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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 1/4/2008 10:14:40 AM | aww....but is everyone forgetting...players can't play you if you don't want to be played.
and some women title men as "players" when they are just hurt, confused, sensitive people in a bad place.
I do not think men are as calculating as some women want to beleive, I think they have issues and problems that have gotten them to where they are and they keep on hurting people unknowingly...yes, there are player out here, male and female, but more often than not, they just need understanding, honest communication and patience.   | |
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svj
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Joined: 9/15/2007
Msg: 128 | |
| How do you spot a player
Posted: 1/6/2008 12:13:54 PM | How do you spot a player?
Date a lot of guys, and assume that you have nothing worthwhile going for you except what's between your legs.
Then you'll see them all over the place.
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 1/6/2008 1:03:47 PM | Its amazing, There was a line from the movie "The Net", where Sandra Bullock said "It's right there, out in the open for everyone to see, our lives, our information just for the taking!"
NO SH*T!
This is oh so true.
You know how some battered people, emotionally battered people, say they would've rather had their heads knocked in than to go thru what they have..?
Maybe , we as victims of such torture, have asked for it in some way..
Are we to believe that if we open our minds and our hearts and home to a "Friend / lover / stranger" That with the amount of trust we give them, they will NOT abuse it?
On the net, you give your information so freely thinking that security by the company who's name is at the top of the website, will be the ones liable should anything happen. You hear about it every day how people have their identities stolen. At least there is some sort of a recovery we can deal with over a few clicks over the computer again, even with the paper trail it may make, or take.
Now, for the price we pay for the online experience of chat-lines, blog postings, message boards, is it an expense we ourselves as humans can afford?
You can offer friendship, and maybe even more. It's been known that love can be found on the internet to those who believe. But sooner or later it has to come off the interent, and the security of your own little computer monitor screen.. Face to face.. REALITY!!! What a terrifying thought.. IF you're a sham to begin with.
I've seen the hard side of it, seen the humorous side, and seen the loving side of it all too.
Im not saying I know it all because God only knows what is going on in some people's minds.
There are the dedicated players online, who say their all-powerful doctors/lawyers/moviestars, or just an average joe, who owns his/her own home and has the body of a god/godess.
Those ones at least you know what to expect in the end, that it's all just a fascade and you can tell real quick how much of a deciever they are. How you may ask, the wonder world of webcams, and digital photography.
Grabbing a photo of a physically appealing person on the net is incredibly easy with just a copy and save feature. You can be anyone you want to be, with very little knowlege of the PC.
So how can you tell a sham from the real thing?
Ask them for another photo, aside from just one basic picture (Pic) if it still looks like a glamor picture, ask them to take a pic of them in front of their home / apt / or in a specific pose.. Pretty hard to get if its a fake picture of a model right? Simple logic that could save you a lot of problems in the end, when it comes to matters of truth.
I've heard every excuse from "I was in a car accident, and I've gained 3000 lbs since then because of my limited mobility" to "My ex boyfriend beat the shit out of me and turned me into this monster, but that is what I used to look like before the cosmetic reconstruction"
Those deceptions were not all that hurtful, however, there is another type of horror that is happening as well.
Matters of the heart mind and soul.
You have the players that go for those specifically.
Maybe as a trophy as I was once told, or as some powerful personal gain, a conquest in some sick mind.
Starts out innocently enough. Conversations, a few laughs included. Then the personal information that is given. Such as family members, what you do for a living, how much you make, what you drive, and picture exchanges of your family, and children should you have any.
Gaining your trust with some stories of their own.
Once you say the three words that should be saved for a discreet meeting face to face.
I LOVE YOU
To a lot of lonely people it means the world to hear these words. Hope keeps it alive, and thriving for more physical touch.
This is where you can find out for sure, if it's the ceremony of truth.
If this person is really truely in love with you, how can you possibly know - unless of course you're God, you cannot make someone love you no matter how much you feel you love them.
Is this the time for the player to just disappear, change personality, or even stage their own deaths online. Absolutely. It has been done.
The emotional player is a demon in their own rite, some let the fascade go on for years, even live with the person they said they loved online.. But one day wake up and completely change, grow tired of not being the center of attention and move on to another 'trophy' / victim.
For me personally, I can only offer pity to those who choose to Play the Game of Internet Romances.
Remember about 10 yrs ago when internet dating services were introduced?, How you can pay a person in front of a computer to match you up with someone who has the same interests etc, and poof, matrimonial bliss? (or so you'd hope), Now a days, you dont need them, you only need a modem, and a computer and the basic knowledge of the browser.
With a few quick clicks and filling out your basic vitals, you too can join the Cyber dating scene. Congratulations!
