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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 11/26/2007 10:12:46 PM | | Well I think that if you really get to know them and ask them where they work and home phone numbers.. The number one sign is you cant call them at home are they dont have a home phone number and they dont let you talk to their family members. If they dont share their family with you the chances are they are playing games and a stop sign should go up when they dont give you a home phone number and let you call them anytime you want. If they dont have anything to hide they will fill you in on all of this... | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 11/26/2007 10:15:36 PM | | Lots of folks are leary of giving this out but if you get serious about someone and you plan on meeting them you need to be sure about everything. Especially family and home phone numbers and work phones .... So if they seem to avoid talking about their own personal life somthing is wrong there. If you are not included in their life with their other family members another sign.. | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 11/26/2007 10:21:55 PM | | They have a triangular-shaped bald-spot on their foreheads, or a triple six. Love, Titus | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 11/26/2007 10:31:32 PM | Sorry, very few of you can spot a player. Players are good. Very good at what they do.
A good player will be so good that even after the relationship is over, you still don't know you were played....
Things to do to weed out the lesser players....
1... Don't have sex too soon. Even if you want to, for god's sake get a bit of control over yourself. Most players will give up quickly if they think they aren't going to get into your pants easily. That is the number one thing you can do to protect yourself.
2... Ask to see his Driver's licence. Confirm he's who he says he is.
3... Don't go for drinks on a first date. Alcohol lowers inhibitions and players often take advantage of that. Plus you avoid the chance that the guy is dangerous and spikes your drink.
4... Watch out for little inconsistencies in what he tells you. Even make notes at the end of the date so you can compare later if something seems odd.
5... As one poster said, if he's too good to be true, he probably is. Not always true. But generally we all have flaws. A guy with no flaws is suspect.
6...Ask to meet his friends, especially female friends. A player will not want you to meet his female friends because he cannot control what they say to you. Even his buddies may spill the beans.
7... You trusted girlfriends will frequently spot a player faster than you will. I don't know why, but this definately seems to hold true for a lot of people. Maybe it's because they're not looking through "rose-coloured" glasses or it's their intuition. Note, I said trusted girlfriends, you don't want a good relationship to be sabotaged by a female friend who has her own agenda. | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 11/26/2007 11:15:36 PM | I see again and again the masculine term him, his, he, etc.... I have seen the boys in blue get totally fooled by a player who wears a skirt. Turn on him and make his problem worse than he could ever have imagined. Simply due to the masculine pronoun stereotypes forever being used to describe someone undesireable or nasty ; criminal types. I will never ever trust a cop again. My x was so good at lying and blaming that she had convinced a sheriffs dep. that I was trying to assault her while she threatened me with a meat cleaver and swung it on the countertop to make her point screaming "I'll kill you" I dial 911 and she convinces the men it's me who's threatening her. I have never felt so totally helpless.
A player will almost always agree with you even when u r wrong. A player will stroke you with kindness and appreciation. Lovely words of praise and admiration. How do you discover this before its too late and you are hooked? Guile guile and self honesty. Do you really deserve this great treatment? What have you done for them? huh? good luck and stay alert.
In respect to the boys in blue.. a senior officer came along and "rescued" me thank GOD | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 11/27/2007 9:35:18 AM |
A player will almost always agree with you even when u r wrong. A player will stroke you with kindness and appreciation. Lovely words of praise and admiration. How do you discover this before its too late and you are hooked? Guile guile and self honesty. Do you really deserve this great treatment? What have you done for them? huh? good luck and stay alert.
I forgot to put that one in my list and it is a very important one. I've had so many female friends tell me after they were played, "but he was so nice" or "he didn't judge me". Or my fave, "he made me feel good".
Kept looking at the list after I did it thinking "there was one other , now what was it....."
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 11/27/2007 9:57:03 AM | Absolutely Listen to your intution!!! If your gut tells you that something is off - - then it is. I have only recently learned that myself.
Also, if his idea of hanging out is that he goes out with his buddies, you go out with yours, and you meet at the end of the night at the same bar to hang out together - - - forget it. If he cant take you out one on one and be proud to be seen with you or introduce you to his friends - - well,,, yeah - he is playing. | |
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svj
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Joined: 9/15/2007
Msg: 108 | |
| How do you spot a player
Posted: 11/27/2007 10:03:31 AM |
A player will almost always agree with you even when u r wrong. A player will stroke you with kindness and appreciation. Lovely words of praise and admiration. How do you discover this before its too late and you are hooked? Guile guile and self honesty. Do you really deserve this great treatment? What have you done for them? huh? good luck and stay alert.
Are you kidding? That's almost the perfect description of the average "Nice guy"! | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 11/27/2007 10:10:05 AM | 1. Click the Search button.
