| |
| |
| a Poll: After an initial contact, would you rather get a rejection email or none at all?
Posted: 4/3/2008 7:37:15 PM | I'd much rather get an email. It's true no one owes anyone anything, and it's true that a read/deleted speaks for itself. Still, I prefer a quick email acknowledging my effort, especially if I've taken the time to read a profile and compose a meaningful email.
If I extend the "a read/deleted is an obvious sign" theory to the offline world, I wonder why say "thank you" when people hold doors open? The other person knows we're thankful, so why say it? Or you step on someone's toe. Why say "sorry"? The other person knows you're sorry, right? I know this is an imperfect analogy. I know some women receive 100s of emails each day, and sometimes people may write back "But if you give me a chance, you'll see I'm wonderful..." making life harder for the person doing the rejecting. Still, I can't help the way I feel.
Personally, it's not the rejection that gets to me so much as the repeated lack of acknowledgement. It's dehumanizing. It's like when I'm out and about and smile at a stranger and get window paned in return (like I'm made of glass) again and again. I'm inured to it now, and I deal with it by sending an email and deleting it right away. I don't bother finding out if it's (un)read/deleted. If I get a reply, so be it... | |
|
| a Poll: After an initial contact, would you rather get a rejection email or none at all?
Posted: 4/3/2008 7:56:21 PM | Ok I had to re-read the original post to confirm that we are talking about INITIAL contact here, ie, someone sees your profile online and sends you a note telling you they think you have something or many things in common.
I think it's just courtesy to respond, even if you're not interested, and you don't have to go into details. Sometimes, I'll look at their profile and say to myself "what on earth do they think we have in common?" and sometimes they're like, 20 years younger than me so flatterering as that might be I just don't see anything working there for me. Or they're 12 years old and at 54 that is a big age gap. Anyway, there's no point in going into specifics about why you're not interested, that can be hurtful no matter how delicately you put it.
Once a guy responded to my email by saying "My hunch is that we are not a match" and I thought that was a pretty thoughtful sidestep so I've said something similar myself. Sometimes guys are totally offended by that, but for the most part I get a very polite thank you for having had the courtesy to respond at all, which tells me that most women they've contacted on this site don't respond at all. | |
|
| a Poll: After an initial contact, would you rather get a rejection email or none at all?
Posted: 4/3/2008 8:24:58 PM | Honestly it is not that women don't respond well, it's they don't respond at all.
I found that over all, no mater what you have for a picture/ no picture, well worded well thought out profile or just a rant like the one I have now, only about 4% of women reply to emails.
I have sent out over 200 emails in this city alone over the last 7 months and only about 5 women have bothered to keep the conversation past the first contact.
Of those, only 4 have lasted longer than a week, only to find out we were not compatible. And besides one hopeful that I am chatting with now, not one was even the slightest bit interested in meeting me for Tea.
Oh ok, off topic, well yes, any reply even if it it "sorry not interested, happy fishing" would be welcomed. Thus far only 2 girls have done so since I have moved here, and I have thanked them.
If the rest were thinking "maybe I should ignore his first email just to see how interested he really is", well you fail!. I only send one email, and if you are not interested or polite enough to write me back, then good day to you and happy fishing. | |
|
| a Poll: After an initial contact, would you rather get a rejection email or none at all?
Posted: 4/3/2008 8:59:52 PM | hey, cool to have thestoryofstuff on your profile! I really liked that piece, very inventive.
Ok, so you're not Brad Pitt, but Brad Pitt isn't Tom Cruise either! What I am saying is, it's obvious from your profile that you're the one who is disappointed in your looks, that you've tried different "styles" to no avail - it's not your picture that's a drag, it's what you have to say about yourself.
I just don't get where you're a happy, fun-seeking guy that I would want to spend time with, from what you've said about who you are.
When a guy makes contact with me, the first thing I will do is check out his profile. And his picture yes, but also his profile! And even if he isn't completely appealing in the photo (not all photos do people justice right?) I'll see what he has to say for himself. Some guys say absolutely nothing, some are into a wide variety of activities (golf, ATV's, etc etc) that I am not into, and others come across as such a sad sack I can't imagine them being any fun whatsoever, even for a coffee date. All three are good reasons to pass, albeit politely, with a response.
But if what you're after is a positive response, think about changing your profile to reflect the fun guy she would be smart to take a chance on. Just a thought, | |
|
| |
| |
| a Poll: After an initial contact, would you rather get a rejection email or none at all?
Posted: 4/4/2008 12:01:30 PM | Its true that no-one OWES you a reply, but as one poster said and I agree, its common courtesy. Exceptions can be made for rude, 1-line or cookie-cutter emails, but if someone wrote a polite email that indicates they read your profile, IMO the nice thing to do is reply, even if its 'No thanks.' Heck, I'd even like to see a reason like "your kids are too young", "you're too far away" or "I just started seeing someone." After all, this is a dating site where people are trying to meet others. Its discouraging to only see Read/Deleted.
Based on my experience and what I've read here, is this only a male contacting female problem? The initial pursuit seems to be heavily weighted towards men, whether its due to the medium or tradition. Do women get the same 'no reply' thing? | |
|
| a Poll: After an initial contact, would you rather get a rejection email or none at all?
Posted: 4/4/2008 12:09:35 PM | I personally would prefer a response telling me exactly why they are not interested so I can fine tune myself or my search towards finding something worthwhile.
However I don't respond alot of times because I don't enjoy hurting peoples feelings....but I prefer to be told why they are not interested because my feelings don't get hurt that easy. I just like to know the truth and why. | |
|
| |
NERO1
|
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 237 | |
| |
| |
| |
| a Poll: After an initial contact, would you rather get a rejection email or none at all?
