|
|
|
|
|
| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 2/16/2006 8:24:08 PM | Plain he wasn't suppose to be in your life. You were not meant to be in his. Chalk it up to poor upbringing or bad manners and ONWARD to the rest of your life!
Enjoy that one waiting for you.... | |
|
| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 2/16/2006 8:26:06 PM | hmmmmm intresting stuff.....
it all depends on circumstances....overall goodtime....that doesnt mean throw in sex.....as an added bonus ladies, if your trying to "Catch One"
Try To make pin points on the first date, always have somthing planned like a back up plan. Its less for both parties.
LOL i gotta stop with these forums, im turning metro | |
|
| |
| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 2/16/2006 8:47:13 PM |
from friends of mine, that i've only dated once, i found that the only reason they didnt ask me for a second one is because apparently i'd been sending signals i wasnt interested (most of them totally misread them). i think girls, that if ur interested, u should be asking if the guys want to get together again, and plan ahead. also, i know we all have phones, why not check in with the guys??? just because they're out checking out other profiles doesnt mean anything...it was a first date. until the relationship is exclusive, i say search
Well said summer_rose... I have been on a few dates where i have not ask a girl out again, solely because i read the signals wrong. After a lengthy time of casual conversations and hellos here and there, I have been asked why i didn't pursue a second date. I think each individual has a certain way they respond, whether they like or dislike a person. (intimately) But yes, it is important either way, to let them know either way. Sometimes nerves can get the upper hand. Humans are the strangest animal of them all, figure it out, please share the info with me lol  | |
|
| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 2/16/2006 8:52:40 PM | | If I don't ask for a second date, it's simply because I didn't feel a connection. I tend to be very open and a good conversationlist, so most women that I go out with probably wouldn't know that I'm not feeling a connection. If someone asked me on a second date, I might go even if the connection wasn't felt on the first date, just to give the person a second chance, because maybe they were nervous on the first date. I've had the same thing though where you seem to make a great connection with someone and then you never see them again. I think everyone always wonders what happened, your not alone in this. | |
|
| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 2/16/2006 9:08:33 PM | This thread has been really instructive for me. This is my theory. You have to meet up with someone once to see what that person is like, at least superficially. So you have a vague idea as to whether you really like that person. Then you're faced with the dilemma: do I go out with this person again or do I keep looking? A second date almost seems like a real commitment in this situation! I think a lot would depend on whether you've met three people before going out on this first date, or thirty. If the answer's three, then you probably still want to look some more. If the answer's thirty, then you would probably know more quickly whether this person is the person for you.
And I don't think anyone is going to be so blunt to say what he or she thinks at the end of the first date. I think that if you don't get another call, you have to assume that the person isn't interested in you. But still, you can't take it personally. Presumably at some point a person will stand back and says: well, of the 15 people I've gone out with, I liked no. 2 the best. And contact no. 2 again (and hope no. 2 is still free!).
I remember going on a blind date in London, many years ago. At the end of the evening we both said, "Let's do this again!" and made a plan to meet the next week. By the time I got home I thought, "Better send him an e-mail cancelling that date." When I checked my e-mail I had a message from him saying, "I've been thinking about the date for next week. I've decided we shouldn't go out again, but please feel free to write to me and change my mind." So my conclusion is that silence is kinder! | |
|
| |
| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 2/16/2006 9:54:12 PM | Ok, as previously noted, it's not just GUYS who do this, but "society" has imposed it on the men of this world to actually come up with date ideas, and then to have to ask a woman out for one. So the Thread title does have merit, since women seldom if ever ask men out...
Speaking of HAVING BALLS runnergirl101 (msg: 15), how about you ladies let guys answer this thread before jumping all over/hogging it, whining and making false accusations/assumptions, generalizing all guys to be in the same boat. In other words, don't get your panties in a knot  ... Men aren't any more obligated to reply to posts than woman are, nor do most of us watch these things like HAWKS (or VULTURES) (or HYENAS) , like most women do. Have I made my point?