Some of the bigger sites out there will allow you to type whatever you want others to see with some decency clauses of course.
No wonder so many women are wondering how men can play the game so well!, Take a trek into the sites sometimes just to browse around, and you'll find most are saying the same things.
Hugs, cuddling, kissing, public displays of affection. Employed, financially stable, loves children, and long walks.
Doesn't take a genius to get your feet wet - hell just jump right in, and become any womans dream.
Only one thing that I can honestly say is, No matter what, Keep true to what you want, need, desire and dream for. NEVER settle for less, no matter how lonely you may feel.
Be smart!
The info is out there, with just a few clicks, before you let your heart open to someone, Take the moment to search.
Marriage, Divorce, Death records, as well as phone numbers, You can even reverse the phone number that was given to you by him/her. All this is public information.
Some may say with out trust you will never find what you seek, maybe so.. May be lonely, but dont be stupid.
Not everyone is a player, There are truely a great number of people out there searching for a voice out there, someone to talk with and share a few laughs with. It's an amazing thing when you know that with just logging in, you can make another person smile, laugh, share stories with, however, if there are red-flags popping up that make you think there is just something not right with this story, Be careful.. Be very careful.
Am I bitter? Bitter that I've been played?
No.
I choose not to let them win the game. Maybe the trophy an emotional player gets is an I LOVE YOU from a stranger over the modem, But maybe in some way, letting them think they've won my heart, They actually are the one sitting back alone in knowing they hurt someone very deep by their deceit, and only they are the ones that can be proud of that.
Bottom line here is, Emotions are a very very precious blessing we were born with.. If you choose to play the game of hurt and lies?, Remember, it may not be the person your aiming the hurt at, who really suffers in the end.
Love can be found on the internet.. It most certainly can!
However, It takes shutting off the modem, facing that person, looking into their eyes, feeling their heart, and touching their soul, to truely make it come to LIFE. | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 1/6/2008 1:06:14 PM | Unfortunately they don't come with best before dates stamped on their foreheads so apart from trusting your instincts you just have to look for things that don't add up.
Only in town a few days is a classic - it's the basis of all those travelling salesman jokes - yet I've seen it work time and again for one guy. Not having all the visible trappings of the lifestyle they claim to live is another.
You aren't going to really know until you meet them in person and/or get stung. | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 1/7/2008 10:31:11 PM | | When you get that feeling, "this is too good to be true" is probably is. Players like everything you like, seem to go with the flow, easy going, always blame everyone else , but keep you on a pedestal, till they get you hooked. swim away little fishie. | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/14/2008 9:53:46 PM | OK, this is easy. They usually come on too strongly too quickly. If they have kids, they want you to meet their kids right away (or so they say), or they start talking about "love" too quickly, or they discuss vacationing together within a meeting, E-mail, etc. or two. They're often humorously self-deprecating and, at the same time, will flatter you to death. They often seem to like women who are a "challenge." (Gee, what happens when you're no longer a challenge?!!) Naturally, sex is brought up frequently. You get the idea. If you see this behavior, RUN! If you don't the player will.....soon enough! (Oh, and usually without warning or notice. Nope, they skulk off into lands and recesses known only to them...........well, OK, so we KNOW where they go!)  | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/14/2008 10:22:53 PM | oh simplymeee....high 5! I agree with you with what you wrote
I say go with your gut and pay attention to what they say.....
just recently ahhh like Friday...he was telling me how he found what he was looking for and doesn't even go on here as he's holding my hand and kissing it!........ahhh to good to be true ....yea!!! hasn't been on here??? humm....my g/f's see him here 2-3 times a day!....so, I will give some faith to his words...I say..."oh, you don't go on the forums?'...."no", he states.."I don't go on here anymore!"........."really?????"--as I smirk to myself..........."matter of fact",he states ,if he receives an email he tells them "he's with someone and wants to see where this goes"...............what a thoughtful guy!!!
so, later I tell him that my past I always gave men a second and a third chance when they kind of don't speak the truth BUT NOT any more(that was a hint--that he was soon to be history)......
oh, he agrees!!! and again I'm just laughing to myself
well...guess what??? as he drops me off from our date Sunday...my g/f calls to say guess who's on???, so I sign on...........my ever faithful..."found his love" --(that would be ME) is on for 40 minutes here...............so I nicely send him an email............"glad you are on"...............surprise!!
caught ya!!! player.....yes!.......in for games??...not me! and thank Heavens I wasn't that crazy about him...feel rejected? Not...nor do I feel played..........just wiser.....but I do believe in honesty and I just can't stand it when someone is looking in your face and you know they are lying............
but I believe people come in your life for a reason and his purpose was to bring some laughter while my mom was really sick...I needed it at that time and now she's doing great and he Served his purpose..........
so...... NEXT........another lesson to learn...bring it on!!!! gees whiz.......hopefully, these lessons will end ...I can't get any smarter!!!!!!
so....just keep being smart in this fish pond..... | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/14/2008 10:36:06 PM | By the words they say, the clothes they wear, the looks given or not, at all the right and wrong times and places......
