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 lynaudio
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 276
How good mother's lose custody todays?Page 12 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
I am in complete agreement with everything stated in both posts #276 and #278.
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 277
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How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 7/11/2010 6:27:44 PM
good mothers do not loose custody of there kids, in most cases bad mothers do not either
its next to imposable for the father to gain custody
 TehMan
Joined: 1/27/2009
Msg: 278
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How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 7/13/2010 8:31:58 AM
that is not true...it's 2010...they don't just look at the mother and say "you gave birth, you get custody" as stated before it is best interest for the child...if the living conditions with the father are better than the living conditions with the mother or the father has proven that he can care for the child better, the father will gain custody if he is seeking...but with the way things are now...most families i know have both parents working...in that case neither one has the time for full custody...hence why i have split custody with my child.
 justwant2no
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 279
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 7/13/2010 12:47:16 PM
The OP didn't say she was deemed unfit, she said she lost custody - and if she has no money or means to support herself or her children, and the father does - she may very well have lost custody so that the mother and child would not wind up on welfare.
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 280
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How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 7/15/2010 10:56:09 AM

The OP didn't say she was deemed unfit, she said she lost custody - and if she has no money or means to support herself or her children, and the father does - she may very well have lost custody so that the mother and child would not wind up on welfare.


Child Support and Alimony come into play there. Otherwise there would be A LOT less single moms considering that there are so many that -decided- to "sacrifice" their careers for the sake of raising their children.
 staceyssc
Joined: 10/18/2009
Msg: 281
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How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 7/15/2010 4:55:08 PM
Actually, money can be a big issue in the sense that it's almost impossible for someone with no attorney to win a custody case against someone who does have an attorney. There are attorneys who will take a low income parent's case for free, but they prioritize and mostly end up only helping women who are victims of domestic violence. I have been lucky in that sense - my ex tried for full custody 3 times, but I still have primary custody. Also, PRIMARY custody goes to whoever the judge feels will be best for the child - that does not mean he finds the other parent unfit. I may have missed it, but I haven't read anything that says if she lost primary custody or if she lost custody completely.
 ItsComplicated76
Joined: 7/1/2010
Msg: 282
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 7/22/2010 12:28:21 AM
I cannot base my response on anything other than my home Country but here are a few reasons why a mother (in the year 2010) would loose residency ("custody") here...

1. The mother has made false allegations of a serious nature (usually claims of sexual abuse against the father) in their Court materials and on the balance of probabilities these allegations have been determined as unlikely or lack reasonable grounds. Usually in seeking to minimise any further risk of emotional abuse to the child by the mother the Court will Order a change of residence.

2. There are concerns about the mental health of the mother or the mother has a drug/alcohol dependency and it is having a large impact on the mothers ability to parent. Such issues/dependencies do not always result in a residency change as other factors such as extended family support (e.g. the mother might live with the children at her parents who could ensure the children are appropriately cared for etc), treatability and also the circumstances of the father would also be considered (e.g. the father could also suffer a mental illness, drug or alcohol problem etc)

3. Abuse of the child by the mother. According to 2009 Aust statistics...although physical abuse accounted for the highest percentage of reported abuse by men against children, neglect (primarily by women against children) accounted for the highest percentage of reported abuse overall.

4. Abduction or unilateral relocation of the children away from the other parent.

5. Childs wishes (for older children)

6.. Extreme alignment or witholding contact without a reasonable excuse.