That being said, I COMPLETELY agree with your post, and no, you're not the only one who thinks that way. Don't think there's "chemistry", let it be known if you're not interested.
all_about_laughs (Msg: 17), you're totally right (if the thread question was taken out of context). If woman are so proud to consider themselves on an "equal" level to men (which is all fine and dandy), they should also share as much responsibility as a man has for any "relationship" (dating or otherwise). It's not the "feministic" thing to do, it's simply the RIGHT thing that should be done.
However, it was later revealed (although vaguely) that the guy proposed to "keep in touch and get together" again, even though judy2159 quote depicts that he used the term "WE" (we'll keep in touch), which leaves it open to interpretation as well as gives judy2159 the power to pursue it herself. THAT could be the "missing piece of the puzzle" you mentioned judy. *Dun dun duuuuuh.....* (  )
As far as your quote
The men expect the women to do the chasing? Please don't start with that BS. The real question is : "Do women expect the men to do all the chasing?" Do I have a point guys? Bah, don't answer that. I DO have a point.
Kudos all_about_laughs, for covering your a$$ in Msg: 20 btw 
loveforums, he didn't die because the OP mentioned that she saw him back here (likely) checking out other profiles. You're a natural blonde, right? (Sorry, it was either that, or a line like "But I think I may have died and gone to heaven, HELLO." )
Ok, joking aside, sweet_summer_rose said it quite well. GIRLS CAN CALL GUYS TOO YOU KNOW...
best_kept_secrets
Enjoy that one waiting for you.... Uhh... That WOULD be quite a difficult thing to do. How do you enjoy someone WHO'S NOT THERE. Methinks you ARE keeping secrets from us ...
LOL meanweener
I dunno, why does a woman give her number then not answer the phone? Ah, that made me laugh ... But I'm crying inside... 
OK GIRLS, ready for the REAL ANSWER?
This happens because women expect too much from men, without giving anything in return. This is a behavior I've noticed in the opposite sex, while giving them the benefit of the doubt, as well as chance after chance. Men and women are different creatures. That's a fact, so let's face it. First of all, look at your profile judy2159, I know it doesn't say much, but the headline is "Intelligent Funny Guy Wanted". See, already, you're imposing that any guy who contacts you had better me funny and intelligent. Though this may not be a huge demand, people's perspectives differ, and your standards of "funny" and "intelligent" can be WAY UP THERE... In any case, this already puts pressure on a guy, as he has something to live up to for you, someone he's never even met! Another argument to back my claim (at least in your case), is when you said : "men expect the women to do the chasing?" like it was something absurd/unimaginable for you. Well, you'll need a much more open mind if you're to take any of this dating stuff seriously, that much is obvious. It's not ALL fun and games you know...
Another possible answer: Some people (guys included) DO see it as a game, and do this stuff (dating) for "fun", for the sole purpose of meeting new people (because their puny, miserable, insipid, and pathetic lives aren't "exciting" enough for them, that they have to know everything about everyone else) and they have certain things "planned" in order to do this.
Q) Why don't these kind of people ask for seconds dates?
A) Because they run out of ammo.
See, each date becomes harder and harder to "please" a woman (because they expect men to "make them laugh"). He came on strong, threw everything he could at you, didn't get into your pants, and doesn't want to bother making the extra effort, when he could use the same ammo on someone else and probably have it work. It's a numbers game.
First dates are easy, then everything goes uphill from there, because men are expected to one-up their last performance, and for what? To "impress" a woman? No thanks! Is it any wonder relationships don't last this day and age?
Most women need to:
A) GET OVER THEMSELVES!
B) Lower their incredibly high standards (and pull that stick out their A$$).
C) Remember that relationships are 2-WAY, and require WORK/EFFORT from BOTH parties.
D) Stop imposing/expecting things on/from men.