2. See #1.
Just kidding. A little. There are some obvious signs, like someone who won't meet in person, or someone who won't even send you a picture. ( signs that someone could be married or otherwise attached) If you do meet up and the guy is taking phone calls and sending text messages on your date? Bad sign. A guy who never calls you by your name, (only Sweetie or Babe) is afraid he'll call you by the wrong name. LOL!
I'm sure you'll get some more ideas that I'm not thinking of. | |
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nogo3
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Joined: 2/26/2007
Msg: 110 | |
| How do you spot a player
Posted: 11/27/2007 10:25:53 AM | well if i wanted to spot a player i would get a good telescope and a cup of coffee and go out looking.
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svj
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Joined: 9/15/2007
Msg: 111 | |
| How do you spot a player
Posted: 11/27/2007 11:22:13 AM | I f*cking hate these threads.... whinging and resentment and denial is so depressing.
So, in true svj style.... it's time to piss some people off!!
And hopefully help out one or two out of the raging throng at the same time.
I love doing that.
=====================================================
"Player" is just a word like "slut" that a person uses to de-humanize someone who they blame for some emotional pain in their past. These people are very often (dare I say rarely?) not truly the one's at fault.
In this case, (the term "player"), women usually use it to de-humanize an attractive man, not just attractive to her, but to a lot of women. They willingly sleep with him, usually pretty early on, because he's that damn attractive. And if it doesn't lead to a lasting relationship, blame him for it afterwards.
It is a universally known fact (to men) that the vast majority of men will sleep with a woman for her looks alone. (Including most of the ones that claim they won't. They'll unconsciously start projecting "other qualities" on her.)
But most men will not have a relationship with a woman that doesn't bring something else to the table. Some women know this, most do not. Many men have tried telling them this over the years... but denial is a hard wall to climb.
So she sleeps with a very attractive man. For whatever reason, the very attractive man deems that she is not relationship material, likely because she's "nice" but not "special". (If you have a two-line profile, and your only interests are "laughing" and "movies" and "music", I'm likely talking to you.) Instead of a woman asking herself "Why do I need to do or change about myself to become attractive enough to attractive men to warrant a relationship?", she yells out "I slept with him on the first date, and he never called me again!! PLAYER!!! HE WAS JUST USING ME FOR SEX!!!".
The story is a familiar one. She meets a very attractive man. But she sees that many other women want him, too. Thus, she knows her "window of opportunity" is small.
So she looks for a way to land the guy,quickly. Most women use their knowledge of men to her advantage. She knows the shortcut to get his attention real f*cking quick. 99% of guys love sex. If it's offered, and she's reasonably physically attractive, chances are he'll take it.
Problem is... that's what every other woman that wants him is thinking as well.
So what sets you apart from the other hundreds of women that have tried the same, exact thing?
Ask a highly attractive woman. Do you think she's impressed when some Joe on the street comes up to her and tells her she's hot? Hell, no. She still loves 99% the compliments, it's very validating. But it's not going to attract her to anyone. She gets it all the time.
What makes this any different?
Now I say what I'm about to say to "average" and "nice" guys all the time.... and the ladies cheer me on.
Now I'm going to say the same thing to ladies, and I will be villified... possibly banned.
Whatever. I recognize and accept the double standard.
The messenger is usually the first one killed.
Girls, you want to land a guy that is top-of-the-class?
The super-attractive guy that every woman wants?
You want to make that "player" all yours?
Where goes to bed at night, only thinking and dreaming of you?
You know how those "nice" guys that you want pursue you, and you get to pick and choose? With highly attractive men... the ones that have women competing for them... the roles are reversed. He's the "hot chick", and you're now the "nice" guy.
You want one of these guys? Then you better have something to make you stand out above the every other woman, because every woman has a pooter.
Don't be average. Be interesting!
The "average" man is not interesting to a very attractive woman.
The "average" woman is not interesting to a very atractive man.
If you're average... and you really, really want one of these men, stop dating. And go out and become someone special. Build a "special" life for yourself. Then come back.
Don't buy into this "We're all beautiful in our own way!" politically-correct bullshit you've been fed since the cradle. While attractiveness to men certainly begins with looks, it faaaaaar from ends there.
And don't blame the attractive guy, if you don't have enough going for you to keep him interested. That's not going to help you move forward. That's just going to move you to posting sob stories in self-pity pits like these threads. Don't bother calling "Player!" to everyone around. Nobody cares.
This practical piece of street psychology brought to you by svj.
I recognize that there has been an angry tone to this post. Self-pity gets under my skin.
Let the flaming begin!!! | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 11/27/2007 11:37:17 AM |
I recognize that there has been an angry tone to this post. Self-pity gets under my skin.
