| How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/19/2006 7:11:42 PM | | No they wont.A player walks in sees something he or she likes and goes home with whomever.Wakes up says go home thats a player. | |
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Gem38
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Joined: 2/19/2006
Msg: 52 | |
| How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/20/2006 3:39:48 AM | Players do often get their IM conversations mixed up. Or they send you forwarded on emails from other women without thinking. They usually ask to meet you when you first chat to them. They will say things like "I've never clicked with someone online like this before".
When you actually meet them things to watch out for are them not answering their mobile phone when it rings and and getting continual text messages on their mobile phones. This is generally a sign of their girlfriend, wife or partner trying to find out where they are or it could be a number of different women contacting them.
I find that my instincts are usually right.... if they appear to be too good to be true they are. | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/20/2006 3:45:38 AM |
if they appear to be too good to be true they are.
I really am just too good to be true.  
Players are 'normal' people - they make mistakes like the rest of us. The biggest piece of advice I could give would be to not trust anyone for awhile, especially not after the first date. Make them earn your trust.
Also, don't have sex on the first or second dates, if it's going to hurt you to find out you're being used or played. If you want a serious relationship, then make sure you keep the sex life serious, too.
Finally, don't go into the first date expecting to find true love. You'll just be let down when they discard you and move on. | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/20/2006 4:17:14 AM |
Make them earn your trust.
Trust is earned . That's the way it should work PO.
Don't have sex on first or second dates ..... I myself have an exultant attitude towards the act of copulation. I also have the same attitude towards getting to know someone as a potential life mate. I would at least spend 1 or 2 months getting to know someone before acting on a sexual endevour.  | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/20/2006 4:20:13 AM | I agree on the trust issue, Integral. Unforunately, too many people jump in with their eyes closed and think everything will be perfect, that they'll never be used or lied to.
I would at least spend 1 or 2 months getting to know someone before acting on a sexual endevour.
I wish I was that steadfast. It'd save me a lot of trouble.
Teach me, O Strong-willed One!  | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/20/2006 4:39:18 AM |
I wish I was that steadfast. It'd save me a lot of trouble.
I was young once and really boned to go to but I've found so much more value with age.  | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/20/2006 5:06:21 AM | I cant even get a online player to try to ease me Into the delusion Im desirable .. Instead I just got this email from here ..
hey baby., lets get it on., all night long., i have a big ding
dong., 1000 u.s.d. for as ride.
I even have to pay for my players If I want their company | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/20/2006 5:08:14 AM | Dans - I'm glad you got the e-mail. When I didn't hear back from you, I got worried. So, when do you want to meet up? Cash only, please.  | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/20/2006 4:41:16 PM | Oh and another (from a seasoned player himself)
A player often works in sales. (They usually pick good looking people to be sales people)
So be on the lookout for good looking sales ppl..Red Flag
A player will often be very concerned about their appearance. They are very into how well
they look, dress, etc...they look in the mirror a lot...even a teensy weensy itsy bitsy spaghetti stain on their shirt will upset them cause players don't like to look bad...
I'm on a roll here...(CAN you tell I've been in this game a little bit ;)
More as I think of them
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honkey
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Joined: 11/25/2005
Msg: 60 | |
| How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/20/2006 5:04:09 PM | | want to know how to spot a player eh. I think everyone is a player in some way or another some may be more extreme and some may do it all suttle like and not even know it. the dating world can be a cruel place. better of just trying to be friends with ppl but we all know that is impossible most times. | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/20/2006 5:55:54 PM | Anenigma: All valid points, I'm sure, but remember that it's tough to sort the wheat from the chaff... here's some counterpoints to your big post:
A player will NOT call you all the time. That's cause he's busing playing other ppl too, so you won't hear from him constantly.
Or he could be a crazy busy fella, and he's taking the time when he has it to talk to you, which could be seen as endearing!
A player won't commit to a time or date easily for meeting..he'll bring it up, but only casually and NOT commit until the last minute..that's cause he's keeping his options open UNTIL the last minute in case anything better comes along..
Or a good guy doesn't want to make you feel pressured to go out with him/seem desparate, so he'll wait for you to let him know when is good.
A player will often contact you in the middle of the night, either via IM or email, or text message, after a night out with their friends. That's cause they didn't hook up and are looking through their hollaback lists..
