| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 9/24/2008 11:57:27 PM | People are often just too nice to suggest the reason(s) why they're not really interested. Mostly, it's about chemistry. They didn't feel enough chemistry to make for a good relationship (if that's what they're looking for). And in the case where they're looking for sex they didn't have enough attraction or simply, the sense that you would be willing to do that within some certain time limit in their minds. For the guy looking to merely get laid he wants to put in the least amount of effort in order to have sex.
Sometimes it's about cost. If the guy felt that the evening was expensive and he's the type of guy who thinks "quid pro quo" and there wasn't any kissing or any sense that there would be soon then he'll bail after the first date.
It could be from any number of shallow reasons like your looks, your weight, your boob size, what you wore, almost anything.
It could be that you talked too much or not enough. It could be that he sensed that your politics and his are opposites. You could remind him of an ex. He may have learned something about you that he didn't know before and this is a show-stopper.
You could have complained about his driving. You could have simply complained about the service in the restaurant.
And believe it or not, you might not have texted him the next day to suggest that you had a good time and to thank him for the dinner that he paid for. He might have taken this as your sign that you weren't interested and then decided to keep fishing.
I'm mostly trying to guess at the reasons why somebody wouldn't follow up after what you thought was a successful date. :: shrugs :: | |
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Deni31
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Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 178 | |
| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 9/25/2008 7:10:50 AM | One of life's great mysteries! The answer I come back to is- he's just not that into me- when they don't call or are inconsistent. People who are "into you" show it and you know it. They make another date immediately, call you the next day and don't bother to play games.
Dating is sooooo not worth it, until it is I suppose. | |
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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 9/25/2008 7:26:45 AM | | I've had a girl deny my 2nd date offer only to find out through her friend that she was talking about me as one of her 3 'best dates' ever.. I guess I can only feel sorry for her other dating experiences then.. god knows peoples reasoning. | |
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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 9/25/2008 7:40:36 AM | | What keeps a guy from asking for a second date, many of you come with an agenda or expectations that normally turns a guy off. Sometimes you are way to competitive trying to show how great you are and that you can compete with any man, no guy wants to hear that. Failure to give a guy some signs that you are interested, instead of being honest and forthright, tell guy you are interested isn't this a part of sharing equally. Too much makeup and acting too prissy. | |
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bsg789
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Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 181 | |
| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 9/25/2008 7:43:45 AM |
People who are "into you" show it and you know it. They make another date immediately, call you the next day and don't bother to play games.
Why do some women expect a man to call them the next day after just 1 date? There are plenty of reasons why a person might not call you the next day that has nothing to lukewarm interest or playing games. Maybe a person was sick, busy with work, school, or family issues. Maybe a person was out most of the day with friends or running errands. | |
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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 9/25/2008 5:04:26 PM | Cause they don't want to settle down; they hope they can do better! What keeps me on going for a second date is if I cannot picture myself with this person in an intimate relationship. I know, it may be shallow, but I certainly wouldn't want to lie and take advantage of anybody. The difference with me is that I do tell via email or other. I communicate. Sometimes I even give it 2 dates. But I try to be real. I have had some upset guys but I am sure they'd rather be told that vs being for idiots.
Spoken from the mouth of a guy player that I know: I can't help myself I always think there is someone better out there. My response: Did you hear the story about the old lonely guy on his death bed? When the priest asked him if he had been happy with his life and shared it with the love of his life he replied: No, I am alone and empty, I always thought I could do better, now thinking back I realize that I missed out on many loves. Many relationships could have been THE ONE. Morale? Players die alone. It's Karma, what you give out returns three fold.
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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 12/12/2008 9:05:04 AM | I can also relate to Aries Girl. I had a date with somebody who rang 2/3 times a day and was making all the right noises .... we met and had a lovely date (or so I thought) and he was saying what he'd like to do on a second date and alsorts of things.
We spoke the next day ..... and he said he'd call ....... nothing ... 'vaporized' ... so I left it a few days and sent a text asking him if he was ok - just general stuff nothing heavy ... and complete silence.
