| How do you spot a player
Posted: 8/16/2007 8:17:50 PM | Well, in my personal experience in the past, it seemed I'd always been able to spot a player and avoid him, but recently I let my guard down and discovered I'd fallen for a player. I could not believe it. Me?! Fall for one of those creeps!! No way. He came across as though he really liked me. Then when I showed him I liked him by opening myself up to him a little physically & emotionally, I got my feelings hurt. I was lucky though. Had I given myself completely to him I would have gotten totally crushed. But I look back and laugh cause I'm tougher than that! Maybe some good will come of my mistake by helping someone else.
Now I'm a girl, so I'm speaking from my experience... I 'm sure girls can be equally guilty!
Generally speaking, IMO, this is how it goes:
Guy comes onto you and tells you something sweet, mainly about your appearance, innocent enough, but then he starts to push a little to be with you. Ok, fine so far...kind of flattering really (this could be the first step to gettin played though, but you take your chance, nothing seems at risk just yet)
Guy keeps giving you that attention that at first makes you feel special... you enjoy that... you think this guy really likes you, but you're not hooked completely just yet cuz your a smart cautious person who doesn't jump right into things... so he keeps trying to win you...
If he doens't win you, a player will most likely get tired of trying and move on. He won't stick around to find out your hopes and dreams. He won't ask about your family and friends. That stuff would just bore him to tears. He won't call much, if at all, anymore.
If he is not a player and is sincere, he might back off from your repeated hesitance but he won' t give up completely because he won't be able to quit thinking of you. He would take the time to ask more about you. Oh, and BTW, he'd still call.
If the player wins you, you go out, he makes you feel so special, you are one of a kind and he really seems to like you and actually he does or else he wouldn't be with you, but a player is selfish at the very core and so soon his pursuit of his physical desires will outweigh any amount of respect he has for you. If you decide you like him, can't resist his manliness, sexiness, whateverness and give into that temptation, the player will be satisfied and move on to the next challenge. You will be left wondering why things have cooled off, why he hasn't called. You will tell yourself he is busy with the kids or work... but deep down you know. You've been played.
Maybe the player didn't mean to hurt you. Maybe he (or she) thought he really did like you. Maybe he didn't know he was a player. But the bottom line is no matter if he is a player or not, when you give your body in any way to a person, if it happens too early before you have bonded properly, then you risk getting hurt. Problem is, the player will makes you feel so special that you might think you have bonded so well that it would be ok to get physical with that person. This is why I firmly believe you should keep yourself from getting physical for as long as possible. If you have met someone who truely cares for you, he/she will wait for the physical part to develop naturally. He/she will stick around even if you say no to sex.
A player will distance himself (or herself) from you but always be available for sex if its convenient for him.
A player definitely won't spend hours and hours trying to get to know you as a person.
Ask him (or her) how he feels about casual sex. A player will probably think its ok to have casual sex, meaning that you don't have to be committed or in love to do it. A lot of people probably think casual sex is ok, so don't assume your guy/girl is a player just because they feel its ok. But personally, I'd never give my heart to someone who feels its ok, thats too risky for me!
Love & Respect (whether romantic or friendly) are patient characteristics of someone who is not a player.
Ya know, thats a long post I realize, but this is a serious topic, worthy of good discussion and if its meant for someone to read, then I pray it will be good food for the heart. | |
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Rhett1
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Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 77 | |
| How do you spot a player
Posted: 8/16/2007 8:18:44 PM | Unfortunately, what many call a player is just someone who decided that they wasn't interested in you
Exactly. | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 8/16/2007 9:30:57 PM | They never have pics online
have multiple email addresses
constantly texting on cellphone
never answer the phone in front of you
never answers your calls when you call, always calls you back
they hide their cell when sleeping | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 8/16/2007 9:38:26 PM | ^^^^ That was in the book I read.
Along with:
Always comes to your house, not to his.