I'm a night person, and when everyone else is partied out, I'm still raring to go... so I'll pop on my MSN and yap at whoever's online to keep entertained... doesn't mean I'm trying for a booty call at all though...
A player goes out a lot, with their friends..they're rarely home on the weekends 'cause they're out playing..so when they're making plans with you, it's hard to do. In fact, players are often on BUSINESS trips.
Regular people go out a lot too. I work on weekends (for real, stop laughing), and what weekends I do have off fill up mighty quickly with visiting the friends I neglect due to my busy schedule.
A player will often give you THEIR phone no. first..seems nice and they (men here ;) say they want you to feel comfortable, truth is if they took your number, they'd most likely lose it, and not know who they're calling, better to give you theirs and have you call them...After all, you're gonna identify yourself. Plus, less work for them!
Isn't it less scary to have the option to hang up if you don't like the conversation, and it's left at that? I don't have a real counterarguement to this one, except that they could genuinely be nice!
A player most likely won't take you (or offer) dinner on a first date. In fact, the player rarely takes you anyplace nice cause it costs too much and they can't afford to do that for everyone, so drinks it is..usually!
So what if you don't hit it off? You're stuck there for a long time, staring at each other over dinner, eating self consciously, and he's out $80 for the effort? Drinks or coffee are a nice, safe first meeting, with no time limit. You can always extend the date if it goes well. This doesn't mean you can't go someplace nice.
A player will never, ever go to a chick flick with you. That's cause they can't bear the thought of seeing another dude on screen falling in love...it gives them the heebie jeebies..
A lot of guys won't go to see a chick flick with you... it smacks of neediness. Most guys you see at chick flicks are there with their girlfriends as part of a compromise.
A player asks you out usually during the week. Even after your first 'meeting'. That's cause the player is out playing on the weekend (see above).
Some of us only have one night a week that we can go out, sister. :P
So yeah... it's tough to separate the players from the genuine guys... so keep the B.S. detectors on, be aware that it could be a line, but you've got to make a leap of faith eventually, or you'll be at home, alone, wondering what happened, and why he's given up.
M | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/20/2006 9:44:02 PM | | Peace do you take credit card .. my cash reserves are a bit low this month and remember I need to pay for the flights over for our love tryst too | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 3/3/2006 4:47:01 PM | | Thank you for stating what I had planed to write when I finished reading this thread. I fit some of those descriptions and feel a bit worried that some women might treat them as rules. The truth is we all are playing a game here and would like to meet the elusive someone special. This online dating thing is so overbearing at times that it just makes your head spin. I don't like the sound of Player as it gives both genders a bad rap for sure. I would consider calling them cheap pieces of S**T. They are the main reason that dating has gone so bad, for so long, they only think about themselves and don't care about who they hurt in the mean time, Male or Female. It is a game for immature people that have nothing but sex and points to chalk up. They should be caught and tried in court for indecent assault on man/woman kind. This is a game of love only! not gottem, gottem, needum, like hockey cards. Players are people to “unfortunately” and they impersonate the real people out there, what a shame that they have to stoop so low as to be who they only WISH they could be. If you get played that does not mean that you deserve it, it just means you still have belief in love & honor. It will be much harder to trust the next time and maybe for some never again, how sad. I say hang them all and let God total their points up, they would all be losers in the end. | |
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cbi
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Joined: 2/25/2006
Msg: 64 | |
| How do you spot a player
Posted: 3/3/2006 5:08:33 PM | You know, instead of worrying about player vs. non-player, try a different tact.
- Relax and have fun. Unless you meet a total jerk or some one that is more boring than watching paint dry, you probably have not wasted anything. You may learn more about yourself and what you really want.
- Don't do anything you are not comfortable with.
- Don't go in with too high of an expectation, but don't go in with blinders on.
- Don't look for what is not there. Be positive, don't be unrealistic.
- Don't do something because you fear you will lose the 'guy of your dreams' or your 'soulmate' if you don't. If is really meant to be, then you should not feel uncomfortable making it work.
- Don't try to rush the relationship. That makes it easier for the players and it can scare off those that have potential(it shouldn't, but it can put pressure on them).
- If it is moving too fast for you, slow it down. If the guy can't handle that or it makes him not want to be with you, then why would you want him in the first place.
