable place to meet nice girls.
Running a game on THEM before they run one on YOU is not really a good state of mind. Although if your having a hard time finding nice ones, then yeah take a break from it. Then again, maybe your standards are too high.
Either way, if your tired of them then taking a break could be your best bet. | |
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| I'm losing my faith and respect for women
Posted: 2/16/2006 12:52:09 AM | Interesting oppinion of women in general......................however, I've found that just about every man that I have met on any site, whether it be in writing, on the phone or on a date, normally play games with me too, either initially or eventually......what's this, the opposite gender doing the same thing?
Maybe it's not women who are the culprits. Maybe it's people. Modern day, selfish people. Perhaps it's because we live in a disposable, replaceable society where nothing and no one seems to have the value that it or they should. Perhaps it's the fact that you can go on a verbal date here that will last between 3 minutes and an hour and at the same time if for nothing other than a sense of politeness you find yourself talking with 2 or 3 others. So we are multiple dating when we are here sometimes. No focus...no personal commitment to even a small fragment of time for someone and because it is a medium that is electronic, there is no touch, most times no voice and deffinently no presence and yet we continue to swing our partners to this wild little dance that we enjoy and go from hand to hand and still expect some kind of true connection.
How can you possibly blame womankind for the behavior that you are experiencing from them when mankind is displaying the same kinds of behaviors to us.
It's also very confusing as to whom you really can have a one on one relationship with here. So sometimes we end up dating many and continuing to be confused.
So what can we do if some of us continue to NEED this love that we seek. This one person that we desire respect and commitment from...well, we have to keep on looking and keep on offering our hand and our respect and our desire for commitment until hopefully with the wisdom that we glean from the mistakes that we make here and the pain that we go through from those who take advantage of us we will eventually find that other human being, the other half if you will..that dream mate that we hunger for. That's the big pay off for not loosing hope. That's the reward for not falling into the same behavior patterns that we complain about finding in others. Afterall, predjudice of anykind is just another word for hatred.
and so Sweetheart...we are all going through this. Both men and women and the mature thing to do is to never judge all because of the one. Instead just pull up your bootstraps and keep on walking until you bump into her one day. That will be the day that you will be glad that you remained mature and patient because you will have found the one that your heart seeks and she my dear friend will be well worth it.
Take Care.... | |
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scene1
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Joined: 1/31/2006
Msg: 125 | |
| I'm losing my faith and respect for women
Posted: 2/16/2006 2:52:57 AM | Proteus:
I agree with you man its the same in Canada also. Women these days play so many games it spins your head. How can a man possibly respect them? They act like their sh*t doesn't stink. The quality of women these days is very low. I am a nice guy but have come to realize that the saying "nice guys finish last" is so true. Don't wear your heart on your sleeve. And another word of advice, never trust a woman completely and watch out for women with so called "male friends" that they have for their backup bullpen. | |
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