Doesn't make plans in too far in advance. | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 8/16/2007 9:43:14 PM | | Well,you talk on the phone daily for hrs.,has alot of interest in you,then you meet,don't give in,and you don't hear from him anymore.Call me old-fashioned,and most of the are very good-looking. | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 8/16/2007 9:53:45 PM | Are you telling me I can't be a player without a cell phone... DAMNIT!  | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 8/17/2007 5:09:10 AM | | Not all players are goodlooking, if a man is goodlooking he knows it. He doesn't have to lie to women to get them, they throw themselves at him. I think most players are not goodlooking, they are insecure and they need the attention from as many women as possible to be reassured of their self worth. | |
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piehun
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Joined: 6/20/2007
Msg: 84 | |
| How do you spot a player
Posted: 8/17/2007 5:38:54 AM | | I whole heartedly agree with you. You just gave a most excellent and thorough description. | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 8/17/2007 6:50:19 AM | Sounds to me like you ladies have all the bases covered, it also sounds to me like you ladies are never going to date anyone either...I have never seen so many do's and don't 's in my life, but the funny thing is most of you are contradicting each other....
Like some people have said, "I get called a player when I tell them I don't find any compatibilty after a date"...
and I also date, I'm not looking for long term right now,,,...and I state that in my profile, so if you can't handle the fact that I will be dating some else the next week ,,does that make me a player, I don't think so..
It does tell me you are someone who should not have gone out on a date with me in the first place, its your choice ladies...not mine | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 8/17/2007 11:39:12 AM | How do you spot a player?
Look in the mirror.
Everyone is a "player", which is a female term of convenience. Women "play" men all the time, only they call it dating. After all, it was women who wrote The Rules... | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 11/14/2007 9:58:12 AM | Hey...
I read all the way through this thread and there is great info along with some great sense of humor.
I would have to disagree with the post (with all due respect) on "never taking calls when together". When I'm on a date, that person is my soul priority and would never take a call in front of him, this is just disrespectful. The same goes for making calls or texting while on the date. What are you there for?
If I get calls from my best friends, children, ex (I know I must return this call) that might be important, then I will excuse myself to the bathroom to do a quick follow up.
Respectfully submitted  | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 11/14/2007 4:36:55 PM | | Georgiagirl, I like your comment, " Love & Respect (whether romantic or friendly) are patient characteristics of someone who is not a player." And yes, your experience seems very familiar. I don't want to be jaded by experience and assume a man is a player, until proven otherwise. You comments are good food for the heart! | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 11/14/2007 7:39:35 PM | There are several lessons involved in dealing with people
that use a lack of self awareness to focus on scratching their own itch at your expense
anyone with enough self awareness to possess a conscience isnt going to use others like inantimate objects. ...... ****toys with assets to be exploited
Energy eaters move fast. Thieves have to, But the speed can be relative ,
it just has to be faster than your speed of catching on.
Dealing with this lot makes us all suspicious and sometimes overly wary
Its a punishment we all must deal with , the sins of the selfish scar us all
Vary your own rhythms , focus on watching and don't fall into the trap of thinking that once you invest your time , energy and personal involvement ..that you have no
choice but to continue, stay aware
One technique Ive never seen detailed as such is a favorite
of the more sophisticated soul suckers.
That's to use your own energy against you
If a person can get you into an activity loop and get you to power your own involvment
He/she can just set back and harvest the output while doing little to add anything
Maximum gain for minimal effort
example .. Once someone gets you to let down your barriers , get inside, your vulnerablities to manipulation are weak ( makes sense , we spend more time
reinforcing the outer walls of our spirit) Our trust becomes their toy.
the very fact you have them this close makes it easier for you to make up excuses for their behaviour , rather than examine the details and admit your mistake.
the energy investment and loss increases and they milk you like a cow.
you do the giving, the excusing and soon their boredom with the situation turns the whole cycle into one of further humiliation for their entertainment.. to keep them amused you will have to suffer more. thats the only way you get more attention
Your loop,your downward spiral , your heartache and so damn many still never catch on.. its one excuse after another for stroking the snake and ignoring the venom
Players are fated to die of their own success, becoming nothing but an empty well of want, a hole that can't be filled.. a soul without substance..
wanna see the lamphreys on humanity? | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 11/14/2007 7:50:18 PM | Well, let's see. How about getting your phone number and he never seems to want to give you his? Telling him where you work, yet you can't get a definitive answer on where he works....you tell him where you live, then you find out the town he claims to live in on his profile isn't really correct??