E) Start appreciating what they have in front of them.
F) For the truly daring: Grow some balls.
Peace,
~ Romeo | |
|
| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 2/16/2006 10:29:36 PM | | You all should go read my post 'guys..do you like to pursue, or be pursued' 'cause a few of you mentioned why he should call, and not you, etc...I had this happen a few times to me too..and I've been on dates where I had a great time and I just didn't care if I saw the guy again..if he contacted me, I'd respond with an email saying "I didn't really feel a connection" or something like that, out of courtesy. Does it really matter why? I used to think so, but not anymore..basically it boils down to..'He's just not that into you'...read the book..after you do, you won't care what the reason is...cause you know if he was into you, even if he was working 18 hour days, he'd take a moment to call and keep in touch cause he wouldn't want to lose you (and the same goes for us women too, when we're interested, we find a way to make time)...just my .02 | |
|
dido1
|
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 35 | |
| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 2/16/2006 11:01:31 PM | | i think that u just cant get over he never called,,,and it actually sucks for you.If your seein him in here,,,its only useless information in ur head that is not nessarry,,,why do you want to no if hes in here or not,,,ur only hurtung yourself when you see him lookin at other chics profiles???I dont really understand that,,not that i have to,,,but really ,,think about it,,,you are in control of you,,,ur feelins ur behaviour,,and you are responcible with what u put urself through,,,so instead of puttin your all into someone,,,put it into urself,,so when this happens again,,,you wont be so dissapointed,,because u will have already given yourself enough self esteem to say,,,hey,,,he just wasnt into me,,,,,,NEXT,,,,ps,,,sorry for all the typos,,hahahahah,,,peace out,,,take it eazi | |
|
| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 2/16/2006 11:09:38 PM | Ok, I'm sorry, but this is very obvious to me..
He lied, thinking it was the wise/polite thing to do, etc., etc.
He wasn't interested.
Why is the obvious always questioned? | |
|
| |
| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 2/16/2006 11:12:53 PM | | All people are different, for some maybe they just didn't feel the same spark you did, some are a**holes. We're all apt to wonder what happened, but unless they care to share it with you it's just a big waste of time. I usually don't get second dates because I won't dump my monkeys on a moments notice to go out and party, such is life. | |
|
| |
| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 2/17/2006 3:03:19 AM | | Ladies, I ordered the book...just waiting for the delivery...some of us are still from the old school, and expect a man to pursue. As far as not having much in my profile, several emails and phone calls were exchanged before the first date. I did think he was intelligent; I did think he was funny...I am not that worried...I WILL move on. The only reason I posted this is because it seems to be a trend with these internet dates, and thought I could get some insights as to why by asking other people their opinion. If he was not that into me, then he lied, pure and simple, for whatever reason...I guess honesty is not for everyone...and as far as expecting sex and not getting it, that was not an issue...although ladies think about it: wouldn't I feel a whole lot worse if THAT had happened, in addition to him just blowing me off? | |
|
JWA
|
Joined: 5/21/2005
Msg: 41 | |
| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 2/17/2006 5:56:24 AM | ^^^ Judy2159 if you're ANYTHING in person like you come across here I'm surprised any date you have lasts very long at all!! "Men have no backbones....." really caught my attention---have you always had a low opinion of men? If men are like that why would you want one anyway? If you think it's bad from the female point of view try being male without an agenda or "player" mentality----we experience the very same thing---and probably in the very same frequency!!
As long as you have this mindset you'll reap what you sow----keep that in mind---and best of luck. I'm sure one of these brain-dead, spineless men will sooner or later see your inner beauty!!
J W | |
|
| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 2/17/2006 6:18:36 AM | Hey Judy...
Don't go into a first date with the idea there will be another...
Have fun wading through all the wanna be's it sure beats sitting at home all alone with nowhere to go 
If you are being yourself you can't ask for anything more... A second date will come and in the meantime just enjoy yourself...
