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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 2/17/2006 7:12:49 AM | If I don't feel a connection after the first meeting ( hard to call interviews a date ), I would probably not look for a second. Why invest time in people you don't feel an attraction to.
Maybe he feels by being unavailable, you would clue into the fact he was not into you.
The replies to the OP seem to indicat ethe ladies would rather have an upfront polite rejection , rather than guys disappearing into the night. Am I reading that right? | |
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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 2/17/2006 7:15:23 AM | maybe he decided he wasn't interested in a relationship and did have a good time but wanted to keep playing the field as well. Who knows. Why not just ask him?
Maybe he was just into having a date. Have some fun with a fun girl and thats all.
May not have been looking for girlfriend. | |
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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 2/17/2006 7:22:01 AM | Here's what I don't get:
why are SO many people hung up on having the rejection SPELLED out for them? whether it is said in those exact words or a person vanishes in thin air, it's the EXACT same thing! When a person is interested they DO NOT vanish, they make even if it is a teeny tiny effort to let on they are still interested, but they do not vanish. A person who vanishes or never returns emails again or phone calls or whatever, more than likely is just NOT INTERESTED. Why do so many people NEED to have this spelled out?
I just don't get it!?!? | |
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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 2/17/2006 7:33:34 AM | A person who vanishes or never returns emails again or phone calls or whatever, more than likely is just NOT INTERESTED. Why do so many people NEED to have this spelled out?
Thank you I couldn't agree more. I don't understand why some people are so uptight about this. There have been many times that I have had the tables turned on me and couldn't stop thinking about a girl after a date and called a couple of times after and she never answered. That's just how things are sometimes. You just have to learn to deal with it. It's just ONE date, why get so upset about it? I can understand getting upset with the person if you have been dating them for a few months and they just vanished, now that isn't right. But after one date??? Come on people you need to learn how to move on. I know it sucks I've been there before but I also know that if I can't get a hold of them after that first date then she probably isn't interested, so I just move on to the next one. | |
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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 2/17/2006 7:34:08 AM | | My dateing life has been terrible lately, I guess thats why I'm on this board, but I will be honest with the girl if I am interested and if I am not interested I will tell her | |
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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 2/17/2006 7:35:48 AM | being a male that has happened to me as well
most people on this site are players or attention whores
they get a high the more people who talk to them or what ever
keep trying dont give up u seem like a great catch for someone
cheers | |
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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 2/17/2006 7:55:44 AM |
why are SO many people hung up on having the rejection SPELLED out for them? whether it is said in those exact words or a person vanishes in thin air, it's the EXACT same thing!
Maybe people need some sense of closure or finality. Otherwise things remain unresolved.
Although I have to agree that no return calls or emails, or IM seems pretty final to me.
After all it's only ONE DATE, it's not the same as seeing someone for weeks or months and then they disappear. What's the most we invest in an average date , a few hours and $50? | |
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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 2/17/2006 7:56:35 AM | | Sweety, I wish I had the answer for that one. It happens to us guys all the time. All it takes is to say or do anything to get blown off. Hey I here all women say they love to laugh and I do too but when you be yourself you all think we are weird. so my theory on that is screw them if they cant take a joke. | |
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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 2/17/2006 8:17:37 AM | ["] I have also noticed a trend toward guys expecting me to chase, or pursue them...that will be a cold day in ...["]
["]guys like this (the majority in my online experiences) have no backbone whatsoever...how unattractive is that? They don't post because they know if they are guilty of it then they are nothing more than a coward...["]
Judy 2159
With regard to the first quote... If your choice not to "chase" translates into not showing any interest, then you need to expect that men are not going to "chase" you. Most men, particularly those with honorable intentions are not going to persue a relationship if you are indicating to them you are not interested in them.
As for the second quote... Making sweeping statements like that are indicative of an attitude that many men will find repugnant! That would translate into a sure way of guaranteeing no second date. Some fellows might even "politely" say that he would be in touch with you in order not to be the target of some diatribe he might think he is going to get if he says anything you might not like. Comments like that send off warning signals in a big way, and while some will challenge you on them right there, others will just get away from you with as little fuss as possible.
Now it might be you are making them out of frustration... or it might truly be indicative of a very poor attitude towards men... I would hope it is the former... but either way, you might want to be careful that your frustration is more carefully aimed... Because a lot of guys who see that wont even bother with the first date, never mind the second.
T_M | |
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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 2/17/2006 8:32:48 AM |
I have also noticed a trend toward guys expecting me to chase, or pursue them...that will be a cold day in ...
I can't speek for all fella's....
For us fella's..we first have to jump through hoops ...just to get a "live" meeting.
A couple times cold feet from the girls.....then their kids get colds....
another time is arranged....