Posted: 4/6/2008 8:11:52 AM | i'd at least hope for a "not interested" email than none at all. i literally just met someone on here, we totally hit it off, promised to call... duh, didn't call. i just sent him a message to ask him if something was wrong, and if he is not interested then please send me an email so that i will know.
i am also at a slight disadvantage because that leaves me to ask questions, or wander, or whatever.
hope it helps to know that you are not the only one. | |
|
| a Poll: After an initial contact, would you rather get a rejection email or none at all?
Posted: 4/6/2008 8:28:03 AM | Great thread!
I never knew so many people have looked to see if their emails were even read, lol
I know for me, I don't have the time to sit and read if any I have sent were even looked at.
I have sent emails that were never replied too... " nice smile" or "beautiful eyes" with no response in return.
Guys honestly are you email us because our words we have written were earth moving? Honestly I would like them to answer that one, I am sure there are a few guys out there who care if some ladies have minds. Most are emailing due to a picture.
I have gotten a few emails stating " hey sexy" or " want to ****" Are we expected to reply to those as well? or should we just delete them and read the next one in line?
I have emailed back the one who asked if I wanted to ****... my simple reply was... Good luck pal! | |
|
| a Poll: After an initial contact, would you rather get a rejection email or none at all?
Posted: 4/6/2008 8:33:57 AM | Definately don't care either way.
I don't send many messages so if I do and get no reply I take it as not interested, sometimes I may get a reply that is pretty much a 'thanks' to my message and take that as a not interested as any messages I may send involve more than what a mere 'thanks' would warrant.
People seem to get too wound up up about the whole 'read/delete' thing on the internet.
It is NOT rude, it's just that many folks get many messages and may not have the time to answer all and maybe the person you messaged doesn't want to feel obligated when a complete stranger sends them a message to reply with a 'Sorry, not interested.'
Many have received very nasty replies back, so why bother?
I've actually received messages from men whose profile I looked at (apparently they keep close watch on who is viewing them) asking me why I didn't send them a message.
I don't question ppl on the internet as to why they add me as a favorite nor why they view my profile and don't send me a message. I figure they are not interested in getting to know me.
I also do not question men why they don't reply to a message. Again, obviously, they are not interested for whatever reason.
Hell.. I don't question ppl I know in person as to why they do what they do or don't do in regards to our particular relationship.
Not even my mother. | |
|
| a Poll: After an initial contact, would you rather get a rejection email or none at all?
Posted: 4/6/2008 11:33:59 AM | | I really try to respond to messages, and usually say "good luck on your search, I do not think we are a match" I have had my share of men read/delete my messages or they respond with "I don't date fat ugly women and you must be ugly since you don't have a pic" (guess he failed Manners 101), or say that they don't have long distance relationships when they live 30 miles away. Saying "We don't seem to be a match" covers everything from location to hair color and does not offend anyone, IMHO. | |
|
| a Poll: After an initial contact, would you rather get a rejection email or none at all?
Posted: 4/6/2008 6:27:58 PM | tambot,
i couldn't agree more, i don't feel any obligation to repsond if the email doesn' show y they were interested. but if you have had a few dates or even chatted for a few weeks, it seems like the polite thing to do to let the person know that you are on to someone new. It shows lack of gonads and integrity to do anything less. | |
|
| |
| a Poll: After an initial contact, would you rather get a rejection email or none at all?
Posted: 4/7/2008 8:21:53 AM | | well i have a bad habit of suddenly stop talking to someone after a first meet...if my shyness kicks in during it chances are i won't talk to the guy again cause i'll be embarrassed about how i acted...and i rather not hear anything back if they were not interested just cause i have no self esteem so its much easier that way for me as strange as it sounds | |
|
| |
| a Poll: After an initial contact, would you rather get a rejection email or none at all?
Posted: 4/7/2008 8:39:29 AM | I think that as people we read the forums for a few reasons, one of them being to possibly learn something about one another.
Here is what I have learned (well I knew this a long time ago, but I digress). While I may not care if someone read/deletes me and I do take it as a not interested and move on, I KNOW that others do not appreciate it and I don't think it takes that much effort on my part to send a "thanks, but no thanks" type email. Especially if the person who sent the email really made an honest effort.
I try to think of the other person and I think that's an important quality to have. Everyone can talk out of their azz about how compassionate they are, but it's your actions not always your words, that determine just how compassionate you really are. | |
|
| a Poll: After an initial contact, would you rather get a rejection email or none at all?
Posted: 4/7/2008 4:20:18 PM | Speaking from a different perspective, I'm usually pretty reluctant to send a "Thanks but no thanks" message for one simple reason: the threat of retaliation.
I have gotten WAY more than my share of nasty, offensive attacks after sending a perfectly polite "Thanks, but I'm not interested" response. I've gotten called names, cussed at, and verbally abused just for expressing that I'm not interested in you for whatever reason--again--in a more than civil way. So for me, I don't necessarily want to reply to somebody I'm not interested in (even if they actually thought about what to say in the message) because I just don't want to open myself up to that kind of unprompted harassment.
Just my $.02. | |
|
| a Poll: After an initial contact, would you rather get a rejection email or none at all?
Posted: 4/7/2008 4:31:48 PM | The thought of someone responding abusively to a "thanks but no thanks" message makes me sick. This dude is a head-case and needs to be written off. Do you really all find those so discouraging? It's as if I should stop opening doors for women because about a third never bother to recognize the gesture.
Are you going to conduct yourself politely or not? | |
|
Home
login 
