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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 3/29/2006 6:00:17 AM | Why the walls Pepper?
Damn, we all have them to varying degrees, but why do we punish the future for what's happened in the past. (yes, we have to learn from it, but man...because something happened once, doesn't mean it's going to happen again and again and again).
If someone is interested, they should say so. If they're not, the same applies.
Either way, the truth is not so bad. | |
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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 3/29/2006 7:28:14 AM |
Well, if you thought a date went well..... Why wait for someone else to contact you? Why not just contact them if you want to see them again?
It's funny.... Men and women have the exact same responses on some of these, which is:
Why didn't he/she call back? --- Maybe you were both waiting for the other person to call and therefore - no one called!!!! = MISSED opportunity!!!
You have to assume that if a person is interested, they will call.... whether that person is you or the date. No call = no interest....
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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 3/29/2006 9:52:54 AM | I agree, the woman is perfectly capable of calling as well, so if she's really interested, she shouldn't be afraid to make the next move and call the guy.
As for the original question, I know anytime I've gone on a first date and didn't contact the person afterwards, it was usually because the girl wasn't what I was expecting based on the profile, or I just wasn't attracted to her. If I go on a date, I try to enjoy it and make sure it's enjoyable for her, even if I'm not attracted to her. I mean, if I'm making the effort to go out, and spending the money, we might as well make the most of it. But just because we had a fun time on the date, doesn't mean that I'm interested. Now, someone shouldn't try kissing or getting physical with someone if they don't plan on contacting the other person afterwards... That just means you're using the other person, and is not cool.
But not to discourage women from contacting a guy who doesn't call, I might give a girl another chance if she shows enough interest and initiative to call me. And if that's not enough for me to go out again, I'll tell her, and at least she'll know then. I just don't like the idea of calling a girl just to tell her I'm not interested. I wouldn't want a girl to do that to me, but if I called and asked, I'd want her to be honest and tell me she wasn't interested. | |
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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 3/29/2006 11:32:28 AM | | I agree also if the lady is interested she could make the first call, but lets all face it, internet dating or what ever you want to call it...lol is like window shopping...there is so many to choose from so if you don't totally click with that person look in the next window for something better....seems most people have a few chats on the go and want to find out what the next person is like...not everyone can just get to know one person at a time....so it seems that way..... | |
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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 3/29/2006 11:48:22 AM |
Because men are pigs, and pass up good things when they are right under their noses.
The preceeding is the definition of psychotic.
She has dated how many? And all men are pigs. Sad disgruntled women who made bad choices blaming all men for chocies they make and bad ones at that. Never heard any woman say all men are angels when they meet a decent one.
most are pissed cause they fixed their hair, shaved off their unibrow, bleached their lip hair, brought a 100 dollar bra to make the girls look like to die for, colored their hair, shaved their leg, shaved their armpits, got a bikini waxing, got a manicure, got a pedicure, got their teeth whitened, brought that expensive dress and the shoes to match...sheesh, it's like Dr.. 90210. And after all that money and days of prep, go out with this snotty attitude and pick the wrong friggin guy. And when he treats her like the crappy judge of character she is. She get's piss at me being related to him by gender alone. Sorry disgruntled hag of a personable lady. I didn not mess you or any other female over for that matter. You are doing too good of a job doing that yourself. What on you is factory original parts and colors?
OP: A guy having a good time is being considerate and cordial. Some people, not just men, don't have the goombahs to tell you to your face, thanks, but no thanks, they bow out. And that is a message in and of itself. It shows who they are. Good riddance. Its not some unimind being called "Guys" it the man you just happened to hang with. I don't do that. | |
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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 3/29/2006 3:24:34 PM | | it amazes me that no-one wants to tell the truth about this. you women are not going to like this but it's because you didn't put out HOLD UP before you go off. look this is a new time and date and alot of women have sex on the first date even though they swear they don't- bullsh!t- they do if you don't put out on the first or maybe second date he's not going to ask you for another one. we are in a counyrt where we want ever thing quick and fast to see if we like it including- sex. so quit trying to be so angel-like or morally correct and you probably won't have that problem. | |
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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 3/29/2006 3:42:08 PM | Face it he just wasn't getting a connection. And yes we men just sometimes don't call as we don't want to make someone feel bad and we certainly don't want to know we did. I am sure he didn't call you because he didn't want to answer questions about why he didn't want to see you again. Get over it and move on, he is not the guy for you.