There are more but they are the main reasons
 FunkyMonkee
Joined: 4/7/2009
Msg: 283
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How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 7/22/2010 2:43:58 PM
Ignoring contact orders
 prettyjems4u
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 284
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How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 3/18/2011 2:00:27 PM
Here is an unusal case. My husband found out he had a 2 year old daughter. The mother never told him he was the father. We went to court last year for child support and visitation. My husband was awarded bonding visitation for 6 months to unite him and his daughter. it was to total 12 visits. After the first 6 the mother allowed us to bring her to florida (they live in texas) for a week and a half for fathers day. We took his daughter and our daughter to disney. we had a fantastic week. We took her home and scheduled another visit for the next month. We got her in july and in the middle of august her mom sent us a notorized letter stating we are to keep her, until she finds a job and moves into a new house. Well... okay! Then in sept she starts this whole thing if you dont bring her back i am going to get you for parental kidnapping! so we arrange to take her back. now in the original court order it states that if she moves from the county she was living in when we went to court she is responisble from that date forth to pick her up from us. But we didnt want to cause any ripples so we took her home. Come our visit in Dec for Christmas she says you cant have her she is sick!!! Well she finally gave in and we picked her up her mother was to come get her Dec 28th. She didnt show up until Jan 5!!! now its spring break visit. We drive to texas from florida get there and she says no! Wont let us see her talk to her anything! So we hire and attorney and file for custody. Its been 4 weeks with her not even allowing us to talk to her on the phone! Did i mention she had an open cps investigation in dec and has a current one now? What should we expect when we go to court?
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 285
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How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 3/18/2011 8:11:30 PM
Doesn't sound to me like she is a "good mother" at all. I am thinking that, between the cps investigations, disregard of court orders, and the fact that her father has wisely chosen to calmly respect not only the courts, but the best interest of his child, especially in light of the fact that it doesn't sound as if she is financially secure, you may well expect to have another child in your household, and good for that child! Best of luck!
 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 286
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How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 3/22/2011 7:58:39 AM

Notably left out was the part of the atty./client discussion where these parents were asked "who brings the kids to school?"; who makes them breakfast?"; "who changes their diapers?"; "who takes them to the dr?"


Funny thing is that when I was divorced in 1984...my attorney never said any of these things to me....she just said...the only way you will get your daughter is to prove your ex is a bad mother...not lazy...not a lot of things...but, a bad mother...and I just couldn't go that road...I didn't know how to fight city hall....

The other funny thing is that when puberty hit, and my daughter turned into a hand full...she was sent right over to me....and that was such the recipe for failure....my daughter never slept a night over her mom's house after she came to live with me...oh, she wanted to...and I could have used the help...but, it wasn't in the "stars" as the ex used to say.

So, I carry this guilt even today for not fighting that up hill battle in 1984.
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 287
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 3/22/2011 8:45:54 AM
^^^these stories always make me shake my head.

As someone who has experienced more bad "mothers" vs. fathers, I don't get it. (thanks goodness for my aunt whom I consider my mother).

Also after watching my brothers with their children, I could never takes sides simply based on gender. They are wonderful caring fathers.

Bigbadirish - my dad wasn't there for me when I was younger, however he came back and tried when I was a little older. However he married a psycho and I ended up back with my aunt. Years later, he apologized - just a simple apology, no excuses. I forgave him quite easily. To this day, I hold no grudge against him. He passed away last year and I do not feel like there are unsaid things between us.

Don't beat yourself up too much.
 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 288
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How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 3/22/2011 10:38:20 AM
God has a funny way of balancing things out. I was given the chance at redemption with my new family adopting my granddaughter (age 1) in October of 2001 and having a child in December 2001...in 2008 I became the only parent...

I cannot understand why I was given the dad gene and others haven't...I don't think about these things...usually.

Anyway...my oldest still leans on me for support...she needs lots...I give lots of Love...and do stuff like fix a car and just stuff...I can't give her what she wants-a mom to want and love her.

It's always a trip explaining that all 3 are my daughters and the oldest is the second oldest mom.
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 289
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 3/22/2011 11:14:56 AM
^^^that's what happened to my dad later in life. He had a child with a younger woman (I was almost 20 at the time) who skipped out on him once he stopped taking her out on the town once the baby arrived. He would work all day and want to come home and spend time with his boy. They did eventually divorce.

I read some of the notes he had about the whole situation and was pretty proud of him. My parents were not ready or in my mother's case should not have had children; but that happens the world over.

My dad did have a knack for choosing the wrong women though. Me and my brother had a good laugh about that last year after Dad passed away.

I think the system will always be unfair in some situations. The only fair way when two good parents are involved is to have joint custody. Sadly, bitterness and anger from one individual can sour that and the only people that lose in that situation are the kids.
 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 290
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How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 3/22/2011 11:22:15 AM
Well...our situation was a little different in that mom developed ALS and died....and the kids and I are only angry at a disease that takes everyone that has it....but, mostly we're over our loss, and have moved on with our lives.