Then i drive an hour into town for the first date. No sweat..
Sometimes the first date can get into the hundreds of dollars. ( i like to do things on dates).
( fun things)
I show intrest.....express thoughts of a second date....
Us guys have MADE THE FIRST MOVE. Expressed intrest.
If we were to phone and ask......well....would you like to drive to my end of town.....
The answer is ....mabey next time.
You young ladies ( with social equality ) HAVE to put a little effort into it.
If YOU like the fella.....try somthing you never do......
YOU MAKE AN EFFORT !! | |
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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 2/17/2006 10:58:46 AM | Judy - Good Thread, I think a lot of the guys here, have given good answers. I totally agreed with Scotty. I have to ask, Did this guy setup the first date? Did he pay? Was he a gentlemen? Fun? If so what's wrong with you setting up the second date. I have to tell you, your comment "that it be a cold day in.." is a real turn-off. If I was that guy and read your comment, I know there won't be a second date. Where does it say, the guy has to do all the chasing. I don't know about the other guys here, but I personally, feel it's kinda of refreshing having a woman do a little pursuiting. Shows she cares, too! He might have gotten some mix signals from you on the first date, so that's why he didn't pursuit a second. Give it try, he might even let you know why there wasn't a second date.
Good Luck........ | |
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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 2/17/2006 1:09:19 PM | | Thanks for all of the posts, I really do appreciate most of the input...now to set the record straight: some of the comments were out of frustration. Like I said, it wasn't just this one guy, there have been others that have done the same thing. I am my charming witty self on dates, not desperate, just friendly. I don't have a wild past...I am just a nice widowed woman trying to find a nice guy for a relationship. To update things, after the date, I called him to thank me for dinner. The he called me back to thank me for the goodnight kiss. Being encouraged by that, I sent him an e-valentine. That's when I didn't hear anything by email or by phone. Today I emailed and asked him why, and did not get a reply. It wasn't an accusing email, just a question. Obviously he is not interested, and that is the end of that. Because several people have mentioned that there isn't much on my profile, I will try to add more...again, thanks for your opinions... | |
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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 2/17/2006 2:32:16 PM | hottiescotty
You young ladies ( with social equality ) HAVE to put a little effort into it.
If YOU like the fella.....try somthing you never do......
YOU MAKE AN EFFORT !! HAH! Well said. 
Oh and josjanisse
Ladies the majority of them need a reason. Cannot go without.... Mainly because we follow our hearts and not our minds... For men its the other way around.... they follow their mind.... Don't go there. Men follow their hearts, and women "follow" their mind. THAT'S the reality. It's more like men EXPRESS what they've analyzed in their mind first (mainly because they have to watch what they say in front of a woman), while women's feelings go straight from heart to mouth (regardless, and not considerate of men's feelings who are around them).
Its a known fact women need consolidation, reassurance and committment.... Men they need a brew and a foot rub ~! Where do YOU get your facts? You've got it reversed, except replace "brew" with "dildo"  ...
~ Romeo | |
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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 2/17/2006 5:54:11 PM | For the very same reason we gurls don't tell nice guys the truth. They will be sooo disappointed and we don't wish to face that. Like most gurls, I'm a companionate person; I don't wish to wish to hurt anyone. But if I decide I don't want to date him anymore, he's going to be SOOO hurt. I can see it in his face, his expression, and body language.
It is not a matter of being honest or dishonest. I just don't need to face that kind of pressure. I'm sure men are the same way. My advice to you is to stop looking for men that are unobtainable. Maybe they were obtainable 20 years ago, but the demographics have changed. You need to learn to accept that and look for men that think they are doing good. | |
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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 2/17/2006 6:08:13 PM | 1. No connection
2. Not interested
3. The choices you make...
4. He's a man wh**e
5. He is shy
6. You weren't agreesive enough
7. Man could just be retarded....
8. He is shopping if you are here you know what i mean
9. You are too much in a rush to start something out of nothing, i mean we all take cars for a test drive no ????
10. Sorry just how i feel, wish you the best of luck... | |
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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 2/17/2006 8:59:49 PM | Honey, it happens to the best of us.
Honestly, I think it all comes down to "He's just not that into you."
*Did we not learn ANYTHING from Sex and the City?
You and anyone you know can think of a million excuses for his disappearance.
Think about it - you know a guy's into you when he calls all the time and wants to spend every moment with you. He wouldn't waste 2 days let alone 2 hours without letting you know.
Now I'm not saying that you shouldn't try contact him, if you DID have a good time, and WOULD like to see him again, then by all means, give him a call. But if/when you don't hear from him - have satisfaction in knowing that your better off with out him.
Why would you want to waste time with someone who's not that into you - when there's someone out there who could be TOTALLY into you and cherish every moment you spend together.