When we come on these dating sites we know what we are looking for and none of us should settle for anything less. | |
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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 3/29/2006 6:02:35 PM | Popsicleman
By george I think you got it!!! People there are tons of great guys and girls out there. YOU are to blame for the choices you make. Stop all the darn negativity...and change your selection criteria. | |
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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 3/29/2006 6:18:05 PM |
By george I think you got it!!! People there are tons of great guys and girls out there. YOU are to blame for the choices you make. Stop all the darn negativity...and change your selection criteria.
Nobody should change their criteria. By doing so in my opinion you are settling for something less than what will make you happy. If a someone will not make you happy then no matter of self justification is going to make you view the situation an any more positive of a light. I don't like cucumbers. No matter how many of them I have eaten I still don't like them and I can't acquire a taste for them. The same holds true for many of our personal preferences.
I think that one big thing that is not being addressed here is that women are completely subject to how they feel. I cannot count the number of times that I had a date with someone and they were all giddy and excited about going out when I asked them. But then when the date rolled around they didn't even seem remotely enthusiastic. Something had happened between then and that time and it just smeared their whole perception of the world. Myself and most guys I know can put our personal demons in the closet at least for the duration of a date, since we know that the first date is a make or break scenario. If there is something that is bothering me come round date time I usually cut it's head off (figuratively) or just tell the perpetrators that I'll handle it when I get back from taking care of my personal affairs. Women on the other hand I have found don't do this. They'll carry wehatever rougue cloud that is encompassing them into the date and never put two and two together and rationalize that they are sending us singnals that are counterproductive to our interpretation of their intentions. | |
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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 3/29/2006 6:38:39 PM | | Happened before...I'd like to know myself...when you clearly know the woman is having a great time, and she even initates contact and a little making out. You part in a good day, then bam! Never see or hear from them again... | |
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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 3/29/2006 6:44:45 PM | it amazes me that no-one wants to tell the truth about this. you women are not going to like this but it's because you didn't put out HOLD UP before you go off.
Well to be honest with you, I don't put out on the second date...and I think that is great..I'm not out there looking for sex..I'm looking for someone who can keep my interest going and yes after time sex would become part of that interest...once I got to know the guy better....maybe thats the problem with relationships not lasting, cause no one took the time to get to know each other before jumping in bed......... | |
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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 3/29/2006 7:08:26 PM | Quote: it amazes me that no-one wants to tell the truth about this. you women are not going to like this but it's because you didn't put out HOLD UP before you go off.
Don't listen to him... If you don't want to put out on the first date or any date, then don't... Some guys expect it, but if that's not your thing, then the guy isn't for you. In fact, sleeping with the guy on the first date may guarantee that you don't get a second date. Above all, don't ever let loneliness cause you to compromise your personal values. It's not worth it. | |
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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 3/29/2006 7:20:20 PM | | Now that is what I am talking about. You said exactly the same thing I always say.Why can't men just tell you?? I just want a man to be honest with me one way or the other.Not just dissapear. I mean maybe I was not feeling the connection or chemistry either.Then we could both agree it wasn't there.lol. The wish eachother the best. You have it right!!!! | |
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ksue44
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Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 144 | |
| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 3/29/2006 7:30:45 PM | Fear of rejection
They didn't pay their phone bill
They lost your phone number
They are still window shopping
They are shy
They don't have speed dial
They really aren't into you
It's not the greatest feeling, I know I've got 18 years of flying solo since my divorce, I've been through this more times than I can count.. I have quit worrying about whether I will get that 2nd, 3rd or even 10th date with the same fella.. I just let nature take its course.. If it is meant to be, it will happen.. In the meantime, I keep plenty busy, and live each day as if it is my last.. Think of it this way, you met someone that you had a great time, you learned about a new person (what you may like or not like), and maybe you were lucky and had a new experience.. That's more than you had the night before or even the week or month before.. Just keep your chin up! | |
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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 3/29/2006 8:29:22 PM | Awesome Male
The point I was making is not to compromise on your ideals or likes but to determine why those ideals or likes exist. All I am saying is if you keep doing what you are doing you are bound to get the same result. Sometimes we are attracted to what we know not necessarily what is good for us.
I have seen people get involved with alcoholics, abusers, cheaters etc only to get involved with the same type again and again. We are if we so choose ever evolving beings. If we all looked in the mirror more instead of at other people we would find out where the answers lie. You get what you want. Change what you want if you dont like what you are getting.