By being what they say, and not what they are..........and the last but not least........saying what they are and being much less, or nothing at all.....
Just my opinion.....   | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/15/2008 1:14:29 AM | if they have these signs....he must be a player...sad part i learned it to late and now my heart its in pieces........
1) he will want to meet u right of way....
2) he will listen to you only and he will give little info about himself.
3) he is busy "ALWAYS" and he has emergencies every day....
4) he has a close friend..which he will blame for all of his misfortunes...which in reality...he will use his friend to tell u...he needs to help him with some emergency while he is dating other women...
5) he will ask you for money
6) he was a victim of his childhood step mother and abused by their family members ( lies)
7) you will never met his parents either his friends...
8) you will only meet his close pal.
9) he will never answer your calls ( screening) and will leave u waiting for a call back....
10) he will never text u or respond to your text..until he is able to go to the washroom or when the other women allows him.
11)he will make plans to c you( usually when girl 1 to 6 its busy) but always cancel in the last minute if something better comes along.
12) he has passwords in all of his computers., he never leaves alone his cell phone and he takes his cell to the washroom.
13) if he respond to a call ....he will move away from you to talk.
14)he will always tell u ...you are his best friend.......
15) he will tell you ..he is not ready for a relationship.
16) he will dissapear per weeks, a month or days without even contact u.
17)he will never want to meet your friends or go out with you in public.
18) he will make you paid their dinners.
19)he will have a nice job,big house,organize, good looking,sports cars.....
20) he will have a list of the so called "female friends" which in fact they are correctly called " FUKY FRIENDS"...I repeat they are not 1 or 2 ..most likely he has one girl for every day....
21) you will always see him only once a week or maybe at the most twice a week....
and ussually he is super busy with "work" or other emergencies on the normal date nites ..like friday, saturday nite...
22) he will never take you around his town .......
23) if you hear a text coming or a call....and u ask him to show u ...whos that?...he will scroll old messages from his guy friend's and show u that instead....
the key here its: LOOK for the date and time....usually u wil notice its the wrong time...
for example..if the called came at 12 noon...he will show u in his cell a called coming at 9:00 a.m.
24) suddenly u will c him buying new clothes.
25) he is losing weight.
26) he is starting to tell u to lose weight and making some changes so he will like you more........................
I think i can write a book...........
Im ok now.........i learned my lesson...sad part ...i did trust him......and fall for him....I met him in POF..........
just like they said...trust your guts insticts and your little voice..........they never fail!
Good luck to you all!!  | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/15/2008 2:08:00 AM | Puhleeze !
A player is somebody who takes what you give freely. You feel bad about yourself afterward so you blame them.
The simplest way to figure out who wants what is by NOT giving them certain things. No "player" is going to bother waiting a month when there are so many opportunities abounding.
Secondly, a player and a liar/cheater aren't the same thing (even if they also aren't mutually exclusive) | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/15/2008 6:32:49 AM | enfpman
just curious....what would you call their behavior???? men or women included of course
I think, universal everyone can relate to the term "player"............
The American Hertiage Dictionary meaning is: one that plays;esp. one that Plays in a particular game or sport
dating can be a game.......thus, you have the various players...........
if you know another name to call these so called "players"---please share
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/15/2008 7:05:04 AM | Good question.
I've never read any specific definition of the word. I've heard it bandied about, and know that it has negative connotations, but ..... I really think that it's a name that a lot of people throw around when they're feeling just a little hurt or rejected.
We ALL play games. By that I mean we all use strategies, even very simple ones, to gain an outcome. God, we're so used to doing it that it's natural. I teach swimming, and yesterday I saw one of my kiddies throw a tantrum. She had her Mum wrapped around her little finger - we learn very early in life.
A raised eyebrow here, a sigh there ... it's open to interpretation what is 'gameplaying' and what is innocent. Personally, I will avoid using the term. Glass houses and all that.
Sorry, to answer your question: I'd just say 'dishonest'. (Gawd, even then I ask myself if I've always been squeaky clean). Not wanting to sound too opinionated. Hope this suffices. | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/15/2008 7:12:41 AM |
players can't play you if you don't want to be played.
and some women title men as "players" when they are just hurt, confused, sensitive people in a bad place.