It doesn't take a lot of guts to say sorry I'm not interested .... us women do it, so why can't they.
I'm wondering Aries Girl if its the same person - as my gem was also from this pond!! | |
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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 12/12/2008 9:42:54 AM | | It could be a number of reasons why a guy doesn't ask for a second date or why a girl never hears from him again like he just went POOF!! or something...maybe he wasn't that into the person and doesn't have the balls to say so, nicely...maybe he doesn't know exactly what he wants and is still wanting to play the field until he figures it out...or maybe he realized that person has potential to be the one and got cold feet so to speak..or even other reasons...no telling. I personally have had the same happen to me..had what seemed to be a nice first date, had the guy mention we should do it again sometime or at least tell me he had a nice time the next day and then nothing. Sometimes I have just let sleeping dogs lye, so to speak, and other times I have tried to contact again just to see whats up...but basically if you don't hear from him again then don't worry about it...it isn't the end of the world and eventually you will meet someone who does go on that second date with you. | |
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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 12/12/2008 12:22:20 PM | I had this happen recently to me. After the date he even called me once he got home that night telling me he wished he could have stayed longer and how much he enjoyed meeting me, we planned to hook up again soon. Then two days go by, nadda. I called him and asked him if he was busy and he said yes so I was like cool, I'll talk to you later. Never heard anything back from him again.
I figure he must have had a few he was dating and found someone he liked better than me. | |
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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 12/12/2008 1:08:42 PM | I think it's because they don't feel the spark or their attraction is minimal. They can still have a good time on the date... make the best of it without giving signs that it's taken a bad turn. A date doesn't have to be a "bad date" if they don't call again either. Take it in stride. You had a nice evening out with a new opportunity for a friend.
the problem lies when one feels or expects more out of the date than the other.
If you don't hear from the person... don't take it personally. It's ok to inquire about why they didn't get back to you too. Expect them to go easy on you or don't respond at all (less polite certainly, but easier).
This is dating people. People are not as giving with their time or as polite as they should be. Run your personal show how you want to run it. don't expect the world to follow suit.
Sad but true.
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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 12/12/2008 3:06:19 PM | For me, I look for interest beyond a hot body and good conversation.
As a man, I can usually determine those two things before ever meeting.
What would keep me from asking for a second date is a perceived lack of interest on her part or a failure to express basic affection and interest in me as a man. | |
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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 12/12/2008 9:04:44 PM | This proves again and again how hard is for many guys to keep up with a behaviour which is not specific for them on a daily basis. Yes sometimes guys can be nice, tell bedtime stories and tickle women personalities. And what a great date it was !!!! Waaaw. Next day --> go back to default. Learned anything from it? Nah....
Make me laugh, make me laugh, communicate, make me laugh, communicate, make me laugh.....f.ck I am out of breath.
Haha I am so happy !! | |
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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 12/13/2008 10:53:40 AM | I think for the most part if they don't pursue a second date they probably found after meeting that for some reason or other there was no connection there. The only problem I think with that is a first date can sometimes be little indication of the potential of connection with a person. Sure some people have sparks the first time they meet someone but you may need to see someone again to really get to know them and try and determine if there is any possiblility there. I think more often than not and I've been guilty of this too, we expect too much from that initial meeting and set ourselves up to be let down and in some cases we need to try at least a second date, a couple of hours with a person doesn't give you a whole lot to go on especially when that first time they or both of you may be nervous, shy, etc. Some people need time to open up. I've learned that as I've gotten older and don't just write a guy off just because I didn't see the sky open up and light come down on him lol.