Here's the one I like the best. He has separated on his profile, as do you, but when you meet, you find out he's really still married and living with his wife, with no intention of leaving??
Either he's a player or a lunatic. I'm opting for lunacy. :D | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 11/15/2007 2:02:07 PM | Well, I've seen a few obvious signs firsthand.
One guy and I made plans to meet up for a Fri night dinner even though he had asked to meet up the first night we spoke after 5 min of chatting(that was the first sign). I told him I wanted to chat more first so we did for the next week or so. He asked that I not tell our mutual friends (that we discovered we had) about him until we got to know each other since he was embarrassed to be online dating(second sign). Well, we finally met up for dinner and the conversation flowed pretty nicely. Although he said he really enjoyed himself, he seemed in a rush to leave, even though he stated he was a night owl earlier, he said he had to get home to bed - it was 8:45pm lol! On the way out he asked me how the hockey game was - well, I had never gone to the game - he swore he had received a text from me but guess it was one of his other many gals lol. I found out later (from our mutual friends) that he was a serial dater.
Another guy and I had been chatting for a few days. Within the first few chats I could tell he was playing the game - he hadn't even met me yet and told me he couldn't wait to go to Vegas with me. He also said that because of "my situation" (ie being a single mom), that I would have to trust him earlier so that he could come over in order for us to spend time together....yeah, right... Oh yeah, and on his facebook profile he had 130 friends listed....but they were ALL girls!
I have some others but I've written enough already lol... | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 11/15/2007 2:11:57 PM | there are scarier things than players, some guys send pics of their penis and are into all kinds of sick things, sometimes looking for women with kids because they are wanting to have sex with the kids. It happens... and its real and out there
I think these are called perverts........sickos...........Good post umm19d1438857,, | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 11/15/2007 9:09:43 PM | I like many of you have had my fair share of players too. In the beginning I fell for it too. Hook line and sinker! Over time it gets easier to spot the signs. If something does not feel right it probably isn't. I must admit though it has became very hard to trust anyone and believe anyone. I have a hard time deciding wether or not to trust someone and what If I peg someone as a player and they really are not or What if i let them in and they are and I wind up looking like a fool once again? I wish there was simple tool to spot a player but, there isn't. Just use your gut instinct. All the signs people have posted previous are true RED FLAGS you should watch for. The biggest sign I have seen is when they want to know what your looking for in a man and what you like and when you vere from that subject and talk about your job or family they loose intrest very quickly and end the conversation. I believe if someone is truely intrested in getting to know you for YOU, then they will want to know more indepth information like where you came from, hobbies, favorite music, ect. as well as be eager to share thier intrest , jobs and family with you. All I can say is follow your gut instinct and store everything they tell you in your memory bank... That way if you talk later and they tell you a diffrent story you will know right away to RUN! lol
Good luck to all of You! | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 11/16/2007 2:34:34 PM | A player often appears too good to be true. He may be handsome, intelligent, and charismatic. When and how often you meet will be on his terms. He may be unavailable when you need him most. He will bring up the subject of sex early on, possibly your first meeting. He will be secretive or defensive on certain issues, trying to turn the tables as if to make it seem that the "problem" lies in you. He will be manipulative and controlling, without being abusive. Therein lies the trap that women fall into. They do not feel they are being manipulated, and have fallen for the sexy image he portrays.
There. I think that sums it up very accurately. | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 11/16/2007 3:09:06 PM | Ukrainian,
You have described a player perfectly! One thing to add too..........even if a person has a high self esteem and self confidence, the player tries to tear the self esteem down, and tries to manipulate the other person into feeling they should be greatful to attract anyone. You how some people are, the only way they can feel good about themselves is to make someone feel worse! That's a serious psychological problem. You know........there was a reason I hated psychiatric nursing in college. I hated taking care of those poor people with serious psych issues and I hate doing it now. If I wanted to work on a psych ward, I would have become a psych nurse, not labor and delivery. | |
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Tramp
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Joined: 2/8/2007
Msg: 100 | |
| How do you spot a player
Posted: 11/23/2007 3:49:43 PM | | Miss, in Montreal: A Player does not mention sex on at all, you will fall for him without him having to force you. | |
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