Now go and watch Sex and the City and stop looking for Mr. Right - let him look for you.  | |
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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 2/17/2006 9:02:54 PM | Honey, it happens to the best of us.
Honestly, I think it all comes down to "He's just not that into you."
*Did we not learn ANYTHING from Sex and the City?
You and anyone you know can think of a million excuses for his disappearance.
Think about it - you know a guy's into you when he calls all the time and wants to spend every moment with you. He wouldn't waste 2 days let alone 2 hours without letting you know.
Now I'm not saying that you shouldn't try to contact him, if you DID have a good time, and WOULD like to see him again, then by all means, give him a call. But if/when you don't hear from him - have satisfaction in knowing that your better off with out him.
Why would you want to waste time with someone who's not that into you - when there's someone out there who could be TOTALLY into you and cherish every moment you spend together.
Now go and watch Sex and the City and stop looking for Mr. Right - let him look for you. | |
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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 2/17/2006 10:08:59 PM | | i can only speak for myself. we all wanna come across like we are not shallow and chase after looks. we all want someone stable in there own lives. we say we don't care that a girl has a litter of kids. who cares that you are on somekind of assistance, as long as you are hot. i'm 41 and i still want a virgin. all the guys i know have this same way of thought.so we show up for the first date. you find out that this pretty little blonde actually is grey/gray(which is it). she failed to tell you that she has a son that just came home from prison, and she has hep C. this is fabricated for this purpose. but these are the things that have happened to me. i had a girl show up at my work, and was crying that she could not give me children. we never even got to the point of getting it on yet. i was blown away. i had a girl send me some pics over msn and she looked amazing. when we met i was in shock. she was missing a complete ear. the girl in the pic was not this woman that i sat through dinner with and afterward when we went to starbucks at kits beach, and i said don't worry about it i've got it. so order what you like, she got an espresso machine and i had to pay for it. i had to. the place was packed. i never called her again. i could tell you stories. i saw her profile is still on here. how do you tell anyone about that. we are all the same. men are no worse. on a first date i had a girl tell me she had something aweful. i thanked her for her honesty and said we'll remain friends. she became bitter over time, so i had to tell her in an easy way to pound salt. am i the bad guy? who knows. all i know is when he doesn't come back for seconds, it may just be something with him. maybe it has nothing to do with you. finding a partner is for good, don't let it be about bad. have fun | |
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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 2/17/2006 10:24:39 PM | WOW ^^ you actually bought expresso machine...
I think when a date goes smoothly, all the right things are said, manners are all polished, laughed at the right moments, it was a great first meet with no chemistry. You can have fun knowing someone, enjoy the moment and think wow this lady is terrific, I wish there was more attraction. Yes, we all can have slow starts in knowing someone, but if it feels alot of work to make it natural, than alot of valuable time is wasted. Its really no one fault, it has to do with connecting the dots, feeling buzzed after that first meet, and wanting to continue after you both leave for the night. When its not there, why go to a second, just to build someone hopes up. | |
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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 2/18/2006 9:20:54 AM |
All a girl wants is an honest guy not scared to let you know one way or the other. Seriously a guy/girl should NOT say they'll call if then don't intend to do so!!
Trust me Eric I agree that if you don't feel a connection then you won't pursue but don't you think you should atleast let the girl or guy know just simply out of being conciderate??
Geeze am I the only one who thinks that way!!?
P.S. Too bad more guys didn't have the interest &/or "balls" to say something about this very important & interesting topic.
All anyone wants is honesty, unfortunatly no one really likes all the drama that goes along with telling a person you are not into them. It is easier just to leave it alone and hope the other person is smart enough to take the hint.
You tell someone that..you just cant see it working out, they say."why"...you repy and they still say.."but why"... etc etc etc.
If the person being let down is really unstable then the poor person who didnt feel a connection in the first place has to deal with tears, and contempt, stalkers in some cases, ruin reputations..the list is endless to what some people are capable of.
Its not that guys (or women in some cases) dont have the balls, they just dont need the aggravation, especially from someone they are not into. | |
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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 2/18/2006 9:34:39 AM | What's wrong with you calling him and asking him out ? We have no way of knowing what men tell themselves about us when we met. Instead of thinking Positive, we tend to generalize and think . .. another man promising to call and not doing it. Why not call him and tell him you enjoyed the evening and ask him if he would like to join you for a movie, bowling, etc.? Maybe he thought you were too good of a catch to want to go out with him again.
Take the initive and make the next move. It is hard enough on the guys to be expected to ask for the first date, pay for everything, and make sure we are okay with where we go, etc. Doesn't hurt for us women to take some of the pressure off the man sometimes.
Good Luck to you. | |
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