I do not have a problem asking a guy out on a second date if I feel I would like to pursue something and I don't general sit around and wait for the call, if I want to talk to him again and have his number I will call him. With all of that said there could be many different reasons why someone doesn't pursue a second date with a person and it varies with the individual. It could be something as simple as bad breath turn off or I thought I was going to get laid, who really knows. I don't think you should take it personal though, as someone else said it's just a first date and it's not like you are breaking up a marriage here. I've had it happen a couple of times and have also not pursued second dates myself but I will say that I do make it a point to let someone know that I'm no longer interested and I think we are not just not a match. Most of the time I will say why too, but there is no easy way to let someone know that though you never know how someone will react. Not only that it depends on why too some things you just may not be able to say to a person because you don't want hurt their feelings. It's a tough call but if you are a grown up and as honest as you claim to be you should at least make the effort. Also in defense of the guys, it could be they fear women's reactions lol. It is what it is ladies, and by the way if we've only had one date I don't expect that to be the end all and the guy won't be back out here on the site looking, it takes more than one date to have a guy feel like he's found his match and that doesn't make him your boyfriend lol. So we should all just try our best to be as honest as possible and I know it sucks to not know why if you feel like things went well but I'd say just keep it moving there really are lots of other fish in the sea... That's my two cents... Happy fishing everyone..
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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 12/13/2008 11:07:09 AM | IMHO
1. not into the person
2. no clear signs from date that she would be interested in another date
3. cold fish - might try for second on the chance that she was nervous or having a bad day.
4. can't talk about nothing.. quiet evening.. I had to talk all night...
5. she smoke - deal breaker deal breaker.. specially if she didn't listed on profile if from POF.
6. go to 1  | |
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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 12/13/2008 2:02:33 PM | | Lack of interest. It wasn't there. No spark or butterflies/sexual tension. Despite men and women being very different, we behave similarly when we are interested. We make ourselves available for those we really like. I know we all lead busy lives, but I could have 3 jobs, 4 children, and 2 wives, IF I really liked you, I would make the time! | |
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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 12/14/2008 4:33:07 AM | Fair question - but I don't think that there is any great mystery here!
Probably he just wasn't all that interested - perhaps he did have a nice evening but for whatever reason didn't feel a connection with you and therefore didn't want to continue. From my experience women can sometimes overanalyse a situation and come up with wonderfully complex explanantions for what the guy was thinking and therefore why he decided not to call. I would suggest that often the guy's thought process is a lot more simple (I could be wrong though - might just be me).
If he was really interested he would contact you again, I would!. | |
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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 12/14/2008 7:52:33 AM | Obviously it could be for several reasons.
Suppose you meet someone for the first time. It was pleasant company and an enjoyable evening. All that being fine, what if you just don't feel a connection?
Certainly if he lead you on, talked about future dates and/or offered a kiss at the end of the evening I can certainly see how that would be mis-leading. However, if the talk was general and at the end of the date it ends with a hug and a thank you, wouldn't that send a message that I enjoyed your company and appreciated your time but there simply wasn't a connection? The key to this is the conversation itself and where you felt it took you.
By that same token, what if a male receives a first contact and he responds and never hears back, what is that all about? Clearly if his response was idiotic or unworthy of an answer that is understandable but if the response is a general thank you for contacting him.....I appreciated your profile....
Just curious | |
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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 12/14/2008 8:01:53 AM | It may be that there is a lot more to the story than that. It could be that the guy or women is on here looking for someone who he or she is a good match with and may be talking to several people at the same time. This does not make him or her a player it just makes them someone who is Looking for a match.
They may have to choose between a few people that are all nice but life is about choices and their is a lid for every pot.
Granted I believe that there is a part of this picture that seems like a candy store with too many choices and some people who are not firm in what they want may have a hard time with that.
But you can meet 5 people who are your type but feel connected to only 1 just because they look at you, or make you feel like a million bucks and that is the true answer. | |
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| What keeps a guy from asking for a second date?
Posted: 12/29/2008 5:38:42 PM | There's a great book called He's Just Not That Into You. Seriously, read it. I know it's saved me years of grief if I can't figure out why something didn't work out.
If you don't get a second date, it usually means, he's not into you. But a date is still better then doing nothing, so he went through with it, because it beat sitting at home. Doesn't mean he wants another one. Guys are pretty cut and dry. There's really no mystery to them. They like things simple. Took me a while to learn that, but once I did, it made rejection much easier, and I stopped dwelling on things. | |
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