OK now. Enough of that. It isn't fair to all of the other posters if you start using logic. | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/15/2008 7:31:07 AM |
if you know another name to call these so called "players"---please share
To begin with, who cares what a dictionary says, particularly since the term is used to broadly by so many to mean so many different things. First of all, half the definitions that women have placed here on a player, are not really players, but using, abusing guys, or guys who happened to be the ones that at some point dumped them. Those are not players. What makes a player is first, his ability to get women to fall for them, second, that they do not commit. Most of them, are very straight forward in telling you about both, and while some women say here that they will be all over you trying to woo you, actually the contrary is true. They don't do that. A true player makes you feel like it was you the one that seduced him.
So next time you see a guy that looks like a player, walks like a player and acts like a player, guess what? You spotted the wanna be. | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/15/2008 8:11:13 AM |
A true player makes you feel like it was you the one that seduced him.
Bingo | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/15/2008 8:36:05 AM | Does it come down to the fact that we cant trust anyone?
Do we give people a chance to hang themselves? | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/15/2008 8:50:58 AM | That's the bad thing about a player ... you NEVER know - some are smoother than others ... I know.
Keep a part of yourself at bay until you are sure of the person - that is what i have learned out of my hard knocks in the dating world, but at the same time, make sure that you leave yoursefl open ENOUGH so that you are still approachable, because guys like a challenge ... but don't like beating their head up against a brick wall, y'know what I mean?
Only time tells the true from the false, dont' take ANYTHING seriously until you know ... to protect yourself. Period - if it is a game that they want, play the game. Game on!!! | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/15/2008 8:57:59 AM |
if it is a game that they want, play the game. Game on!!!
spoken like a wannabe player.
Is that really your advice?
Become a player?
Just what does that accomplish?
So you think people should leave off being themselcves to play a game. Yeah that sounds like you want them to be players. or at least wannabe's | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/15/2008 10:16:45 AM | Hi Angel
It is sad that there are dishonest / players that do not give a s>*t about people they hurt .
If and when you meet , try the direct approach but have to watch the body language, eyes and facial expressions .
Have a series of questions that you know the answers or expect.
Watch the facial and body language .
Then ask a loaded question like
" I get the feeling that you are a player - am I right or wrong ? "
or
" I have experienced a lot of players on this site - what is your feeling on this "
Then watch and compare .
Not foolproof but may help to spot shit head players that make this site bad for honest guys with honest intentions
doug | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/15/2008 11:01:56 AM |
" I have experienced a lot of players on this site - what is your feeling on this "
And the answer to the question would be "Why do you ask, are you a player yourself?" | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/15/2008 11:10:39 AM | How do you spot a player? Just look at me!
Haha just kidding...not really...
Seriously though...can't most of you simply admit that there are some people (read: men, since that is the gender inevitably referred to when this subject arises) out there with such mastery of their own sexuality that there are some of you that are more susceptible to it than others?
I get the feeling that you are a player
I get this on occasion. It is actually rather insulting to the inquisitor as it implies that if anything goes south in our interaction for whatever reason...it will be my fault. BEAUTIFUL! People that cannot readily take responsibility for failure are dangerous.
Random girl: "Mr. Efe, are you a player?"
Efe: "Of course I am dear, in fact I've had sex with three different girls in the last five minutes! By the way, don't look under the table..."
F. | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/15/2008 11:12:27 AM | Never mind 'how do you spot a player?' OP - my question is 'how do you stop being automatically labelled as a player'? I think a lot of woman believe that men are automatically players and if you act straight with a woman she has trouble handling it. It's almost an insult to not be trying to catch her unawares these days.
I emailed a lady several times on here when she asked if we could meet saying yes, but just as friends. When we met she asked me about 6 times 'what do you mean by 'friends'?'. Oh, I dunno.
FRIENDS?
I also think that nerves can get the better of a fella sometimes to the point he doesn't know right from wrong and he'll do something incongruent and the woman will emotionally react 'wussboy' but intellectually announce 'he's a player' when all that really happened was he got spooked by his own emotions.
I think maybe we should take every opportunity as it comes and see how people affect us as individuals. Really you've just got to decide what you're looking for and look for it.
If you go looking for 'players' you'll be seeing them everywhere. | |
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| How do you spot a player
Posted: 2/15/2008 11:18:19 AM | Most people who call others a 'player' are just mad because the relationship did not work out the way they wanted...so that makes the other person a "player".
A real player is so good at it that you dont know you were even played until it is over...and remember, you play a role in that game...you gave up the goodies before you 'knew' him/her well enough.
There are no tell tale give away signs, players come in all diff packages, from all diff backgrounds. The one sign I will watch for however is a man who admits he has never fallen in love before. | |
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