I had one date with a woman who was really nice and we knew there were no flames blazn for us and just had a great time talking... She later told her sister about me and thought we would be a good match... I married her and even thouigh we grew apart after 14 1/2 yrs we did have our moments of bliss...
Be true to yourself also ask if they'd like to do this again sometime soon or initiate another date on your own...
Be nice.. be yourself and have fun with it a second date will come or a first date can turn into another first date with someone more appealing
Also... Add to your profile so they know more before the actual first date... | |
|
| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 2/17/2006 6:22:47 AM | I call it * the grass is greener * syndrome.
It is easy on here to never be satisfied. To try and look deeper into a person than a first date because there are so many other *grasses* out there to go take a look at. I am finding hard to believe that once of here that guys ‘ or girls ‘ wont stay off here trying to find that better match when in a serious relationship.
Some of the guys I talk to go on 15+ dates a week. I doubt they will ever connect to any one girl because they are already thinking of the next people they could be dating while on their dates!
Then they wonder why I wont meet them :P go figure!
The idea of an online dating sites sounds great, if you remember that if you have a connection with someone, to see it threw till you realize it isn’t for you. To be honest with that person also so we can all be on the same page. But this is asking for a lot of maturity which many people lack: P | |
|
| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 2/17/2006 6:26:51 AM | mannn.. I love that book!
I personally think all teenage girls and boys should have to read this in their sex ed. Classes!
Teaches females that need it to smarten up about guys and not be so heartbroken when it just doesn’t work out.
Teaches guys that need it to smarten up and not****the issues around.
| |
|
| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 2/17/2006 6:36:12 AM | Usually it's a 'didn't feel the connection' thing... I could have a great time, but if I think that she's romantically interested, and I'm 'just friends' interested, then I won't ask her out again, 'cos I don't want to seem like I'm leading her on...
I won't stop talking to her or anything, but I won't ask her out again.
M | |
|
| |
Cybury
|
Joined: 12/13/2005
Msg: 47 | |
| |
| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 2/17/2006 7:05:11 AM | He was not attracted enough to pursue it for a second encounter. Yes it's harsh, yes it sucks...even hard to accept.....welcome to internet dating. It happens both ways.
Plain and simple. | |
|
| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 2/17/2006 7:10:07 AM | This post by ERIC0022..... he is absolutely correct..... heres the tough part though...... Ladies the majority of them need a reason. Cannot go without.... Mainly because we follow our hearts and not our minds... For men its the other way around.... they follow their mind....
What needs to be done is ladies you are going to need to suck it up type thing... Not my first choice but its early in the am..... When a guy doesnt as for a second date or to hang out a second time you need to develop a sense of "I dont give a crap" attitude..... therefor you wont spend the week after wondering and dwelling on how much of a jerk off he is.......
Its a known fact women need consolidation, reassurance and committment.... Men they need a brew and a foot rub ~! | |
|
| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 2/17/2006 7:12:01 AM | Well, most often there are many aspects to why I do not ask a woman on a second date. The most paramount reason would be that I am not potentially attracted to her and thus the chemistry is way off balance.
The other main reason not to go on with another date providing that the chemistry is “there” is that I suspect that she would be someone that has a wild past sexually and seems to be a "lose cannon" this happened to me a couple of months ago with a woman that I took a huge risk in taking into a girlfriend status. I ignored that warning signs and she was like I suspected a selfish mean spirited person. She also was a victim of a low self esteem that made it for the time being incapable of having a meaningful relationship. Of course, I was blind and did not come to my senses until the smoke cleared. I needless to say was wounded and needed time to heal. I will never make that mistake again. She has no idea what she had done and I am certain that more men will be greatly hurt in the path of her destruction as she had admitted to doing to other men in the recent past.
The biggest question is how did she pull that off and blind me in that way? God only knows. | |
|
|
|
Home
login 