And I'd had joint custody with my oldest daughter...of course 25 years ago...it was a different thing then it is today.
 sweetchildinthyme
Joined: 12/18/2011
Msg: 291
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 12/28/2011 1:33:21 AM
My daughter was born to a mother who weighed less during the final days of pregnency then when I first met her. This is the second time this happened, once with my daughter and once with her older brother and another father. My daughters mother was induced more then 2 weeks early because she was safer outside the womb then inside. My daughters mother was given liquod Iron to drink by her female Doctor in Kincardine Ontario and she wouldn't, started smoking because she'd heard the baby would be smaller. All that my daughters mother," N.D." would eat during the pregnancy was rice patty cakes and diet pepsi or when she was out in public she would afterward induce vomiting.
The pregnancy was done on purpose, entrapment due to the fact that the mother can't hold a steady job and her son was starting into school full time and she was losing lots of her benifits.
After the my daughter was born N.D. said I beat her and thats all it takes to win a child in court. CAS in Walkerton Ontario knew about her condition and previous condition during the pregnancy and when I went to spoke to the CAS I was told by a case worker that they have nothing to do with things until the child is born. Walkerton also has an anti abortion sign on their property. How is this double standard not noted?
My daughters best interests are indanger and if I chose to fight it in court in Walkerton, N.D. gets a lawyer she pays for with a signature and my lawyer gets paid out of my pcoket. Its adjourment-adjourment-adjourment till my money is all gone
 A6ft5PrinceAmongstMen
Joined: 11/12/2011
Msg: 292
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How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 12/28/2011 4:40:19 AM
Hi there, i'm a single father to a 9 year old girl, it's been just the 2 of us since she was 2.5 years old and both my ex wife and I worked whilst our daughter went to nursery.
I'll never quite understand why the Judge awarded her to me and not my ex wife, but i'm more than grateful that he did.
I love my daughter to bits and i didn't have her just to walk away when my marriage broke down, especially when we would have ended up living 6 hours away from each other.
I believe that I do just as good a job as any mother could do, i'm there when she laughs and i'm there when she cries, she's cleen, well dressed and well loved.
I think that it is an antiquated ideal that when a split occurs that the kids stay with the Mother and the Father is made to pick up whatever scraps he can get when it comes to seeing them, unless the Mother or Father are violent or drug dealers or criminals or a danger to the children, it should be 50/50 all the way.
Saying that, my ex wife has made the decision to only see my daughter during the holidays, so she sees her around 54 nights per year, typical when someone moves on, gets remarried and has another child.
She's the one missing out.
 dad2stay
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 293
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 12/28/2011 9:11:07 AM
Being a mother does NOT make you the better parent.

I see all the time mothers complaining how the husband works all the time while they stay home with the kid.

Do any of you realize that the reason YOU can stay home is because HE pays the bills, He is not neglecting you or the child he is giving up the first step, first word, maybe even the first date so that his child can have a roof over their head and food in their belly

On top of this when you do split up, YOU NOW NEED TO WORK TOO

In my case I have primary custody of all of my kids, not only have I always been the primary bread winner but I am self employed so I have always been the primary care giver as well

The world is changing people custody is beginning to and should have always been given to the parent who is more capable of providing a financial and loving atmosphere for their child not just the one who chose not to work while the other slaved

