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nogo3
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Joined: 2/26/2007
Msg: 178 | |
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| a Poll: After an initial contact, would you rather get a rejection email or none at all?
Posted: 12/7/2007 8:29:29 AM | If we are talking about initial email contact ... There could be reasons why someone is not answering....
I am new to online dating. When I first started I answered every email that I received because I felt that it was common couresty to let someone know politely that I didn't feel there was a match there. I would open the email, read what was written, and look at the profile. Based on physical attraction (and NO I am not looking for some totally perfect gorgeous man but let's be honest there has to be something - nice eyes, nice smile, ect), the content of the email sent (I like intelligent or witty communication - just saying How U doing?!? like Joey from friends doesn't cut it), and things I see in the profile (is it well written? Funny? Insightful? Does this person have anything in common with me?) I decide then if I am going to either A. Email them back and get to know them OR B. Tell them No Thank you.
If it was a No Thank you I would say - Thank you so much for your email and your sweet compliments... I appreciate your kind words. I'm sorry tho but based on your profile I don't see many common interests. Good Luck in your search.
The sad thing is... I got some emails back thanking me for my honesty and good luck to me BUT I got MORE emails back telling me I am a snob, a b****, self centered, and the some other lovely insults I prefer not to list here. Those people I waste no time in blocking. You would think we are all adults out here but I guess not. What makes it worse sometimes is if you do respond and tell them you don't feel a match then they want to know what you didn't find appealing and I have actually had men tell me... well I can change this or that ... No... if you wrote that in your profile then that is who you are or what you are looking for (or would like to think you were honest when you wrote it) so why would you want to "change" just so I will communicate with you? I had some other more seasoned online daters tell me that it is best to just not respond if I am not interested. They said we know you want to be poilte but sometimes it is just better. I hate doing that and it is sad. I am a very nice person and I too think it is rude not to respond at all. It makes me feel horrible. I also do not like to react to ALL based on what SOME people will do. But the sad truth is... you never know when someone you may say No thank you to is going to respond in a nasty manner.
I have sent emails and not gotten a response. When this happens I just move on. Or if I am communicating with them and they suddenly stop responding then again... I move on. If you don't get a response from someone you email it does not mean there is something wrong with you. Or you are not good enough. It just means that person feels you are not a "fit" for them. It doesn't mean you are not a "fit" for someone else. There are "plenty of fish" in the sea. Again for the record... I have never deleted an email and not read it. I read every one and I look at the profile of every person that contacts me.
As for "in person" contact... Meaning... you actually went out on a date with them or met them for coffee ect.... if you do not feel that "spark" then it happens. But yes it is the proper and right thing to do to tell that person. Just not picking up the phone when they call or ignoring emails is very rude.
Sorry for the lengthy post but I felt there is sometimes more to it as to why someone may not respond. Yes there are some rude and possibly shallow people in this world... but that may not always be the reason you are not getting a response. So for anyone that may be reading this that has sent me an email that I have not responded to... now you know why...
Sometimes a few bad apples spoil the bunch. | |
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| a Poll: After an initial contact, would you rather get a rejection email or none at all?
Posted: 12/7/2007 9:54:28 AM | I wish people would be alittle more understanding. It would be a full time job for me to answer every message I have recieved. If I had the time I would answer everyone. What is one to do, have a Dear John letter designed and just send that? I think that we all really understand that if you don't get a response, that you know why.
It's alittle frustrating. Out of all the return "No thanks" replies is the person writing it being really honest?
Yes, I read each and every message and I do appreciate them.
Happy Fishing.
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| a Poll: After an initial contact, would you rather get a rejection email or none at all?
Posted: 12/7/2007 10:14:32 AM | hell yes,id much rather get a polite decline than to be ignored.....how snobby is that? if you dont have the courage to express your reasons why youre shallow and superficial,you shouldnt be on here......and thats probably the reason youve been reduced to a small picture and a few words,because in the real world,you flounder miserably in meetings and relationships because youre more into what you need,than your partner.......if guys just printed out thier bank statement and posted it instead of a picture,it could save a lot of Bull$@#$%
ladies....for the most part? if you were all that,you'd be with somebody,not desperately clinging to Plentyof skanks. | |
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| a Poll: After an initial contact, would you rather get a rejection email or none at all?
