| How many sexual partners does it take to become a turn off!
Posted: 12/2/2008 1:24:18 PM |
Short of subrogation I dont how anyone has the right to judge. I do believe some people have an affliction for sex. Some dont. Some shopping, smoking, drinking, drugs, stealing, lying, cheating, etc...
Everyone makes judgments. The judgments are just different. Everyone also has the right to judge someone however the choose for their own purposes. What no one has the right to do is equivocate their judgments with unrelated things like ``lack of self-respect,'' to make their judgments seem more rational - at least not to the extent of not having others call bullshit on them or point out their hypocrisy. | |
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| How many sexual partners does it take to become a turn off!
Posted: 12/2/2008 2:04:51 PM |
The ''average'' includes a lot of women who were raised in an era that women were expected to remain virgins until marriage and getting divorced was not as easy as it is. I imagine the average for women under 40 is much higher.
I did say the average woman "admits"...
There is no one number that is THE magic number. Some people put a different value to sexual closeness than others. The fact that nobody is compatable with everyone comes into play. I do not want a woman that is promiscuous to the point of being known for it. It doesn't mean she's a terrible person. I'm just not a good match for her, as I'm not a promiscuous man. I have always put a personal closeness and trust value on sexual contact. I've had lots of sex with a small number of women.
I'm sorry if anyone takes this as judgemental, but I will discriminate who I am intimate with based on their attitude toward casual sex. If sex is just a social activity to her, then what value does it cary when she is with me? Just my 2 cents worth... | |
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| How many sexual partners does it take to become a turn off!
Posted: 12/2/2008 3:52:22 PM | everyone has a past, maybe they're proud of it, maybe not so much. everyone has needs that need to be satisfied, however they do it is their business. as long as they don't look at their watch to figure out how long it's been since they had sex you should be OK...  | |
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| How many sexual partners does it take to become a turn off!
Posted: 12/2/2008 6:39:37 PM |
Perhaps if the 20 guys were all at the same time?
In that case, I would hope the guy would be more concerned about other possible issues, such as sex addiction, impulse control problems, poor self-esteem, lack of common sense, poor judgment; all of which are far better reasons to not want to become intimate with someone that just that she's had a lot of lovers in her lifetime. | |
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| How many sexual partners does it take to become a turn off!
Posted: 12/2/2008 6:47:18 PM |
In that case, I would hope the guy would be more concerned about other possible issues, such as sex addiction, impulse control problems, poor self-esteem, lack of common sense, poor judgment; all of which are far better reasons to not want to become intimate with someone that just that she's had a lot of lovers in her lifetime.
Well, a lot of times, those are the same reasons that someone male or female has had a lot of lovers in thier lifetime.... | |
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| How many sexual partners does it take to become a turn off!
Posted: 12/2/2008 8:20:45 PM |
In that case, I would hope the guy would be more concerned about other possible issues, such as sex addiction, impulse control problems, poor self-esteem, lack of common sense, poor judgment; all of which are far better reasons to not want to become intimate with someone that just that she's had a lot of lovers in her lifetime.
Those are just some of the issues that usually accompany a person with a particularly colorful sexual history. Selfishness, immaturity, and a desperate need for attention are a few others. | |
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| How many sexual partners does it take to become a turn off!
Posted: 12/2/2008 11:07:07 PM |
Well, a lot of times, those are the same reasons that someone male or female has had a lot of lovers in thier lifetime....
Sure. But, it's not a guarantee that that's the reason. There are also many people who have very few lovers also have those same problems.
There are plenty of women out there who are incredibly reckless, have poor self-esteem, no common sense, no impulse control and poor judgment and they turn to eating or shopping or drinking martinis instead of sex. | |
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| How many sexual partners does it take to become a turn off!
Posted: 12/2/2008 11:10:13 PM |
Those are just some of the issues that usually accompany a person with a particularly colorful sexual history. Selfishness, immaturity, and a desperate need for attention are a few others.
Absolutely. There is a tremendous difference between a 45 year old woman having had 20 or 30 lovers in her life and a 25 year old woman having had the same.
I think that motivation is far more important than the number. | |
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| How many sexual partners does it take to become a turn off!
Posted: 12/3/2008 7:00:53 AM | Absolutely. There is a tremendous difference between a 45 year old woman having had 20 or 30 lovers in her life and a 25 year old woman having had the same.