Sleeping with a guy who is truly interested in you is probably not going to make a difference in whether he keeps liking you; or maybe it will, but not in a good way. See don't rush the relationship above.
This is all personal opionion. But, I found, when I stopped being so uptight about dating and meeting someone special, I started to enjoy myself a lot more(in and out of dating). And it made it easier for me to get to know people and for them to get to know me.
I wish you the best of luck, because the online thing can work!
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 3/4/2006 5:40:11 AM | ^^^^^^
Hey! Stop that! If you start using common sense in the dating world-where will all the drama go? | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 3/4/2006 6:08:34 AM | | Boy I have met lot's in my life..Here is what I have found....and it goes for both men and woman...They are usually very vague about everything/thier profiles are radically different then thier real life presentation/they are prone to alot of cancellation's/only available at certain time's,mostly fri&sat night's/they will never take you to his or her place/they seem to recognize alot of guys/girls/and finally listen to your intuition...and that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach!! Good Luck little fishies...:) | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 8/16/2007 8:17:27 AM | | I think Moon Unit hit the nail on the head.... these people are master's at what they do..... I might add, they have an incredible amount of CHARM.......they say all the right things.......watch what they do , not what they say........... | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 8/16/2007 8:51:54 AM | | It's a little unfortunate but sometimes you don't know until you already been had, you just have to go with your first instinct, what doesn't kill you will make you stronger, and never stoop to their level. | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 8/16/2007 8:57:33 AM | How do you spot a Player? Focus on the behaviors, not the words. Period.
I don't particularly like the term Player. It seems to have become the standard euphemism for what used to be called...womanizers. In the worst sense, they are con men, and eventually...sociopaths. Their Skill is to figure out quickly just what you want to hear, and then begin telling you that very thing. This is why one should not put too much emphisis on words. BEHAVIORS are what you should watch.
But, in the end.... this is really not about "them", but rather about us. Putting too much focus on other people and not ourselves is what gets us into trouble in the first place. (players) simply capitolize on this.
Remember Mr. Darcy in 'pride and prejudice'. He was not a player. However, because of his stern mannerisms and lack of social skills, Elizebeth thought him so and shunned him. He did not come accross as charming and delightful upon first meeting. But it turned out, he was a Man of great character and honor. I would say, bewares of men who come accross too wonderful and charming right away... as a general rule. | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 8/16/2007 9:03:34 AM | | Okay I want to add my 2 cents on this subject, this being my first post. You can't tell if he or SHE is a player over IM, the internet, or POF email. I would suspect that all of us have sent multiple emails, IM's to more than one person. And small details, or keeping details straight don't necessarily mean you are being played. The player is playing the game to get laid, this means he or she will say or do anything to reach the goal. If you fall for this early, you have no one to blame but yourself. The whole idea of dating sites, is to find interest and common ground, and to eventually weed out to your ideal mate. At least that's how I approach the whole idea. | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 8/16/2007 9:31:53 AM | | Unfortunately the players who can really hurt you are the ones who don't appear to be players at all. They are so smooth that they just seem charming and wonderful. They're on automatic, but you wouldn't even know it. (Sort of like Ted Bundy, he seemed like the boy next door and he was a serial killer). The ones with the obvious characteristics are trying to be players and we can stay away from. The others are hard to sort out at first. So if you go a litle bit slower, you have a chance to pick up on subtlties. Once the red flags do start to pop up, be ready to say forget it. That's the mistake a lot of us make, by the the time we're starting to question, we're already "hooked". Live and learn though. Did anyone say what their definition of a player is? | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 8/16/2007 9:45:24 AM | players
(an americanism, in england they were known as b*****ds till it became popular!) are a pain in the backside as it makes it hard for genuine fellas to gain trust with women whove been there and even after meeting up you could say something totally innocent that he did without knowing, that sends warning bells and your having to explain yourself.
its not one sided tho, are women called players too, or are they cheats and teases? cos fellas are wary too if theyve been mucked about and there are those who do it cos its been done to them which isnt fair.
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 8/16/2007 6:48:25 PM | | Read the book called "The Manual" It is written by a guy. He explains the difference between a player and a bad boy. How to spot them, beat them before they play you etc. | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 8/16/2007 7:11:57 PM | The term player is thrown around on this site a LOT.
Unfortunately, what many call a player is just someone who decided that they wasn't interested in you. | |
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