There will be few people on this forum who trully understand what I am talking about because most of them are no longer on a dating site. | |
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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 3/29/2006 10:56:25 PM |
Awesome Male
The point I was making is not to compromise on your ideals or likes but to determine why those ideals or likes exist. All I am saying is if you keep doing what you are doing you are bound to get the same result. Sometimes we are attracted to what we know not necessarily what is good for us.
I have seen people get involved with alcoholics, abusers, cheaters etc only to get involved with the same type again and again. We are if we so choose ever evolving beings. If we all looked in the mirror more instead of at other people we would find out where the answers lie. You get what you want. Change what you want if you dont like what you are getting.
There will be few people on this forum who trully understand what I am talking about because most of them are no longer on a dating site.
I comletely understand you and your reasoning. In my case, my first GF was supermodel caliber. I was 18 and she was 17. She was the prettiest gal in school although not the most socially popular since she moved into our town with her parents at the beginning of her Junior year in high school. Looking back I think she dated me more based on the fact that I had a certain notoriety about me (not anything good), although I was good looking. The cheerleader types and others with social clout at the school saw her as a threat to them because she was so beautiful and they wern't about to let her have access to their cirlces. She was a popular girl where she came from and rather than live out the rest of her high school days as an insignificant person in obscurity, she chose to hang with me and be the GF of the most notorious guy in school (notrious for picking fights with the football players and ending their careers). I have nothing aganst football players but the coaches at our school were a-holes and made most of the players like temselves. Anyway what I am saying is that she set the standard pretty high because she was a really good hearted woman who had extroardinary beauty about her. Under different circumstances things might have played out differently but her precarious social stuation lumped her into the same status as myself (misfit) and I got to glimpse her real character and I fell in love with that and never recovered. No girl I dated after that could seem to meet up to the standard. That was a long time ago and I don't scrutinize girls based on those standards anymore. Still I am only attracted to nice looking women. I have dated average women but my threshold of tolerance for things with them s not always high. For example if they start b1tching at me and cop an attitude I think to myself " I've dated gals that were twice as good looking that didn't act like this, so why do I should I have to put up with this sh!t?" I know many people would say that I am shallow to place a high emphasis on attractiveness but that is the way I am. If you aren't as attractive you better make up for it in some way or not express behavior that overrides your collective worth or I'm outta there. I know that there are to mAny other women who will ffer me more for less headache. I may have to find them but I eventually will. | |
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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 3/29/2006 11:21:27 PM | Well that is a really good question. Well the only thing that I really have to say about that is how do we know what anyone else is doing on here, just because you see someone is online doesn't mean they are checking out other profiles. He could have been posting in the forums just like we are doing right now. He could have been leaving email for other people he knows here. But if he didn't plan on calling you then he shouldn't have said I will call you. There is this thing called honesty and I think people need to find that again. I used to tell people the same thing, I'll give you a call sometime, then I would change my number. You should either tell the person the truth or just not say anything at all. I read a few other posts that say you should call him, I don't agree with that either, why should you chase him when HE said he was going to call. The only thing that other than the fact they were looking for a little action, is that even if they did have a good time they may have been just checking this online dating thing out and weren't really serious to begin with and didn't really think they would meet anyone. So keep  theres alot of men out there I am sure that don't lie. | |
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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 6/28/2007 2:25:04 PM | I have the same problem!
First dates for me are usually something casual, drinks or whatever. I always offer to pay for my self. Conversation usually goes well, and at the end of the night it usually ends with THE GUY saying "I had a really good time tonight. I'd love to do it again, maybe next weekend if you're free. I'LL CALL YOU Monday or Tuesday so we can make plans.' 99% of the time, regardless of whether or not I want to see him again, I'll send him an e-mail within the next 48 hours.
If I want to see him again, it will say something like 'Hey, just wanted to say thanks for last night. I had a really great time and it was so nice of you to pay for my drinks. Next weekend's date is on me! Anywho, I should get back to studying, but I hope to hear from you soon so we can find a day that works for both of us!'
If I don't it'll be something like "Hey, just wanted you to know I had a nice time last night and I really appreciate you taking me out for drinks, but after giving it some thought I don't think we're all that compatible in person and don't think it would work out. Hope you find what you're looking for."
Sometimes I will call him instead of sending the e-mail if I want to see him again, but always seem to get his voicemail, so I'll leave a similar message. "Hey it's ______. Just calling to say thanks for the other night and to let you know I'm looking forward to seeing you again on the weekend, so give me a call when you have a minute so we can make plans."
Despite my making an effort to show the guy I had a good time and that I'm interested, the majority of the time (I'd estimate about 90%) I never hear from the guy again. | |
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