Posted: 12/7/2007 10:33:45 AM | Respect, self respect, education, "savoir vivre" , politness and decency.
All of those tells you to make the simplest gesture of saying "thanks but no thanks".
"ignore" type people are simply self centered, shallow and empty. those are people I do not want to be with anyway.
The fact of NOT receiving anything may lead the person into thinking that you are buzy, didn't get the message, are absent etc etc etc (you know...normal rational thinking..)
This person will be waiting (in some cases) for no reasons other then the complete lack of basic human qualities of the person "not replying".
Let's say you receive 50 demands e-mail/day.....it will take you a huge 30 minutes to answer them all.
Is losing fundamental qualities worth gaining 30 minutes? (especially when you may be browsing/wasting few hours).
Simple as that. | |
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| a Poll: After an initial contact, would you rather get a rejection email or none at all?
Posted: 12/7/2007 10:35:22 AM |
ladies....for the most part? if you were all that,you'd be with somebody,not desperately clinging to Plentyof skanks.
And your not desperately clinging as you are still here????
So a person is a snob/impolite/rude if they don't reply.
Here how about a reply like this:
"Thanks for your email but I don't see any chance of us getting together because your body type is not appealing to me. Good luck finding anyone. Again thanks!" I even said thanks twice and gave my reason.
Would those who feel a reply is mandatory like to see that? Some people can't handle the truth!
Hey, if someone you never met sent you a leter via snailmail, would you write back rejecting them in a nice polite manner?.... I think not.
It confirms the message got thru, and that there is no reciprocal interest. That's all i need to know, to move on.
So a Read Deleted doesn't confirm that!!  | |
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| a Poll: After an initial contact, would you rather get a rejection email or none at all?
Posted: 12/7/2007 12:06:14 PM | I was just trying to point out another side. If you get a lot of messages and have a job, home, kids and responsiblities, etc. it might be hard to answer every single message. If I can't be sincere in my reply and take the time I would rather not respond at all. I do respond to alot of messages, not all of them. Sorry to ruffle your feathers. I didn't sign up to give out dating advice. Some of on here have a life beyond POF. Apparently you don't. You attitude speaks volumes. SEEK HELP!
So the questions could be, do you want an insincere reply back or the truth?
Back at you harleyjd68. I'm not looking for an arguement, just making a statement. It really is ok to agree to disagree. | |
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BB468
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Joined: 11/9/2007
Msg: 190 | |
| a Poll: After an initial contact, would you rather get a rejection email or none at all?
Posted: 12/7/2007 12:40:55 PM | Hi, I didn't read all these post, but the last 2 pages. I have it on my profile what I will do if I get a 1st contact from women. I believe in respect and will continue to give it no matter what. But woman are also chosing NOT to even read your initial email or look at your profile (but that could be turned off) So I don't know. But just last night I sent a 1st contact email, one of my nicest with humor, 3 paragraphs, she's logged in twice so far without even reading it, and this is not the 1st time this has happened either.
But I'll continue to be respectful no matter what, its the way I was raised I guess! But I consider it her lose and I'll move on......
Frank | |
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| a Poll: After an initial contact, would you rather get a rejection email or none at all?
Posted: 12/7/2007 3:26:51 PM | So I see when some people are lacking valid arguments, they results to insults, demonstrating not only their self centered nature but also their complete lack of manners and lost of focus: "am not here to take dating advices"...but are posting asking for advices and/or opinions.....mmhh.....
or others who must automaticaly conclude that a 'no thank you" letter must be a dagger and aimed to a probable "not get it~er"...mmmhhh.....
I wonder...so much people complain about the lack of civilities, respect and morals in this world, but yet, act like jackass under the false illusion that in the virtual world, they must be dealing with virtual people...and not human beings; and therefore the self respect rules no longer applies, including all other basic decent behaviors.