Right on brother! | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 11/27/2007 11:45:31 AM | | when they mostly talk about money, income, employment and in some cases their financial troubles, they are a player I find... That's the first thing I watch for. | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 11/27/2007 12:19:58 PM |
when they mostly talk about money, income, employment and in some cases their financial troubles, they are a player I find... That's the first thing I watch for.
That's called a loser, not a player. | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 11/27/2007 12:28:29 PM | we are ALL playaz to a certain degree...u spot em on here like u do on the street
cept u LISTEN to what they say and ONE way is if they take NO time with their profile ..or TOO much time with it...playaz...narcissists they r out there on here and EVERYWHERE...liars cheats playaz...just dont move to quick if u dont know what ur doin and good luck
kathi
think of pof as a game somewhere to go for fun and IF u r one of the lucky ones to MEET someone thats a bonus dont come on here thinkin its gonna be ez to meet a good person as just like in REAL life it isnt kathi | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 11/27/2007 1:58:07 PM |
That's called a loser, not a player.
I agree, loser too...
I was thinking player in the context that they play a con game for one's money misrepresenting themselves as looking for a date or friendship and or they play it out as having expectations for big money in someone they want to meet. | |
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nogo3
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Joined: 2/26/2007
Msg: 117 | |
| How do you spot a player
Posted: 11/27/2007 2:44:06 PM | well alot of opinions on this but i still say the you have, have to learn how to date by asking questionsand don't forget to ask the hard ones more than once and for gods sake don't let your eyes do your talking and mislead you with fasle chemistry.
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 1/3/2008 2:50:26 PM | | You will never be able to "spot" a good player. It's the same as people who con others out of money and are good at it; By the time you realize it, it is to late. | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 1/3/2008 2:57:52 PM | ^^^That is so true! They charm you, impress you, encourage you, and pamper you until you've fallen hard for the person. They move on to their next one and it is only then that you realize they are saying and doing the same thing to a number of other people, quite likely at the same time they were playing you. Slowly, they start taking away all the things that made you fall for them in the first place. Yup, I've had it happen to me!
Oh, and the good players on POF do not give out any of their roses!! They wouldn't want the hassle from their 'special ones' who did not receive one!
My question is how long does a good player play somebody before moving on...a week, a month, a year or two ... or do they only move on when they can't handle the emotional attachment? | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 1/3/2008 3:11:20 PM | | ATTENTION... after reading this topic and trying to put into words how I could contribute to this thread... I realized its just an innate talent of mine to be able to spot players of either gender... Im offering my services here. :) I cant put it into words but if you ever want a profession opinion Id be happy to spot them for you. ^_^ | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 1/3/2008 3:13:28 PM | | If he makes your heart go pitty pat,and he watches you intently,sizing you up,has that certain savoir faire about him,even tho he really hasn't got past grade eight at school,is very sure of himself but claims to be a little scared boy,constantly presses your buttons and drawing you in,doesn't show any real caring attributes but says he has them,is more "macho" than the "nerdy" guys,....well,shall I go on?....the guys who catch your eye on the viewed you screen,or just perusing,....and about the intuition thing....I'm not sure about that cos,they act differently with each woman......the ones they are not interested in,they show no charisma,so these women think they are ok guys,like the fellow next door sort of type,but,when they figure you might be nice in bed,or to do you a favour and put you out of your misery,,ROFLMAO,anyway,then they do change,and they can really screw up your intuition,cos you just know something ain't right,but still,you find them interesting....I don't know whether women are like this,I'd have to ask some men,.....If I remember...good topic...might be back to it....anybody into psych?......where's my gal from Tenn.?..hope she views my profile..lol....we need some experienced expertise here....playuhs?...huh,well now you gotta throw in a little southern accent to....or maybe a foreign one....now we got players....where would we be without players eh?....they make it fun......tedious tho sometimes....the term I would use is,"evasive"....disappearing.....what is interesting is when a player from either sex interract.....then,it becomes somewhat of a challenge.... | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 1/3/2008 6:09:34 PM | they have a number on their back and scorecard in their wallet
Sorry, but they SHOULD have a number on their back and that circle in their wallet is not caused by the scorecard.
Vary your own rhythms, focus on watching and don't fall into the trap of thinking that once you invest your time, energy and personal involvement...that you have no choice but to continue, stay aware
I am not sure if you mean one’s self or the player. If this is what you have to do…too labor intensive for me. I don’t want to have the same sense of trying to keep a 3 year old out of traffic.
does not mention sex on at all, you will fall for him without him having to force you.
They charm you, impress you, encourage you, and pamper you until you've fallen hard for the person. They move on to their next one and it is only then that you realize they are saying and doing the same thing to a number of other people, quite likely at the same time they were playing you. Slowly, they start taking away all the things that made you fall for them in the first place.