(Now ladies don't get upset, I work from home because housework, child rearing and cooking is ALLOT easier to handle than dealing with bosses, coworkers and traffic) I just happen to also have the added benefit of a schedule that allows me to make a living while playing with my kids
 eltoro71
Joined: 10/5/2011
Msg: 294
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 12/28/2011 7:16:41 PM
It happens in Canada that father's do get granted custody; let me clarify though, it would NOT be without good reason. You assume that the mother is better, they are not always, and fathers are able to find ways to work from home too to set up a more stable home environment. If the mother is self destructive, and it does NOT have to be drugs and alchohol, it may be deemed after interviewing the kids and doing a playtime evaluation on them, that it might be court ordered to place them with a father who is more positive and more in control of his emotions. Would you tell me that a mother who swears, and screams at her kids, or manhandles them is a "good mother?" I doubt that, I'd encourage you to weigh very carefully what you say, generalizations and assumptions or often incorrect. Mothers are NOT ALWAYS the better parent, just because females are lool upon as the nurturers, it's not always the case.
 KttyCatt41
Joined: 11/26/2011
Msg: 295
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 12/28/2011 7:29:59 PM
Yes, good mothers do lose custody of their children. It varies from state to state obviously...but in Illinois the child is usually given to the parent with the most money....cause ya know lots of money is all you need to raise a child properly...who needs love, nurturing, and all that.
 NikVicious
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 296
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 12/28/2011 9:27:32 PM
Good mothers can lose custody, very easily in today's society.
The courts have become more and more 50/50, and will side with whoever looks the best and is the primary caregiver of the child.
Also, something many parents are not aware of (at least where I am from), when the child is born THERE IS NO CUSTODY. Basically, you have no rights to that child whatsoever untill you go to court, and possesion is 9/10ths of the law - without custody you cannot legally remove a child from a bad parent unless Child Welfare is involved. People think, "I gave birth to it it's mine" which is not the case at all. In the courts eye's, you do not have a right to the child, but the child does have a right to you.. meaning, the child only needs to see you and you may only end up with visitation. If the bad parent takes the child and files for custody, and then you file for custody, usually custody will either go to the parent who the child is currently with and who filed first, or custody will be given 50/50.

My mother works for CAS in Ontario (Children's Aid Society) and she sees it all the time. Any parent, regardless of seperation or not, should work out a custody agreement after the child is born because it is very easy to lose it.
 angelo0311
Joined: 12/22/2010
Msg: 297
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How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 12/28/2011 9:41:28 PM
If were talking about a good mother then i would say theres no reason a judge wouldnt at least give shared cusody of the child unlessyou dont have a lawyer and he has the best in the buiness . My ex liked to think she was a great mom too and such a great provider for my son . The only thing is is that i was paying the max in child support and seeing my son no less than 4 days a week for at least 6-8 hrs . and since he was born ive helped her get 3 apartments and rent a house . She was the mom who was smashed when id pick him up or drop off .I told cps about it but they did nothing . recently she rolled her car with him in it while drunk ,life flight ,broke her neck and arm . now i have custody . just because a person gives birth doesnt mean they have a clue about taking care of a child . The whole mom state thing is crap .im done venting sorry
 SamitaLove
Joined: 11/20/2011
Msg: 298
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 12/29/2011 8:01:27 AM
I've been reading everyone's views on this subject. I am a single mother of 3 and feel I am a great mom, to their dad of course I am not but thats his OPINION. When we split he was an ex felon and was in and out of the system and still said he was the greatest dad on the planet, again HIS OPINION. Now today he is attempting to do the right thing by being a "dad", making all of his child support current that he's been behind on for years and finally recognizing all his OTHER children besides ours. Now he has decided that he is taking me to court for custody of our kids because I was in a car accident and was arrested on marijuana possession. Not saying what I did was right by any means but how does an ex felon with the same exact charges feel he has the right to take my kids away?? Don't children need BOTH parents??
 dad2stay
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 299
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 12/29/2011 8:23:49 AM
SamitaLove

I am sorry but seriously you're in California and got busted for POT???

WTF is wrong with you???? Weed is LEGAL HERE!!!

You claim to be responsible enough to take care of kids but you weren't responsible enough to take 5 min out of your day to get a script so that you woudl be legal and not have to deal with the shady dealers??
 SamitaLove
Joined: 11/20/2011
Msg: 300
How good mother's lose custody todays?
Posted: 12/29/2011 9:02:18 AM
Yeah I wasn't very smart about the whole thing I know but it taught me a valuable lesson and I learned from it I can guarantee you and I know that I shouldn't be doing stuff like that around my kids in the first place.

And to expand more on what I wrote earlier, not proud of what happened but I've NEVER said my kids father was bad or "unfit" because he screwed up. What I think of him is MY opinion and should never be placed on the kids and I have never denied him visitation or anything like that but now out of the blue he is acting like I am an axe murderer and I should not be around my kids, its just absurd coming from someone who has screwed up a time or three himself. Now is going to use the kids as tools.....lame
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