There can be. But there can also be a tremendous difference between a 45 year old man that's had 5-10 lovers and the 45 year old woman with 20-30. Though, depending on the attitudes involved, it may not be a big deal. Said 45 year old woman may have had all those lovers since she left a 20+ year marriage. That would change the dynamics alltogether.
I think that motivation is far more important than the number.
True, but the higher the number the more suggestive toward dysfunctional motivation. | |
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| How many sexual partners does it take to become a turn off!
Posted: 12/3/2008 9:30:32 AM |
There are plenty of women out there who are incredibly reckless, have poor self-esteem, no common sense, no impulse control and poor judgment and they turn to eating or shopping or drinking martinis instead of sex.
Given the choice between a woman with too many past sexual partners or the above....
Well, I'd prefer the shopper or the alcoholic... But since I like to eat, I might even prefer the one that turns to food... | |
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| How many sexual partners does it take to become a turn off!
Posted: 12/3/2008 9:32:42 AM | Come on guys! Am I the only guy out there who's heard of a woman who's had a lot of partners and thought "Damn! Why wasn't I one of them?"
No...
But at times I have been the guy who's heard of a woman who's had a lot of partners and thought "Damn! Thank God I wasn't one of them!" | |
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| How many sexual partners does it take to become a turn off!
Posted: 12/3/2008 9:52:51 AM | I don't want to ask, don't want to tell.
My number is my secret. Part of the reason I don't want to tell is that it's nobody else's business...I don't like to get into the sexual details of past lovers, do comparisons, etc, but talking about the number itself seems to be a gateway to talking about that other stuff. Also, my number is pretty low, and I've been told by several people that most guys wouldn't think I was telling the truth anyway lol...
I don't want to know because it's going to just start my mind spinning with questions about his past lovers--neither of us need that.
FWIW, I am not terribly concerned about if his past lovers were one-night stands or LTRs or a combo thereof. Although it's not my personal choice, I don't see casual sex as a moral/ethical issue so long as both (or all!) people are good with the situation.
What I would ideally like to know (but of course this is something that would likely never be revealed) is not how many people have you had sex with, but how many people have you cheated on...now *that would tell me something about his character. | |
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| How many sexual partners does it take to become a turn off!
Posted: 12/3/2008 11:54:14 AM |
I am not terribly concerned about if his past lovers were one-night stands or LTRs or a combo thereof. Although it's not my personal choice, I don't see casual sex as a moral/ethical issue so long as both (or all!) people are good with the situation.
I agree. I am a little tired of the double standard men have about the number of sexual partners a woman has had. If one night stands or casual sex is ok for a man it is ok for a woman. If it is abhorrent, for the woman then likewise it is abhorrent for the man.
What is acceptable at one stage in life might not be acceptable at another stage. I did my sexual acting out when I was young. Been there, done that.
What I would ideally like to know (but of course this is something that would likely never be revealed) is not how many people have you had sex with, but how many people have you cheated on...now *that would tell me something about his character.
What is far more telling is fidelity and an ability to keep it in your pants or keep your panties on as the case may be when in an intimate relationship where there is an expectancy of monogamy. Of course if you are exclusively dating you don't sleep with other partners. If you are engaged and hope to be married you don't look for intimate encounters. If you are married and don't want a divorce you stay true to your vows.
After meeting my husband I learned there is a difference between screwing, getting laid, having sex, yada yada and making love. As a more mature woman while I love passionate encounters , my days of casual sex are long over. I want emotional intimacy as well as physical intimacy. The pace at which I engage a new partner in a long term relationship is slow, not at all like the carefree days in my twenties. The bottom line however, is not once in 54 years of life have I ever cheated on a partner. If I thought the grass was greener somewhere else I would move, not flit back and forth between two fields.
Bottom line, how many sexual partners does it take to become a turn off? Two if the second partner took place while the first partner was still around and thinking you are being faithful. Likewise, it could be two hundred if you were open, honest, never cheated, and your partner and you were on the same page about what the encounter was all about, and I could care less. I would just hope they learned a few tricks while pleasuring all those other ladies. wink
As for me, since 1984 the answer is two. Prior to 1984 its none of your dang business. smile. Thats my story and I'm sticking to it. | |
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| How many sexual partners does it take to become a turn off!