The biggest player I ever met was average looking, never mentioned sex, but catered to my every need before I knew I wanted something. All the gentlemanly attributes: pull out the chair, open the door, help with the coat, take me out to eat “order what every you want”, but he was always in a rush, I never visited his home, never was in his part of town by invitation, we never went to the next town—the metro area—because he had a woman in his neighborhood, one in the metro area and me. He fouled up when the one near his home happened to be the sister of a friend of mine and my friend put two and two together. He got mad at me because she found out he and I were dating. I wasn’t the player—I was the token!
Well I think that if you really get to know them and ask them where they work and home phone numbers.. The number one sign is you can’t call them at home or they don’t have a home phone number and they don’t let you talk to their family members.
I had the cell phone, home phone, home address, job location, job phone. He was one terrific scheduler.
If you are not included in their life with their other family members another sign..
….never included in anything involving his family in the 6 months we saw each other (was I really that stupid?) He said it was too soon and he just did not want to run women in and out of his family’s life if they weren’t going to be there on a perm basis.
Ask to see his Driver's license. Confirm he's who he says he is.
Unless you are with the police department, I want to see you pull this one off and him stick around for the rest of the date.
I see again and again the masculine term him, his, he, etc....
Sorry, but I can only relate to my issues with men, I have never dated a woman and none of my female friends feel the need to “play” me.
If your gut tells you that something is off - - then it is.
I believe this should be rule number one about anything in your life, whether social or business.
well if I wanted to spot a player I would get a good telescope and a cup of coffee and go out looking.
Sorry, but the scope on my 22 is more comfortable—just kidding—
It is a universally known fact (to men) that the vast majority of men will sleep with a woman for her looks alone.
This is a man generalizing about men. If a woman had written this statement, some men would rise in offense.
And then he wrote
PLAYER!!! HE WAS JUST USING ME FOR SEX!!!".
I have yet to hear a man complain if he was used………….I guess that supports your previous statement.
99% of guys love sex
How many men are going to tell you they don’t? More women like sex than advertise it. If we say we like it, we are tramps. If we say we don’t, we are frigid. Can we possibly win that one?
Ask a highly attractive woman. Do you think she's impressed when some Joe on the street comes up to her and tells her she's hot? Hell, no. She still loves 99% the compliments, it's very validating. But it's not going to attract her to anyone. She gets it all the time.
I hate to tell you, but the majority of women don’t like to be accosted like this even if it would be the only compliment they received all year.
If you're average... and you really, really want one of these men, stop dating. And go out and become someone special. Build a "special" life for yourself. Then come back.
Who determines who average is? Who determines who is hot? Pamela Anderson was one beautiful lady before she started putting on makeup with a trowel and had basketballs put in, but I guarantee you the majority of the men on here would not kick her out of bed for eating crackers. I may not be hot to you, but I can tell you that every woman on here is hot to someone and she is not average to them.
And don't blame the attractive guy, if you don't have enough going for you to keep him interested. That's not going to help you move forward. That's just going to move you to posting sob stories in self-pity pits like these threads. Don't bother calling "Player!" to everyone around. Nobody cares.
As already noted, a man does not have to be a model to be a player. I have seen some “average Joe” players. As far as not caring, just because you don’t, does not mean no one does. These forums are the opportunity to share, to enable all of us to improve and learn to avoid the same pitfalls.
well, a lot of opinions on this but I still say that you have to learn how to date by asking questions and don't forget to ask the hard ones more than once and for god’s sake don't let your eyes do your talking and mislead you with false chemistry.
You will never be able to "spot" a good player.
It is a crap shoot, there are no guarantees. We are all in this “game” together; we just want to avoid the “professionals” who have heartbreak down to a science. So, some guy does not want to be with me. Let him go. Better to be with no one than the wrong one. We just want to learn how to spot the wrong one before we get too involved.
evasive"....disappearing.....
Ok, so he does not want to be with me, he lost interest. It is very confusing to receive a great kiss, I will call you in the morning-- after you have seen or talked to each other every day for a couple of weeks. He is off after another rabbit.
Some wonder why some women and men have “no players” on their profiles. There are enough play toys on the pond without hurting the good people. Yes, people, men get played too. But both sides can only pontificate about what they know and that is the opposite gender.
..........man, time for a glass of wine and a deep breath............
Oh, yeah, one more thing, if the email he sent you on a site is the same canned one he sent two of your girlfriends........... | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 1/3/2008 6:17:52 PM | | thanks,that was a big mouthful annette....but,it seems that everybody can be a player...it's whether or not they choose to be.....and for how long....maybe we are all players.... | |
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