Interesting. | |
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| a Poll: After an initial contact, would you rather get a rejection email or none at all?
Posted: 12/8/2007 11:11:43 AM | Exactly. Why say "sorry, i'm not interested" when really your not sorry at all??? That's life!
It's called being polite. So, you're not sorry? Then don't say you are...just say "no thank you...please look somewhere else"
That doesn't hurt at all...
It's really simple....if you don't like it when people treat you like you don't even exist, don't do it to someone else.
So the questions could be, do you want an insincere reply back or the truth?
I'll take the truth every time...if you're not interested say so. I'd prefer someone saying to me "I have absolutely no interest in dating you" instead of pretending that I didn't even approach, which suggests they consider me beneath them somehow...not even worthy of simple courtesy. | |
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| a Poll: After an initial contact, would you rather get a rejection email or none at all?
Posted: 12/8/2007 11:54:45 AM | Anybody can take rejection, but nobody I know likes it.
Persoanly speaking I can accept it, but hate it. I should be should to it by now ~ it has been happening so long.
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Now, answers:
I think if you get a message from somebody asking if you want to talk & get to know them better & you are NOT intrested, then simple politeness says that you SHOULD reply and just say "Sorry, I am not intrested in you"
I find nothing ruder than sending a message, seeing it has been read, seeing they have looked at my profile, then not even bothered replying.
ah ah, I am wrong there. Not even opening a message before you delete it. That is even ruder! Have had it, and it is f*****g rude if you ask me.
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Never understood that. Now I could if you were asking for sex or something totally in-approprate, but asking if soembody wants to talk & be friends? Heck I have messaged people saying I want friends (They said that) so I said the equivilant of "ok want to talk/be friends" & I never got a reply. So not understanding that. People want to talk, but then they don't?
Is it just me or have manners been wiped out now-a-days? What happened to a 10 sec reply to say "No thanks"?
Anybody? | |
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| a Poll: After an initial contact, would you rather get a rejection email or none at all?
Posted: 12/8/2007 12:05:27 PM | This is such a hoot!!
So many responses and all on one side of the fense or the other.
It's plain and simple, no reply, not interested. Too easy!! If I were to write first and he didn't answer back,, hum,, so what. I'd know he's not interested. The last thing I "need" is a "no thank you " note. NEED is the word,, some of you need a response and for the life of me I can't figure out why. It's got nothing to do with manners, as manners may be why they don't respond.
When I receive an email from a man that I know right away is not my 'type' I've had to struggle over what to say and yes I always answer but wish I had the guts to just ignor. It's not easy to do.   | |
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| a Poll: After an initial contact, would you rather get a rejection email or none at all?
Posted: 12/8/2007 1:51:30 PM |
This is such a hoot!!
So many responses and all on one side of the fense or the other.
It's plain and simple, no reply, not interested. Too easy!! If I were to write first and he didn't answer back,, hum,, so what. I'd know he's not interested. The last thing I "need" is a "no thank you " note. NEED is the word,, some of you need a response and for the life of me I can't figure out why. It's got nothing to do with manners, as manners may be why they don't respond.
When I receive an email from a man that I know right away is not my 'type' I've had to struggle over what to say and yes I always answer but wish I had the guts to just ignor. It's not easy to do
Yes, after all the point of the site is to meet people and be friendly. Not answering is to me very rude. A simple "No thank you" is fine. | |
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| a Poll: After an initial contact, would you rather get a rejection email or none at all?
Posted: 12/8/2007 2:26:18 PM | ave caesar,, not sure the need to QUOTE my every word, guess I should be flattered.
I do not however think it's rude to not answer. It may be rude (ignorant) to EXPECT an answer to every email you send out. Every hello, smile I may extend on the street does not get acknowledged, I take no offense.
I sit on both sides of the fense, I always respond but I am just as content to not receive an email from a man I may have written to.
Yes, we are a single's site. Keep in mind that the only thing we all have in common is that we're single. We're all very different from many different walks of life and personalities. I hate to think that anyone takes it to heart when they don't get a response to an email. | |
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