Posted: 12/5/2008 9:12:58 AM |
What I would ideally like to know (but of course this is something that would likely never be revealed) is not how many people have you had sex with, but how many people have you cheated on...now *that would tell me something about his character.
It's often not the numbers but what was going on at the time that disturbs a lot of people. If a woman has had loving relationships and tried to make them work, but they fell apart for whatever reason it's one thing.
But if she was engaging in gangbangs, group sex and swinging it's another thing. Men don't really want a woman who was repeatedly used as a cum dumpster for a group of guys.
And chances are, if your partner has had a lot of past partners, they're going to cheat. Not all people, but for many it's just easier for them. | |
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| How many sexual partners does it take to become a turn off!
Posted: 12/5/2008 11:58:29 AM |
There can be. But there can also be a tremendous difference between a 45 year old man that's had 5-10 lovers and the 45 year old woman with 20-30. Though, depending on the attitudes involved, it may not be a big deal. Said 45 year old woman may have had all those lovers since she left a 20+ year marriage. That would change the dynamics alltogether.
This is probably why it's a good idea to get to know someone before you sleep with them instead of relying on something as pedestrian as a number.
Frankly, any woman over 35, who has already been married, already has kids, has a career and runs her own life, really can't be put into the same catagory as some 24 year old party girl who goes out getting wasted and trolling for validation.
True, but the higher the number the more suggestive toward dysfunctional motivation.
Eh, maybe. Maybe not. It's all incredibly subjective. You idea of "dysfunctional" and mine might be completely different.
I think "the number of lovers" matters far less than motivation. A woman could have had only 2 or 3 in her entire life, but what if that just means that she's an incredibly clingy, possessive, naive, needy and demanding shrew who expects that one man to fulfill all her needs?
I'm more interested in what's going on in their head, than in their bed. | |
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| How many sexual partners does it take to become a turn off!
Posted: 12/5/2008 12:08:43 PM | | You're dating a person not their past. I've known people with a small number who did very poorly in a longterm relationship situation, and people with a large number who did very well being caring partners in a longterm relationship situation, and vice versa. | |
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| How many sexual partners does it take to become a turn off!
Posted: 12/5/2008 1:52:20 PM |
You're dating a person not their past. I've known people with a small number who did very poorly in a longterm relationship situation, and people with a large number who did very well being caring partners in a longterm relationship situation, and vice versa.
Yeah, and we've all known people who couldn't keep their legs together before they got in a long term relationship and couldn't keep 'em together afterwards.
Past behaviour is the best indicator of future behaviour. | |
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| How many sexual partners does it take to become a turn off!
Posted: 12/5/2008 2:55:28 PM | i used to lie and say 3 cuz it sounded like a good #, but then i started getting mad about that question, so i would give some f'd up # like 120. (but then i lost track, and now i dont know-maybe i aint lyin when i say 120 lol) | |
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| How many sexual partners does it take to become a turn off!
Posted: 12/5/2008 4:28:56 PM |
Past behaviour is the best indicator of future behaviour
This may be true to a degree, however, recent past behavior is the far more accurate gage, not something that happened 30 years ago.
People change as they mature. Life is an evolutionary process. I have come a long way from the girl I was in my mid twenties. I would hope all adults have gone through adjustments in their behavior as they aged.
When I was in my early twenties I tried pot a few times and have not touched it since.
By your logic, my past behavior of substance experimentation would label me a drug abuser. When I was in my early twenties I went dancing with friends and drank alcohol. I have maybe had five drinks in the last twenty years. I outgrew that stage of my life.
Making the statement that past behavior is the best indicator of future behavior is very narrow minded and short sighted. At first I thought you must be very young, yet looking at your profile you are 53 and my generation. If you did not engage in any behaviors in your youth that do not define you as a mature adult then you obviously reached perfection at a much younger age than I . You are clearly a more highly evolved member of the species than I. | |
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| How many sexual partners does it take to become a turn off!
Posted: 12/5/2008 5:04:28 PM |
At 40 if she's been with 20+ that's not a good sign.
etc...
of course, just my opinion.
Considering that statistically, 40-ish people became sexually active at around 17, just 1 partner per year makes 23 by age 40. Discounting a few for long term relationships but putting them back for being in between and dating around, that still makes 23 seem reasonable. In fact this seems low for someone who's 40 and never married, and good looking or otherwise desirable. | |
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